Category Archives: Las Vegas

Las Vegas Trip Report: Final Day of a Winning Trip!

All good things must come to an end, right?   I wake up at Fremont hotel for my final day of this wonderful trip.  Not only am I winning, I have a nice stack of pristine $100 bills, which will come in handy for my trip to Myanmar later this year.  Between yesterday’s insane run of luck, and my insane run of luck back in March, I pretty much have all my travel though 2018 paid for.  How cool is that!?

First stop is Dunkin Donuts, second stop is next door at Binions to play on my magical machine.  Which is taken by someone else.  DAMMIT.

I walk back to Fremont and play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  First win of the day.

quarter fours double double bonus video poker fremont casino las vegas

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I have $10 dining credit that came with my room offer.  I went to the Paradise Cafe for breakfast and got an omelet.  It was pretty decent.

I decide to go visit my four-play Buffalo slot machine at El Cortez.  She is so mad at me this morning.  Something about how dare I leave her alone for days.  She refuses to warm up and $100 later, I am out the door much more angry with her than she is with me.

On my walk back, I noticed the Hennessy’s “World’s Largest Pint Glass” of Guinness is gone and replaced with this:

henneseys root beer

There is also the new White Castle.
white castle sign fremont street las vegasI had back to Binions where I get this:
cleopatra keno 1040 win binions las vegas

And this.

binions quarter fives double double bonus video poker

AND THIS.

binions las vegas quarter threes double double bonus video poker

Heyaaaaaaa.

From here, it was time for a nap.  But a nap would not take.  I still forced myself to stay in my room for a little while.  I do not want to go nuts with my winnings and then have less winnings.  Ya know?

I went back out a few hours later.  I was still doing well.

fremont four of a kind twos

I played some Supertimes Pay at Fremont.  The only thing I won here was a pack of cigarettes left behind by someone else.

Then it was time to leave.  WAHHHHHHHHHH.

I took the WAX bus to the airport and finally figured out where the bus stop is.  It is outside door # 44 in the departures level.  OH.  No wonder I could never find it, I was always looking on the arrivals level.  Good to know.

My flight home featured a lightning show outside.  I have somehow never seen that before.  It was pretty damn cool.

For those of you wondering…no, I am not going back to Las Vegas in 2017.  I have a very big trip coming up in November / December.  I will be spending 22 hours in Guangzhou, China.  Then 27 days in Myanmar.  Finishing out with two days in Chiang Rai, Thailand.  That fills up the end of my year.

We will see what next year brings.  I have been getting offers from El Cortez, Four Queens and Binions for the first time in many years.  I also have comped nights at Mandalay Bay, presumably less from my degeneracy and more because of the shooting.  This is yet another real life reality that comes from a tragic event.

As always, thanks for reading!

Las Vegas Trip Report: Does the Winning Streak Continue?

When we last left off, I was having a fantastic day of gambling.  I had the the second biggest Las Vegas win of my lifetime.  My top Las Vegas win was back in March on a Buffalo slot machine.  If you missed that one, you can read about it here.

I had retired to my room to take a nap.  A few people have asked me how I could nap after having such a nice win.  The simple answer is that I was quite content with my win and probably fell asleep dreaming of what I wanted to spend my money on.  Hint:  It will be used to travel.

When I woke up, I went back out and headed for Fiesta Rancho.   I like trying new places.  I also like going to Station casinos because they have cheapo cigarettes.  I walked to the bus singing “I have two thousand dollarssssssssss, I have TWO thousand dollars, I have TWO THOUSAND dollars, I HAVE TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS” because it is true.  I did have TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS of winnings from today alone in my room safe.

Oh and let’s talk about the room safes at Fremont, shall we?  They are in the closet (that does not have a door, which is fine.)  But there is a step up into the closet.  You can kind of see the step in this photo.  But only because I am telling you about it so you are scanning to find it, and then are.  In real life, no one is warning  you.  So every time you go to look lovingly at your wins, you smash your toes into the step.

fremont hotel las vegas step in closet

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Fiesta Rancho was a huge bust.  I could not get anything going.  This was terrible.  I didn’t want to immediately leave so I kept playing and losing.  I hate when you make an effort to visit a place and spend less time in the place than you did on the bus going there.  But I had to leave because the casino was bleeding me dry.

As an added bonus, the shopping bag my cigarettes came in melted all over my arm when I was waiting for the bus back.  My hand and arms were covered in black ink.  YAY.

I went to Binions and had a Motherlode $10 dining voucher to use.  For the first time ever, I had really bad service here.  Normally meals here are perfection, which is why I have eaten here probably a hundred times in my life.  Literally.  So I will let this one slide.

After eating, I played around Binions.  I wanted to play MY machine that gave me my two big wins.  But there was always someone on it.

I decided to play in Fremont a bit.   I played Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker.  I hate when I put in a $100 bill but that’s what I did.  I was close to zero when I hit for $60 so I cashed that out and ran.  But not very far because I then found myself at my favorite Supertimes Pay video poker machines.  This is why this machine is my favorite.

fremont supertimes pay quad threes

I cashed this out and went to bed.  YAY.

I am going home tomorrow.  Although I had said this morning that if I won a thousand dollars I would stay an extra day, I decided to not do that once I had a thousand dollar win.

Dear Diary: There Was a Mass Shooting in Las Vegas

When I woke up Monday morning, I had a few texts asking me if I was okay.  I live in Brooklyn, New York.  I sat back down on my bed and took a minute or so to try and remember my dreams.  Did I hear a loud noise?  My window was open to let hoodie weather in.  No, I don’t think anything happened outside my bedroom window.  Did I sleep through my city getting attacked again?  Let’s ask Facebook.

The first post on my news feed was a photo, that I am sure everyone has seen by now.  Of a dark Mandalay Bay, with the text “Pray For Las Vegas” on it.

I feel like I dramatically clutched my chest and gasped aloud.  Las Vegas!?  What the hell happened to Las Vegas?  For this one, I went to Google.  There was a mass shooting in Las Vegas.  Without any conscious thought, my first reaction was to feel relief.   Then I felt disgust with myself for being relieved that it was only a mass shooting.  Then I morphed to wondering what caused such monster behavior in my brain.  That’s when I realized that I have been awake for ten seconds and I thought my city blew up while I slept.

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This is the world we live in right now.  A world where people (hi, me) read tons of travel websites and see the now predictable reactions to terrorist attacks.  People wondering if they should cancel upcoming trips, and so on.  Because this is our lives now.  There are typical responses to mass murders because there are so many mass murders that we have developed typical responses.

There are also practical responses.   For example, there was me,  who still hadn’t fully gotten out of bed yet, now having to jump up and run through a mental check list of social media and scheduled blog posts.   I am currently in the middle of posting about my last trip to Las Vegas.  My next post was automatically scheduled to be live in just half an hour.  I need to hurry up NOW to log onto my laptop and stop the post from going live.  I need to delete all the prescheduled tweets about “YAY LAS VEGAS”  that are going out today.  I am rushing around like a maniac.  I am running late.  I haven’t even peed yet.  I have to finish this and leave for work.  I need to respond and tell everyone who asked that no,  I am not in Las Vegas.  Yes, I am alive. These are the tiniest real life actions that are happening because of this ginormous tragedy.

I have been asked if the Las Vegas attack will change anything about me going to Las Vegas.  Of course it won’t.  Why would it?  I live in a city that was attacked by terrorists.  Why would I now suddenly avoid a city that was attacked by a lone gunman who is now dead?

But you know what, underneath all that obviousness, lies a second truth.  And that truth is that it will slightly alter my next trip.

Back in March, I visited Mandalay Bay for the first time in many years.  Oddly enough, my bus ride was detoured because of a shooting on the Strip.   I played once I got there and lost too much money too fast.  Because of this, I cannot imagine I would have gone back there anytime soon. It never would have even crossed my mind to.

But I know that the next time I am in Las Vegas, I will think about this.  I will think about that visit, I will think about the shooting that rerouted my bus.  I will think about how 58 people died.  It doesn’t matter if my not visiting this casino has nothing to do with this latest incident. What matters it that my trip will be changed because even if for a few minutes, I will be conscious of a tragic happening.  I will be sad, I will feel horrible emotions.   That is how my trip will change because of a lone gunman.  That is how my life has changed since September 11.  When I wake up to a text asking me if I am okay and I am suddenly fearing that I will pull my drapes back and see that everything outside has been reduced to rubble.

So will I go to Las Vegas again?  Of course.  Will my trips be different?  YES.  I will now have to walk through a metal detector to enter Wynn.  I will crane my neck as we pass Mandalay Bay to see if the shooter’s windows have been replaced yet.  I will think about people dying.  I will feel grateful for being alive.  My losses will not seem so bad as they will not include my life.  My wins may be slightly less exciting when I go into deep thought, wondering if anyone who was murdered had the same elation without knowing they were about to be murdered.

Much like my post about September 11, I really do not know how to end this post.  So I will just stop typing.

 

Las Vegas Trip Report: the Morning Dreams Are Made Of

I am awake at 7:00 at Fremont Hotel in beautiful Downtown Las Vegas.   I love reading the notes I write in the morning.  So much whining about not wanting to go home tomorrow.  It turns out I priced flights home for the next day, so I could stay an extra day.   But they were $200 so nope.  I also wrote if I win $1000, I would buy a new flight home.   I do not remember writing this.  Let’s see how that goes, shall we?

I am out of my room at 8:00.   I count my steps and 41 of them later, I am at the Dunkin Donuts counter.

I decide to try a four game Buffalo slot machine here.  After almost losing $40, I got a $79 bonus.  It was less exciting and way more relieving.

I head over to Binions and right off the bat, look what I got on Cleopatra Keno!  That’s quarters, so $272.50.   Now we’re talking!
Cleopatra Keno 1090 credit win Binions Las Vegas

I walked from here to Main Street Station.  I have never played video poker at their Boar’s Head Bar.   This is a very well known video poker bar.  Guys, it reeks of vomit up there.  Like terribly.  Still I played and hit four of a kind sixes (no photo) and four of a kind tens (photo!)

quarter tens double double bonus video poker main street station

I have this brilliant idea to put the $75 TITO I got here, into a dollar video poker game.   Because I have never gotten a dollar royal and I am overdue.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I am still overdue because I hit nothing.

I have a $60 TITO left and I only ventured $40 cash so I am still up $20, despite having just lost $75.  Degenerate math in full effect ova heeeeeeeeeeyah.

I played some Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker in nickels.    YAY.

main street station ultimate x 5 x 4 main street station ultimate x queens x 4

I leave here and stop at my California Buffalo on my way back to Binions.  I am totally kicking ass today.

California Las Vegas Buffalo slot machine win 2400 x 4

Buffalo 15520 win

Oh wow!  You guys, I am doing it.  I am having the perfect Las Vegas morning.  This is the greatest thing ever!

I stop and play some Double Double Bonus video poker on quarters . The progressive Royal is $1670.  I want this so very badly but $100 did not get it, so I walk back to Binions.

I play around here a bit and before I know it, I have 40 points to get two swipes for the Motherlode promotion.  The first is for a free gift, the second is for $15 dining credit.  I take that to the coffee shop with me and get a cheese omelet.  The food here is always excellent, even more so when it is free.

It is 11:48 as I eat breakfast.  I am going to do a “cigarette after eating” stop and then go take a nap.

I sat down at a machine that was very nice to me back in March.  I play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  First hit:
binions quarter sevensThat glare bothers me.  I could not at all get a photo without it in it.  I  had the same problem back in March.

I keep playing.

And.

Get.

My.

Next.

Hit.

binions royal flush

Now I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking things like “Oh shit, Jennifer hit a Royal Flush!!!”  Well guys, I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong.

See.

I did not get a Royal Flush.

I got a Royal Flush AND ACES WITH A KICKER OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT LOOK AT IT.

quarter aces with kicker Binions Las Vegas

Holding one Ace.  Do you believe this shit?   I could not.  I just sat there gaping at it.

I cashed out for $1600 and went to my room to show my cute little stuffed dog what his mom did.  I also tried taking an obligatory cash spiral photo but i suck at it.  Not only cannot I not master a cool spiral, I only pulled out the Royal winnings and forgot to include the rest.  Oops?

make it rain las vegas

WOW.

And just like that, it is nap time!

Las Vegas Trip Report: Moving Downtown to Fremont Street

I am awake way too early this morning.  But I have to be.  Because it is my last (and only second) morning waking up on the Las Vegas Strip during this trip.   I have coupons from Lettuce Entertain You, which includes a flat out $20 off Mon Ami Gabi.  No purchase necessary.   There are also coupons for $10 off Stripburger, $15 off El Segundo, $25 off Joe’s and $30 off Eiffel Tower Restaurant.  You can sign up here for the 2018 coupons.

BUT before I eat, I must play.  Cromwell Ultimate X video poker:
Ultimate X double double bonus fours cromwell Ultimate X double double bonus video poker aces x 3 cromwell las vegas

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YAY!

The walk to Mon Ami Gabi:

Ballys Las Vegas Bellagio Las VegasParis Las VegasI ordered Eggs Benedict with coffee and the entire meal was covered by the coupon.  Sweet!

I resisted playing in Paris because I always lose here.  And I always follow that up by going degenerate.  And I have to check out of my hotel and move to Fremont.  This horrific move was brought to you by Dr. Desert Heat, in a collaboration with Nurse Stupid Lack of Bus Stops on The Strip.

I walked from Paris to get my stuff at Flamingo and then back to Paris to catch the bus.  Because stupid.  I was intending on taking the SDX.  So I let the first Deuce go.  As someone was boarding it, she threw her lit cigarette into the trash can.  Why.  So I yelled at her as she was continuing onto the bus.  She ignored me.  Because of course.

I am still waiting for the SDX.  Yep, waiting still. Some more waiting.  And waiting again.  And still.  And some more.  Where is the god damned bus.   I quit.  You win Las Vegas.  I get on the next Deuce bus that comes.  And take it to Fremont Hotel.  Where I check in, look in a mirror and see that I am completely burned from waiting for the bus.  With sunscreen on.  Oh great.

I am in room 616.  It is a bit smaller than my last room here, and that room was small.  I don’t have room photos because shitty blogger.  But I have some views!
fremont hotel las vegas room view binions fremont hotel las vegas room view

The air conditioning in here is not working properly.  The thermostat is also a liar.  The top right knob will not move any further to the left so maybe it is actually set on 40-something degrees (why is that even an option) but it will not go below what it claims is 70.  But it isn’t, because it is warm in here.

fremont hotel las vegas thermostat

I am sunburned and cranky so first up is a nap.   Guys, I slept for six hours.  I usually don’t even sleep that long at night in Vegas.

I was up and back out at 8:15.  I made a beeline to El Cortez to play my Buffalo slot machine again.  Look at her go!

el cortez buffalo 600 x 24

I left here up $260.  My next stop is The D.  This is my last chance here.  I have been trying for awhile now to get back on their radar.  But I cannot seem to get anything going and it is just straight loss.  Tonight I am trying a final $100 and then it is good bye forever to this place.

I lost that $100 so fast.  On Buffalo.  But because degenerate, I am going to go back and try it one MORE time in the future and play video poker.  I am just not going to do that on this trip because FUCK YOU The D and your stupid name.

I had $10 free play at Fremont that came with my offer.  I tried it in a Cleopatra Keno and lost it.   I grabbed a donut from Dunkin Donuts and called it a night.

Las Vegas Trip Report: El Cortez Birthday Free Play

When we last left off, I was taking a nap in my room at the Flamingo hotel, after a busy morning traipsing all around Tropicana.

When I woke up, it was time to go to the Mirage.  I have two purposes for this.  1.  To  use a MyVegas reward for a dinner buffet.  2.  To visit my Buffalo machine that gave me an $1881 win back in March.

There used to be a Deuce bus stop outside of Flamingo.   I have no idea why, but it is now gone.  That means there are no bus stops going North, between Paris and Harrahs.  That’s pretty ridiculous.  So I had to walk to Mirage in 100+ degree hate heat.

I passed through the Wildlife Habitat in the back of Flamingo.

Flamingo Las Vegas garden flamingo las vegas koi pond Continue reading

flamingo las vegas water fountain flamingo las vegas flamingo waterfall las vegas

I am not sure if everyone is aware, but they have commemorative bricks back there that you can purchase.  I have always wanted to buy one for my mother but have yet to get around to it.
You can order one here.

flamingo las vegas commemorative bricks

Finally at Mirage, my Buffalo machine is taken.  Oh come the fuck on.  Did every person on the planet read about my win and are now hogging up my machine?!?

I refuse to play any other machine so dinner first it is.  I have a MyVegas reward, making the buffet free.  The value of these rewards are honestly dependent upon the user.  I went in, quickly made my selections, ate and bolted.  I was probably in there maybe about fifteen minutes.  This buffet has free wine and beer so I am sure the majority of visitors spend a lot more time there.  But for me, I have a Buffalo machine that needs my immediate attention.

I am so happy to discover she is free!  I sit down and play her.  There is a woman next to me, who strikes up a conversation about Buffalo slot machines.  How sometimes they suck and sometimes they pay big.  I just agree with her.  I do not tell her about my magic machine that is right next to her.  I don’t need anymore competition.  I am down about $100, which is disgustingly degenerate, when I hit a bonus for $140.  WOW.  THANK YOU.  I LOVE YOU.

I cash out and run the fuck out of there before she starts screaming for me to come back.

My next destination is El Cortez.  I want them to love me again so I gave them a bunch of play in March.  I did not darken their doors in July because I was on such a massive losing streak.   But that play from March seemed to do the trick as I got a postcard for $50 free play in the month of my birthday.  No stay required.  I am in!

I want to play the $50 on Buffalo but Buffalo isn’t being nice to me.   So I play it on Ultimate X video poker.  And lose it so quick that I am legit shocked.  How did FIFTY DOLLARS go that fast?!

I decide to console myself with Buffalo.  I sit down at the four play machine that was nice to me back in March.  I got some really good hits.  This is the only one I have a photo of:

el cortez buffalo 300 x 54

I was here for a very long time.  Just like back in March.  I get up to $400 and decide to leave a winner.  And by “winner” I mean “degenerate” and I lost $100 of my winnings on my way out the door.  But that’s okay because I still have $300!

I take the Deuce bus back to Flamingo.  I want so badly to visit Cromwell and play Ultimate X.   But I had stopped at Walgreens and have a bunch of drinks with me that I need to drop off in my room.  I do not want to go to my room and come back out.  So I decide to play a little bit at Flamingo.  A little bit turns into a little bit more.  Then some more.  I am losing like crazy.  I need to get up.  If you are going to keep playing, fucking walk ten feet to Cromwell which is right next door.  You have had amazing luck there.  But I don’t want to carry my bags there.  So go to the room.  I don’t want to go to the room and come back.  Well then just go to the room period.  Stop shoving money in the machines.  You stupid asshole, you just lost three hundred dollars, on machines you don’t even want to play.  Because you would not walk ten feet to the casino next door.

Sigh.

But look what showed up soon after I got home.  Success!!

el cortez offers las vegas

Las Vegas Trip Report: A Trip to Wild Wild West

This morning I woke up at the Flamingo Hotel.  I went to bed a winner, I woke up a winner, I am a winner!

Daytime room view, cock blocked by the Donny and Marie wrap.

flamingo las vegas daytime room view

I noticed there is a tiny bit of the Donny and Marie hotel wrap missing. I tried taking photos through the clear spot.  It kind of worked if I stood on my tip toes and held the camera up as high as I could reach.

flamingo las vegas room view 1flamingo las vegas room view

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I really hope that ad brings in a fuckton of revenue for people flocking to see Donny and Marie.  Because if not, you are ruining people’s Strip views for no real reason.

I got dressed and went outside to catch the Deuce bus.  It is over 100 degrees outside.  I had to walk all the way through Margaritaville and then cross the street to catch the bus outside, closer to The Forum Shops than to Casears.  Then I stood there burning while waiting for the bus.  There is no shade so it is pure burning death.   I waited a very long time.  I actually considered saying fuck it and forfeiting my MyVegas rewards to avoid dying.  Finally the bus came and off to Excalibur it was!

excalibur mandalay bay las vegas new york new york las vegas

I played some Buffalo both before and after eating.  I could not get the bonus round to come up.  Just like last night at the Flamingo.  Is this how this trip is going to go?  I love Buffalo dammit.

After eating, I went to the fancy store outside the Excalibur buffet to check on my Pug wallet that I have been gawking over since December.  This time is a bit different though.  Because my wallet is actually broken AND I have winnings inside my broken wallet.  So look what I got!

pug wallet

I had planned to go to Wild Wild West.  This should have been as simple as crossing the pedestrian bridge between Excalibur and New York, New York, taking the elevator or escalator down to the street and waiting for the 201 bus.

Nope.

The staircase down to the sidewalk is blocked off.  The elevator is out of order.  I decide to walk into New York, New York (because I had no choice and) to go down the escalator at the MGM pedestrian bridge and walk around the corner from there.  Nope, pedestrian bridge is completely closed for repairs.  How the fuck do I get out of…oh hey, yes?  Buffalo?  I’m coming!

I am saved by a $100 bonus, after losing $100.  Whew, I am out of here.  I walk all the way to the back of the casino, intending to exit by the hotel entrance, to get to the bus.  This was not the best idea.  Not only is it still over a hundred degrees outside, but pedestrians are not intended to do this.  I had to climb over a wood frame that was probably put up to keep pedestrians from walking on Tropicana.  There is no sidewalk here.  So after the wood frame, I was basically walking in traffic for a little bit on Tropicana.  I didn’t get killed.  I get to the bus stop and some guy is walking over from the Strip.   How the fuck he got down there on that sidewalk, I am not sure.  Maybe he exited New York, New York on The Strip because his Buffalo machine wasn’t screaming his name?

900 years later, the bus comes.  I take it to Wild Wild West.  I am so fucking HATE right now.  The bus stop lets you off in the middle of In-N-Out and Wild Wild West.  In front of a trunk parking lot.  I am pretty damn sure that anyone taking the bus to this specific stop is either going to In-N-Out or Wild Wild West.  So why not have the bus stop at either or both?  Why does the Las Vegas bus system constantly have bus stops in front of NOTHING rather than in front of the things people are traveling to the bus stop for?  Boulder Highway is the worst at this.  Hey let’s put the bus stop half a mile from the crosswalk, in front of barren land, so people taking the bus now have to walk an extra half mile for NO FUCKING REASON.

Did I mention it was 105 degrees outside?  Because it was.

I enter Wild Wild West, sweating.  I sit down at a Buffalo machine.  I am not winning but some guy at the bank in front of my machine keeps hitting the bonus.  I give up.  I buy cigarettes, and head out.  Or I try to but then I see a different Buffalo machine, in a sea of about twenty Buffalo machines, and I just have to play it.  I get a surprise bonus and win $75.  Yay, I love surprises!

Again I thought I was going to leave.  But on my way out, there was a machine begging me for attention.  Normally I do not like attention whores, but this machine was as adorable as a puppy.  So of course I went running over “HELLO!  HOW ARE YOU?”  It was a Cleopatra Keno / video poker combo machine.  I went back and forth between Cleopatra Keno and Double Double Bonus video poker.  Between the two, I turned a $20 into $160.

quarter sixes wild wild west double double bonus video poker

It was a very tough goodbye, but I had to go.  I would have loved to stay here all day.  But I will go degenerate so leave I must.  Bye bye beautiful machine I am in love with!

I went back outside and took the 201 bus to Orleans to catch their free shuttle back to the Strip.  I was so very cranky standing in the heat waiting for it.

We got let off back by the High Roller and I walked through The Linq Promenade.  Guys, this opened back in 2014 and this is the first time I have been there.   How is that even possible?

Brooklyn Bowl Las Vegas linq promenade las vegas High Roller Las Vegas Linq Promenade

I stop at Starbucks and get my first Mint Mocha Frappucino.   I then go inside and play some Buffalo.  I lost.  I try another Buffalo machine.  I lost.  I try a third.  I lost.  I probably would have kept going but I am all out of Frappucino and I am exhausted.   To my room I go.  It is 1:06.   So all the above happened in one morning.  I still have the entire night left after a nap.  I love Las Vegas.

Las Vegas Trip Report: the One Where Anything Can Happen

I just finished up posting my last trip report, which was a nonstop blood bath where my biggest win was a whopping $108.

Still, when my job reminded me I had two days off to use in August, I booked another trip.  I got two comped (plus resort fee, fuck you) nights at Flamingo and three at Fremont.   I had originally booked a MyVegas reward for two nights at Monte Carlo.  In the end, I ended up cancelling (and losing my points) for that.  I really just like smoking rooms in Vegas.  MLife doesn’t have them.  I do not want to forfeit my personal comfort for a free salmonella laced plate of scrambled eggs at the Bellagio buffet.

My flight was supposed to leave at 6:30.   We boarded on time, which was a shock.  We left late despite this, which was not a shock.

I landed at 9:30 and decided to shuttle to Flamingo.  We sat there for a good half hour before leaving.  And by “good” I mean “FUCKING LET’S FUCKING GO ALREADY.”   The driver dropped me off nowhere near the entrance.  If I were a degenerate packer, I would have been mad.  But my bag is carry on sized so I don’t care.

Cute stuffed dog going on an adventure

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I had initially checked in online, but the kiosk would not give me my keys.  So I had to get on the check in line.  The woman who checked me in looked at my ID and said “Oh!  You live in Chinatown!”   This was the first time someone has described my Brooklyn neighborhood as Chinatown.  She is right.   Bensonhurst has totally morphed from Italian to Chinese.  It was just a surprise since before her, no one has ever said that to me.

I got room 11074.   I would have had a great view of the Bellagio fountains if not for the stupid Donny and Marie wrap on my window.

flamingo las vegas room view donny and marie wrap

The room had wooden floors, which made it feel hollow and run down.  I still loved being here though.  I haven’t stayed at Flamingo in many years.

flamingo las vegas room

I am not planning on gambling much tonight.  I have $40 on me that someone gave me for my birthday.  I am also willing to risk a $20 from my own stash.  But that is my limit.  I have gotten pretty good at curbing degeneracy.

I walked over to Cromwell and tried to find the Ultimate X machine I love.  They have redone the casino so they are in a different spot.  I first got sidetracked by an Ultimate X Bonus Streak machine.  My first $20 went lightening quick here.  I was so annoyed with myself.  Over to the other side of the bank where I chose a regular ol’ Ultimate X video poker machine.  I put in $20 and began playing Double Double Bonus on nickels.

This happened.

Ultimate X Double Double bonus sixes x 2 cromwell las vegasultimate x double double bonus video poker aces x 2 cromwell las vegas

AND. THEN. THIS.  HAPPENED.  $200 win!

Ultimate X Double Double Bonus threes x 10 cromwell las vegas

I decided I was now allowed to play quarters and my luck continued.

double double bonus video poker quarter nines cromwell las vegas

So for a $60 investment, I left Cromwell with $360.  Fucking sweet.

On my way back to my room at Flamingo, I lost $60 in a Buffalo slot machine.  Because of course I did.  But it is okay because I am still a winner.  Guys, this feels great.  I went to bed knowing that this could be the start of something fantastic, or this could be the one night I went to bed a winner.  You absolutely never know what is going to happen when you are in Vegas.

Las Vegas Trip Report

Las Vegas Trip Report: Have Bad Luck, Will Travel

One thing I love about waking up in Las Vegas is that anything can happen on that day.  You legit have no clue what notes you will be writing out when you get back to your room tonight.  This morning I am looking out my window at the California hotel at 7:00 am and wishing for the gambling gods to PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE before I get dressed and go out for the day.

I am out by 8:30.  I find a penny on heads outside the elevator.  Excellent sign.

I play my Buffalo machine here and lose.  I decide to put a $20 into quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine and lose that too.  As I am playing it, I have the realization that I have barely played any video poker this trip.  This probably explains why I am doing so terribly.  My last trip was Buffalo win heavy but I was just incredibly lucky.

That said, I walked over to Binions and played BUFFALO.  Nope, still not a winner.

I wanted to have breakfast at Magnolia’s at Four Queens since I have accumulated a bunch of comps here, but the line in insane.  Back to Binions I go.  I get an omelet and have to pay a couple of dollars for it.  Such sacrilege in a town where I am used to comps.   I get an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts and try the casino in Binions again.  The only win I get is the Motherlode promotion which gives me a free root beer float.  I’ll save this for later.

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Back at California, I go to the ATM because I have to go to the ATM.  Dammit.  It has been quite some time since I have played this particular machine.  I don’t like it very much.

I play around a bit.  I get a surprise feature on my Buffalo machine and win $50.  I am back in my room at 10:30 am.

All Boyd players will forever remember that time when Boyd didn’t do offers for a tiny bit, while they were redoing their system to have all properties included on offers.   I was so happy when the offers came back.  But I am bludgeoning all future offers by losing and not playing anywhere near what they would like me to.  But I am not playing that game because my days of taking long trips and needing as many comped nights as possible, are long gone.

I nap and go back out.  I take the WAX bus to MGM Grand, with a change purse full of quarters to play Sigma Derby.  Nope, all the seats are taken.  Now I have to lug these quarters around haaaaaaate.  I play a $20 in Keno and lose it instantly, disgusted with myself.  Who the hell authorized me to put money in a Strip machine when I was on such a losing streak?!?

I use a MyVegas reward for a very early dinner buffet.   It is priced at $42.99 for the holiday, yeeeeeeesh.  Do people really pay these prices?   I suppose so.   This buffet is not the best.  But for free, it is worth the cost.  I get a line pass, which I first thought was related to it being a MyVegas reward.  But nope.  It is because I am now Pearl.  I had no idea.

I leave here and take the bus to Orleans, where I lose some money.  Then I take the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It does not go right to the Gold Coast.  It stops at the Strip first.  It no longer stops at Cromwell, but back by the High Roller.  It would be convenient to go to Ellis Island if it were not a bazillion degrees outside.

boyd orleans gold coast strip shuttle

At Gold Coast, I have a coupon for $10 slot match play from Las Vegas Advisor.  I get on a small winning streak.

First up:

quarter four of a kind queens

Second up is four of a kind threes, that I do not have a photo of.  But you can see evidence of it in the totals in round three:

quarter four of a kind nines

I want to keep playing so very badly.  Like I never want to leave ever.  But because I am on such a suck streak, I have to leave while I am absolutely definitely ahead.  I am sorry magical machine at the Gold Coast.  I will be back to visit you, I promise.

I go outside and take the bus to Ellis Island.  I have coupons for free play here, and for a free t-shirt.  I lost the free play and then I lost $75.  And I lost my pride at having walked out of Gold Coast instead of going degenerate.  I should have gone degenerate at a machine that was paying me.  Such goes gambling.

I got back on the bus and went to Longhorn.  I love this place.  I actually looked into staying here on this trip.  They now charge a $6.77 resort fee, which I find infuriating.  It includes laundry facilities.  Does this mean you can do your laundry for free?  I would like to know.  I did my laundry here when I stayed here over a year ago.  And I paid for it.  If the laundry is now free, then the $5 slot match play they give you at check in + laundry, cancels out the resort fee.  If laundry is not free and they are actually listing having a washing machine that you pay to use, as part of what is included in the resort fee, then fuck you.

longhorn casino las vegas

I played here for hours.   I got here at 9:00.  When I left, it was 1:00 am.  I had the American Casino Guide for $5 free play.  I put that and a $20 into four card Cleopatra Keno.  I never hit zero.  I never got over $60.  But I got hours of play.  This was so much fun for me.  Just playing.  I haven’t really done this at all this trip because I keep losing.

Once I realize I am almost out of cigarettes, it is time to leave.  I took the BHX bus back.  It leaves you on Ogden and Las Vegas Boulevard.   The walk on Ogden back to California is fine.  Some people are scared of Ogden. The Gold Spike used to be very frightening to people.  Now the sidewalk outside is full of younger people, super drunk and super stupid.  And also super predictable with a girl on her cell phone screaming at her boyfriend, then bursting into tears about it to her friends, who assure her she can do better and let’s go get drunker.

As I continue my walk,  my thoughts are of this and how Vegas has certainly changed if Ogden is no longer scary.  Then I find myself frozen with fear, the only body part I am able to move are my vocal chords, which are vibrating with me screaming.   Because up ahead, is a roach the size of an airplane.   I don’t know what to do.  Wait yes I do.  I will cross the street. He starts walking towards the street.  He is now like a black cat who’s path I cannot cross, but he is not leaving me with a choice as he appears to walk even faster than I can.   Do I stay on the sidewalk as he is now in the street?  Do I cross the street?   What if he makes it across before I do?  What if I do not cross the street and stay on the sidewalk and he reverses and comes back to kill me?  Why are there no cars coming to kill him?  Where are all the drug addicts, murderers and rapists who are supposed to be lining this street?  WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME?!?

Fuck this.  I run past this thing.  RUN past this thing.   I run to the light and bolt across the street against the red light.  Once there I feel safer.  But I continue walking quickly until I am safe inside California.  WHEW.

I go to my room and pack for my move to The Linq tomorrow.  But I don’t want to move to The Linq.  I really do want to stay there since I have not.  But I don’t want to deal with having to go to the airport from there.  Before I left home, I had priced Four Queens for my last night and it was around $70 on every site I checked.  I decide to check it again now, ten hours before I would be attempting to check in.  And I found it for $45 on Orbitz.  Quick math of The Linq resort fee + probably a cab to the airport = SOLD.  Four Queens it is.

And off to bed I go.

Las Vegas Trip Report: Depositing My Money Around the Vegas Valley

If you are just tuning in, let me catch you up:  I am waking up at California on day four of one of my most unlucky trips to Las Vegas.   It isn’t just the losing, although there is plenty of that.  It is the fire alarms, the lack of early check ins and the methamphetamine serial killer that would not take my life yesterday.

I am up at 5:12 and I catch the 6:12 am WAX bus to Hooters.  Except the WAX  bus does not stop AT Hooters.  Which I did not realize until we were passing it without stopping.  I got off at the next stop and made the long walk back in the desert summer sun.  Hate.

I have both the Las Vegas Advisor and American Casino Guide coupons for $10 free play at Hooters.  Do you want to guess how that went?   Exactly.

Then I went to Tropicana.  But I do not have my card.  And I am too lazy / heat exhausted to care.  So I just keep playing random Buffalo machines, making my way from the entrance I entered, to the exit on the other side.  Where I left with way less money than I entered with.

tropicana hotel las vegas

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I crossed the pedestrian bridge to Excalibur to use a MyVegas reward for weekend brunch.   I didn’t go in the Pearl line because I didn’t know I could.  There were also only two people in front of me.  One who was causing a major ruckus.  She wanted to charge her breakfast to her room.  But her name was not on her room. The cashier suggests she get the person who’s name the room is registered under, to call the front desk and have her name added so she can charge to the room.  But that person has already checked out and gone to the airport.

Then she wanted to use someone else’s card but didn’t have ID because she was not that someone else.  She was getting more angry and belligerent.  The second cashier had to stop and get involved.  So now I am simply standing there for maybe fifteen minutes as this woman pitches a fit and refuses to budge.  With the only two cashiers trying to explain NO to her.   As she is refusing to accept NO for an answer.

Finally I get in.  I go bolting for the Sobe water and all that comes out is fizz . Sobe water is not fizzy.  That’s fine, I will go to the other side.  Where the Sobe water is not working .  WHY GOD WHY.

After eating, I went to the overpriced store outside the buffet to check on my Pug wallet that I want, but will not purchase.

Then I took the WAX back downtown and got me some Dunkin Donuts iced coffee.  It was delicious.

I played in Binions on an old school Buffalo slot machine.  This particular one seems to like when you only play one coin per line, so $.40 cent bets.   Which is fine by me since I am on a massive losing streak.   One bonus turned my $20 to $80.  I had enough points for one Motherlode spin and I won a free gift that I did not bother trying to redeem.

I exited out back, past the slot machine graveyard inside the back of Binions.  I got in trouble for taking this photo.

binions slot machine graveyard

Work has begun on demolishing Las Vegas Club.  Home of my first casino comp.  Even when I was not staying here, I would take the elevator up to the hotel room floors to get a Diet Pepsi on my way back to my room at California, which is a Coke property.

las vegas club demolition sign

I played my Buffalo machine here.  I seem to have one in every casino.  This one gave me $100 from a $10.   Sweet, sweet Buffalo.

I am back in my room at 11;30 and I take a nap.  I am up and back out at my Buffalo machine at Cailfornia.  I get a $60 bonus.

I walk outside to catch the 106 bus.  I have to run for it but I make it.  Tonight’s destination is Texas Station.  Why?  Because why not?

texas station las vegas sign

Since I am on a losing streak, I change the rest of today’s budget into all $5 bills and play minimum bets on Buffalo.   I played about 15 different Buffalo machines in here.  This place is Buffalo mecca for sure.

On my last play, I got less than 40 credits left and decided to play down to zero by playing 20 lines, than 5.  Then one line with three credits per line.   And I hit a bonus.  You mother fucker.  I don’t want a bonus when I am playing THREE CENTS.  I won $3 and played that down and left down $60.

I took the bus back Downtown.  Thankfully I did not have to wait long for it because it is hot out.

The bus leaves you on the side of Plaza and Las Vegas Club.   I looked up and was shocked that I never noticed this before.  The side of Las Vegas Club looks like a stadium!

las vegas club stadium

I grab fries from McDonalds and head to my room.   I am in bed by 11:00.