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I slept in today, in my Cosmopolitan Marshmallow bed.  I love these beds so much.   No sunrise photo because I slept through it.

First stop is Starbucks.   The line here is so long.  It does move fast, but I hate anyway.

I went to MY Ultimate X video poker machine and she ate $300 without giving me anything, not even one four of a kind.  She must still be recovering from that guy beating her up last night.

I have accumulated some free play so I put it in Dancing Drums and played max bet.

Buffalo Max took $300 from me.   I love reading these trip reports back so far after the fact.  I lost more than my daily budget before I even showered.

Back to the room to shower and nap. I am woken up by my laundry being returned to me.  One shirt had a tag on it telling me they could not remove the stains.  LOL.  No fancy Cosmopolitan laundry service.  This shirt was $8 and the “stains” are dark black and my previously all black shirt is now dark grey, save for the black “stains” you thought were stains.  My shirt is not stained.  Your fancy washing machine took out all the dye, save for some random spots that remained black.  It cost me more to get this shirt washed than it did to buy it to begin with.

I go back out and lose $100 at Buffalo Max.  STOP IT.

Walk over to Paris and attempt to use the ladies room.  The line is so fucking LONG.  A bathroom attendant comes in and offers to show us a “secret” bathroom.   A few people follow her.  I do too but she is going all the way across the entire casino, to the bathroom near the Buffalo machines I am not allowed to play.  NO THANKS.  TEMPTATION.  I will gladly go back and wait on the line.

I am now walking though Paris to Ballys. This is a fucking nightmare.  I am trapped insde a crowd of more people than a sold out show in a venue without seats.  We are barely moving, so slow, so crowded, so packed.  Vegas is back baby?  No wait.  That’s not it.  It is Martha Fucking Stewart.  She had an event tonight for the opening of her new restaurant and this traffic jam is people (a) following her in her golf cart from behind (b) people taking photos of her in her golf cart once they realize what is going on.

I got the blurriest photo ever of Martha.

I have dinner reservations at Jack Binions Steakhouse.  I have some time to kill.  Ballys casino is a fucking nightmare, so many fucking people.  I sit down at Dancing Drums and win yay!
After eating, I tried to play her again.  She is free but no ashtray.  I go to get an ashtray and when I come back, a woman is on it.  I fucking haaaaaaate when this happens, it happens all the time.  Bonus: The woman is smoking and dropping her ashes on the rug because there is no ashtray.

I walk through Paris to cash out my $.70 TITO from the other day.  I get scolded for not having my Diamond card out.

Back to Cosmopolitan by way of Starbucks at Planet Hollywood.

Me: Pineapple Refresher please
Barista: Pineapple lemondate
Me: No, no lemonade.  Pineapple refresher.
Barista (gets distracted by a coworker before turning back to me) Pineapple lemonade
Me: NO, no lemonade.  Pineapple refresher.

I go to wait for my drink and my name is called “Jennifer?  Pineapple Lemonade?”

YOU
MOTHER
FUCKER

It is so sour.  I remain mad about this forever (I am still mad a month later) and even asked a barista in a different Starbucks how they are made later in the trip.  He said it defaults to water, but you can request coconut milk or lemonade.   NO LEMONADE.

I head into Cosmopolitan and over to MY Ultimate X video poker machine. I am surprised she is open because it is a Saturday night and it is packed in here.

She loves me again.

I play Shrimpmania again and Sally is still punishing me for my mother and Larry’s affair.  Then I notice that holy fuck, there is a new Lobstermania RIGHT NEXT TO ME so I play Larry instead.  YAY.

I play some more Buffalo Max. I am completely addicted to this game.

The guy next to me was not winning at all.  He put in over $1000 trying for the bonus.  Didn’t get it and put in even more.  He kept yelling at the machine, but not in a psychotic way.   He was hysterical.  When he got 2 coins for the millionth time and didn’t get the third, he yelled “NO YOU DING DONG” and that will forever stick with me as much as the guy at Green Valley Ranch like 10 years ago who walked by me yelling “GET IT GET IT GET IT” as I had 2 coins and when I did hit the third, he high fived me.  I do that to other people still to this day when I walk by and see them get 2 coins.  Only I do it silently because I don’t want to talk to people.

Time to cash out and head to bed.  When I went to the TITO machine, I found this ring in the change thingy.  I took it and put it in my bra for good luck.

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