Just about every trip I have ever taken has revolved around either bands or casinos.

A few years ago, I was booked for a fest in Austin.  Shortly before, I ended up backing out. But I did not want to undo my vacation time, so I had to find somewhere else to go.  Armed with a free roundtrip Greyhound bus ticket to anywhere Greyhound travels to, I decided to take a long distance bus trip to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  Why Milwaukee?  Who knows.  I wanted to go somewhere around 20 hours-ish away so Wisconsin won.  It’s really that simple.

I had booked two nights via Priceline at the Hilton City Center.   Gorgeous hotel.  Just in case you are unaware, www.biddingfortravel.com is the most useful tool when Pricelining a hotel.

When I was researching things to do in Milwaukee, I stumbled upon a bed and breakfast inside a mansion.  This looked so cool!  So I extended my trip to leave a day earlier so I could spend one night here.

I left New York City at 10:15 p.m. and boarded what should have been a 20 hour bus ride.  Oh but it wasn’t.  The bus sold out before I ever got to board it.  Greyhound does this.  They oversell buses by dozens of people and you get left behind.  Doesn’t matter that I was an hour early.  As soon as I saw the line, I knew I was out of luck.  I waited on it anyway because you just have to.  But it did me no good.

On this night, a second bus showed up about two or three hours after the bus I had bought a ticket for departed.

First transfer: Cleveland, Ohio.  It is the middle of the night.  We missed our connection.  I stood up at the convenient electronics charging counter along with about a dozen other disgruntled people.  None of us made eye contact as we stood there dead silent for hours, charging all of our stuff.

Greyhound will sell you an early boarding pass for $5.   I bought one for the second leg.  When the bus finally came and I tried to use it, this started an argument with the bus driver who had no idea what this pass I was handing him was.  Good job Greyhound.

Next transfer, Chicago.   Yet another show of excellent customer service on Greyhound’s part.  This time, I could not find out which gate my bus left from.  I tried to wait on the customer service line.  There was one person working.  There were about thirty times that one person in front of me on line. The line never moved.  Finally after about half an hour, someone starts screaming at the one person working.  She starts screaming back and then vanishes into the back. At this point, I begin making my way around every gate asking “Does this bus go to Wisconsin?”.  I find the gate.

Finally I am on a somewhat empty bus with an empty seat next to me.  But I am also on a bus that is not at all the bus I was originally supposed to be on. The bus I was supposed to be on had limited stops.  I am on a bus that is making stops all over the damn place. Stop making stops.   Stop it.  STOP MAKING STOPS.  STOP STOPPING EVERYWHERE.  STOP MAKING STOPS.

It doesn’t listen to me and keeps making stops, picking up more people.  I lose my empty space.  I lose my oxygen.  I lose my will to live. At some point, we stopped in Hammond, Indiana – a place where I have actually been to and have  spent about twelve consecutive hours drinking at their V.F.W. Hall.  Memories!

I finally arrive in Milwaukee, six hours late.  This tops my trip out at 26 hours.  Laura Sue, the owner of Schuster Mansion B&B was kind enough to come and collect me.  She brought me back to the B&B, where I could not have been happier to meet her Corgi, Isaac.  He was adorable.  He will bring his ball to you nonstop for you to throw for him.

(I will also apologize now for having that annoying-to-look-at date stamp on the pictures.  I had inherited my “new to me” camera from my sister, and did not realize she had left the date stamp on until MONTHS later, after it ruined some San Francisco pictures.)

Laura Sue took me on a tour of all the rooms.  I had never been at a B&B before and didn’t have any experience with the concept of them.   It’s kind of like a guest house. You basically are renting a room in someone’s home.  Your room is private and lockable.  The room I chose at booking was the Prairie Sky Room.  However, I got “upgraded” to the Lone Star Room, as it was empty for the night.

Prairie Sky Room:

Lone Star:

I was very delighted when we reached my room and Isaac jumped up on the bed.  It was a hilarious display to see this dog make the high leap with his dwarf Corgi legs.  So cute.

 

Once my tour was over, I was so happy to shower off the 26 hours of bus and bus station filth I had been collecting on my body.   Nothing has ever felt better than that shower.  Nothing has ever felt worse than ending that shower with the discovery that I had forgotten to pack deodorant.

Despite having done nothing much but sit for 329847 hours on a bus, I was completely exhausted.  It was heaven to be able to lay down in a bed with air conditioning blowing on me.  Isaac was invited to sleep with me but I had to let him go when it looked like he might want to play with the stuffed dog that travels everywhere with me.

Breakfast in the morning is with other guests at a shared table. At this time, there was only one other guest so we sat at the table together and talked.  If you do not enjoy social interaction with strangers over breakfast, this may not be the best lodging option for you.

After eating, I relaxed around a bit and took some pictures of the mansion in daylight.

I really wish I had planned to be here for more nights.  Although the social aspect really isn’t my cup of tea, I did love the idea of spending the day in bed, borrowing DVD’s from the DVD library the owner had for guests.  But my non-refundable Priceline room awaited.

For $10, Laura Sue drove me to the Hilton, taking a very scenic route so that I could get my bearings.  Driving around in an open convertible with a Corgi on my lap was quite the treat.

First thing I do at hotel #2 is go out and buy deodorant and re-do my shower.  Second thing I do is pass back out in bed.

Ahhhh.  Bed.

I hadn’t planned on being so tired.  I really thought that after such a long trip, I would be so excited at being able to stand up and walk, that I would be raring to go.  I did not take into account that the lack of fresh air and air conditioning would wipe me out completely.  I had all these plans of things to do and got to do none of  them. By the time I woke up again, it was dark out.   I lost an entire day.  Oh well, back to bed.

The next day I get up and actually stay up!  Wow, look at me!  I am awake in daylight!

Today I walked around the river front and took a sightseeing cruise.

FONZI

There were a few things I had wanted to see and didn’t get to. The Pabst Mansion tops the list.  I did however, get to visit Potawatomi Casino.  I swear I did not know this place existed when I planned my trip.  I also lucked out that their free shuttle stopped at my hotel.

Obligatory casino picture:

I won $70 here!

Before I knew it, it was time to head home again.  I was so not looking forward to this.

The Milwaukee bus station is pretty big.  Its open and there is so much air there.  The first leg of my trip, which led me to Chicago, was on an empty bus.  Lots of pretty scenery.  Oh hey now, this isn’t that bad…

Then we hit Chicago.  UGH.  This bus station is even worse than Port Authority.  When we got there, on time mind you, the line for the New York bus already had more people on it that can fit onto one bus.  The idea of getting caught up again in this oversold bus mess made me want to cry.

Finally, a bus driver comes out of nowhere and begins organizing us by where we are going.  He keeps talking about how we are going to go off the schedule so we can have people with longer trips making less stops.  Hey, maybe you should get a job with Greyhound and help them plan better routes!  Oh wait…

The ride home was awful.  I had to transfer in Cleveland again.  I had a forever layover.  When the bus finally came, an older man cut me on the line to board.  He got the last window seat.  MY window seat.  Now I have lost any chance of breathing.

The guy in front of me puts his seat back  until he is two inches from my face.  He then fills 1.5 inches of those two inches with his ENORMOUS fingers that he places on the back of his own seat. They are huge and old and dry.  They look like giant stuffed grape leaves, which remind me of roaches (I don’t know why).  And now they are less than one inch from my face.  OH HELL NO. Dude, move your seat up.  Move it.  MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT.

The total trip home was only 22 hours.  ONLY 22 hours.  When I got to my bed, I stayed in it for about thirty hours.

As an added insult, about six weeks later, I flew to Minneapolis.  Each way, I had a layover in Milwaukee.  It killed me to realize how short the flight was.

Would I take a long distance bus trip ever again?  Of course I would.  I am an idiot.  I can not get it out of my head that one day, I would like to take a bus across the country.  Have you ever done something like this?