Tag Archives: Las Vegas Trip Report

Las Vegas Trip Report: the Morning Dreams Are Made Of

I am awake at 7:00 at Fremont Hotel in beautiful Downtown Las Vegas.   I love reading the notes I write in the morning.  So much whining about not wanting to go home tomorrow.  It turns out I priced flights home for the next day, so I could stay an extra day.   But they were $200 so nope.  I also wrote if I win $1000, I would buy a new flight home.   I do not remember writing this.  Let’s see how that goes, shall we?

I am out of my room at 8:00.   I count my steps and 41 of them later, I am at the Dunkin Donuts counter.

I decide to try a four game Buffalo slot machine here.  After almost losing $40, I got a $79 bonus.  It was less exciting and way more relieving.

I head over to Binions and right off the bat, look what I got on Cleopatra Keno!  That’s quarters, so $272.50.   Now we’re talking!
Cleopatra Keno 1090 credit win Binions Las Vegas

I walked from here to Main Street Station.  I have never played video poker at their Boar’s Head Bar.   This is a very well known video poker bar.  Guys, it reeks of vomit up there.  Like terribly.  Still I played and hit four of a kind sixes (no photo) and four of a kind tens (photo!)

quarter tens double double bonus video poker main street station

I have this brilliant idea to put the $75 TITO I got here, into a dollar video poker game.   Because I have never gotten a dollar royal and I am overdue.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I am still overdue because I hit nothing.

I have a $60 TITO left and I only ventured $40 cash so I am still up $20, despite having just lost $75.  Degenerate math in full effect ova heeeeeeeeeeyah.

I played some Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker in nickels.    YAY.

main street station ultimate x 5 x 4 main street station ultimate x queens x 4

I leave here and stop at my California Buffalo on my way back to Binions.  I am totally kicking ass today.

California Las Vegas Buffalo slot machine win 2400 x 4

Buffalo 15520 win

Oh wow!  You guys, I am doing it.  I am having the perfect Las Vegas morning.  This is the greatest thing ever!

I stop and play some Double Double Bonus video poker on quarters . The progressive Royal is $1670.  I want this so very badly but $100 did not get it, so I walk back to Binions.

I play around here a bit and before I know it, I have 40 points to get two swipes for the Motherlode promotion.  The first is for a free gift, the second is for $15 dining credit.  I take that to the coffee shop with me and get a cheese omelet.  The food here is always excellent, even more so when it is free.

It is 11:48 as I eat breakfast.  I am going to do a “cigarette after eating” stop and then go take a nap.

I sat down at a machine that was very nice to me back in March.  I play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  First hit:
binions quarter sevensThat glare bothers me.  I could not at all get a photo without it in it.  I  had the same problem back in March.

I keep playing.

And.

Get.

My.

Next.

Hit.

binions royal flush

Now I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking things like “Oh shit, Jennifer hit a Royal Flush!!!”  Well guys, I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong.

See.

I did not get a Royal Flush.

I got a Royal Flush AND ACES WITH A KICKER OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT LOOK AT IT.

quarter aces with kicker Binions Las Vegas

Holding one Ace.  Do you believe this shit?   I could not.  I just sat there gaping at it.

I cashed out for $1600 and went to my room to show my cute little stuffed dog what his mom did.  I also tried taking an obligatory cash spiral photo but i suck at it.  Not only cannot I not master a cool spiral, I only pulled out the Royal winnings and forgot to include the rest.  Oops?

make it rain las vegas

WOW.

And just like that, it is nap time!

Las Vegas Trip Report: Moving Downtown to Fremont Street

I am awake way too early this morning.  But I have to be.  Because it is my last (and only second) morning waking up on the Las Vegas Strip during this trip.   I have coupons from Lettuce Entertain You, which includes a flat out $20 off Mon Ami Gabi.  No purchase necessary.   There are also coupons for $10 off Stripburger, $15 off El Segundo, $25 off Joe’s and $30 off Eiffel Tower Restaurant.  You can sign up here for the 2018 coupons.

BUT before I eat, I must play.  Cromwell Ultimate X video poker:
Ultimate X double double bonus fours cromwell Ultimate X double double bonus video poker aces x 3 cromwell las vegas

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YAY!

The walk to Mon Ami Gabi:

Ballys Las Vegas Bellagio Las VegasParis Las VegasI ordered Eggs Benedict with coffee and the entire meal was covered by the coupon.  Sweet!

I resisted playing in Paris because I always lose here.  And I always follow that up by going degenerate.  And I have to check out of my hotel and move to Fremont.  This horrific move was brought to you by Dr. Desert Heat, in a collaboration with Nurse Stupid Lack of Bus Stops on The Strip.

I walked from Paris to get my stuff at Flamingo and then back to Paris to catch the bus.  Because stupid.  I was intending on taking the SDX.  So I let the first Deuce go.  As someone was boarding it, she threw her lit cigarette into the trash can.  Why.  So I yelled at her as she was continuing onto the bus.  She ignored me.  Because of course.

I am still waiting for the SDX.  Yep, waiting still. Some more waiting.  And waiting again.  And still.  And some more.  Where is the god damned bus.   I quit.  You win Las Vegas.  I get on the next Deuce bus that comes.  And take it to Fremont Hotel.  Where I check in, look in a mirror and see that I am completely burned from waiting for the bus.  With sunscreen on.  Oh great.

I am in room 616.  It is a bit smaller than my last room here, and that room was small.  I don’t have room photos because shitty blogger.  But I have some views!
fremont hotel las vegas room view binions fremont hotel las vegas room view

The air conditioning in here is not working properly.  The thermostat is also a liar.  The top right knob will not move any further to the left so maybe it is actually set on 40-something degrees (why is that even an option) but it will not go below what it claims is 70.  But it isn’t, because it is warm in here.

fremont hotel las vegas thermostat

I am sunburned and cranky so first up is a nap.   Guys, I slept for six hours.  I usually don’t even sleep that long at night in Vegas.

I was up and back out at 8:15.  I made a beeline to El Cortez to play my Buffalo slot machine again.  Look at her go!

el cortez buffalo 600 x 24

I left here up $260.  My next stop is The D.  This is my last chance here.  I have been trying for awhile now to get back on their radar.  But I cannot seem to get anything going and it is just straight loss.  Tonight I am trying a final $100 and then it is good bye forever to this place.

I lost that $100 so fast.  On Buffalo.  But because degenerate, I am going to go back and try it one MORE time in the future and play video poker.  I am just not going to do that on this trip because FUCK YOU The D and your stupid name.

I had $10 free play at Fremont that came with my offer.  I tried it in a Cleopatra Keno and lost it.   I grabbed a donut from Dunkin Donuts and called it a night.

Las Vegas Trip Report: El Cortez Birthday Free Play

When we last left off, I was taking a nap in my room at the Flamingo hotel, after a busy morning traipsing all around Tropicana.

When I woke up, it was time to go to the Mirage.  I have two purposes for this.  1.  To  use a MyVegas reward for a dinner buffet.  2.  To visit my Buffalo machine that gave me an $1881 win back in March.

There used to be a Deuce bus stop outside of Flamingo.   I have no idea why, but it is now gone.  That means there are no bus stops going North, between Paris and Harrahs.  That’s pretty ridiculous.  So I had to walk to Mirage in 100+ degree hate heat.

I passed through the Wildlife Habitat in the back of Flamingo.

Flamingo Las Vegas garden flamingo las vegas koi pond Continue reading

flamingo las vegas water fountain flamingo las vegas flamingo waterfall las vegas

I am not sure if everyone is aware, but they have commemorative bricks back there that you can purchase.  I have always wanted to buy one for my mother but have yet to get around to it.
You can order one here.

flamingo las vegas commemorative bricks

Finally at Mirage, my Buffalo machine is taken.  Oh come the fuck on.  Did every person on the planet read about my win and are now hogging up my machine?!?

I refuse to play any other machine so dinner first it is.  I have a MyVegas reward, making the buffet free.  The value of these rewards are honestly dependent upon the user.  I went in, quickly made my selections, ate and bolted.  I was probably in there maybe about fifteen minutes.  This buffet has free wine and beer so I am sure the majority of visitors spend a lot more time there.  But for me, I have a Buffalo machine that needs my immediate attention.

I am so happy to discover she is free!  I sit down and play her.  There is a woman next to me, who strikes up a conversation about Buffalo slot machines.  How sometimes they suck and sometimes they pay big.  I just agree with her.  I do not tell her about my magic machine that is right next to her.  I don’t need anymore competition.  I am down about $100, which is disgustingly degenerate, when I hit a bonus for $140.  WOW.  THANK YOU.  I LOVE YOU.

I cash out and run the fuck out of there before she starts screaming for me to come back.

My next destination is El Cortez.  I want them to love me again so I gave them a bunch of play in March.  I did not darken their doors in July because I was on such a massive losing streak.   But that play from March seemed to do the trick as I got a postcard for $50 free play in the month of my birthday.  No stay required.  I am in!

I want to play the $50 on Buffalo but Buffalo isn’t being nice to me.   So I play it on Ultimate X video poker.  And lose it so quick that I am legit shocked.  How did FIFTY DOLLARS go that fast?!

I decide to console myself with Buffalo.  I sit down at the four play machine that was nice to me back in March.  I got some really good hits.  This is the only one I have a photo of:

el cortez buffalo 300 x 54

I was here for a very long time.  Just like back in March.  I get up to $400 and decide to leave a winner.  And by “winner” I mean “degenerate” and I lost $100 of my winnings on my way out the door.  But that’s okay because I still have $300!

I take the Deuce bus back to Flamingo.  I want so badly to visit Cromwell and play Ultimate X.   But I had stopped at Walgreens and have a bunch of drinks with me that I need to drop off in my room.  I do not want to go to my room and come back out.  So I decide to play a little bit at Flamingo.  A little bit turns into a little bit more.  Then some more.  I am losing like crazy.  I need to get up.  If you are going to keep playing, fucking walk ten feet to Cromwell which is right next door.  You have had amazing luck there.  But I don’t want to carry my bags there.  So go to the room.  I don’t want to go to the room and come back.  Well then just go to the room period.  Stop shoving money in the machines.  You stupid asshole, you just lost three hundred dollars, on machines you don’t even want to play.  Because you would not walk ten feet to the casino next door.

Sigh.

But look what showed up soon after I got home.  Success!!

el cortez offers las vegas

Las Vegas Trip Report: A Trip to Wild Wild West

This morning I woke up at the Flamingo Hotel.  I went to bed a winner, I woke up a winner, I am a winner!

Daytime room view, cock blocked by the Donny and Marie wrap.

flamingo las vegas daytime room view

I noticed there is a tiny bit of the Donny and Marie hotel wrap missing. I tried taking photos through the clear spot.  It kind of worked if I stood on my tip toes and held the camera up as high as I could reach.

flamingo las vegas room view 1flamingo las vegas room view

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I really hope that ad brings in a fuckton of revenue for people flocking to see Donny and Marie.  Because if not, you are ruining people’s Strip views for no real reason.

I got dressed and went outside to catch the Deuce bus.  It is over 100 degrees outside.  I had to walk all the way through Margaritaville and then cross the street to catch the bus outside, closer to The Forum Shops than to Casears.  Then I stood there burning while waiting for the bus.  There is no shade so it is pure burning death.   I waited a very long time.  I actually considered saying fuck it and forfeiting my MyVegas rewards to avoid dying.  Finally the bus came and off to Excalibur it was!

excalibur mandalay bay las vegas new york new york las vegas

I played some Buffalo both before and after eating.  I could not get the bonus round to come up.  Just like last night at the Flamingo.  Is this how this trip is going to go?  I love Buffalo dammit.

After eating, I went to the fancy store outside the Excalibur buffet to check on my Pug wallet that I have been gawking over since December.  This time is a bit different though.  Because my wallet is actually broken AND I have winnings inside my broken wallet.  So look what I got!

pug wallet

I had planned to go to Wild Wild West.  This should have been as simple as crossing the pedestrian bridge between Excalibur and New York, New York, taking the elevator or escalator down to the street and waiting for the 201 bus.

Nope.

The staircase down to the sidewalk is blocked off.  The elevator is out of order.  I decide to walk into New York, New York (because I had no choice and) to go down the escalator at the MGM pedestrian bridge and walk around the corner from there.  Nope, pedestrian bridge is completely closed for repairs.  How the fuck do I get out of…oh hey, yes?  Buffalo?  I’m coming!

I am saved by a $100 bonus, after losing $100.  Whew, I am out of here.  I walk all the way to the back of the casino, intending to exit by the hotel entrance, to get to the bus.  This was not the best idea.  Not only is it still over a hundred degrees outside, but pedestrians are not intended to do this.  I had to climb over a wood frame that was probably put up to keep pedestrians from walking on Tropicana.  There is no sidewalk here.  So after the wood frame, I was basically walking in traffic for a little bit on Tropicana.  I didn’t get killed.  I get to the bus stop and some guy is walking over from the Strip.   How the fuck he got down there on that sidewalk, I am not sure.  Maybe he exited New York, New York on The Strip because his Buffalo machine wasn’t screaming his name?

900 years later, the bus comes.  I take it to Wild Wild West.  I am so fucking HATE right now.  The bus stop lets you off in the middle of In-N-Out and Wild Wild West.  In front of a trunk parking lot.  I am pretty damn sure that anyone taking the bus to this specific stop is either going to In-N-Out or Wild Wild West.  So why not have the bus stop at either or both?  Why does the Las Vegas bus system constantly have bus stops in front of NOTHING rather than in front of the things people are traveling to the bus stop for?  Boulder Highway is the worst at this.  Hey let’s put the bus stop half a mile from the crosswalk, in front of barren land, so people taking the bus now have to walk an extra half mile for NO FUCKING REASON.

Did I mention it was 105 degrees outside?  Because it was.

I enter Wild Wild West, sweating.  I sit down at a Buffalo machine.  I am not winning but some guy at the bank in front of my machine keeps hitting the bonus.  I give up.  I buy cigarettes, and head out.  Or I try to but then I see a different Buffalo machine, in a sea of about twenty Buffalo machines, and I just have to play it.  I get a surprise bonus and win $75.  Yay, I love surprises!

Again I thought I was going to leave.  But on my way out, there was a machine begging me for attention.  Normally I do not like attention whores, but this machine was as adorable as a puppy.  So of course I went running over “HELLO!  HOW ARE YOU?”  It was a Cleopatra Keno / video poker combo machine.  I went back and forth between Cleopatra Keno and Double Double Bonus video poker.  Between the two, I turned a $20 into $160.

quarter sixes wild wild west double double bonus video poker

It was a very tough goodbye, but I had to go.  I would have loved to stay here all day.  But I will go degenerate so leave I must.  Bye bye beautiful machine I am in love with!

I went back outside and took the 201 bus to Orleans to catch their free shuttle back to the Strip.  I was so very cranky standing in the heat waiting for it.

We got let off back by the High Roller and I walked through The Linq Promenade.  Guys, this opened back in 2014 and this is the first time I have been there.   How is that even possible?

Brooklyn Bowl Las Vegas linq promenade las vegas High Roller Las Vegas Linq Promenade

I stop at Starbucks and get my first Mint Mocha Frappucino.   I then go inside and play some Buffalo.  I lost.  I try another Buffalo machine.  I lost.  I try a third.  I lost.  I probably would have kept going but I am all out of Frappucino and I am exhausted.   To my room I go.  It is 1:06.   So all the above happened in one morning.  I still have the entire night left after a nap.  I love Las Vegas.

Las Vegas Trip Report: the One Where Anything Can Happen

I just finished up posting my last trip report, which was a nonstop blood bath where my biggest win was a whopping $108.

Still, when my job reminded me I had two days off to use in August, I booked another trip.  I got two comped (plus resort fee, fuck you) nights at Flamingo and three at Fremont.   I had originally booked a MyVegas reward for two nights at Monte Carlo.  In the end, I ended up cancelling (and losing my points) for that.  I really just like smoking rooms in Vegas.  MLife doesn’t have them.  I do not want to forfeit my personal comfort for a free salmonella laced plate of scrambled eggs at the Bellagio buffet.

My flight was supposed to leave at 6:30.   We boarded on time, which was a shock.  We left late despite this, which was not a shock.

I landed at 9:30 and decided to shuttle to Flamingo.  We sat there for a good half hour before leaving.  And by “good” I mean “FUCKING LET’S FUCKING GO ALREADY.”   The driver dropped me off nowhere near the entrance.  If I were a degenerate packer, I would have been mad.  But my bag is carry on sized so I don’t care.

Cute stuffed dog going on an adventure

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I had initially checked in online, but the kiosk would not give me my keys.  So I had to get on the check in line.  The woman who checked me in looked at my ID and said “Oh!  You live in Chinatown!”   This was the first time someone has described my Brooklyn neighborhood as Chinatown.  She is right.   Bensonhurst has totally morphed from Italian to Chinese.  It was just a surprise since before her, no one has ever said that to me.

I got room 11074.   I would have had a great view of the Bellagio fountains if not for the stupid Donny and Marie wrap on my window.

flamingo las vegas room view donny and marie wrap

The room had wooden floors, which made it feel hollow and run down.  I still loved being here though.  I haven’t stayed at Flamingo in many years.

flamingo las vegas room

I am not planning on gambling much tonight.  I have $40 on me that someone gave me for my birthday.  I am also willing to risk a $20 from my own stash.  But that is my limit.  I have gotten pretty good at curbing degeneracy.

I walked over to Cromwell and tried to find the Ultimate X machine I love.  They have redone the casino so they are in a different spot.  I first got sidetracked by an Ultimate X Bonus Streak machine.  My first $20 went lightening quick here.  I was so annoyed with myself.  Over to the other side of the bank where I chose a regular ol’ Ultimate X video poker machine.  I put in $20 and began playing Double Double Bonus on nickels.

This happened.

Ultimate X Double Double bonus sixes x 2 cromwell las vegasultimate x double double bonus video poker aces x 2 cromwell las vegas

AND. THEN. THIS.  HAPPENED.  $200 win!

Ultimate X Double Double Bonus threes x 10 cromwell las vegas

I decided I was now allowed to play quarters and my luck continued.

double double bonus video poker quarter nines cromwell las vegas

So for a $60 investment, I left Cromwell with $360.  Fucking sweet.

On my way back to my room at Flamingo, I lost $60 in a Buffalo slot machine.  Because of course I did.  But it is okay because I am still a winner.  Guys, this feels great.  I went to bed knowing that this could be the start of something fantastic, or this could be the one night I went to bed a winner.  You absolutely never know what is going to happen when you are in Vegas.

Las Vegas Trip Report

Goodbye to Las Vegas Club, Glitter Gulch, Mermaids and All My Money.

This morning I woke up at California hotel and began to pack for a move to Four Queens.   As I was doing this, I found a can of Pringles in my bag that I had forgot about.  I then picked it up, the top fell off and now my suitcase is filled with a million potato chip crumbs.  ARGH.  I am done with this place.  I finish packing and check out.  I leave my keys in the room because I do not need them anymore.  The second the door shuts I realize there is Diet Pepsi in my refrigerator.  Damn it all to hell.

I check my bags at the Four Queens Bell Desk and get on a bus.   Today I am going to the Mirage to visit the beautiful Buffalo slot machine that gave me $1800 back in March.

I took the CX bus to Treasure Island.  It is hot out.  I walk through Treasure Island to take the tram.   The tram is not running.  I walk back through Treasure Island to get outside to walk in the heat, so much  heat.  HOT BURNING DEATH FIREBALL SKY.

But it is pretty.

las vegas strip from mirage

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I stop at Starbucks and order an iced green tea latte please!  I get a hot green tea latte.  NO.  DO NOT WANT.  REMAKE IT.  BAH.  GROSS.  HOT.  NO.

I walk over to my Buffalo machine and a woman is playing it.  I walk around the entire length of the casino to kill time and come back.  She is still playing it.  I do another loop.   Still there.  I become increasingly cranky.   I sit down and play $20 in Double Double Bonus video poker.  I lose it.  I go back.  The woman is still there.  I decide to get the fuck out of here.  If all I want to do is play that one machine, I need to stop.

I go across the street and catch The Deuce bus back to downtown.  I check into Four Queens.  It doesn’t look fancy but I still love it.

four queens las vegas hotel room

And of course, the same view I have had more times than I could count.

four queens hotel las vegas room view

I took a nap and woke up defeated.  I go home tomorrow guys, where is any win?

I still had a bunch of quarters so I went to play Sigma Derby next door at The D.  I didn’t win.   I kind of gave up and went back to my room.  I figured tomorrow is my last day, let’s go nuts in the morning before my flight.

Fast forward to the next morning and I had my biggest win of the entire trip!

buffalo stampede slot machine win

Yep, a whopping $108. Oh well, better than nothing.  But still close to nothing.

It is a good thing I am a lazy blogger.  If I had written this up when I got home, I might have remembered how much of a loser this trip was, and not have booked the next one.  But I am.  So I didn’t.  And I did.

Bonus photo of Mermaids, Glitter Gulch and Las Vegas Club being prepared to be made a distant memory.   Just like my gambling budget.

fremont street las vegas las vegas club glitter gulch mermaids closed

 

Las Vegas Trip Report: Have Bad Luck, Will Travel

One thing I love about waking up in Las Vegas is that anything can happen on that day.  You legit have no clue what notes you will be writing out when you get back to your room tonight.  This morning I am looking out my window at the California hotel at 7:00 am and wishing for the gambling gods to PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE before I get dressed and go out for the day.

I am out by 8:30.  I find a penny on heads outside the elevator.  Excellent sign.

I play my Buffalo machine here and lose.  I decide to put a $20 into quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine and lose that too.  As I am playing it, I have the realization that I have barely played any video poker this trip.  This probably explains why I am doing so terribly.  My last trip was Buffalo win heavy but I was just incredibly lucky.

That said, I walked over to Binions and played BUFFALO.  Nope, still not a winner.

I wanted to have breakfast at Magnolia’s at Four Queens since I have accumulated a bunch of comps here, but the line in insane.  Back to Binions I go.  I get an omelet and have to pay a couple of dollars for it.  Such sacrilege in a town where I am used to comps.   I get an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts and try the casino in Binions again.  The only win I get is the Motherlode promotion which gives me a free root beer float.  I’ll save this for later.

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Back at California, I go to the ATM because I have to go to the ATM.  Dammit.  It has been quite some time since I have played this particular machine.  I don’t like it very much.

I play around a bit.  I get a surprise feature on my Buffalo machine and win $50.  I am back in my room at 10:30 am.

All Boyd players will forever remember that time when Boyd didn’t do offers for a tiny bit, while they were redoing their system to have all properties included on offers.   I was so happy when the offers came back.  But I am bludgeoning all future offers by losing and not playing anywhere near what they would like me to.  But I am not playing that game because my days of taking long trips and needing as many comped nights as possible, are long gone.

I nap and go back out.  I take the WAX bus to MGM Grand, with a change purse full of quarters to play Sigma Derby.  Nope, all the seats are taken.  Now I have to lug these quarters around haaaaaaate.  I play a $20 in Keno and lose it instantly, disgusted with myself.  Who the hell authorized me to put money in a Strip machine when I was on such a losing streak?!?

I use a MyVegas reward for a very early dinner buffet.   It is priced at $42.99 for the holiday, yeeeeeeesh.  Do people really pay these prices?   I suppose so.   This buffet is not the best.  But for free, it is worth the cost.  I get a line pass, which I first thought was related to it being a MyVegas reward.  But nope.  It is because I am now Pearl.  I had no idea.

I leave here and take the bus to Orleans, where I lose some money.  Then I take the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It does not go right to the Gold Coast.  It stops at the Strip first.  It no longer stops at Cromwell, but back by the High Roller.  It would be convenient to go to Ellis Island if it were not a bazillion degrees outside.

boyd orleans gold coast strip shuttle

At Gold Coast, I have a coupon for $10 slot match play from Las Vegas Advisor.  I get on a small winning streak.

First up:

quarter four of a kind queens

Second up is four of a kind threes, that I do not have a photo of.  But you can see evidence of it in the totals in round three:

quarter four of a kind nines

I want to keep playing so very badly.  Like I never want to leave ever.  But because I am on such a suck streak, I have to leave while I am absolutely definitely ahead.  I am sorry magical machine at the Gold Coast.  I will be back to visit you, I promise.

I go outside and take the bus to Ellis Island.  I have coupons for free play here, and for a free t-shirt.  I lost the free play and then I lost $75.  And I lost my pride at having walked out of Gold Coast instead of going degenerate.  I should have gone degenerate at a machine that was paying me.  Such goes gambling.

I got back on the bus and went to Longhorn.  I love this place.  I actually looked into staying here on this trip.  They now charge a $6.77 resort fee, which I find infuriating.  It includes laundry facilities.  Does this mean you can do your laundry for free?  I would like to know.  I did my laundry here when I stayed here over a year ago.  And I paid for it.  If the laundry is now free, then the $5 slot match play they give you at check in + laundry, cancels out the resort fee.  If laundry is not free and they are actually listing having a washing machine that you pay to use, as part of what is included in the resort fee, then fuck you.

longhorn casino las vegas

I played here for hours.   I got here at 9:00.  When I left, it was 1:00 am.  I had the American Casino Guide for $5 free play.  I put that and a $20 into four card Cleopatra Keno.  I never hit zero.  I never got over $60.  But I got hours of play.  This was so much fun for me.  Just playing.  I haven’t really done this at all this trip because I keep losing.

Once I realize I am almost out of cigarettes, it is time to leave.  I took the BHX bus back.  It leaves you on Ogden and Las Vegas Boulevard.   The walk on Ogden back to California is fine.  Some people are scared of Ogden. The Gold Spike used to be very frightening to people.  Now the sidewalk outside is full of younger people, super drunk and super stupid.  And also super predictable with a girl on her cell phone screaming at her boyfriend, then bursting into tears about it to her friends, who assure her she can do better and let’s go get drunker.

As I continue my walk,  my thoughts are of this and how Vegas has certainly changed if Ogden is no longer scary.  Then I find myself frozen with fear, the only body part I am able to move are my vocal chords, which are vibrating with me screaming.   Because up ahead, is a roach the size of an airplane.   I don’t know what to do.  Wait yes I do.  I will cross the street. He starts walking towards the street.  He is now like a black cat who’s path I cannot cross, but he is not leaving me with a choice as he appears to walk even faster than I can.   Do I stay on the sidewalk as he is now in the street?  Do I cross the street?   What if he makes it across before I do?  What if I do not cross the street and stay on the sidewalk and he reverses and comes back to kill me?  Why are there no cars coming to kill him?  Where are all the drug addicts, murderers and rapists who are supposed to be lining this street?  WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME?!?

Fuck this.  I run past this thing.  RUN past this thing.   I run to the light and bolt across the street against the red light.  Once there I feel safer.  But I continue walking quickly until I am safe inside California.  WHEW.

I go to my room and pack for my move to The Linq tomorrow.  But I don’t want to move to The Linq.  I really do want to stay there since I have not.  But I don’t want to deal with having to go to the airport from there.  Before I left home, I had priced Four Queens for my last night and it was around $70 on every site I checked.  I decide to check it again now, ten hours before I would be attempting to check in.  And I found it for $45 on Orbitz.  Quick math of The Linq resort fee + probably a cab to the airport = SOLD.  Four Queens it is.

And off to bed I go.

Las Vegas Trip Report: the Sky Is Blue but There Is a Black Cloud Hanging Over Me

I was asleep at Planet Hollywood when I am awoken by this loud as all fuck noise.  At first I think it is my phone.  I jump out of bed to make it stop, why is it so fucking LOUD.  But it isn’t stopping.  I turn on the light and realize it is the fire alarm.  It is 3:00 am and the fire alarm is going off, louder than anything that was ever loud before it.  It is so loud.  SO. FUCKING. LOUD.

I don’t know what to do.  Obviously you are supposed to do something, like leave your room.  But I don’t want to.  I am comfy in my jam jams and just want my heart to stop palpitating.  The alarm is not stopping.  There are no announcements.  I know to not call the front desk, I will be one of a million.  I peek out the peep hole on my door and there is nothing out there.  Fuck I guess I will get dressed and go downstairs.

As I am putting my shoes on, it stops.  Then comes the announcement that it was a false alarm.  Then that announcement begins repeating a million fucking times.  Holy shit.  I came to Vegas to win a million dollars but the real million dollar win will be me inventing a system for hotels where their guests can push a button to acknowledge they heard the first 75 announcements that it was a false alarm.  Then it can fucking STOP IT ALREADY.

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There is no way in hell I am going to fall back asleep so I go outside.  I get Starbucks and cross the road to Cosmopolitan.  Worst mistake ever.  Cosmopolitan loved me at one point.  They sent me a teaser offer.  But I blew it.  It was a bad trip and I could not afford to gamble enough to keep them sending me offers.  But I for some reason, keep chasing them.  I don’t know why I do this.  I don’t normally do this.  But with Cosmo, I do.  And I lose way beyond what I am allowed to.  Then I leave knowing I could have paid for two nights with what I just lost in a few hours.

I played a fuckton of old school Buffalo and never hit a bonus, which is insane.  I walked back to Planet Hollywood, hanging my head in shame.

At Planet Hollywood, I was going to play $20.  I did not have my card.  I played $20 anyway and ended up there for over an hour on one $20 bill.   Not getting any points for it.  Because asshole.

I went up to my room to grab my Las Vegas Advisor to use my $10 off coupon for a breakfast buffet at Planet Hollywood.  This is my absolute favorite buffet in all of Las Vegas.  Or at least it was.  Until today.   I didn’t realize it would be holiday brunch, although I should have realized it.  So it was more expensive than usual.

Drinks are now self serve, which I like.  No waiting for someone to bring you something.  The orange juice needed to be changed out, it was pouring something closer to Tang from the two dispensers I tried.  I didn’t have a spoon for my coffee so I had to get back up and get that.  The scrambled eggs were raw.

I am having a terrible morning and now my favorite place to eat has forsaken me as well.  Sigh.

I go to the room and say fuck it, I am out of here.   I attempt to shower before packing and in my shower is a penny on tails.  ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.

I leave without showering, planning to do so at California.  When I go outside, the sun burns my retinas.  But that beautiful blue sky…

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I take the Deuce to Oakey, and get off to buy cheaper cigarettes at 7-11.  Then I wait for the Deuce again, which never comes.   Then when it finally does, the driver does not stop.

A man comes crossing the street yelling to me “Can I ask you a question?”  It is 110 degrees outside, he has on a sweater and is clearly on something.  I say “yes” just because I obviously don’t have a choice so why anger him?  He thanks me profusely, tells me most people are afraid of him because he looks like a methamphetamine addict.  Then he giggles “Or a serial killer” and laughs even harder.  Dear kind sir:  If you are a serial killer, just please, take me now.  Anything that cuts this conversation short, I am down for it.

He wanted bus directions.  Thankfully not for anywhere the Deuce goes.  I point him to where he needs to go.  He thanks me and actually walks away.  Had my luck turned?

Finally another Deuce comes.  And stops.   I get to California and am told I cannot check in because it is too early.  Of course.  I have checked into this hotel early a million times. Including at 6:00 am when I wasn’t even trying to.  I was trying to check my luggage but the Bell Desk was closed.  So I got checked in instead.

But of course today, I cannot check in. FINE.

I sit in the lobby a bit and use their internet to play MyVegas on my phone for a little while.  Then I try for the nickel Keno progressives.  Nada.  Finally I get a room.

I got one of them there new, fancy rooms.  It looks nicer.  The bed doesn’t seem new though.  I am probably the only person who misses the old air conditioning system.  You used to be able to put a luggage rack on top of it and let the air blow up to dry your sink washed clothes.  Now there’s a fancy schmancy air conditioning vent. Oh well.

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At least my room view luck is improving?

california hotel vegas room view

california hotel las vegas room view

I shower and go right to bed.  It is 2:00.

I woke up at 5:00.  According to my notes, I attempted to go to the Strip but it was too hot.  Why on Earth would I want to go to the Strip when I am on such a losing streak?!  The Binions thermometer said it was 117.  I don’t think it was correct, but it does feel like 2837483 degrees outside.

I play around Binions.   I cannot seem to get to 40 points for the second tier of the Motherlode promotion.  Everything I touch turns to broke.  I did get one spin for 5 points and won $5 free play.  And then I lost $5 free play.

I walked over to Main Street Station and played some slots on the second floor at California.  They hated me just as much as the slots on the first floor of California.  I remembered I had $10 free play with my room offer. I went to get that loaded and played it on a Buffalo slot machine. An $80 win later, I am finally cashing out for cash for the first time today.

I got dinner to go at Triple 7 Brew Pub.   I have $10 dining credit with my offer so I charged it to my room.  Then I went to my room and cried.  I mean slept.  After crying.

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sky is blue

Las Vegas Trip Report: Moving from New York, New York to Planet Hollywood

I wake up at New York, New York.  It is 6:30 am.  I am out by 7:00 and I make a beeline to MY Buffalo slot machine that I could not play last night.  I cash out up $25.

I walk over to Excalibur to use a MyVegas reward for breakfast.  It is so incredibly hot, even this early in the morning.  Bonus: The Excalibur MLife desk doesn’t open until 8:00 so I have half an hour to kill.  Wish I would have known this when I was still at MY Buffalo machine at New York, New York.

I play nickel Caveman Keno machine, one nickel at a time.  Surprisingly, I double a $5 and then it is time to go.

The Excalibur buffet is very good nowadays.  And I am not just saying this because I love that they have Sobe water as a drink option.

I head back to New York, New York  I love the view of the casino from the escalator.

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I also love it from down inside the casino!

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I go on an insane losing streak.  Then I got myself back a bit on video poker hitting first 8’s and then a straight flush. I do not have a photo of the straight flush because savvy gambler that I am, did not realize I hit it until I saw the credits jumped after I hit “deal” on the next hand.

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I go upstairs to collect my crap and move to Planet Hollywood.  Honestly, I should have just not booked a MyVegas room at all.  Or cancelled it and stayed at Planet Hollywood so I would not have to move.  The main feature of using a MyVegas reward for rooms is that you can then use certain dining rewards you cannot use if  you are not staying at an MLife property.  But it is a holiday weekend so everything is blacked out anyway.  I get fixated on the amount of MyVegas points I have and keep booking rooms I don’t really want.  I need to stop doing that.  I am going to stop doing that.

On my way out, I play MY Buffalo machine one last time and cash out up $80. I have also made Pearl status at MLife, which I wasn’t trying for.  The best perk of Pearl status is free parking and I do not drive.

I walked to Planet Hollywood in the heat.  Yes I know.  YOU would have taken a cab or Uber or Lyft.  But I would not.  It is just a thing about living in NYC.  Every day a cab is an option but that doesn’t mean you go ahead and take one.

I stop at the Walgreens right before Planet Hollywood to get some water.  The woman in front of me puts her stuff down and asks where there is a garbage can.  Outside.  She walks away to go outside and the cashier starts ringing her up.  Are you fucking kidding me.  She walked OUTSIDE and I am standing here INSIDE.  Ring ME up.

I get to Planet Hollywood and no, just no.   The amount of people in the lobby.  I would be hard pressed to remember any time in my life when I saw this many people in a hotel lobby.  I checked in using the kiosk and there was a charge for early check in.  I have never paid this before, I would normally opt to simply drop my bags over and come back later.  But today, I decide to pay it.  I think it was $30, but I could be wrong about that.

I have never stayed here as Planet Hollywood.  I have stayed when it was Aladdin.  I missed the entire Planet Hollywood themed rooms phase and I have a newly renovated one.

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With this weirdo room view, which I know is just a crappy view of vents and stuff.  But it is oddly satisfying.  I think because it looks like a space ship on an alien planet.

planet hollywood las vegas room view

I decide I am going to take a nap, which justifies paying the early check in fee.  But I am a liar and instead, I go out and gamble until way past check in time.  I wish I could tell you that “Black pail I did $3” means I won a million dollars as that is what it looks like my notes from this afternoon say.  But it doesn’t so that mystery remains unsolved as of yet.

I came back to the room with enough time to take a quick nap before going to see Ka, courtesy of MyVegas.  But when I woke up from my nap, the last thing I wanted to do was go OUTSIDE to get to MGM Grand to see Ka.

So I stayed inside and played Buffalo for a few hours until I was starving.  Then I went to McDonalds because I do that in Vegas.  And it pisses people off.  Sorry, not sorry.

I was in my room and asleep at 10:00.  Until the fire alarm went off   But that’s tomorrow’s sad story.

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Planet Hollywood Hotel canva

Another Surprise Trip to Las Vegas? Sure, Why Not?

Or rather, what about another two surprise trips to Las Vegas?

Yes, I know.  “I thought you were never going to Vegas again neener neener I told you so…”

My job decided last minute that we would be getting five days off for Fourth of July.  I am not sure if you have ever tried to book a last minute trip on a major holiday weekend.  Well I now have and I will tell you, it is expensive to book last minute.  Las Vegas was the cheapest option even with inflated airfare and gambling budget.  Then again in August, I was reminded I had two free days to use.  These days needed to be used in August.  Again, while not a major holiday, apparently planning any summer travel last minute is really expensive.

So yes, if I find out last minute I have extended time off work, and that time is not long enough to do things like I would like to, such as go to Turkmenistan, then I will be boring and predictable and go to Vegas.

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Booking a room for the first trip was a bit annoying to say the least.  Boyd offers are back, but they start July 1.  I was going to be there either June 29 or June 30.  Rates everywhere for Friday, June 30 were insane.  Because of the holiday weekend.  The only comp I could get for July 1 was at Boyd.

I found I could get a MyVegas reward for June 29.  So I booked New York, New York as I had a great feeling about this place.  It was my favorite stop on my Strip crawl earlier this year.  I won $600 and got a massage.

I was able to book Planet Hollywood for Friday.  Comp + resort fee (fuck you.)  I have actually never stayed here.  I stayed at Aladdin, but never Planet Hollywood.  I considered cancelling New York, New York to save a move and spend both nights at Planet Hollywood, but eh, screw it.

Next three nights were celebrating the return of Boyd comps with a stay at California.  When I booked, I chose a newly renovated room.

Final night was going to be at Linq.  I have never stayed here as Linq.  Probably a dozen times as Imperial Palace, I think maybe once as The Quad (that is a stupid name) but never since the renovations.

These room moves were choppy and could have been planned better had I been given more than one week’s notice about my trip.  But if my biggest problem is that my room  moves in Vegas are awkwardly scheduled, I am a lucky person.

I left my job early and went to the airport.  Outside security, I saw a penny on tails.  Right past security, I saw a penny on heads.  I picked up the latter and put it in my bra.

I board my flight.  A loud woman comes on afterwards and I hear her asking the woman behind me “Who is sitting here?”  The woman behind me says “I don’t know.”  Loud Woman then begins to talk about how she isn’t sure where she wants to sit.  She is in an aisle seat and cannot decide if she wants the left or right one.  She wants to be next to someone interesting.  You don’t get to choose, you sit in your assigned seat.  The woman behind me tells her “Well my mother died today, so I booked an hour ago and I picked this seat because the middle one was empty.”  Loud Woman offered her condolences and then sat on the other side, quietly.

The flight went on forever.  When we were landing, I had that thing that happens often, where it feels like my forehead is being injected with very long needles. I don’t know what causes it, I  just know it huuurrrrrrrrts.

We land in Terminal 3.  Just like my trip back in March, I could not find the bus stop.  Screw it, I’ll take a cab and we can stop for cheap cigarettes.   I do and we do.  The trip to New York, New York, including the stop and a tip, came to $27.

At check in, I am asked if I want a high floor or low floor. High floor please.  I get a room on the sixth floor. Why even bother asking?

My view:

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And the room:

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I stop for Starbucks and then go to the Buffalo slot machine that gave me $600 back in March.  Of course, two idiots are sitting at my machine and the one next to it.  Each playing one penny at a time.  To get cocktail service.  They have a million empty bottles and a whole lot of limes all over the machines.  Like ON the buttons.  So not only are you cockblocking me from my machine, you are also both fucking slobs.  And the cocktail waitress keeps serving them.

I played next to them for a bit.  Then I just get agitated and decide it is stupid to throw money into a machine I do not want to play, just to keep my eyes on the one I do want to play.  So I grab a slice of pizza for $6.44 and head to bed, beyond annoyed.

This is what a SIX DOLLARS AND FORTY FOUR CENTS slice of pizza looks like.

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