I am leaving tomorrow for twenty days in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.  This trip is slightly different than previous trips because my trip style has changed.

For the past couple of years, I keep insisting I am never going back to Las Vegas.  I truly believe this every time I say it.  I want to use my time to visit the rest of the world.  It is cheaper seeing the rest of the world.  I am serious.  I used to do that thing “Where else can you go and get comped rooms and comped meals and blah blah blah?”   It turns out that is a trick question.  Because you do not need comped rooms and comped meals to spend less per day in China, than you would in Las Vegas, for one random example.

Do not get me wrong, I am not telling YOU that YOU should stop going to Las Vegas.  I have been around Vegas message boards long enough to know that this is how it goes:

Me: So on my trip I….

The Internet:  OH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT ON VACATION

Me: Well it is MY vacation so…

The Internet: I WOULD NEVER DO THAT ON MY VACATION.

Me:  Well I am not suggesting…

The Internet:  BLAH BLAH BLAH I WOULD NEVER DO THAT SO I DON’T WANT YOU TO DO IT EITHER.  LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

Me: Sigh…

At some point in time, I had planned to make my first trip to South America this year.  I in theory, should be leaving for THAT trip tomorrow and not Las Vegas.  But somewhere along the line, I decided to once and for all, take one last LONG trip to Las Vegas to get everything out of my system.

I really regret my decision.  The past few months of my life have been a complete mind fuck and there is nothing I would love more right now than to be leaving to walk The W trail in Patagonia, far away from internet and cell reception.  To be all alone in the middle of nowhere, where not one person can pinpoint my exact location, where no one can find me, where no one can email or text me.  But nope.  I am taking one final trip to Vegas.  Well unless they implode my beloved Riviera on a date that is convenient for me to go see her die.

Things I am doing this trip:

Me:  Hotel hopping like a mother fucker.

The Internet: OH MY GOD I WOULD NEVER WASTE PRECIOUS VACATION TIME SPENDING A WHOLE DAY MOVING

Me: So then…don’t?

This trip was the most annoying thing to book.   In the past I always had more offers than I had days to book.  This trip, since my play is so down all over the place, I have fallen off the radar for a bunch of places.  Plus, the Riviera is now closed and she was always my go to for guaranteed weekend comps.  Caesars is still willing to give me comps left and right as long as I am willing to pay the resort fee.  But even they have added a huge complication of only letting me have one reservation at a time.  I had one for November and was unable to book January.  Come ON now.

Oh and don’t even get me started on resort fees.  Let’s say I were hypothetically paying $30/night for a resort fee.  At twenty nights, that would be $600, which is the cost of a round trip flight across the world.  Las Vegas ceased to be my budget destination a long time ago.  (I am not paying resort fees every night, but I am still mad.)

I am staying at:

Orleans – Two nights comped with $10 dining and $5 slot.  I will be here on the same dates I was last year, when I won $942 on a twenty cent bet on video Keno.

California: Two nights comped.  Oh I am so wanting to be walking through these doors right now.

Sunset Station: Two nights free via MyVegas.  This is one of the many things that is grinding my gears.  I had planned to use rewards for both Green Valley Ranch and Red Rock later in my trip.  But it turned out the days I planned to use those for were CES dates.  This means that the entire town is sold out for those dates, even The Hostel Cat is sold out of private rooms.   So I should have booked those two hotels for these two dates.  But I didn’t know.

Fiesta Henderson: I booked this via Hotwire.  I will be in Vegas for New Year’s Eve and knew I couldn’t get comped around those dates since my play everywhere is way down.

Hawthorne Suites in Henderson:  See above.  I will be here three nights avoiding crowds on the Strip and Downtown.

The Cromwell: Super psyched about this one.  I got two nights comped.  I loved Barbary Coast, hated whatever the hell they renamed it to, dying to see this new version.  Talk about a flashback, here is the view from my Barbary Coast room in 2004.  Bellagio Spa Tower had not been built, neither had Cosmopolitan.  You could still see Jockey Club!

Mirage: One night free via MyVegas.  I am super excited about this one.  I have only stayed here one time and meant to again, but never had the chance.  I love the scent of coconut they pump in to mask the scent of the volcano.

Longhorn:  Staying here is what happens when you don’t pay attention to things like dates for CES.  I am here for three nights, for only $40 a night.  It was either this, going to Laughlin or getting a dorm room at Hostel Cat.  NO THANK  YOU.  I am actually kind of excited to stay here.  In case you don’t know, Longhorn is on Boulder Highway, across from Sam’s Town and East Side Cannery.  It is an older property and while the rooms have been redone, I expect it to feel old school.

California: Two more comped nights here.

Mystery Hotel:  My last night of the trip is still not spoken for.  I keep going back and forth between “Hey, it is your last night ever in Las Vegas!  Book a Bellagio view room at Cosmopolitan!” and “Um, why the hell would you spend all that money on a ROOM in Las Vegas when you want to spend the nights downtown at your favorite games before leaving them behind forever?!?”  I still have not decided what I am going to do here.  I have a comp booked at Gold Coast, where I kinda do not want to spend my last night.  I should also be able to book a night at any Caesars property once my Cromwell stay ends.  We shall see what I end up doing.

I am going to see a minimum of three Cirque du Soleil shows. I have a ticket to see O, booked using a gift card purchased with a now-expired code on Living Social that got me a $100 gift card for $71.  I was able to get tickets for both Love and Criss Angel (YES, I AM AWARE) booked via MyVegas for free.

I also want to see Mystere one last time and have put that on my itinerary, hopefully I can get cheap tickets at a Tix 4 Tonite booth.  I would also love to see Le Reve again.  I am a Cirque du Soleil superfan.

I am armed with both a 2015 and 2016 American Casino Guide.  Being there in two calendar years = I get to double dip.  I plan to do the same with Las Vegas Advisor, if they ever release their 2016 coupon list.

I found a spa near Orleans that has hour long massages for $20.  I will be trying that.  I bought a Living Social voucher to get my old lady face Microdermabrasioned.  I am considering using my Vegas time to get the roots of my hair straightened, rather than doing it when I get back.  When you get your hair permanently straightened, you cannot get it wet (or use dry shampoo, or put it up) for three days, which makes having a job difficult.  Damn job screwing up my life.  So why not do this when I am free to walk around with filthy hair?

(Honestly, once I started working on what equates to basically running errands when I am in Las Vegas, I began to realize that this really is no longer the huge super exciting OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT TO GO trip for me that it used to be.)

I really want to win a life changing jackpot, obviously.  But after last December’s trip, I noticed my gambling style has slightly changed.  After being typical and going degenerate on night one last year, I then followed it up by sucking it up and refusing to do things like go to the ATM or to squander my $942 Keno win.  Gambling felt really stupid last December.  Like this is what I am doing?  Throwing money away when I could use this to visit freaking Patagonia?

So let’s see what all this gets me, eh?  Stay tuned…