Tag Archives: El Cortez Las Vegas

Las Vegas Trip Report: El Cortez Birthday Free Play

When we last left off, I was taking a nap in my room at the Flamingo hotel, after a busy morning traipsing all around Tropicana.

When I woke up, it was time to go to the Mirage.  I have two purposes for this.  1.  To  use a MyVegas reward for a dinner buffet.  2.  To visit my Buffalo machine that gave me an $1881 win back in March.

There used to be a Deuce bus stop outside of Flamingo.   I have no idea why, but it is now gone.  That means there are no bus stops going North, between Paris and Harrahs.  That’s pretty ridiculous.  So I had to walk to Mirage in 100+ degree hate heat.

I passed through the Wildlife Habitat in the back of Flamingo.

Flamingo Las Vegas garden flamingo las vegas koi pond Continue reading

flamingo las vegas water fountain flamingo las vegas flamingo waterfall las vegas

I am not sure if everyone is aware, but they have commemorative bricks back there that you can purchase.  I have always wanted to buy one for my mother but have yet to get around to it.
You can order one here.

flamingo las vegas commemorative bricks

Finally at Mirage, my Buffalo machine is taken.  Oh come the fuck on.  Did every person on the planet read about my win and are now hogging up my machine?!?

I refuse to play any other machine so dinner first it is.  I have a MyVegas reward, making the buffet free.  The value of these rewards are honestly dependent upon the user.  I went in, quickly made my selections, ate and bolted.  I was probably in there maybe about fifteen minutes.  This buffet has free wine and beer so I am sure the majority of visitors spend a lot more time there.  But for me, I have a Buffalo machine that needs my immediate attention.

I am so happy to discover she is free!  I sit down and play her.  There is a woman next to me, who strikes up a conversation about Buffalo slot machines.  How sometimes they suck and sometimes they pay big.  I just agree with her.  I do not tell her about my magic machine that is right next to her.  I don’t need anymore competition.  I am down about $100, which is disgustingly degenerate, when I hit a bonus for $140.  WOW.  THANK YOU.  I LOVE YOU.

I cash out and run the fuck out of there before she starts screaming for me to come back.

My next destination is El Cortez.  I want them to love me again so I gave them a bunch of play in March.  I did not darken their doors in July because I was on such a massive losing streak.   But that play from March seemed to do the trick as I got a postcard for $50 free play in the month of my birthday.  No stay required.  I am in!

I want to play the $50 on Buffalo but Buffalo isn’t being nice to me.   So I play it on Ultimate X video poker.  And lose it so quick that I am legit shocked.  How did FIFTY DOLLARS go that fast?!

I decide to console myself with Buffalo.  I sit down at the four play machine that was nice to me back in March.  I got some really good hits.  This is the only one I have a photo of:

el cortez buffalo 300 x 54

I was here for a very long time.  Just like back in March.  I get up to $400 and decide to leave a winner.  And by “winner” I mean “degenerate” and I lost $100 of my winnings on my way out the door.  But that’s okay because I still have $300!

I take the Deuce bus back to Flamingo.  I want so badly to visit Cromwell and play Ultimate X.   But I had stopped at Walgreens and have a bunch of drinks with me that I need to drop off in my room.  I do not want to go to my room and come back out.  So I decide to play a little bit at Flamingo.  A little bit turns into a little bit more.  Then some more.  I am losing like crazy.  I need to get up.  If you are going to keep playing, fucking walk ten feet to Cromwell which is right next door.  You have had amazing luck there.  But I don’t want to carry my bags there.  So go to the room.  I don’t want to go to the room and come back.  Well then just go to the room period.  Stop shoving money in the machines.  You stupid asshole, you just lost three hundred dollars, on machines you don’t even want to play.  Because you would not walk ten feet to the casino next door.


But look what showed up soon after I got home.  Success!!

el cortez offers las vegas

Las Vegas Trip Report: A Trip to Wild Wild West

This morning I woke up at the Flamingo Hotel.  I went to bed a winner, I woke up a winner, I am a winner!

Daytime room view, cock blocked by the Donny and Marie wrap.

flamingo las vegas daytime room view

I noticed there is a tiny bit of the Donny and Marie hotel wrap missing. I tried taking photos through the clear spot.  It kind of worked if I stood on my tip toes and held the camera up as high as I could reach.

flamingo las vegas room view 1flamingo las vegas room view

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I really hope that ad brings in a fuckton of revenue for people flocking to see Donny and Marie.  Because if not, you are ruining people’s Strip views for no real reason.

I got dressed and went outside to catch the Deuce bus.  It is over 100 degrees outside.  I had to walk all the way through Margaritaville and then cross the street to catch the bus outside, closer to The Forum Shops than to Casears.  Then I stood there burning while waiting for the bus.  There is no shade so it is pure burning death.   I waited a very long time.  I actually considered saying fuck it and forfeiting my MyVegas rewards to avoid dying.  Finally the bus came and off to Excalibur it was!

excalibur mandalay bay las vegas new york new york las vegas

I played some Buffalo both before and after eating.  I could not get the bonus round to come up.  Just like last night at the Flamingo.  Is this how this trip is going to go?  I love Buffalo dammit.

After eating, I went to the fancy store outside the Excalibur buffet to check on my Pug wallet that I have been gawking over since December.  This time is a bit different though.  Because my wallet is actually broken AND I have winnings inside my broken wallet.  So look what I got!

pug wallet

I had planned to go to Wild Wild West.  This should have been as simple as crossing the pedestrian bridge between Excalibur and New York, New York, taking the elevator or escalator down to the street and waiting for the 201 bus.


The staircase down to the sidewalk is blocked off.  The elevator is out of order.  I decide to walk into New York, New York (because I had no choice and) to go down the escalator at the MGM pedestrian bridge and walk around the corner from there.  Nope, pedestrian bridge is completely closed for repairs.  How the fuck do I get out of…oh hey, yes?  Buffalo?  I’m coming!

I am saved by a $100 bonus, after losing $100.  Whew, I am out of here.  I walk all the way to the back of the casino, intending to exit by the hotel entrance, to get to the bus.  This was not the best idea.  Not only is it still over a hundred degrees outside, but pedestrians are not intended to do this.  I had to climb over a wood frame that was probably put up to keep pedestrians from walking on Tropicana.  There is no sidewalk here.  So after the wood frame, I was basically walking in traffic for a little bit on Tropicana.  I didn’t get killed.  I get to the bus stop and some guy is walking over from the Strip.   How the fuck he got down there on that sidewalk, I am not sure.  Maybe he exited New York, New York on The Strip because his Buffalo machine wasn’t screaming his name?

900 years later, the bus comes.  I take it to Wild Wild West.  I am so fucking HATE right now.  The bus stop lets you off in the middle of In-N-Out and Wild Wild West.  In front of a trunk parking lot.  I am pretty damn sure that anyone taking the bus to this specific stop is either going to In-N-Out or Wild Wild West.  So why not have the bus stop at either or both?  Why does the Las Vegas bus system constantly have bus stops in front of NOTHING rather than in front of the things people are traveling to the bus stop for?  Boulder Highway is the worst at this.  Hey let’s put the bus stop half a mile from the crosswalk, in front of barren land, so people taking the bus now have to walk an extra half mile for NO FUCKING REASON.

Did I mention it was 105 degrees outside?  Because it was.

I enter Wild Wild West, sweating.  I sit down at a Buffalo machine.  I am not winning but some guy at the bank in front of my machine keeps hitting the bonus.  I give up.  I buy cigarettes, and head out.  Or I try to but then I see a different Buffalo machine, in a sea of about twenty Buffalo machines, and I just have to play it.  I get a surprise bonus and win $75.  Yay, I love surprises!

Again I thought I was going to leave.  But on my way out, there was a machine begging me for attention.  Normally I do not like attention whores, but this machine was as adorable as a puppy.  So of course I went running over “HELLO!  HOW ARE YOU?”  It was a Cleopatra Keno / video poker combo machine.  I went back and forth between Cleopatra Keno and Double Double Bonus video poker.  Between the two, I turned a $20 into $160.

quarter sixes wild wild west double double bonus video poker

It was a very tough goodbye, but I had to go.  I would have loved to stay here all day.  But I will go degenerate so leave I must.  Bye bye beautiful machine I am in love with!

I went back outside and took the 201 bus to Orleans to catch their free shuttle back to the Strip.  I was so very cranky standing in the heat waiting for it.

We got let off back by the High Roller and I walked through The Linq Promenade.  Guys, this opened back in 2014 and this is the first time I have been there.   How is that even possible?

Brooklyn Bowl Las Vegas linq promenade las vegas High Roller Las Vegas Linq Promenade

I stop at Starbucks and get my first Mint Mocha Frappucino.   I then go inside and play some Buffalo.  I lost.  I try another Buffalo machine.  I lost.  I try a third.  I lost.  I probably would have kept going but I am all out of Frappucino and I am exhausted.   To my room I go.  It is 1:06.   So all the above happened in one morning.  I still have the entire night left after a nap.  I love Las Vegas.

Las Vegas Trip Report: First Time Visiting Cosmopolitan and a Fun Game of “Is It Heroin or Is It Spam?”

Thursday, December 16, 2010 

[This is day three of a nineteen part trip report.   To start at the beginning, go here.]

Up at 7:30 at the Gold Coast.  I slept well because of Benadryl.  Out at 8:15.

Monopoly Bigger Event slot machine: I hit a $167 bonus, then got a 13X multiplier for $97.50

I try to cash out but I have time left on my bonus meter and as I am waiting for that to run out, the bonus hits again!  This time I only got $8.30

Cash out with $150.

Gold Coast buffet for breakfast, I had the best server ever.  She never once let my coffee cup go empty.  LOVE her.

After eating, it is back up to the room to get dressed and sort out my money.  Then it is back down to play!

Wizard of Oz: Ruby Slippers slot machine, huge bust.

Press Your Luck slot machine: $20-$0

Keno: $60-$0

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker: $40-0, followed by $20-$0

It is time to check out of the Gold Coast.  My hotel bill is $2.96.

I leave my bags with the bellman and head to the strip for coffee and cigarettes.  I am also going to visit  the Cosmopolitan casino, which opened last night.

My first stop is  Ellis Island.

$20-$0 in triple line nickel Double Double Bonus video poker.

$10-$0 in a nickel progressive Double Double Bonus video poker game.

$20-$50 on an Ultimate X Double Bonus video poker in pennies, so so so so so so much fun.  I could show you lots of blurry cell phone pictures, but I would hate to force your eyes into a permanent cross.  Then you would never be able to read my trip reports again and that would just be terrible!

Lunch is at Ellis Island’s coffee shop with a 50% off coupon from the Las Vegas Advisor.  Bacon mushroom cheeseburger.  My waitress is an idiot.

It’s 12:35.

I walk back to the Strip and head for the Bellagio.

Bellagio Las Vegas

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In the casino, I play an All That Glitters 2 slot machine.  I Love this game!  $60-$90.

All That Glitters 2 slot machine

I rode the Bellagio people mover and of course, had to take the same pictures I take on every trip to Las Vegas because LAS VEGAS.
View of Paris Las Vegas from BellagioLas Vegas Strip view from Bellagio moving walkwayview of Caesars Las Vegas from Lake Bellagio

Once I got to the end, it was time for my first visit to Las Vegas’s newest casino, Cosmopolitan. It just opened last night.

Cosmopolitan Hotel and Casino Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan Hotel and Casino Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan Hotel and Casino Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan hotel Las Vegas

This place is gorgeous.  It had a ginormous chandelier that is the main visual attraction.

Cosmopolitan Casino Chandelier Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan Casino Chandelier Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan Casino Chandelier Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan Casino Chandelier Las Vegas NevadaCosmopolitan Hotel and Casino Las Vegas Nevada

I want to play quarter Supertimes Pay video poker.  The machine is stuck on Double Bonus video poker, cannot get it to change to Double Double Bonus video poker.  I hit four of a kind fours and turn my $40-$100.

Cosmopolitan Bonus Pokers 4s

Played an I love Lucy slot machine, $40-0.  I never got the bonus.  HATE.

Greenback Attack slot machine: $20-$60.

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker 8/5 pay table with a progressive: $20-$70 by hitting four of a kind sixes and then $20-$0

Cosmopolitan quarter 6s

Went to the Barbary Coast (I will not call it “Bill’s” because that name is stupid) and lost $40.

Bills Gambling Hall and Saloon Las Vegas Nevada

I took the free shuttle back to the Gold Coast to grab my bags.  I almost murdered some man trying to push past me on the shuttle. I took a cab to my second hotel of the trip, the El Cortez.   Its 4:30.

I hate my cab driver.  He keeps asking me the same questions over and over, convinced that he will eventually find the magic combination of words to make me feel horrible that I am staying at a hotel that I love, that he does not think I should love.  I’m trying to look busy playing on my phone and it won’t work.

I hate looking out the window and seeing the completely barren wasteland between Encore and Circus Circus.

We arrive at the El Cortez.  I am going to be staying here for six nights, which is really unlike me.  The first three nights are on a comp, the last three are via an offer where for $99, I get three nights + a combination of free dining and free play that total the $99.

I am given room 5522 in the Pavilion Tower, where I choose to stay since it is the only option that has smoking rooms.  These rooms are furthest from check in.  You have to go all the way through the casino to the front.  Then you get in an elevator and go around the corner to your room.  You get kind of a balcony view as you walk to your room, since you are walking outside.

El Cortez Pavilion balcony

I get to my room and my key doesn’t work.

I have to then go all the way back to the front desk.  Of course I have to pee.  I stumble across a woman who is passed out on the floor, with a huge crowd around her.  OUT OF MY WAY PEOPLE I HAVE TO PEE.  I get my new key.  I go all the way back.

The soap in my bathroom is used and there is some weird item on the dresser.  At the time, I was convinced it was heroin and I threw it out in a garbage can outside my room.   Since then, it has been suggested that maybe this was rotten Spam Musubi, left behind by a guest before me.  I am honestly not sure which option is more gross.

mystery meat

I have $85 (and $100) left for tonight.

Tonight I am using a 2x points multiplier coupon at the El Cortez that came with my room offer.

I try my quarter Double Double Bonus video poker progressives that I love so much.  $20-dealt tens = $70

El Cortez quarter dealt tens
$15 free play = $0
Quarter keno, $40-$0
Nickel keno, $5-$0

Invaders From the Planet Moolah slot machine:


Sabertooth Last Emperor slot machine:

$5-$10 first spin

Quick Hit slot machine: zero (I didn’t note how much I put in)

Rawhide slot machine: $10-$40

All That Glitters 2 slot machine: $20-$0.

I Love Lucy slot machine:  $40-$0 played foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  No bonus.

I stop for dinner at Café Cortez and get the Prime Rib.   I charge it to my room as it will be covered by the dining credit that is part of my comp. Its 7:30, I am exhausted. My plan is to go to bed right after dinner.

I hate when I’m at the El Cortez and I forget why i ever wanted to be here.  Sometimes I love being here.  Sometimes I feel like all I ever do here is just play the same machines that I have been playing for years and I get bored.  That’s happening now and I’m here for six nights.  Ugh.  At least I am paying for three so I am not obligated to play on those days.

Dinner was excellent but the server was horrible. When I FINALLY got my order taken, some guy who was frustrated with his wait time to have his order taken, yelled to me “Hey kid, you must be a VIP!”

After eating, I did not play and instead went to my room.  Score!  I am already bored of the El Cortez.  This happens sometimes. I now have what is left for today’s budget ($200 still) to hold for the future.  This may be the first time ever.

Sleep by 10:00