I could not even count how many times people have said “You look like you need a vacation from your vacation” to me at work when I return from time off looking like I am sleep walking.  It is always followed by a huge laugh by whoever said it, which is typical of office life.  Say something generic and predictable and then laugh hysterically as if what you said was not generic or predictable.  How do these people live with themselves.

All the traveling I have done in the past two months has left me exhausted.  I am not at all complaining.  I am just explaining why I am walking around my job looking like a zombie.  I have been “You need a vacation from your vacation”-ed at least twelve times this week.  I don’t need a vacation from my vacation, I need a vacation from YOU AND YOUR BORING AND PREDICTABLE OFFICE SPEAK.

But I am not going to write about how much I dislike stereotypical office workers today.  Well not anymore than I already have anyway. Today I am going to write about beds.  Because I am tired. And I want to be in bed right now.  Because i am so tired.  Did I mention TIRED?

This morning as my alarm went off, I rolled over to hit the snooze button.  I was greeted by the most perfect temperature of cool air flowing in through my window.  I did not want to get out of bed.  It is perfect sleeping weather.  I was so comfortable.   My fancy bed, fancy mattress, mattress pad, 1000 thread count sheets, crisp and clean duvet cover that still has a slight scent of bleach from the last time I washed it.   Absolute perfection.

I am so looking forward to going back home after work today, getting into pajamas that were washed with fabric softener in a washing machine, then dried in an actual dryer, coming out so soft.  Then I will crawl into my bed with my newest Lonely Planet guides that I scored at the library last night (I got Bali, Borneo and Papua New Guinea) and just pass right out and sleep forever.  Because I am so tired.

Since I have no intentions of doing anything today other than daydream about my bed, I have decided to refrain from whining all over Facebook about how tired I am, and to instead turn it into a blog post about beds.  Did I mention I am tired yet?  Good. Because I am tired.

Ridiculously comfortable beds I have had in the past two months that went to waste:

Geel, Belgium.  This bed was very like my own bed.  Super comfortable, very soft, fluffy blanket, perfect temperature coming in through my balcony.  Sure it was twin sized, but that’s okay.  This bed went to waste because:  When I arrived, I only had time for a two hour nap.  Actually that is a lie.  I had time for a four hour nap, but I was so tired that it took me two hours to do simple things like shower and eat, so I lost precious nap time.  My next time in this bed was cut short because I had a fest to attend.  Fest > sleep, always.  My third and final time in this bed was also cut short by me “having” to wake up at 5:00 am to head to Brussels.  Of course I did not HAVE to be up that early, but I wanted to because I do not like sleeping in when I am in places I have never been before.  I feel like it is a waste of precious world-seeing time.

Hilton, Washington DC.  This bed should have gotten some quality sleep time in it. However, the one day my schedule allowed me to actually sleep in, I was woken up by the women in the room next door doing an acapella rendition of “God Bless America”.  I can’t even.

America’s Best Value Inn in Austin Texas.  This was a pleasant surprise.  I booked a super cheap motel because that is really all I require.  Open the door and BAM lookit!!!  Super fancy beds!  What a nice surprise.  But these also went to waste.  In theory I did have the time to sleep late in Austin.  But I was so dehydrated from the heat and alcohol that I could not stay asleep without waking up desperate for water.  Then I would guzzle it down and go back to sleep and be woken up again by my bladder.

Days Inn, Chicago.  Another nice surprise.  This bed was by far the best bed I had in all the two months I was traveling.  But it also went to waste as I was there for only one night.  That night was spent standing up watching bands for two hours.  I would have welcomed sleeping in the day after, but I had to leave to catch a flight to Toronto.

Which brings me to Toronto.  My room in Toronto had a sky light in it, with absolutely no covering on it.  So my room was flooded with broad daylight by 6:30 am.  On a day I did not need to be awake at 6:30 am. I hate you Knights Inn in Toronto.

Other notable beds I have had in my life.  Trump Plaza in Atlantic City.  I had a room with a MURPHY BED.  What the…?  Why do these even exist??  I wanted so bad to close it up and take a picture but I got scared it would get stuck like that.

And finally, my personal favorite.  My friend Dave and I had this room at a Travelodge in Orlando, Florida.

Dave’s take on this one: “And there is more of the blood…and a 4 (which was probably the number of people killed on that mattress)”

The best was after returning home, I emailed the hotel the pictures I took.  They gave me a generic response of blah blah blah this particular location is a franchise and blah blah.  OH well then that makes it okay.