Tag Archives: Solo Female Trip to Las Vegas

Las Vegas Trip Report: Depositing My Money Around the Vegas Valley

If you are just tuning in, let me catch you up:  I am waking up at California on day four of one of my most unlucky trips to Las Vegas.   It isn’t just the losing, although there is plenty of that.  It is the fire alarms, the lack of early check ins and the methamphetamine serial killer that would not take my life yesterday.

I am up at 5:12 and I catch the 6:12 am WAX bus to Hooters.  Except the WAX  bus does not stop AT Hooters.  Which I did not realize until we were passing it without stopping.  I got off at the next stop and made the long walk back in the desert summer sun.  Hate.

I have both the Las Vegas Advisor and American Casino Guide coupons for $10 free play at Hooters.  Do you want to guess how that went?   Exactly.

Then I went to Tropicana.  But I do not have my card.  And I am too lazy / heat exhausted to care.  So I just keep playing random Buffalo machines, making my way from the entrance I entered, to the exit on the other side.  Where I left with way less money than I entered with.

tropicana hotel las vegas

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I crossed the pedestrian bridge to Excalibur to use a MyVegas reward for weekend brunch.   I didn’t go in the Pearl line because I didn’t know I could.  There were also only two people in front of me.  One who was causing a major ruckus.  She wanted to charge her breakfast to her room.  But her name was not on her room. The cashier suggests she get the person who’s name the room is registered under, to call the front desk and have her name added so she can charge to the room.  But that person has already checked out and gone to the airport.

Then she wanted to use someone else’s card but didn’t have ID because she was not that someone else.  She was getting more angry and belligerent.  The second cashier had to stop and get involved.  So now I am simply standing there for maybe fifteen minutes as this woman pitches a fit and refuses to budge.  With the only two cashiers trying to explain NO to her.   As she is refusing to accept NO for an answer.

Finally I get in.  I go bolting for the Sobe water and all that comes out is fizz . Sobe water is not fizzy.  That’s fine, I will go to the other side.  Where the Sobe water is not working .  WHY GOD WHY.

After eating, I went to the overpriced store outside the buffet to check on my Pug wallet that I want, but will not purchase.

Then I took the WAX back downtown and got me some Dunkin Donuts iced coffee.  It was delicious.

I played in Binions on an old school Buffalo slot machine.  This particular one seems to like when you only play one coin per line, so $.40 cent bets.   Which is fine by me since I am on a massive losing streak.   One bonus turned my $20 to $80.  I had enough points for one Motherlode spin and I won a free gift that I did not bother trying to redeem.

I exited out back, past the slot machine graveyard inside the back of Binions.  I got in trouble for taking this photo.

binions slot machine graveyard

Work has begun on demolishing Las Vegas Club.  Home of my first casino comp.  Even when I was not staying here, I would take the elevator up to the hotel room floors to get a Diet Pepsi on my way back to my room at California, which is a Coke property.

las vegas club demolition sign

I played my Buffalo machine here.  I seem to have one in every casino.  This one gave me $100 from a $10.   Sweet, sweet Buffalo.

I am back in my room at 11;30 and I take a nap.  I am up and back out at my Buffalo machine at Cailfornia.  I get a $60 bonus.

I walk outside to catch the 106 bus.  I have to run for it but I make it.  Tonight’s destination is Texas Station.  Why?  Because why not?

texas station las vegas sign

Since I am on a losing streak, I change the rest of today’s budget into all $5 bills and play minimum bets on Buffalo.   I played about 15 different Buffalo machines in here.  This place is Buffalo mecca for sure.

On my last play, I got less than 40 credits left and decided to play down to zero by playing 20 lines, than 5.  Then one line with three credits per line.   And I hit a bonus.  You mother fucker.  I don’t want a bonus when I am playing THREE CENTS.  I won $3 and played that down and left down $60.

I took the bus back Downtown.  Thankfully I did not have to wait long for it because it is hot out.

The bus leaves you on the side of Plaza and Las Vegas Club.   I looked up and was shocked that I never noticed this before.  The side of Las Vegas Club looks like a stadium!

las vegas club stadium

I grab fries from McDonalds and head to my room.   I am in bed by 11:00.

Las Vegas Trip Report: Visiting Strip Casinos

When we last left off, I had just had my biggest win of any Vegas trip.  I went to my room for a break.  But not for long because I have a ticket for Mystere, right next door at Treasure Island.  I took some pretty photos on my walk over.

las vegas strip from miragemirage dolphin fountains las vegaswynn palazzo las vegastreasure island las vegas sign

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I stopped to play some Buffalo and I guess today is OH HEY BUFFALO DAY YAY.
treasure island buffalo winI cashed that baby out and went to see Mystere again.  I absolutely love this show.

Afterwards, I was starving.  My itinerary said to go to Ellis Island for dinner.  My common sense said to continue working on my goal of playing in every casino on the Strip.  My gambling addiction said to go Downtown and gamble.   So Downtown we went!  While walking to the bus, I saw these fountains at Wynn I had never seen before.  Are they new or am I just oblivious?
wynn las vegas fountainAlso, can we talk about how much I love the camera on my new phone?  Samsung Galaxy S7.
treasure island las vegas nightI went to Binions and stopped to a burger.  While doing so, I somehow calmed the fuck down and decided to follow my common sense side and go back to the Strip to continue on visiting every casino.

First stop:  Stratosphere!
stratosphere las vegas

I didn’t venture very far into the casino because I found a Buffalo slot machine and played that.  I cashed out even after a bonus.  I went back outside and took the bus to Circus Circus.

circus circus hotel las vegas circus circus las vegascircus circus casino entrance

I guess Circus Circus either doesn’t take MLife cards, they still have their own slot club.  I feel like I had this information in the back of my head, but I totally forgot about it.  So I didn’t use a card here, which I wish I would have since I did end up playing for a long time on a Buffalo machine that kept bringing me back up to $20 every time I got down.

Then I switched machines and hit a bonus for $280.  Not sure why I do not have a photo of this?

I cashed out and stopped in the restroom before leaving.  As I was in the stall, I hear two women going at it.  By “it” I mean screaming about wanting to fuck each other up over some guy.  I am sitting there waiting for it to go beyond screaming at each other and for fists to start flying.  This is going on FOREVER and I say fuck it, I can’t spend the rest of my night in this stall.  I get out and discover it is ONE crazy lady fighting with herself.  She is doing both “parts” of the arguing, with herself, in the mirror.  Okay great.

Next up is Slots a Fun.

slots a fun las vegas casino entrance

To say this place is depressing is an under statement.  It is mostly empty, most of the machines have broken bill acceptors.  The one machine I could find to take my money had broken buttons so I had to touch the screen to hold cards.  I wasn’t planning on staying long but I felt bad for the poor cocktail waitress working in a graveyard so I ordered a soda from her.

On my way out, I saw security chase a family out from their bowling area because they had little kids.  You need to be 21 to be inside the casino.   Ah duh.

I would recommend that if you are in Vegas with friends and want to hang out with just your friends, this might be the place for it.  You would have it all to yourself.

slots a fun las vegas beer pongslots a fun las vegas

There was a woman vomiting into a trash can to the right of me as I took these photos.

My next stop was Encore.

encore las vegas

Obligatory photo of the Resorts World sign.

resorts world las vegas

And the butterfly statue.

encore las vegas butterflies

I played Buffalo slots here, of course.  I was on my third $20 when I hit a bonus for $50 and decided that was my cue to go.   I probably would have stayed longer, but I have places to go and money to lose.  As I was cashing out, I saw a penny on heads on the ground. I picked that up.  I also heard a THUMP and realized I had left my brand-new-just-purchased-at-Walgreens Diet Pepsi at my machine and that was the sound of someone throwing it out.

Obviously I rescued it because I am at fancy Encore and it is MY Diet Pepsi dammit.

I walked between Encore and Wynn and accidentally found the Popeye statue.  I would tell you what this is about, except I have no idea.

popeye statue wynn las vegas

While trying to find a machine to play, I found a Wynn Megabucks machine and figured this would be my only opportunity to win the Megabucks.  I allow myself to put a $100 through.  Normally a $100 bill would be too rich for my blood, but I won $1800 today so why not?

wynn megabucks machine las vegas

I didn’t win the Megabucks.

encore las vegas flowers

Next stop is Palazzo.  I lost here real quick and moved onto my least favorite place, The Venetian.  This place reeks so bad.

venetian rialto bridge las vegas

I stopped at Walgreens again to get some more drinks, and to get rid of some change.  My purchase came to $7.99 and I got mad and told the cashier I was giving him 99 cents in change.  He was fine with it and I unloaded a fuckton of nickels on him.

In the Venetian, I actually won $100 on a Cleopatra Keno.   Some machines here have USB ports to charge your phones.

venetian las vegas plug and play machines

There were also these signs on the TITO cash out/ATM machines.  I wonder how many issues they had with this that they had to put signs up.  How degenerate do you have to be to try and take a cash advance on your BUSINESS credit card?!

venetian las vegas business cards

Next up was Casino Royale.

casino royale las vegas lit up night

I was too lazy to get a card here so I just lost quick and left.

I wanted to continue but I stopped myself from pulling an all nighter and just gambling until the morning came.  I kind of wish I had kept going.

Back at Mirage, I was happy to give back $200 of my winnings before going to bed.

Las Vegas Trip Report: Being Oblivious to a Shooting on the Strip

My sunlight alarm clock failed me today.  I slept until 9:00 am, even with the blinds completely open in the desert.

I am still at Fremont hotel, tonight will be my last night here before I move to the Strip.

I got up and got dressed.  Then something tragic happened.  My lucky penny from yesterday fell onto the floor and landed on tails.  Oh hell no.  I took a bunch of pennies out of my wallet and threw those around and picked up the ones that landed on heads.   The floor now has many pennies on tails scattered about and walking in my room means looking out for landmines.

I should also mention my current first world problem.  This is a problem that every person who plays slots, while being comped, faces.  Loose change.  I probably have about thirteen dollars in loose change on me by now.  All those times you cash out at an odd number really add up.  Since I am using cash for nothing, all my meals are comped, I am basically only able to get rid of $.33 every time I buy a Dunkin Donuts large iced coffee.  I cannot keep up with the growing change.  Even with my quarters out of my bag, set aside to play Sigma Derby, my bag is getting heavier and heavier with all this change.

I started my day playing Cleopatra Keno on a machine I have never played on before. All my normal Keno machines near the lobby are full so I had to seek out newer, funner machines.   This one hated being a Keno machine and had no problems letting me know this.  So I switched her to Double Double Bonus video poker and she rewarded me kindly.

quarter twos with kicker video poker fremont casino las vegas

quarter eights fremont casino las vegas

quarter jacks fremont casino las vegas

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I cashed out, grabbed breakfast to go and went to my room to eat.

Next up, I decided to get a head start on my plan to visit every Strip casino.  I agreed ahead of time I could skip SLS, but every other one was a must.  I haven’t been in some of these properties in many years.   I spend so much time just gambling, I thought it would be nice to get out and about and have to keep moving.

I got on the SDX bus and almost didn’t make it to the Strip.  We stopped at Bonneville transit center.  There were security guards on every bus.  I thought at the time, that this had to do with a gunman at Bellagio the night before.

Some guy got on the bus without a pass and the security guards kept telling him to get off.  He would not. This went on for so long that I considered giving up and going back to Fremont Street.  But I didn’t.   I also considered getting off this bus and getting on a Deuce bus instead.  But I didn’t.

This guy kept refusing to budge.  So we sat there and watched it escalate.  Finally someone intervened and tried to hand the guy $5 so he could pay to ride the bus.  Security blocked this and the next thing I know, this little guy took on three large security guards and pretty much won.  Until they pulled out the pepper spray.   It was an amusing viewing of human nature.  All the tourists gasped in horror and ran to the front of the bus.  All the locals grabbed their cell phones and ran to the back to begin filming.

A whole lotta bloodshed later, the guy was on the ground in handcuffs while the three bloodied and exhausted security guards stood there, gasping for breath.   Finally, we were free to go.

Once we hit Caesars, there was an announcement that the Bellagio stop was closed and we would be re-routed.  I still thought this was because of the Bellagio gunman.  We got back on the Strip on Tropicana and I continued down to Mandalay Bay.  I cannot remember the last time I was here.

mandalay bay las vegas

I sit down to play.  My first visit to the Strip on this trip.   Intending to go to every Strip casino.   It was one hell of a bus ride there.  I just want to sit and unwind and play.

I didn’t even get through one cigarette before my money was gone.  Insert a second $20, gone.  Third, gone.  Fuck me, this is how it is going to go.

I am not going to sit here throwing away more money just for the hell of it so I get up and leave, even though I really would prefer to just stay here for awhile.

Next up is Excalibur.  I skipped Luxor because I had a MyVegas buffet to redeem at Excalibur and it was much later than I planned to be here, because of the whole bus debacle.

excalibur las vegas

The new and improved Excalibur brunch buffet is really good.  I am in love with the fact that they have self serve drinks, which include Sobe pomegranate water.  This stuff is soooooo good.
After eating, I stop to play and lose $60 real quick.  I could double back to Luxor, but instead decide I will go to Orleans, then come back to Hooters, Tropicana and hit Luxor then.  But as I was walking to the bus stop, a WAX bus was pulling up.  I took it as a sign and got on it, headed back to Downtown.   I have been gone three hours now and all I have done was hit two casinos, lost more than half a day’s budget and consumed way too much Sobe water.

As I am on the bus, people are talking about the Bellagio gunman and how he escaped on a bus.  Or so I thought.  Since I have not turned on the news once since I have been here, I didn’t yet know that there were two separate incidents in the past 24 hours, both involving men with guns at Bellagio.  One was the gunman that I knew about.  The second one that I didn’t realize happened, was where a man with a gun got on a Deuce bus at the Bellagio stop and shot and killed a person.  Thus began an hours-long standoff with police.

A friend of mine was staying at Cosmopolitan.  The Bellagio bus stop is pretty much right outside the Cosmopolitan entrance. Just a few feet.  Cosmopolitan cleared their floor and sent all the hotel guests back to their rooms.  My friend was sequestered in her room for a bit, with this entire thing happening under her balcony.  Here is a photo she took:

cosmopolitan balcony

That is some scary shit.  This probably started as I was still at Bonneville with the whole security scuffle.  This was also the reason my bus was rerouted.  I had no idea at all that any of this was going on.

Once I was back Downtown, I went gambling.  I walked over to El Cortez and played an old school Buffalo slot machine.  I won $200, no photo.

I walked back to Fremont and again, I had to herd a bunch of bar drinkers away from the Bonus Streak Ultimate X penny machines so I could play.

This wasn’t working for me because I could not take being in the middle of a drunk hangout spot.  So I decided to go to Santa Fe Station. On the way to the bus stop, I took some photos of Fremont Street.

This is I think where the strip club used to be. Now it is a lone food truck.

food truck fremont street las vegas

binions las vegas..

four queens las vegas golden gate las vegasplaza las vegas plaza mural las vegasThe bus ride to Santa Fe Station is about half an hour.  It takes longer to get down the Strip on the Deuce.  My first time here, I had an accidental $852.50 win on video Keno.  So now I want to go here on every trip, obviously.   There was even more incentive when they were still participating in MyVegas and I could get a free meal for traveling here.  But still, I am willing to take a ride.
santa fe station las vegas

My biggest win here was discovering a new drink at Starbucks.  Iced Cinnamon Almondmilk Macchiato.  Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.  This drink was so delicious that I actually said “This is so delicious” aloud to myself when I took my first sip.

I played around and lost.  I stopped at the gift shop to use my points for free cigarettes.   Then I walked to the bus stop.  And then I checked the bus schedule, which I should have done before leaving the casino.  I have an hour to wait.  I am not going back in there, they will steal all my money.   I did consider going back for another Iced Cinnamon Almondmilk Macchiato and had to stop myself.

Side note, ordering that drink requires speaking more syllables than I wish to use when speaking to a stranger.

I take the bus back Downtown.  I stop at the Double Double Bonus video poker machine I won on this morning and hit four of a kind nines.  This seems like a good place to stop, as I am up $300 for the day.  So I do.

quarter nines fremont casino las vegas

Good night Fremont Street.  Bonus photo of California that I forgot to include in my last installment.

California neon

 

Las Vegas Trip Report: Is That a Rat?

Good morning from the Bellagio hotel!  When we last left off, I was having an issue with redeeming my free play reward from MyVegas.  I figured I could go try again this morning.

I stopped for some photos of the Bellagio conservatory.  One poor bear was getting brain surgery.

bellagio las vegas conservatory christmas brain surgery bear

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Bellagio Las Vegas Christmas conservatory bellagio las vegas christmas conservatory north pole bellagio conservatory christmas las vegas Bellagio Las Vegas conservatory Christmas Bellagio Las Vegas conservatory Christmas bears

When I finally make it to the Player’s Club booth, the same woman who denied me last night, was behind the counter again!  How is this even possible?  So I kind of stood off to the side, playing with my phone, until someone else was free.  I was able to get the free play and two buffets loaded.  With the holiday black outs, today is the only day of my entire trip the Bellagio buffet reward is available to  use.

I then head over to the buffet.  There is a woman on line behind me, who wants to be on line in front of me.  Nope.  We had both paid and were waiting to be seated.  She then walked a couple of feet into the buffet and began screaming to someone in Chinese.  That person then came over, took this woman’s water bottle, got it filled from inside the buffet and brought it back out to her.  What the hell.  You can’t do that.  And no one is stopping her.

I am next in line to be seated.  This woman is just dying to be next in line. Her entire life is now focused on the one goal of being next in line at the Bellagio buffet.  She is trying many methods, most of which involve physically pushing me out of her way.  Not today, lady.  I will be the victor.
I am then called to be seated.  Oh hey, look!  I am seated next to the woman who gave the filled bottle of water to the woman who…wait a second, what is going on here?  WHY IS THIS WOMAN SITTING WITH ME.  That’s right.  The woman who was behind me, who wanted nothing more in life to be in front of me, is now sitting across from me at my table.  What the fucking fuck is this?  I didn’t even have time to think before my mouth acted on it’s own “NO. NO NO NO NO NO.  NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.” I also realized I was wagging my finger at her.  The server seemed completely confused as to how this woman got there.  “She is not with me.”   The life’s goal woman acts as if  this is not happening.  She runs away to get food as the server and I just stand there absolutely dumbfounded.  I tell  the server I will happily move to a new table, as this one is next to this woman’s friends and I don’t want to be anywhere near these people.  She tells me no, it is okay, she will move them.

As this drama kept unfolding, I become convinced that this woman did not pay.  Her and her buddies are now appearing at different tables in the buffet.  I am pretty much an “in and out” type of buffet diner so I was done before most people were getting started.  As I am on my way out, a man came to get a server to say “They are over there now.” I watch the server as she bolts towards a table so far away, where this party has now taken up residency.  I don’t know what the outcome was because I left.

I want to use my $25 free play on Cleopatra Keno.  Bellagio for whatever reason (probably a mistake) has the second highest paytable for Cleopatra Keno that I have seen in Vegas.  (First is Rainbow casino in Henderson.)   I love this game, I love this machine.  And there is someone on it.  I have to play on the other side of the bank, which I am fine with.  For some reason THIS machine plays a brief trumpeting fan fare intro when you hit the bonus and I love that.

I played for-EVER here.  I kept doing that thing where you have to get up and cash out because every $20 bill in your wallet has been doubled and you are out of cash.  In some cases they were tripled and twice I had cashed out at $100.

On my last cash out before I had to go get more cash, the paper ran out or jammed or something.  The machines starts beeping and calling for an attendant.  I cash out and come back, still not fixed.  I am not playing any machine other than this one so I wait. When the attendant comes over, he asks me how much he owes me.  No, it paid me…er no wait, it didn’t and you owe me $3000.  I am sure I made his day with this hilarious joke that I am sure he has never heard before!

Next thing you know, my full cigarette pack is empty.  I look at my phone and I have been sitting at this machine for six hours.  Oops?

I go to the room and shower, because I didn’t earlier because I had not been planning to be out that long.  On my way to my room, I pass a door that has placed this sign on their doorknob.  Bellagio guests are fancy ya know.

eat a dick

After showering, I go back to the Bellagio buffet for dinner.  This time the line is insane. It is 7:00 and I need to be out of here by 8:30 to go see Mystere at Treasure Island.  After half an hour I begin to realize that I am not going to get inside before 8:30.  i stick it out though because today is the only day I can use this MyVegas reward as it is blacked out for the holiday starting tomorrow.

Luckily, someone comes and pulls anyone off the line who is willing to be seated at the bar.  That would be me!

There is a slight issue with paying for the meal.  The bartender first mistakes that I am with the people next to me and charges them for me.  Then he does not know how to run a MyVegas reward.  He goes up to the register and I wait for him to come back.  If anything goes wrong, you can be damned sure I am not paying money for this buffet.  It costs $39.99 with tax.  Only when he is back do I go and get food.

I am in a rush because I have to leave so I do not gorge.  I hurry up, get out and begin walking to Treasure Island.

I wish I could show you fabulous photos of the Strip from my walk.  But I did not bring my camera on this trip.   A good blogger would have.  But after spending a month in Nepal/India with this thing wrapped around my neck, choking me, only to then discover there is a crack on the (insert terminology for that thingy across from the mirror on the inside) that made a mark on all my photos, I am over it.  I hate my camera.  It will be awhile before I can stand to look at it again.

I do have a couple though.  You can barely tell Casino Royale exists any longer.

white castle las vegas strip treasure island las vegas treasure island las vegas pirate ship

As I am walking, I spot movement on a ledge near the fountains outside Caesars Forum Shops.  Oh fucking FUCK it is a rat.  That is a rat.  MOTHER FUCKER THAT IS A RAT.  I try to take a photo of it, which is difficult as I am shaking with fear.  I move (not really) closer to it.  Between me and the rat is maybe five feet.  Behind me is about 879423746237 feet of open space.  So everyone walking by has to ignore that wide open space, to wedge themselves between me and my rat.  This scares him and he bolts into the bushes.

(Insert Rat Pack jokes here.)

I do find it amusing that this rat was hanging out at Caesars.  If you are familiar with social media accounts that are aimed at Las Vegas addicts, you have no doubt seen the vast amount of people who love to cut down others who do not have as much money as them and tend to take trips that are more bargain friendly.  It disgusts me that this is socially acceptable.  That cutting down people about this is totally fine, but calling someone an asshole for cutting people down will get you yelled at.  Well guess what?  This is my blog so I can tell you:  If you cut people down for staying at any hotel that you feel you are too good for, you are an asshole.

There are hotels in Vegas that are absolutely fine, but are not five star hotels.  People love referring to these places as “dumps” and going on about how the rooms are filled with mythical roaches and rats.  I know they think it makes them look like a better person because MONEY.  But to me, it just makes me sad to see someone who puts so much value on money.

A three star hotel in Las Vegas is not a dump.  This hotel in Tibet is a dump:

Dege China disgusting bathroomI would not trade all the crappy, filthy hostels I have stayed at in the world if it came with giving up my life experience.  Including the experience of seeing this bathroom, saying “nope” and high tailing it to a new hotel.

So the next time someone tells you that your perfectly fine hotel in Vegas is a shit hole and “if you cannot afford a better hotel, you should rethink going to Las Vegas”, feel free to let them know that their precious Caesars is housing rats out front.

<end rant>

I got to Treasure Island just in time to get on the line that I could not get on because it never ended. It literally did not end.  It was snaked all through the casino.  I kept trying to find the end, but the end kept growing before I could get there.  I would see it, walk towards it, more people would enter it, and I would have to keep walking.   Finally when I get on it, we move.  Then someone tries to cut the woman in front of me.  She turns to me, makes a face and motions to them.  Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this.  “YOU KNOW THERE IS A LINE RIGHT?” as the offenders skulk off without even pretending that they didn’t notice that the 23894732847 people lined up were doing so because LINE.

If you have seen Mystere, you know to get there on time.  If you have not, just trust me on this.   My section is in the furthest section on the left if you are facing the stage.  My seat is the first seat on the left in the row.  I am as far to the left as I can possibly be.  The rest of the section seems to have been ticketed on the right side of the section.  So I am all alone over here, surrounded by so many empty seats.  An soon as the show starts, an usher beings yelling to me that I can move if I want to.  Given that I am so obviously isolated from the rest of the audience, and the fact that the usher is yelling during the show, makes me first think I am unknowingly about to be made a part of the show.  So I stay put for a few minutes before moving.  All clear, whew.

Mystere is by far my favorite Cirque du Soleil show.  I love this show so much.  I love the choreography and the baby!  Oh how I love the baby.  I was laughing so hard I had tears pouring down my face.

After the show, I played a bit of Cleopatra Keno at Treasure Island.  I had a lot of fun, but had no big wins.  Eventually I got up and left, stopping at CVS for water, paying in all change.  Yet I still have fifty pounds worth of change left.

Back to the room and in bed by 2:00 am.

Gambling Day: + $260
Gambling Trip: + $490
Miscellaneous: (tips, water): $11
Comps used: Nope
Coupons: Nope
Freebies: $65-ish? on two Bellagio buffets. I am not sure of the cost after tax on breakfast, $25 free play at Bellagio.  These were all MyVegas rewards.

My itinerary that gambling got in the way of:

Monday, December 19, 2016
Breakfast: Bellagio, 7-11 MyVegas
Palace Station t-shirt MyVegas/Stations 10 slots/6x VP
Lucky Dragon
Lunch:
Dinner:
Bellagio, 3-10 MyVegas
Mystere 9:30
El Cortez 10x Buffalo 10-midnight

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Las Vegas Trip Report The One With The Rat

Las Vegas Trip Report: My Last Day in Sin City

My last day in Las Vegas starts at the Four Queens hotel.   My handwriting is horrible so it appears as if I either started the day off by going to Petco, or Petra.  I most certainly did not travel to a pet store, nor did I travel to the country of Jordan.  If anyone has any ideas where I actually was, feel free to let me know!

I had breakfast at Magnolias at Four Queens, to use up my comps here.  I wanted to play live Keno, but it was not open this early.  Is this even possible?  Why am I having such a horrible time playing live Keno in Las Vegas?  The house odds are very high, why would you not want me to give you my money?

I walked over to Fremont for Dunkin Donuts iced coffee and my last time visiting my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines here.  I was  hoping for a parting gift here.   These have been my favorite STP machines for as long as I have been playing video poker. I visit them on every trip.  You would think that would count for something, but my babies felt that they were the ones who deserved the parting gift, and happily accepted it in cash form.

I played some Ultimate X.  I did:

$35 – $60
$25 – $60
$20 – $70
$20 – $0
$20 – $0
$20 – $40
$20 – $0

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I was here quite some time.

On my way back to my room (no no no no nooooooooooo) I stopped and played the Buffalo slot machine that was nice to me last night.  I turned $60 into $150.

Then it was time to leave.  Sigh.  One last view of Las Vegas outside of my hotel room window:
four queens las vegas strip viewOnce at the airport, I killed some time trying to figure out who has the WiFi name “I Will Shank  You Hard.”

shank

And here is where we wound up today:

Gambling Day: + $0
Gambling Trip: + $990
Miscellaneous: (tip, coffee, Diet Pepsi at the airport):  $10.23
Comps used: Four Queens breakfast
Freebies:  nada

If I had not hit that one Royal Flush, I would have been down $10 gambling.

The grand total of non-gaming money I spent in Las Vegas was $616.77, the bulk of that was made up of cigarettes and resort fees.  In addition, I also paid for airfare, a few hotel nights and my bus pass before I left.

I have had a bunch of people let me know they are sad to see the Las Vegas trip reports end.  I appreciate the kind words.  I truly do.   But it is time for me to move on.   Although I ended up in the black with gambling, I had a bunch of days where I had zero fun because all I did was lose.   Life is not about the end game for me.  It is about living today.

Even when having a bad day in a foreign country, there are still multiple exciting things going on.  Oh look at that sign in broken English!  Oh look at this local custom I am experiencing for the first time!  Look at that view of a place on Earth I had only seen in pictures before.  And so on.  I just really have grown tired of “Oh hey, look at the Dunkin Donuts sign behind my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines at the Fremont casino!”

If you are still itching for some more fun Las Vegas trip reports, make sure to check out my buddy Royal Flusher.  He is hilarious and also, a degenerate gambler.  We love degenerate gamblers.

Las Vegas Trip Report: Do I Win a Million Dollars?

This morning I woke up at Longhorn casino.  I am up and out by 9:00.   I go down to the casino and play.   I am playing quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  I want to be playing four card Cleopatra Keno.  There is only one of those open and I instinctively know that if I sit there, between two people, at least one of them is going to ask me for a cigarette.  Turns out I didn’t even  have to sit there as one came over to me to ask me for one.   I hate that so much.  I don’t know what it is about casinos that make complete strangers feel like it is okay to ask  you to give them something you paid for with your own cash.

I  gave him a cigarette and then said fuck it, I  guess I can now sit at Cleopatra Keno.  As I am playing, the cigarette grubber gets a phone call.  He asks me where he is at, so he can tell the caller where he is. “Longhorn.” “What?!?”  “LONGHORN.”   He leaves, putting out the grubbed cigarette directly on the machine.  Not in any of the billions of ashtrays sitting around.  Longhorn literally  has a clean ashtray on EVERY machine at all times, every single machine, every single time.

I am playing and I am doing pretty well.  No HUGE wins, but I doubled a few $20 bills.  I thought I had $70 in wins.  When I got back to the room, I only had $50 in wins.  I am pretty sure I dropped money somewhere.  The TITO machine was spitting my money out so that it did not land in the tray and I caught a loose $20 falling to the ground.  I think I may have missed another one.  I sure as all hell hope it was found by someone other than that jerk who put his cigarette out on the machine.

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Time to check out and head downtown, where I am checking back into the California hotel for a second stay here this trip.  I take the bus there.  The hotel is a mess.  They are redoing everything and I guess now they are working on the reception desk.  It has temporarily been moved to the casino, to the right of Keno.  The line is sooooooooooo long, one person working.  It takes forever.  Finally I am next.

However.

The woman in front of me said she paid for three nights through (some discounter) but the woman at the desk was showing only two nights were pre-paid and so she owed for her third.  This went on for a while.   I mean a WHILE.

Finally it is my turn.  “Oh checking in?  Step to the side please so I can check people out.”

There are no bell men anywhere.  As a matter of fact, in the half an hour or so I have been on this line, a man is trying to get a bell man to help him.  He has asked the lone worker at reception three times if there are any bell men working today.

I am trapped here.

Finally I get a room yay!   I am in room 1113.  Just a couple of doors down from where I was a couple of weeks ago.  When I had a lot more money.

I dropped my stuff off and headed to Binions.  I was smoking while playing and some man came up and asked me for a “couple of cigarettes.”  Yeah, no.

I played in Binions for a couple of hours and only lost $20.   This is how days should go.  If I do not win, then at least let me play!

I went back to California for a nap and then back to Binions for dinner.  I had a Binions burger, which somehow was the first one I had this trip.  This is my favorite meal in Vegas.

From here, I took the bus to Boulder Station.   I have never been here before.  I always fantasized that I would win a million dollars here.  So I may as well get that out of the way before it is time to leave.

The bus stop for Boulder Station is one of those ones that grates on my nerves.  It stops between two traffic lights, which are pretty far from each other and both are far from the bus stop.  I chose to walk in the direction of one and as I am walking, I begin to realize just how far it is before I can cross.  I will no longer be anywhere near the casino.  So I opted to dart across six lanes of traffic on Boulder Highway.   Good news guys, I did not get killed!  Going back to Downtown, the bus is right outside the casino.

I was so surprised to see how packed this casino was, which seems to be a typical thing for me at Station casinos.  I should be used to it by now, but nope.

I got Starbucks and played around, including $5 free play I had earned.  I got nothing.   Except cheap cigarettes.

I headed back to Binions and I cannot play my preferred Cleopatra Keno machine because someone is on it.  Not only is he is my machine, he is a guy who recently won $2500 on the Binions free pull, which I know because I recognized him from the photo Binions posted.  Now he has $2500 and he has my machine. What a jerk!

I lost  the rest of today’s budget, did the promotional spin, threw out my receipt for the free deck of cards, collected a free t-shirt, and went to bed.

Gambling Day: – $200
Gambling Trip: + $660
Miscellaneous: (tips, cigarettes, coffee):  $78.56
Comps used: California room, Binions burger
Freebies:  $5 slot play at Boulder Station, free t-shirt at Binions

Why do I bother making itineraries?

Friday, January 8, 2016
Breakfast: Longhorn
East Side Cannery 9-9 300 points = $500 cash or slot play
Check into California
Lunch: 
North Las Vegas
Dinner:
Texas Station $10 for $5 ACG
Plaza 10x slots
Four Queens double points ACG
Binions double points ACG
Binions $10 free LVA
Plaza $10 free LVA
Downtown Grand $10 free play LVA

El Cortez – pick envelope LVA
Four Queens $10 free play LVA

Las Vegas Trip Report: One Boring Day and One Exciting Day

This morning I wake up at Longhorn with ear pain left over from yesterday.  It has now grown and I can feel it all the way in my jaw.

I get up and get dressed and go downstairs to…you thought I was going to say “gamble”, right?  Well WRONG. I went to fucking Walmart.  That’s right, I am crushing the American Dream.  I am not sorry.  Oh man.  Walmart.  This place was like a total tourist attraction for me. I live in New York City.  We do not have Walmart. This place is insanely huge.  I probably could have spent a day in here just marveling at everything.  But I am on a mission to get ear drops so I can numb the knife that is stabbing me through my ear drum.  It was so tempting to not go completely insane in here and buy everything.

I came back to the room and decided that today is laundry day.  Okay I didn’t decide this, my lack of clean clothes did.  Longhorn hotel has a laundry center, two washers and two dryers.  I put my clothes in the washer and went to the casino.

I used two coupons I got at check in. One is for 2400 free points.  I noticed the sign behind the counter with the food specials for points.  I could get an entire meal with these points and still have some left over.  This is a great deal.  I also used a “play $5 get $10 free” coupon.  That one works by handing a cashier the coupon and $5 and she hands you a TITO ticket for $10.

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I put my TITO into a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game and then realized it is 10 coins per line.  I hate this.  Dude, if I wanted to play fifty cents a hand, I would play dimes, you dumbass.

So I play and am dealt four fives for $30.  Okay maybe I am not so mad. I didn’t have my phone with me, which is a shame because even a $30 win seems like a notable win these days.

I cashed out and put $5 into Cleopatra Keno and lost that.  Then it was time to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer.  I wish my laundromat at home had a casino attached to it.  It would make doing laundry so much less hate.

Once my laundry is done, I go back to bed with my ear drops in my ear (where else would they be?) and sleep for a couple of hours.

When I wake up, I laugh at myself for ever having thought I was going to go to the Strip tonight to use a MyVegas buffet reward.  Hahahah!  I am not going anywhere.  Well except across the street to Sam’s Town. They have Dunkin Donuts and I have a play $10 and get $10 free coupon in my new Las Vegas Advisor book.

I am playing Cleopatra Keno when a man in the same row as me turns and says “Look!  I got this twice tonight!” and I look and see him with quarter Aces with a kicker in front of him.  Nice.  Now go away, I am jealous.

I came back to the room with take out from Denny’s.  Because Walmart and Denny’s.  Oh I am living it up in Las Vegas.

The next morning, I woke up and wanted to go to Green Valley Ranch to use a MyVegas buffet voucher.  But I didn’t want to go because I wanted to go do a loop of free play around the Strip.  As soon as my bus passed the transfer point for the bus to GVR, I instantly regretted not getting on it.  I told myself that now I was going to lose all my money for not sticking to the plan.

I got off by Hooters.  You know how all change in Las Vegas sucks?  Well I finally found a change that rules!  LOOKIT!  Do you see?

hooters las vegas cross walkNo?  You have no idea what  you are looking at?  Well then you have never taken the bus from Hooters back to the Strip.   While the bus stops right outside Hooters coming away from the Strip, it stops nowhere near going back.  You have to walk far to the corner, and then cross, and then walk far back on the other side of Tropicana to get the bus.  But no more!  This is construction for a cross walk at Hooters.  I was so insanely excited over this.  I am not sure why since this is the last time I will ever be here.

I had $10 free play from American Casino Guide and $10 from Las Vegas Advisor.  I have used these two coupons every year they have been available and they are normally kinda okay to me.  This time though, nope.  I lose both and then continued to lose another $50 of my own on Supertimes Pay and then another $40 on Family Guy.

Leaving Hooters, I walked across the new cross walk (!!!) and went to MGM Grand to use a MyVegas buffet voucher for breakfast.  When I got it loaded on my card, I was told I have seven days to use it.   Pretty good deal.

I also stopped in the rest room and saw a MyVegas ad on the TV screen above the sink!

myvegas ad mgm grand las vegas

My breakfast was easily the worst meal I had the entire twenty days I was in Las Vegas.  I had to ask someone working at one of the station if the bacon was meatless because it looked more like plastic than bacon.  This confused the man I asked, which in turn confused me because LOOK AT IT.  It doesn’t even look like bacon.  The scrambled eggs were more liquid than solid.  Stuff like that is so gross.  Hello, have a serving of salmonella poisoning!

I didn’t play a dime in here.  I figured they have enough of my money from last year to last them for a while.

I crossed over to New York New York and did not go into the casino.

new york new york las vegasexcalibur las vegasI headed straight for the bus to Orleans.  Well to Terrible’s gas station for an enormous peach Mello Yello fountain drink.  Last year, my trip report was approximately 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words.  One guy seemingly read all those 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words and his only comment was to point out that I must have consumed so many calories by drinking soda.  So that guy, this information is for you:  diet soda has zero calories.

I went into Orleans.  I hate using free play here.  Well no I don’t, I hate redeeming it here.  You have to go up to the player’s club each time for each coupon.  They cannot load more than one at a time.   When the line is long, it is worse.  When you are staying there and have a third voucher that comes with your offer, it is the worstest (I invented a word here.)

I used my free play on the quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine that was kind to me earlier on this trip.  She was kind to me again.

straight flush orleans las vegas

Then I played a bunch on the Keno machine that I won $942 on last year.  I am that machine’s version of MGM Grand because she decided I already have enough of her money and she did not give me anymore.

From here I took the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It passes the Gold Coast, goes to Caesars and then comes back and stops at Gold Coast.   This takes a while as the shuttle takes a very roundabout way to the new stop at Caesars.

I get to Gold Coast, get my free play loaded, and go back to the machine that gave me Aces twice earlier this trip.  There is no way to adjust the speed on this machine and it is set on super freakout.   Just like when I was playing the last time, it drives me insane that the cards are dealt this fast.  But it is my lucky machine so I have to do it.

I didn’t realize how freaked out I was until holy fuck, is that a fucking ROYAL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.  I held the cards and instantly pushed “Draw” and then “Max Bet” because for some reason, I was scared.  I didn’t get a photo.  This is not the first time I have done  this.  Hell, this isn’t even the first time I have done this at Gold Coast.  My very first royal was here, on nickels.  I got so scared and had to get it off my screen before anyone saw it.  I once read someone’s trip report where they had the same illogical reaction to getting a royal.   So guys, I GOT A FUCKING QUARTER ROYAL AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING PHOTO OF IT.

ARGH.

I cashed out immediately and got the hell out of here.  I was supposed to do other things, like play at Palms and stop at Ellis Island to do free play there.  Nope.  I will go degenerate.  I know I will.  This is the first time in many days I have had a big win.  I must get the fuck out of here.

I got on the bus and went straight back to my room and stayed there for hours.  I wanted to go downstairs, or go anywhere.  Just let me go gamble please.  NOPE.  NOT ALLOWED UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN YOU DEGENERATE.

I did leave my room later on to get Denny’s for dinner.  I could not trust myself to enter a casino.  The internet gets SO MAD when people eat Denny’s in Las Vegas.  In this one installment, I have eaten it twice.  Suck it, internet.  I have a thousand dollars and you don’t.

Gambling Day: + $870
Gambling Trip: + $860
Miscellaneous: (trip to Walmart, dinner for two nights, cigarettes, soda, coffee, laundry and tips):  $89.13
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  MGM Grand breakfast, free via MyVegas

Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Breakfast: Green Valley Ranch 8-10:45 MyVegas free
Lunch:
Dinner:
Longhorn

Thursday, January 7, 2016
Breakfast: Sam’s Town 7-10  200 points = free ACG
Sam’s Town $10 free play LVA
Lunch:
Orleans play $10 get $10 ACG + 10 LVA
Hooters $10 free ACG + $10 LVA
Westgate $10 free play LVA
Mardi Gras $10 free play LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play LVA
Dinner: Orleans half off LVA 4-9 $17.99

Las Vegas Trip Report: The Day That Started Before Yesterday Ended

I woke up at Sunset Station.  The alarm clock said 1:19 and my first thought was that I slept through the entire night and it was 1:19 in the afternoon. Nope, morning.  My nap had lasted ten hours.  Not 22, idiot.

I got up and played on my phone. Good thing I did not go right back to bed as shortly after, the alarm clock went off from the previous guest.  I could not figure out how to turn it off so I just unplugged it.

What should I do now?  I tried sleeping again but it didn’t take.   So obviously, I went down to gamble.  And had the realization that I never want to be anywhere that is not downtown ever again.  Here is why:

I needed cigarettes and coffee.  The gift shop is not open, Starbucks is not open.  It is negative eleventy billion degrees outside.  Even if I were willing to go out there (I was not) it is one-freaking-something am and I don’t know which way to walk to find anything once I am out there.

I was fortunate that the casino had cigarette machines around ($9.00 a pack, cheaper than New York, that’s for damn sure) but my only choice for coffee in a cup that I could have next to me at a machine was a cocktail waitress.  Of which I saw none.

If I had been downtown, I could have had a choice of Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Both 24 hours, both a short walk away. If it had not been eleventy billion degrees below zero, I could have went outside.  But I am at a local’s casino with about 89234783 exits.  I don’t know where anything is outside. It is too cold to go exploring. Let’s talk about that for a bit, shall we?

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I go to Las Vegas every December for Christmas, have for at least twelve years.  Save for that one year I went to Atlantic City instead and my waiter at breakfast clearly pitied me being solo and paid me extra special attention, as I vowed to never return due to that extra special pity attention that I most certainly did not require.

Point is, I know it is cold here in December.  I am not one of those idiots who thinks “Las Vegas is the desert!” and shows up during a snow storm dressed for Hawaii.  But this year it is so much colder than normal.  I will remember it always. Like that one year when my sister was with me and it was insanely cold and every time I think about that trip, my first thought is “It was so fucking cold that year!”  I remember being outside Walgreens on Fremont Street and running inside to warm up before continuing my walk to El Cortez.  It is that cold this year.  With a winter coat on, I do not want to go outside because the wind sends pain like knives through my winter coat.

Walking from my room to the casino is down a very long hallway with windows that are rattling from the wind.  This hallways is frozen.  Inside, with a coat on, the hallway is frozen.  So no. I am not going to go outside in the dark and wander around for an hour trying to find coffee.  I am going to instead, give the closed Starbucks inside Sunset Station my patented middle finger as I walk by it on my way to losing all my money.

The casino is as empty right now as it was full earlier this afternoon.  Every machine I touched played so loud that I was telling the machine “shut up already” and it would not.

I played a Buffalo slot.   It is always a good idea to play money sucking slots when you are on a losing streak.  Or if you are an idiot.  Fortunately, sometimes the gambling gods pity idiots and will do things like give you a $120 bonus win. Yay!

I played some Supertimes Pay and hit my favorite hand!  So pretty!

aces kicker

I then went to play Cleopatra Keno.  I wanted to play eight quarters a game, but the machine maxed out at four.  Why?  Why do you do this?  The gambling gods are watching out for me.  Why do YOU care if I want to lose two bucks a game?  Argh.  Stupid casino.

I switch back and forth between Keno and Double Double Bonus video poker until my budget is gone.  And Starbucks has still yet to open.

I have 45 minutes until Starbucks.  I need coffee.  I could probably walk to my room and back to kill 45 minutes, lord knows it is far away enough.  But CASINO!  So I put a $20 from my Buffalo wins into a different Buffalo machine and win $200.  Whoa.

Now I have $400 in winnings and no coffee.  Because Starbucks is still not open.  By now, a cocktail waitress has started stalking me but as any degenerate gambler knows, why on earth would I order a free coffee, when instead, I could gamble until Starbucks opens?  So I do.  And $100 later, Starbucks is open and I am able to purchase the most delicious cup of iced coffee ever.

I head back to my room, mad at myself.  Partly for losing $100, partly for my sleeping pattern, mostly for being an asshole in every which was possible. But how about that iced coffee?  Mmmm.

It is still painfully early.  I hang out in the room for a bit, mostly alternating between typing this report and hitting “refresh” more times on Facebook than I would like to admit.

Finally, 8:00 am rolled around and I went downstairs to redeem a MyVegas buffet for breakfast. Since the reward is good for two people, I tried to again get a second receipt for each so I could give one away, as the cashier at Santa Fe Station had voluntarily done for me.  This cashier told me it is not possible.  Oh well.

I normally don’t pay attention to people because I do not care, but I did notice one woman who had a plate overflowing with toast.  She had about ten slices on it.  She was sitting across from me.  Her husband (I am guessing here) then came and dropped off another ten slices for her.  She was sitting there buttering away during the entire time I ate my breakfast.  I found that insanely odd.

After eating, I played a bit and lost more than a bit.  I lost $200 of my remaining $300 winnings from this morning.  Sigh.   Then I went to the front desk to check out and check back in. I had booked two nights here via MyVegas before they changed the rewards to one per person.  So I am stranded here another night, still reluctant to go outside.  I also have a free MyVegas dinner buffet but probably cannot use it as you are only allowed to use two rewards per 24 hours and I have already used a buffet and a room.  Sigh, should have stuck to my itinerary and used that last night.  Except that I slept through last night.

I came back to the room to try and nap again.  I feel like I have been doing this too much.  I originally wanted to take my first trip to the North Las Vegas casinos today.  I also realized I never used my $5 free play at Plaza coupons from both American Casino Guide and Las Vegas Advisor.  Both expire this week.  But I do not want to go outside. Every time I walk the hallway from my room to the casino, I am frozen.  And this is an inside hallway.  The Plaza coupons are grinding my gears and I suspect I will end up taking a trip to use them.  Because degenerate.  Also because Dunkin Donuts.

I went back out in the evening…to gamble some more OBVS.  I ended up losing the last $100 of this morning’s winnings because of course I did.  Duh.  I had $5 free play from my points and ran that up to $6.25 on a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game.  Then I got that up to $10. And then turned that $10 into zero because that’s what I do.

I ended up eating Subway for dinner. I hate when I do this.  Whenever I am losing so I grab something to bring back to the room to settle in with a book.  It sounds like a good plan but the fact is that I am now paying for crappy food, when I have comps to cover non-crappy food.  But the non-crappy food is in a casino and I need to leave the casino.  So losing costs me even more by paying for food.  Idiot.

sunset station las vegas

Gambling Day: – $0
Gambling Trip: + $880
Miscellaneous: (tips, coffee, Subway and cigarettes) $38
Comps used: NOPE.
Freebies:  MyVegas room at Sunset Station, MyVegas buffet reward for breakfast at Sunset Station

My itinerary for today: Yes, nope, nope, nope, nope and nope.

Monday, December 28, 2015
Breakfast: Sunset Station, 8-11 free MyVegas
Lunch:
Dinner:
Mirage buffet 3-9 free MyVegas
Sam’s Town 20x buffalo, 11x reels, 7x vp (kiosk)
2000 points Longhorn casino (400 = $1 comp) ACG
Longhorn $5 free play ACG
Gold Coast 30x slots (kiosk)

Las Vegas Trip Report: 37 Hours in Las Vegas, Part Two

So when we last left off, I was in hour nine (thank you Royal Flusher!) of a 37 hour trip to Las Vegas.   Since I am the world’s worst blogger, you may not remember part one since it was posted so long ago.  You can find that here.

I took a nap, with the alarm set obviously.  No time for over sleeping.

I got dressed….wait no I didn’t.  I didn’t need to because I never got undressed.  I just rolled out of bed, put on shoes and went back down to Main Street Station.  I stopped at Lapperts for another iced chai latte.  These things are SO GOOD.

I stopped at a Friends slot machine, with the full expectation that I would lose my money.  This seemed fair since I deserved to for playing slot machines.  But I hit a bonus and won.  SURPRISE!
friends slot machine winI posted this on Instagram and paraphrased Joey with “YEAH I did” and had an influx of people texting me to ask how much I won.  $101.70.  Nothing more than penny slots for this old lady.

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From here I took my huge $101.70 and played nickel Supertimes Pay Double Double Bonus video poker.  I didn’t win but I got some scratch cards, all were for a dollar.  I played the same quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine from earlier, with the progressive royal over $1300.  Again this game gave me zero four of a kinds, but kept me going on a $20 for close to an hour.  I love this machine.

Back and forth between Supertimes Pay and my progressive machine and Friends.  I lost my $101.70 and decided to call it a night.  Before I went to bed, I stopped at the Player’s Club to cash in my American Casino Guide coupon that gives you a free buffet for earning 250 points.  I do not know how many points I got today.  I am guessing it was a lot because the woman working the booth wanted to give me more free stuff.  I feel like she would have just kept going with the comps if I had not stopped her. I am going home tomorrow, and I just arrived today WAH.  We agreed she would give me a voucher for the ACG buffet for breakfast and then she wrote me a comp for dinner for tomorrow.  That means I cannot have a Binions burger as my standard last night dinner because I am too cheap to buy something when I have something for free.

I went to bed again and got back up again.  I was out at 6:00 am.  Over to The D to play all my quarters in Sigma Derby.  After the dozens of times I have played this game, I finally read the rules and learned HOW to play this game other than pushing random buttons.  It turns out that to play it,  you just push random buttons.  But now I understand how to bet on just the big odds. My biggest win was 57 quarters.
sigma derby the d casino las vegasI played here for a very long time.   I had so much fun.  Maybe because it was 6:00 am and there was no one else here.

From here I went to Binions where I played nickel Cleopatra Keno.  I am a sucker for the Binions promotion where if you earn 5 points, you get a free swipe and win STUFF.  I won $5 free play and turned that into $35.  I kept playing until I hit 40 points for a second swipe and I got a freaking deck of cards OH MY GOD WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THAT PRIZE.  If i had collected a free deck of cards every time I have won one, I could build an entire life sized house of cards with them.

By now it is still breakfast time so I head back to Main Street Station to get my free buffet.   I love buffets because you can be in and out in record time.  No waiting for someone to take your order or bring your food.  Who the hell has time for that in Las Vegas?  Not this degenerate.

After eating, I stopped upstairs to brush my teeth and then went back out for iced coffee and to take some photos.  Here is the empty Las Vegas Club.   I took these with my phone up against the window.

las vegas club empty casino Las Vegas Club casino empty las vegas club casino closed and emptyEmpty gift shop:

las vegas club gift shop empty

Boarded up entrances:

Las Vegas Club darkLas Vegas Club boarded windows

And of course, a sad “thank you!” on the window.  I love those card lights outside.  I hope they stay whenever the place reopens as whatever it is reopening as.  But we all know that never happens.

las vegas club thank you

So sad.  Las Vegas Club was the first casino to send me a comped offer.   I remember how excited I was not only to get it, but to use it.  The rooms here were kind of shabby, but I am a shabby kinda gal so I loved it.  I hope the new owner reopens the hotel.  I would actually pay to check it out.  Well if I were going back after it reopens.  WHICH I AM NOT.

The Plaza opened a beer garden outside.

beer garden Plaza Las Vegas

I have no idea why since it faces the back of a wall put up for Slotzilla.  Hey let’s sit outside and look at a wall.

view of back of Slotzilla Fremont Street Las VegasI had collected a bunch of small change TITO tickets during the past (maybe we are at 29 now?) hours and went about cashing those in.  You can find these sitting around for a couple of pennies on each one.  I always cash them in because when the pennies land in the tray, you can pick out the ones on heads.  Oh and also because I am a cheap fuck who will never turn down free pennies.  Well unless they are on tails of course.  You keep that shit away from me.

I finished collecting my TITO pennies at Main Street Station and then went nutso on nickel SuperTimes Pay.  Just as I was lamenting that this trip was too short for me to see the prettiest hand of Aces with a kicker, I got it!
aces with kickerI cashed out and stopped myself from putting it back by eating dinner.  Then after dinner, I proceeded to put it back.  A little restraint is better than no restraint, right?

Then it was time to leave no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooo.

I took the bus to the airport and was delighted to see I was selected for pre-check.  Why, I am not sure since they did not have any designated pre-check lanes.   As I was going to walk through security, the TSA agent points at my feet and asks “are those shoes?”   No, they are my fists.  Let me move them closer to your face so you can see them better. BAM.  Okay, if you are reading this dear TSA, I am obviously kidding.  But that guy was a dick.  I showed him my pre-check and he allowed me to keep my shoes on.

Then I flew home and went straight from the airport, to my desk at work.  At some point I fell asleep and my manager woke up to tell me to go home.  Thank you kind woman.

Las Vegas Trip Report: 37 Hours in Vegas, Part One

So I explained my logic for taking this trip here.  Now here is the report!

I had originally booked Southwest, leaving San Francisco at 8:00-ish AM and arriving at 11:30-ish AM. I booked it because I had flight credit from a trip to Atlanta, where the airfare kept going down so I kept rebooking. I did not like this flight at all.  It had a layover which made the flight too long.  But the first direct flight of the day only landed half an hour earlier and was like three times the price.  What to do, what to do…..?  Ah fuck it.   I ate the Southwest ticket and booked a brand new ticket on United, arriving at 7:40 am.   I now have $42 in Southwest credit.  But they go literally nowhere from NYC that I would be flying Southwest for.  So unless a surprise trip comes up…..well whatever.

I was super, insanely excited to go to Vegas.  I ended up upgrading my seat for $24 and ended up with my own row.  I was like the tenth person off the plane.  This was so exciting!  The flight went so fast!  What time is it?  7:11!  This is an omen!

Look at pretty Las Vegas!  I never arrive in the daytime so this made me excited.

las vegas landing

Continue reading

And then I went outside.  And saw the WAX bus pulling away. NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO! BAD WAX BUS! BAD!

The WAX bus only runs once an hour.  My original plans were to stop at MGM Grand on my way downtown, to use a MyVegas reward for a free buffet.  So now I had two horrible choices.  One was to wait an hour for the bus.  My second choice was to take a cab or shuttle.  That made even less sense.  Why pay for a cab or a shuttle to eat a free breakfast, when breakfast downtown would be cheaper than either a cab or a shuttle?

I looked at the bus schedule for the CX bus and figured I could take  this downtown.  One should be along in around half an hour.  Sounds good to me, new plan = formed!

After about twenty minutes, a CX pulls up.  I get up off the bench I am sitting on and walk towards it.  The driver puts his hand up to motion me to not get on the bus.  Okay, sure. So I move back a bit and stand closer to the wall than the bus.   He eventually gets off the bus and asks me “What do you need?”  Um, I need to get on the bus?  Don’t you start with me, I  have zero temper for this.  Ask your buddy I had a fight with last year.  He asks where I am going.  “Downtown.”  He slowly nods like he is mulling over whether or not I am allowed to get on this bus.  I mean I get it.  He is probably used to people piling on his bus, thinking it is the WAX so he is expecting that from me.  So I let it go.

Finally he lets me get on the bus and we leave.  He stops at a 7-11 and says “I’ll be right back” and goes inside.  Oh come on.  Then he stops somewhere else, I had no idea where we were for the first half of this bus ride.  He is now getting off and a new driver is getting on.  This takes so long.   Hey, how are you today?  Blah blah small talk weather blah blah. GO AWAY AND LET’S GO ALREADY.

We do.

Some guy with a bicycle gets on at the next stop. Something is going on with him. I think he probably cannot figure out how to attach the bike to the bike rack on the front of the bus because this went on FOREVER.  Guys, hello?  I just got to Las Vegas and you are taking up all my degenerate gambling time.  Can we please get it together?

I arrive at the California hotel at 8:30 AM.  I love this place so much.  I had fallen out of their good graces for a while there.  I finally got them to love me again during a degenerate session last December and now my offers are strong again.   I could not be more thrilled.

california hotel casino las vegasI am trying to check my bags so I can go gambling.  The Bell Man is helping everyone but me.  I am getting mad.  I am trying to not get mad.  Bad karma and all, but no really, PAY ATTENTION TO ME.  Finally all the people who got there behind me, that he bypassed me to help, are helped and I am left standing there all by my lonesome.  He looks at me, I look back with a raised eyebrow.  He asks me if I need help.  Uh yeah, I  need to check my bags.  He tells me to check in.  It is too early.  “No it isn’t, go check in!”  Fine.

I check in but am not given a room because it is not ready.  The check-in clerk has to then call the freaking Bell Man over to get my bags. Sigh.

I go gambling.

I start out on California’s progressive nickel Keno.  The top jackpot for hitting 10/10 is over $17k.  I didn’t hit it.  Or anything.  Like literally, nothing.

I decide I need to go and get some iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts.  So I do.  And I lost $30 on  my way out the door, which is pretty understandable given that the door is at least 100 feet away.  Not my fault the machines are so pretty and shiny.

Breakfast was at The D.  I had a mailer for $10 dining credit.  I used that plus a couple of bucks on delicious stuffed French toast with blueberry sauce.  Highly recommended.  From here, I want to GAMBLE NOW.   But I have to get an iced coffee first, because that is the rule.  So I walk over to Dunkin’ Donuts, get an iced coffee and spill at least half of it down my shirt.   Oh fuck you.

Back to The D.  I am kind of on boycott of The D.  Here is what happened.  Last year, they sent a whole lot of people, including me, short offers.  I should have been getting three free nights any day + $50 slot play.  I got buy one get one, and I think $5 slot play.  HAH.  No way in hell ever will I darken your door again.  But I did.  Because I was going to gamble that $5 free slot play.  So I did.  And when I got home from that trip, waiting in my mailbox was a new mailer.  Three free nights + $50 slot play.  Fuck.  This means that they brought me back to where I should be.  But since I had only gambled that $5 and maybe two $20’s, my next offers would be based on that meager play.  And over time I saw I was right.  Now I am legitimately getting buy one get one and $5 free play. DAMMIT.

However, on this day, The D is offering 5x points.  So for every dollar you gamble, it is as if you are gambling $5.  This means you are earining 5x comps and 5x cash back.  I can let my boycott go for this.

I head upstairs to play Double Double Bonus video poker at the bar.  The progressive for four of a kind was close to $100.  I wanted it so bad.  Nothing, nothing, nothing, some more nothing, oh hey more nothing!  Did anyone here order the nothing?  I think I got your order by mistake?  No?  Nothing?  OH HEY WAIT LOOK!  I was dealt four Kings!  I would show you a picture but I hit cash out so fast that I forgot.  WOO!  I WON!

I take my $100 and try to get out of here.  I have to of course, stop and play some stupid slot machine because SLOT MACHINE.  Then I try and play Cleopatra Keno at the Longbar downstairs.  Some guy yells out to me “That machine is $2 now!”  I look and damn WOW.  The minimum denomination on this machine is $2.  It used to be quarters.  I move away, the next empty one, $2.  The one next to that, $2.  Are you freaking KIDDING ME?  WHY ARE ALL THESE MACHINES STARTING AT A MINIMUM OF $2 DENOMINATIONS?  HAVE YOU GONE MAD?

I finally find a quarter machine.  It won’t take my $20.  I am now getting ready to kill someone.  Oh hey wait look!  There is someone getting up from a quarter machine YAY!  I sit down, and immediately I hit a bonus for $125.  I cash out and try again to get out of this casino.  But SLOT MACHINES WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

Finally I made it back to California.  I am given my room key and I go up.  First thing I do is count my winnings.  There is a hell of a lot less money here than I thought.  To be fair, I hadn’t counted my money since I left my glamper camper for in Oakland, to go to a show in Berkeley a couple of days ago.   So I am not even entirely sure how much money I left for Las Vegas with.  But it seems to me like I lost $100 in The D, despite having two $100 wins.  DAMMIT.

Oh yeah, my glamper camper.  Here is where I stayed when I was in Oakland, prior to flying to Las Vegas.  Isn’t she cute?  I heart Airbnb.

muffin mansion oakland california

Back to Las Vegas!

I could take a nap.  Since I had been up since 1:00 am to fly here and it is now 1:00 PM.  Or I could not take a nap because I am in Las Vegas.  No nap it is!

I went over to Main Street Station, stopping at Lapperts for an iced chai latte.  Delicious and addicting.  I put a $20 into a quarter Double Double Bonus video poker progressive and played forever on it.  I kept mostly between $20-30.  Which was weird since I never once hit a four of a kind.  Finally I got to zero and went about finding lunch.  It ended up being take away from Triple 7 Brew Pub.  Loaded potato chips.  This was a very good choice.

Back to my room to gorge and finally, nap.  This is a lot of text so I will cut it here and continue with part two tomorrow!