Las Vegas Trip Report: One Boring Day and One Exciting Day

This morning I wake up at Longhorn with ear pain left over from yesterday.  It has now grown and I can feel it all the way in my jaw.

I get up and get dressed and go downstairs to…you thought I was going to say “gamble”, right?  Well WRONG. I went to fucking Walmart.  That’s right, I am crushing the American Dream.  I am not sorry.  Oh man.  Walmart.  This place was like a total tourist attraction for me. I live in New York City.  We do not have Walmart. This place is insanely huge.  I probably could have spent a day in here just marveling at everything.  But I am on a mission to get ear drops so I can numb the knife that is stabbing me through my ear drum.  It was so tempting to not go completely insane in here and buy everything.

I came back to the room and decided that today is laundry day.  Okay I didn’t decide this, my lack of clean clothes did.  Longhorn hotel has a laundry center, two washers and two dryers.  I put my clothes in the washer and went to the casino.

I used two coupons I got at check in. One is for 2400 free points.  I noticed the sign behind the counter with the food specials for points.  I could get an entire meal with these points and still have some left over.  This is a great deal.  I also used a “play $5 get $10 free” coupon.  That one works by handing a cashier the coupon and $5 and she hands you a TITO ticket for $10.

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I put my TITO into a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game and then realized it is 10 coins per line.  I hate this.  Dude, if I wanted to play fifty cents a hand, I would play dimes, you dumbass.

So I play and am dealt four fives for $30.  Okay maybe I am not so mad. I didn’t have my phone with me, which is a shame because even a $30 win seems like a notable win these days.

I cashed out and put $5 into Cleopatra Keno and lost that.  Then it was time to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer.  I wish my laundromat at home had a casino attached to it.  It would make doing laundry so much less hate.

Once my laundry is done, I go back to bed with my ear drops in my ear (where else would they be?) and sleep for a couple of hours.

When I wake up, I laugh at myself for ever having thought I was going to go to the Strip tonight to use a MyVegas buffet reward.  Hahahah!  I am not going anywhere.  Well except across the street to Sam’s Town. They have Dunkin Donuts and I have a play $10 and get $10 free coupon in my new Las Vegas Advisor book.

I am playing Cleopatra Keno when a man in the same row as me turns and says “Look!  I got this twice tonight!” and I look and see him with quarter Aces with a kicker in front of him.  Nice.  Now go away, I am jealous.

I came back to the room with take out from Denny’s.  Because Walmart and Denny’s.  Oh I am living it up in Las Vegas.

The next morning, I woke up and wanted to go to Green Valley Ranch to use a MyVegas buffet voucher.  But I didn’t want to go because I wanted to go do a loop of free play around the Strip.  As soon as my bus passed the transfer point for the bus to GVR, I instantly regretted not getting on it.  I told myself that now I was going to lose all my money for not sticking to the plan.

I got off by Hooters.  You know how all change in Las Vegas sucks?  Well I finally found a change that rules!  LOOKIT!  Do you see?

hooters las vegas cross walkNo?  You have no idea what  you are looking at?  Well then you have never taken the bus from Hooters back to the Strip.   While the bus stops right outside Hooters coming away from the Strip, it stops nowhere near going back.  You have to walk far to the corner, and then cross, and then walk far back on the other side of Tropicana to get the bus.  But no more!  This is construction for a cross walk at Hooters.  I was so insanely excited over this.  I am not sure why since this is the last time I will ever be here.

I had $10 free play from American Casino Guide and $10 from Las Vegas Advisor.  I have used these two coupons every year they have been available and they are normally kinda okay to me.  This time though, nope.  I lose both and then continued to lose another $50 of my own on Supertimes Pay and then another $40 on Family Guy.

Leaving Hooters, I walked across the new cross walk (!!!) and went to MGM Grand to use a MyVegas buffet voucher for breakfast.  When I got it loaded on my card, I was told I have seven days to use it.   Pretty good deal.

I also stopped in the rest room and saw a MyVegas ad on the TV screen above the sink!

myvegas ad mgm grand las vegas

My breakfast was easily the worst meal I had the entire twenty days I was in Las Vegas.  I had to ask someone working at one of the station if the bacon was meatless because it looked more like plastic than bacon.  This confused the man I asked, which in turn confused me because LOOK AT IT.  It doesn’t even look like bacon.  The scrambled eggs were more liquid than solid.  Stuff like that is so gross.  Hello, have a serving of salmonella poisoning!

I didn’t play a dime in here.  I figured they have enough of my money from last year to last them for a while.

I crossed over to New York New York and did not go into the casino.

new york new york las vegasexcalibur las vegasI headed straight for the bus to Orleans.  Well to Terrible’s gas station for an enormous peach Mello Yello fountain drink.  Last year, my trip report was approximately 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words.  One guy seemingly read all those 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words and his only comment was to point out that I must have consumed so many calories by drinking soda.  So that guy, this information is for you:  diet soda has zero calories.

I went into Orleans.  I hate using free play here.  Well no I don’t, I hate redeeming it here.  You have to go up to the player’s club each time for each coupon.  They cannot load more than one at a time.   When the line is long, it is worse.  When you are staying there and have a third voucher that comes with your offer, it is the worstest (I invented a word here.)

I used my free play on the quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine that was kind to me earlier on this trip.  She was kind to me again.

straight flush orleans las vegas

Then I played a bunch on the Keno machine that I won $942 on last year.  I am that machine’s version of MGM Grand because she decided I already have enough of her money and she did not give me anymore.

From here I took the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It passes the Gold Coast, goes to Caesars and then comes back and stops at Gold Coast.   This takes a while as the shuttle takes a very roundabout way to the new stop at Caesars.

I get to Gold Coast, get my free play loaded, and go back to the machine that gave me Aces twice earlier this trip.  There is no way to adjust the speed on this machine and it is set on super freakout.   Just like when I was playing the last time, it drives me insane that the cards are dealt this fast.  But it is my lucky machine so I have to do it.

I didn’t realize how freaked out I was until holy fuck, is that a fucking ROYAL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.  I held the cards and instantly pushed “Draw” and then “Max Bet” because for some reason, I was scared.  I didn’t get a photo.  This is not the first time I have done  this.  Hell, this isn’t even the first time I have done this at Gold Coast.  My very first royal was here, on nickels.  I got so scared and had to get it off my screen before anyone saw it.  I once read someone’s trip report where they had the same illogical reaction to getting a royal.   So guys, I GOT A FUCKING QUARTER ROYAL AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING PHOTO OF IT.

ARGH.

I cashed out immediately and got the hell out of here.  I was supposed to do other things, like play at Palms and stop at Ellis Island to do free play there.  Nope.  I will go degenerate.  I know I will.  This is the first time in many days I have had a big win.  I must get the fuck out of here.

I got on the bus and went straight back to my room and stayed there for hours.  I wanted to go downstairs, or go anywhere.  Just let me go gamble please.  NOPE.  NOT ALLOWED UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN YOU DEGENERATE.

I did leave my room later on to get Denny’s for dinner.  I could not trust myself to enter a casino.  The internet gets SO MAD when people eat Denny’s in Las Vegas.  In this one installment, I have eaten it twice.  Suck it, internet.  I have a thousand dollars and you don’t.

Gambling Day: + $870
Gambling Trip: + $860
Miscellaneous: (trip to Walmart, dinner for two nights, cigarettes, soda, coffee, laundry and tips):  $89.13
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  MGM Grand breakfast, free via MyVegas

Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Breakfast: Green Valley Ranch 8-10:45 MyVegas free
Lunch:
Dinner:
Longhorn

Thursday, January 7, 2016
Breakfast: Sam’s Town 7-10  200 points = free ACG
Sam’s Town $10 free play LVA
Lunch:
Orleans play $10 get $10 ACG + 10 LVA
Hooters $10 free ACG + $10 LVA
Westgate $10 free play LVA
Mardi Gras $10 free play LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play LVA
Dinner: Orleans half off LVA 4-9 $17.99

Las Vegas Trip Report: The Boring, Rainy Day Where I Check into Longhorn

My alarm went off this morning at the Mirage hotel and instantly, there was pain shooting through the side of my face, pouring out of my ear.  My throat is swollen.  I don’t want to get up.  Not now, not ever.

I am supposed to be eating breakfast at Bellagio this morning.  I have to do this today as the only way I can redeem my MyVegas reward is if I am staying at an MLife property, and this is the one and only time I will be doing that on this trip.  But I don’t want to get up.  You can’t make me.  So I went back to bed.  Now that I am home, I hate myself so much.  I have 1.5 million points to use on MyVegas that I will never be able to use.  And I really should have done this.

I also again missed my opportunity to take photos of the Bellagio conservatory.  I really suck.

I showered and got dressed and ate at the Mirage buffet, free via MyVegas.  I was so surprised the buffet was empty.  There were a million people at the elevators.  CES starts today.  My personal hell on earth.

I get seated and am told drinks are self service.  I like this because it means I am not reliant on a server to bring me more coffee.  I don’t like this because it confuses the tipping.  Who am I tipping and for what?  The woman who asked me if I wanted hot sauce?   Does she get the same tip as someone who serves me beverages?  Do I tip myself for serving me beverages?  I have no idea.

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This buffet isn’t really good.   It is extremely spread out.  I guess when it is not empty it seems normal.  It just seemed to me that there was a lot of walking and not a lot of decent choices for food.  But the coffee was the best I have had so far this trip, and that includes my many trips to Dunkin Donuts.  Good job, Mirage!

Love theater at Mirage:

mirage love theater las vegas

I decided in advance that I would not be gambling today because I need to stop having losing days.  That said, it is raining outside and I always win when it rains.  So I try $10 in Keno and lose.  Sigh.

I go upstairs, pack and try and check out on the television.  I keep getting an error message telling me to call the front desk.  No.  I will not.  I will simply leave without checking out.

I walk over to Flamingo and catch the 202 to my spa appointment.  When we stopped at Gold Coast, the world’s most annoying man got on the bus.  I hate this person so much.  It seemed that he wanted to eat the Gold Coast buffet, but they would not let him pay for his daughter’s buffet with whatever option of payment he was trying to use, because she is under 21.  (She was with him, and appeared to be about ten.)   I have no idea if he was trying to use a coupon or voucher or what.  I just know that he was not happy about  this and would not shut the fuck up about it.  On and on about how the customer is always right, how the daughter needs to stay in school so she doesn’t end up doing an idiot job like buffet cashier.  At some point, a teen aged guy came down the bus stairs and recognized this guy, asks him “You go to (whatever)  park, right?” The guy confirms yes, he does.  The teenager says “I work there, I see you a lot” and says hello and good bye.  When the teenager gets off the bus, the man goes into a rant to his daughter about how only stupid people work at parks.  If this guy wasn’t so lazy, he could go to college and get a real job.   How do you fucking know this guy is not going to college while working?  GOD SHUT UP.  But nope, this teenager must be lazy and according to this man, he is going to end up working at the Gold Coast buffet one day.   I must have been on this bus for eleven hours because that is how long  these life’s lessons went on.  Every time the topic of conversation changed, it would go right back to the Gold Coast buffet.  So. Painful.  He even made his daughter rip up a business card from the Gold Coast manager.  How dare they not allow him to have whatever he wants, despite there being rules.  Do they not know who he is?  He will never play there again and he is excited to see the day they inevitably go out of business over this huge faux pas on their part.  OH GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.  You are riding a bus in Las Vegas.  You are not the high societal man you think you are.  Buddy.

I am having a microdermabrasion and pumpkin peel.  I believe this took just over half an hour and left my skin feeling nice and soft.  The aesthetician asked me where I was going after this (I had my bag with me) and I lied and said Sam’s Town because I didn’t feel like explaining that no, I know what Longhorn is like, no I don’t care, yes I am going to be fine.  Well it turns out she was going near there after this, and do I want a ride.  What an extremely nice gesture.  But I have errands to run / don’t like accepting favors from strangers, so I politely declined.

From here, I took the bus to the Las Vegas Advisor office to pick up my coupon book for 2016.    It is now pouring out and walking in the rain with my bag would have seemed like death, except the walk takes you past a homeless village with people living under tarps and tents, so really….I was the most fortunate person heading down that street in this rain.

las vegas advisor

I continued on from here to Boulder Highway and switched buses to get to Longhorn.  This whole trip took a very long time.  I get that people who drive everywhere in their normal lives view a fifteen minute bus ride as the end of the world and a waste of their WHOLE ENTIRE DAY OH MY GOD.  But the way they picture that fifteen minute bus ride to be, was exactly how this whole entire ordeal was really for me.

Longhorn hotel.  Loved it!  I would stay here again forever and ever.  It is not a fancy five star hotel, so no one should be expecting that.  I paid $40/night during CES. Have you ever checked prices for Las Vegas hotel rooms during CES?  Please do not do so if you are faint at heart.  Places like Circus Circus manor rooms were over $200, as were El Cortez pavillion rooms.  Even the Hostel Cat was sold out of private rooms!

Plus, there is no resort fee, you get free coffee in the lobby in the mornings, and you get a coupon book when you check in.   I got $5 free play, there was a match play in there, and slot club points that got me a free meal (and then some) just with those points, before I even played.  I cannot say enough about this place.  They also have self service laundry.  I needed that at this point in the trip.

longhorn hotel las vegas longhorn hotel room las vegas longhorn las vegas hotel room

longhorn hotel bathroom las vegas

I was also given a peep show outside my window.   Down below, there is a pool and a hot tub.  Three women were in the hot tub (why I do not know, it is FREEZING and pouring outside) and then they decided to go in the pool (see aforementioned WHY.)   Two make it in, one slips and falls and lands flat on the ground, sans her bathing suit bottom, which is somehow around her ankles.  Yeesh.

Now that I had my Las Vegas Advisor coupon book, I was itching to go downtown and gamble.  So I did.

I took the bus and walked through Four Queens, stopping to use my $10 free play on Cleopatra Keno.  I won $15.  This is off to a good start!  I got some Dunkin Donuts and then continued, with the Plaza as my next stop, where my free play vanished lightning quick.

Up next, Binions.  I got to play for a while but never really hit a cash out point.   I did get enough points to do a daily swipe at their promotions booth and won a deck of cards.  If I had collected the decks of cards every time I have won one, I could build a life sized mansion out of them.

it is still pouring outside.  I love how the neon reflects on Fremont Street in the rain.

fremont street las vegas rain reflecting neon

Next stop is The D where I had $5 from a mailer…until I had nothing from a mailer.  That $5 was gone in seconds.

I walked over to Downtown Grand.  I really do not like this place.  And it does not like me.  Free play, shmee play.  Gave me nothing.

Last stop on my free play run is the El Cortez.  Surely I am going to win big here.  I mean, I have had more than my share of bad luck on this run so destiny owes it to me to win.  Right?  Wrong.  I lost the free play.  Then I converted all my points into free play and lost that too.  I was playing Cleopatra Keno, $5 at a time on nickels.   I never once even got it converted to $5 cash, let alone doubling the $5, which is my preferred cash out point.  Sigh.

I took the bus back to Longhorn and called it a very unsuccessful night.  You know, because it was.

Gambling Day: – $10
Gambling Trip: – $10
Miscellaneous: (tips, water and Diet Pepsi):  $34
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  Mirage breakfast, free via MyVegas

Itinerary:
Tuesday, January 5, 2015

Breakfast: Bellagio buffet 7-11 free MyVegas
Eiffel Tower half off $14 LVA 10-5
Check into Longhorn
$10 for $5 ACG
$10 for $5 hotel
2400 points hotel
Lunch:
Dinner:
Boulder Station half off LVA 4-9 $9.99
Plaza 10x slots

Las Vegas Trip Report: I Love “Love” And the Mirage

My alarm went off at 6:00 am this morning, on purpose.  My brilliant logic was that since I am at Cromwell, I can simply walk across the street at an insanely early hour and get pictures of the Bellagio conservatory before everyone else wakes up.  But when I woke up, I laughed at myself and went back to sleep.  Now I am kind of annoyed because I am doing that thing where I have 20 days in Las Vegas and am somehow still not doing all the things I wanted to do.  Like walk across the street and take pictures.  Sigh.

I went downstairs for some coffee.  I ended up drinking seventeen cups total during my stay here at Cromwell.  That makes the resort fee kinda sorta almost not really fair.

Every gambler knows about the $200 cup of coffee.  You go downstairs in the morning, you order a cup of coffee from the cocktail waitress.  You lose $200 before she comes back with your coffee.  Since Cromwell has free coffee, I am trading out the $200 cup of coffee for the $100 cigarette.   The hotel is non smoking, so I can only smoke down here or outside.  I am not going to go outside when there are video poker machines inside so…

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I went back upstairs and I had two text messages. One confirming my facial appointment for tomorrow, one from my landlord’s daughter, letting me know they are raising my rent.  Ah 2016 and your technology.

I packed and checked out and walked over to the Mirage, taking some photos along the way.

venetian palazzo las vegas venetian canal las vegas palazzo venetian las vegas las vegas strip casino royale caesars las vegas forum shops

I am spending one night at Mirage courtesy of a MyVegas reward.   I have only stayed here one time before, and that was when Wagerworks existed.   On that first trip, two things happened.  One, I took a bus trip to Laughlin, and two, on the bus, they showed “Vegas Vacation” which was the first time I saw that movie somehow.  I remember thinking “This is the fucking coolest thing ever!  That is MY HOTEL in the movie!!!”  The second thing was that:  I used to be completely obsessed with having room photos of every hotel room I stayed at in Las Vegas.  On this trip, I used a disposable camera (that shows how long ago this was) and none of them came out.  So bummed!   So I always wanted to stay here again and fifteen years later, here I am!

I tried to check in. The woman at the desk told me it would be $30 for early check in and I told her she could suck it.  Okay I didn’t really, but I also did not pay for early check in.  I stashed my bags with the Bell Desk and headed to Red Rock to use a MyVegas buffet reward.

I took the Deuce bus to the Sahara Express bus.  This latter was a weird bus ride.   I got on the bus on the East Side of Sahara.  This is good to note since most people think you have to cross over and catch it on the West Side, outside the Bonanza gift shop.  You don’t, it stops on both sides.  Or at least it is supposed to.  My driver didn’t stop at the stop outside the gift shop and some man went ballistic on him and cursed him out.  Lots of other people joined in, asking why the driver did not stop in very violent ways.

From here, the driver kept making stops but telling people to go through the back door and not pay.  I am really not sure what this guy’s deal was.  But he got me to Red Rock, so who cares.

The buffet line here was insanely long.  It took well over half an hour to get seated.  It was like this when I was here one day for lunch last year as well.

There was a woman with a Boston Terrier service dog.   He made my day.  So adorable.

After eating, as well as before eating, I played some Cleopatra Keno.  I could not hit for shit.  I said screw it and went for broke and soon enough, broke I was.  I saved $5 to try some live Keno later tonight.  Because it is always a good idea to keep moving to games with more of a house edge as you are losing.

I took the bus back to the Mirage.  There were two LOUD women sitting behind me.  The one who was slightly less loud than the other one, kept sucking on her teeth.  This was painful.  Then a woman gets on the bus with what appears to be two babies that she is snuggling.  But she has no stroller and…wait, those aren’t babies, they are dolls.  She is now the center of attention with people asking her a million questions about her babies.   One is hers, the other is adopted.  This is why they look different. Oh.

We passed my beloved Riviera and I got all sad.  I love this place so much and her being gone really was the final straw for me in the downfall of Las Vegas’s appeal.  I let you take the Stardust and Westward Ho, I draw the line at my beloved Riviera.  I need to go and get some photos of her before they demolish her.  Bastards.

I got room number 20102.  This room is really nice.  This is a hotel where I get it that people love it.

mirage hotel las vegas bed

mirage hotel las vegas bathroommirage hotel las vegas roomI spent some time working on my blog and then before I knew it, it was time to go see Love.

I had picked up my tickets a few days ago at the box office at Bellagio.  Then I got a voicemail telling me I was given the wrong tickets.  So I had to stop at the Love box office to exchange them.  I am now in the very last row.  This wasn’t so bad as that whole “there are no bad seats in the entire theater” thing is true.  The man next to me LOVED Love.  He knew every word to every song, and alternated between playing the air drums and air guitar.  I love this show too, despite not liking The Beatles.  It is very busy and I think you would probably have to watch it fifty times to see everything that is going on.

After the show, I tried my hardest to play live Keno but either the Mirage does not have live Keno, or else I could not find live Keno.  Do casinos really not have live Keno?  This is the second time on this trip that this happened to me.

I was happy to settle for video Keno though.  And it was happy to take my money and not give me anything in return.

Gambling Day: – $200
Gambling Trip: + $0
Miscellaneous: (tips):  $8.00
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  Two cups of fancy schmancy coffee from Cromwell, Mirage room (MyVegas), Love ticket (MyVegas) and Red Rock buffet (MyVegas)

My itinerary for today?  Well no.  I only checked into Mirage and saw Love.  Oops?

Monday, January 4, 2016
Breakfast: Jackson’s Tavern $20 free play LVA 6020 Flamingo 202 @ Duneville
Check into Mirage 
Lunch:
Gold Coast $10 free play LVA
High Roller $10 off LVA
Dinner:
Bellagio buffet 3-10 free MyVegas
Love 9:30

Las Vegas Trip Report: Let Me Get Some Karma Please

My bed at Cromwell is probably the most comfortable bed on the planet.  Because of this, I was actually able to sleep in a bit.  I may have stayed in bed all day if this hotel allowed smoking.  But since it does not, I need to get up and get dressed and go downstairs.

I made the mistake of looking into the mirror.   Have you ever been so hung over that your eyes are completely bloodshot?  Well I have that look going on, but I haven’t drank any alcohol since I arrived here.  I also do not get hangovers, not even when I drink for twelve hours a day for four straight days at a fest.  I am not sure what is going on here, but let’s just pretend we didn’t look in the mirror and go about our day, shall we?

I continue on my mission to consume as much free fancy schmancy coffee as I can, to offset the resort fee.  On this morning’s third (or fourth or fifth?) cup, they ran out of milk.  Sigh.  Do not think that will deter me.  This fancy schmancy machine has the option of adding steamed milk.  SO I SHALL!

I played for a while on Ultimate X.  I love this game, I love this particular machine.   It allows me to actually play without sucking up all my money in the blink of an eye.   Then I hit Aces with a multiplier.  Wheeeeeee!

For nickels, figuring out how much you won is easy.  Divide the number in half and knock off the last zero.  So 2400 nickels = $120.

aces with 3x ultimate x video poker Continue reading

As I am taking  the photo, the woman next to me starts asking me what I am playing, how do you play it, etc.  I make it very clear to her that this game is very volatile and when you lose, you lose fast and hard.

But in the end, that doesn’t matter because she hits this.

dealt royal flush ultimate x video poker

Are you fucking kidding me.

I went upstairs and drowned my jealousy in a brownie that I had brought with me from Smiths Supermarket yesterday. This was a four pack and I wish it were an eleventy billion pack because these brownies were so good.

I took a nap and then got dressed to go see Criss Angel “Believe” at Luxor.  This was free via MyVegas.  Everyone will tell you how bad this show is.  But I want to see it and it is FREE so I am going to see it.

I don’t want to deal with the Deuce bus so I just walk from Cromwell to Luxor.  I am shocked to tell you that not even once did I have to tell anyone to “move it”, or tell anyone to watch where they are walking.   What a nice walk this was!

I took some photos while walking.  It is about time my camera got some action.  I have spent close to $2000 on this camera and all its accessories and the entire time I have been here, I have been taking photos with my phone exclusively.  And they are all crooked.  Good job.

ballys cosmopolitan las vegas strip excalilbur las vegasplanet hollywood casino las vegasluxor las vegas sphinxnew york new york las vegaslas vegas stripI arrive a tiny bit too early so I sit down and play nickel Cleopatra Keno.  This machine sucks.  There are filthy ashtrays all over the place, with tissues in them.   People, these things are meant to hold burning ash.  Do not put flammable items in them.  Sheesh.  I also cannot win a damn thing.

Then it was show time.  The show was not bad at all.  I think it has a horrible reputation because it is billed as a Cirque du Soleil show and there is zero acrobatics in it.   It is a magic show.  The only thing I did not like about it is that somewhere near me, someone smelled like a dirty diaper.  Other than that, it was pretty good.

After the show, I had planned to play live Keno, a la the Griswolds in Vegas Vacation.  This is where they won, this is where I am going to win.  Or this is where I am going to get lost walking around the casino for a million  years and never finding the live Keno.  It is not possible that they do not have live Keno here, is it?  This is a casino!  But I cannot find it so I give up and walk through Excalibur and get lost in there for half my life.  I am lost for so long that I have time to replay my entire life story in my head.  During this trip down memory lane, I start to remember my vows to never enter this property again because I have never once found an exit with ease.  But I did find live Keno so let’s do this!

I lost.

And then I got lost again trying to find the exit.

But I am pleased to tell you that I am not typing this out in a corner of the castle while building a shelter for my new home.   Eventually, I found an exit.  Yay!

I stopped at Walgreens for water and discovered I really wanted a yogurt with granola. I am in Las Vegas and this is what I am eating for dinner?  Yep.

I stopped at Planet Hollywood for reasons I surely do not understand, and played a bit and lost a bit.  I continued to Cromwell where I put my last $20 of the day’s gambling budget into Ultimate X.  It took me a bit to realize I was playing dimes instead of nickels.  NO.  I switched over to nickels and saw the person who played this before me left three 8x multipliers for me.  Holy shit, i cannot wait to tell my readers how I won a billion dollars on this!  Well guys, you are just going to have to wait for next time because it did not happen this time.

I did rack up another ten coffees today, making my free coffee total so far fifteen.  I love your free coffee Cromwell.

Gambling Day: – $120
Gambling Trip: + $200
Miscellaneous: (water and yogurt):  $6.58
Comps used: Cromwell hotel stay
Freebies:  Ten cups of fancy schmancy coffee at Cromwell, one ticket to Believe.

My itinerary today is stupid because I put a Las Vegas Advisor coupon on it, but the earliest I could even pick up the book is tomorrow.  I also did nothing on it except see Believe.

Sunday, January 3, 2016
Breakfast:  Gold Coast 8:00 am-9:00 pm 200 points = free buffet
Lunch:
Dinner: Ellis Island 50% off LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play ACG/free shirt ACG
Ellis Island free shirt ACG
Criss Angel 7:00 – Luxor

Las Vegas Trip Report: Y’all Know What Four of a Kind Threes Look Like, Right?

I finally make it to The Cromwell.  I am insanely excited about this.  I loved this place when it was The Barbary Coast.  Hated it when it was whatever the hell stupid name they tried using after changing it from Barbary Coast.  Am so curious to see what it looks like now.

View from outside:
flamingo cromwell las vegas nevadaAnd some bonus Strip photos since this is my first time on the Strip during this trip.

ballys paris las vegasstarbucks ballys las vegas

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I checked in and they are fancy here.  After I was all ready to go to my room, I am told “I will come around to hand you your key” as if handing to me over the counter would have insulted my “I look homeless”ness.

There is a free coffee station for guests at the elevators.  Since I am paying $60-something in resort fees, I fully intend to drink $60-something in free coffee.  Try and stop me.

The elevator walls beg the question of “What came first, Cosmopolitan or Cromwell?”  (Hint: Cosmopolitan)

cromwell elevator las vegas
I get to my room and it seems even smaller than I remember the Barbary Coast rooms being.  It is much darker, that is for sure.   I am on the side of the hotel with THE wall.  If you do not know what I am talking about, then allow me to explain.

When The Barbary Coast was being redone from whatever the hell they were trying to call it after “Barbary Coast” to Cromwell, they decided the main focus would be Drais night club on the roof.   They added a pool up there and then had to build a support wall. This means that the bulk of rooms on the North side of the hotel face this wall.    I used my zoom to make a fake view, but the wall is indeed there.

cromwell las vegas strip view

cromwell las vegas room view

The room is done very nicely.

cromwell las vegas hotel room cromwell las vegas hotel bed cromwell las vegas room cromwell las vegas room chaircromwell las vegas closet cromwell las vegas bathroom

cromwell vegas roomEven with every light on in the room, it is still dark.  Not sure if the wall played a part in that.  I also didn’t really like the feel of the room.  They have wood floors, which make cleaning easier, but they also mean things echo in here.   I don’t recall ever in my life having so many people knock on doors in the hallway.  But this happened all night long and the knocks would echo through my room.  Finally they stopped and once morning came, housekeeping began creating more echoing knocks in my room.

I dropped my stuff off and went to play in the casino.  I went to get a new card since I did not have mine with me.  I was given $5 free play.  Cool!  I sat down at a quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine and got four of a kind for the first time in days.  It was glorious!

quarter eights

From here, I went upstairs to take a nap.  When I went to plug my phone in, I realized I left my charger back in Henderson.  No no no no no no no no noooooooo.

After napping, I went across the street to Bellagio to pick up some show tickets I had pre-purchased / redeemed via MyVegas, including for tonight’s performance of “O”, which in case you are somehow unaware, is the water based Cirque du Soleil show at Bellagio.  This is my third time seeing it.  I was able to get Cirque gift cards on Living Social during a Christmas promo where I got a $100 gift card for $72, and a $50 gift card for $36.  Excellent promotion.

The show was great, as always.

Afterwards, I played a bit of Cleopatra Keno at Bellagio.  I like the Cleopatra Keno here.  I sure as hell did better here than I did at Rainbow.  This specific machine plays weirdo trumpety fanfare music when you get the bonus.  I have never heard this before, not even on this machine the last time I was here.

After losing as much as I was willing to lose, I had to walk to Walgreens next to Planet Hollywood to get a new phone charger.  I stopped and played a bit at Cosmopolitan and lost lightening quick.

Walgreens did not have a charger for my phone but they had a USB cord.  It just so happened that my fancy Cromwell room had a USB plug built into the dresser.

usbTip:  Flat screen televisions also have USB plugs in the back.  I used these later in the trip when I was at less fancy schmancy hotels that did not have USB plugs.  The only downside is that you need the television on to make them charge.  So if you do not like sleeping with the television on, you have to suck it up to get your phone charged while  you sleep.  You can also use the USB slot in your laptop to charge.

However, on the way to my room from Walgreens, pre-charging my phone, I stopped in the casino and sat down to play some Ultimate X.   I am playing three hands and am dealt four of a kind threes.  I got the kicker on the one line that had a multiplier (3x).  So I got 3200 nickels = $160.   I took out my phone to get a picture and the battery is completely dead.  Sigh.  Guys, this is the first day in many days where I have wins to take pictures of and I do not have the ability to.  I am so sorry.

I cashed out and put $20 into the quarter machine that gave me eights earlier, and it gave me…four of a kind THREES, sans kicker.   And my phone battery is still dead.  What are the chances of all these threes?  I was pretty psyched.

I went up to the room a tiny bit richer.  I made sure to grab some more free coffee and ate a brownie I had left over from my trip to Smiths grocery store in Henderson.   Plugged in my phone and went to bed.

Gambling Day: + $200
Gambling Trip: + $280
Miscellaneous: (phone charger, housekeeping tip) $20
Comps used: Comped night at Cromwell
Freebies:  Free breakfast, five cups of fancy schmancy coffee at Cromwell, free $5 slot play for reasons I don’t know.

World’s most boring itinerary:

Saturday, January 2, 2016
Breakfast: 
Check into Cromwell
Lunch:
Dinner:

O 9:30

Las Vegas Trip Report: Three Days in Henderson, Nevada

Technically, I spent a total of six days in Henderson.  This covers three consecutive ones where the individual days do not have enough content to be the least bit interesting so I am combining them.

This morning I woke up at Fiesta Henderson at 6:00 am.  This is the latest I have slept since arriving.  This is still a bit ridiculous, but I will take the small victory.  I kind of have to since it is the first thing resembling a victory that I have had in days.

Downstairs to Starbucks.  Iced coffee and coffee cake.  Nature’s perfect pair.

Fiesta Henderson has penny Supertimes Pay video poker.  Woo, I get to play ten play Supertimes Pay!  It was fun even on pennies.  I also hit Aces twice so my wanting to hit Aces every day got fulfilled.  TWICE.  Look at me, all excited about an $8 win. Oh how the mighty have fallen.  At least I have a picture to post of anything.  (I only took a photo of one of them apparently.)

penny aces 2

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I did the Stations daily promotion where you can pick a penguin and win a huge prize.  I did the first part okay, the second part, not so much. I won 1500 Boarding Pass points.   Meh.

Back to the room to pack and check out.  Today I am moving to Hawthorne Wyndham Suites in Henderson.  This was booked via Hotwire.  I actually booked it when I was in Urumqi, China.  I was having a mental meltdown from being on such a difficult trip and decided that I would be going to Las Vegas to spend time in familiar territory.

I picked Henderson for these dates because it is New Year’s Eve.  This not only makes the Strip and Downtown out of my price level, it also makes the amount of people in both those places way out of my “want it” level.

My hotel was one of those “see if after you buy it” places that was described as an all suite hotel, and as having a casino.   It was not an all suite hotel (I didn’t care) and the casino was closed.  I asked one of the employees about it.  It was named “My Casino” and had recently been bought by Dotty’s, and it was vacant for the time being.

I took the bus here.  It should have (and would have) been easy except I got off at the wrong stop.  I was supposed to get off at Palo Verde at Boulder and instead I got off at Palo Verde and not Boulder.  I had to wait half an hour for the next bus.  Sigh.  As cold as it has been while I have been here, today was slightly warm and the sun was burning me.  I had to keep turning because my jeans were on fire and burning my legs.

I get to the hotel and am told I cannot check in because it is not 3:00 yet.  Fine by me, I will just sit here in the lobby until my jeans cool down.   I didn’t even make it one inch towards the couches before it was discovered that I could check in early.  Woo!  My room came with a refrigerator and microwave.  Oh also a DVD player.  There was also laundry facilities.  Which, if you have ever read any Las Vegas message board or Facebook group dedicated to Las Vegas, goes something like this:

The Internet:  OH MY GOD, WHY WOULD ANYONE DO LAUNDRY IN LAS VEGAS?

Me: Well this is a twenty day trip so…

The Internet:  OH MY GOD, YOU ARE ON VACATION.  WHO WANTS TO DO LAUNDRY?

Me:  Well, see aforementioned twenty day trip

The Internet:  OH MY GOD, I WOULD NEVER DO LAUNDRY IN LAS VEGAS?

Me: So…..don’t?

hawthore suites wyndham henderson nevada roomHawthorne Suites Wyndham Henderson Las Vegas Nevada

My total cost via Hotwire for three nights here, which included New Year’s Eve, was $152.45.  No resort fee.  Free breakfast.  It also included free dinner on the night I arrived but I totally napped through that.   This was a great deal.   But the lack of casino bothered me.  I ended up writing to Hotwire about it (it was listed as having a casino) and they gave me an option of being fully refunded if I checked out (leaving me to find a last minute hotel on New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas) or to stay and they would credit me 25%.  I took the credit.  Then I used that credit to pay for my last night in Vegas, which I still had not decided on at that point.  Wins all over the place here!  Let’s take this luck to a casino!

I took the bus to Sam’s Town.  I wanted to use my Las Vegas Advisor $10 free play that I was supposed to use on some other day and did not.   When I went to get it loaded on my card, I discovered I am now Sapphire level at Boyd.  Oops, I did not mean to move up a level.  It just kind of happened.   Degenerate gambler strikes again!

sams town las vegas

I lost my $10 and then the free play.  And then I converted all my points into free play and lost that too.  Then I saw that the quarter Keno progressive was over $100k so I had to lose some more money trying for that too.  It was just one of those nights where everything hated me.  It was mutual.

I took the bus back to my hotel.  I almost got out at the Rainbow casino but decided to behave myself.

The next two days, I alternated between Rainbow, Eldorado and Emerald Island.  I won no money in these places.

el dorado casino henderson las vegas nevada emerald island casino henderson las vegas nevadaBut I did get to sing Ronnie James Dio’s “Rainbow in the Dark” so it was all good.

rainbow in the dark casino henderson las vegas nevada
Emerald Island has a promotion where you sign up for a card, earn 50 points and you get a coupon book that includes both a free burger and a free skillet breakfast.   What was even kind of cooler was that I hit the 50 points and someone approached me on my machine to hand me the book.  I didn’t even have to notify them or go back to the player’s club.

I lost the skillet coupon before I got to use it.  The burger was great though.

I played a Keno game that was more like a carnival Keno game than I am used to (and I play Cleopatra Keno nonstop.)  The machine was kind of cool.  You can see how my screen is popped up, it does this when you insert the money.  So you can see better.

keno emerald island casino henderson las vegas nevada

I ate at Rainbow’s coffee shop.  There was a limited menu as it was New Year’s Eve, which was fine by me.  I had a burger and it was fantastic.

Rainbow also has the best Cleopatra Keno pay table I have ever seen.   I play nine numbers always.  Usually the six number hit is worth 40, and the 7 number hit varies from 260 (Red Rock) to 320 (Four Queens) and 400 (lots of places, including Bellagio of all oddities.)

cleopatra keno pay table rainbow casino henderson las vegasOf course, none of this matters if you do not hit the numbers.  Which I didn’t.  So…

Most of what I did for three days was lose my money very quickly, and watch Netflix.  I had planned to spend New Year’s Eve in my room watching Netflix, since I didn’t really want to be around people so much.  But being in Henderson for all these days was like being on a weirdo vacation.  I was in Las Vegas, but I wasn’t because I was in Henderson.  When I was at Hawthorne, I could not just go to a casino. It required getting on a bus.  It felt weird.  I could see the Strip fireworks from my hotel window though, so there was that.

I also stopped at my first Dotty’s casino.  These are all over the place in local neighborhoods.   They are small and have huge comfy office type chairs at their machines. I won $5 here but I did not see a TITO machine and assumed I had to go to the cashier (who also runs the store) and I didn’t want to bother her so I played it until I had zero.  Because degenerate.

dotty's casino

When it came time to leave Henderson, I was more than ready to do so.

I feel bad about how short and boring this is so let’s talk about my bus ride to the Strip.  I take the BHX and transfer for the 202.  A woman sits next to me, turns to the guy next to her and compliments his beard.  Then she turns to me and compliments me on my glasses, and then asks if I like her glasses.  Sure.  She is now complimenting every person on the bus and asking for compliments in return.  Once everyone has received their compliments, she launches into her life story.  She has drank too much Dr. Pepper and is feeling way too hyper.  She loves playing at MGM Grand because her Chinese sign is a lion.  She offered every homeless man on the bus her phone number.  She even asked one where he was going with his luggage and he told her he was homeless and going to a shelter.  She tried to give him money and he would not take it.   This was a very nice person, although a bit crazy.

Then somehow she began talking about sex.  This was extremely awkward.  To say the least.  The homeless men on the bus really seemed to enjoy her though.  I really just wanted to get the hell off the bus already.  I always forget how far Boulder Highway is from the Strip.  In my mind, it is a walkable distance, but in reality, it is at least half an hour by vehicle.

Finally, I made it to Cromwell and am about to begin the Strip portion of my trip.

Gambling Day: -$600 (three days at $200/day)
Gambling Trip: +$80
Miscellaneous: (Dunkin Donuts, a trip to a dollar store, a trip to Smith’s Grocery for snacks for the room/toiletries, and cigarettes): $78.43
Comps used: $25 free play from my points at Sam’s Town
Freebies:  Burger at Emerald Island, breakfast for three days at Hawthorne Suites, $38.11 Hotwire credit for my hotel not having the advertised casino.

Here are the itineraries for two days.  I never had one for New Year’s Day since I figured I might spend it working on my blog (and then didn’t.)

Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Breakfast: 
Check into Hawthorne Suites
Lunch:
Dinner:
Emerald Island Grill half off LVA
Earn 100 points Emerald Island free spin LVA
Jerry’s Nugget:New Member Rewards:
50 points – $5 Comp
100 points – Jerry’s Nugget T-shirt
250 points – $20 Comp
500 points – $40 Gift Card
1,000 points – $100 Free Play on Slots and Video Poker
Joker’s Wild 11x reels, 7x vp

Thursday, December 31, 2015
Breakfast:
Lunch:
Dinner:
Rainbow Bar and Grill
Silver Sevens slots 7x vp 3X
Suncoast 15x pennies, 11x slots, 7x vp

Las Vegas Trip Report: One Night at Fiesta Henderson

This morning I woke up at Sunset Station at 4:30 am.  I do not know what is wrong with me and my sleeping pattern.  I refused to make the same mistake as yesterday, when I went out and lost all my money before Starbucks even opened.  I forced myself to stay in my room until 8:00 am.  This was not easy since all the machines downstairs were screaming my name.  SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLES.

I went downstairs and used a MyVegas reward for breakfast.  I had a big score when the buffet ran out of strawberry yogurt and it was replaced with blueberry.  Hey, I will take any win I can get at this point in my losing streak.

I played a bit to make sure that the blueberry yogurt was not the only score I was going to have this morning and sadly, it was.  Stations casinos are having a promotion where you can swipe your card, pick a penguin and win a prize.  Today’s prize was a free $5 bet on a table game. I don’t know how to play table games.  The Roulette dealer I asked for help, told me what I could bet.  I picked red and black came up.  Because of course it did.

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I went outside to find a drug store to get some stuff I am running out of, particularly conditioner.  I probably exited through the one door that is nowhere near anywhere.  I walked forever and found nothing.  I knew there was a Target nearby but why would I walk out the door that I know where to walk to Target from, when I can walk out a door that I have no idea where I am.  I probably walked a million miles, most of them in the parking lot, before I gave up and went back to my room to pack.

Today I am moving to Fiesta Henderson.   I booked this on Priceline for $20.  They charge a $9.99 resort fee ($11-something with tax) and I was okay with this because it includes internet.

Taking the bus here from Sunset Station probably took ten minutes.  The walk through the parking lot probably took the same as well.

fiesta henderon las vegas hotel sign

I check in and get room 3115.  Don’t let the numbers fool you.  That is the third floor.  The room was motel-like and honestly, I kind of like rooms like this because they are in my comfort zone.

Fiesta Henderson hotel room las vegas

fiesta henderson las vegas bathroom

I went downstairs to gamble and decided I truly hate this casino.  I am trying to play nickel video poker and it seems like every machine I try is ten coins for max bet.  The royal is shorted if you only play five.  Guys, I don’t want to play ten coins.  I am broke.  I finally settle on nickel Keno with a progressive jackpot that of course, I did not hit.  Time for a nap!

When I woke up, I decided I was going to go Downtown.  I have the two Plaza $5 free play coupons I never used the other day.  I can get a comped meal at Four Queens and some Dunkin Donuts coffee.  Plus see also:  I can actually find the Walgreens down there.

I go outside and pick the wrong bus stop to catch the HDX bus.  A man is there and he points me to the right bus stop, across two streets.  The HDX is pulling away as this is happening.  But it is only 6:50 and it is supposed to come at 7:16 so I stick it out, hoping that this one was just the bus before running late.  Nope.  As I am sitting there, more people come to catch the 7:16 bus.  Everyone is getting annoyed at how late it is.  I get to where I cannot take it anymore and quit and give up.  By the time the next bus would have come, I would have only had an hour Downtown before having to come back here.  That or take a bus that is not the HDX and that takes an insane amount of time to do.

Maybe this is fate telling me that playing in Fiesta Henderson is my destiny and I will finally win something.

Nope.

I didn’t even get so much as one four of a kind today.  This is bullshit and I demand a recount.

I came back to my room with Starbucks and used the internet to make a new post.  I also watched Netflix.  I did not chill though.  Sigh.

I also never read my itinerary today so I did not use the Sam’s Town $10 free play.  Or do anything else on it except switch hotels.

Gambling Day: -200
Gambling Trip: +680
Miscellaneous: (Starbucks, cigarettes, tips): $24.97
Comps used: Nada.
Freebies: Sunset Station buffet.  Free via MyVegas, saved me $7.02.  Side note, how cute is it that this buffet costs is the same as the Las Vegas Area code / how annoying must it be for cashiers to continually have to give $.98 change?

Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Breakfast: Sunset Station, 8-11 free MyVegas
Check into Fiesta Henderson
Lunch:
Dinner:
Sams Town 4-9 200 points = free ACG
Sam’s Town $10 free play LVA
Plaza 10x slots
Sam’s Town 20x buffalo, 11x reels, 7x vp (kiosk)
Suncoast 10x slots, 6x vp

Las Vegas Trip Report: The Day That Started Before Yesterday Ended

I woke up at Sunset Station.  The alarm clock said 1:19 and my first thought was that I slept through the entire night and it was 1:19 in the afternoon. Nope, morning.  My nap had lasted ten hours.  Not 22, idiot.

I got up and played on my phone. Good thing I did not go right back to bed as shortly after, the alarm clock went off from the previous guest.  I could not figure out how to turn it off so I just unplugged it.

What should I do now?  I tried sleeping again but it didn’t take.   So obviously, I went down to gamble.  And had the realization that I never want to be anywhere that is not downtown ever again.  Here is why:

I needed cigarettes and coffee.  The gift shop is not open, Starbucks is not open.  It is negative eleventy billion degrees outside.  Even if I were willing to go out there (I was not) it is one-freaking-something am and I don’t know which way to walk to find anything once I am out there.

I was fortunate that the casino had cigarette machines around ($9.00 a pack, cheaper than New York, that’s for damn sure) but my only choice for coffee in a cup that I could have next to me at a machine was a cocktail waitress.  Of which I saw none.

If I had been downtown, I could have had a choice of Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Both 24 hours, both a short walk away. If it had not been eleventy billion degrees below zero, I could have went outside.  But I am at a local’s casino with about 89234783 exits.  I don’t know where anything is outside. It is too cold to go exploring. Let’s talk about that for a bit, shall we?

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I go to Las Vegas every December for Christmas, have for at least twelve years.  Save for that one year I went to Atlantic City instead and my waiter at breakfast clearly pitied me being solo and paid me extra special attention, as I vowed to never return due to that extra special pity attention that I most certainly did not require.

Point is, I know it is cold here in December.  I am not one of those idiots who thinks “Las Vegas is the desert!” and shows up during a snow storm dressed for Hawaii.  But this year it is so much colder than normal.  I will remember it always. Like that one year when my sister was with me and it was insanely cold and every time I think about that trip, my first thought is “It was so fucking cold that year!”  I remember being outside Walgreens on Fremont Street and running inside to warm up before continuing my walk to El Cortez.  It is that cold this year.  With a winter coat on, I do not want to go outside because the wind sends pain like knives through my winter coat.

Walking from my room to the casino is down a very long hallway with windows that are rattling from the wind.  This hallways is frozen.  Inside, with a coat on, the hallway is frozen.  So no. I am not going to go outside in the dark and wander around for an hour trying to find coffee.  I am going to instead, give the closed Starbucks inside Sunset Station my patented middle finger as I walk by it on my way to losing all my money.

The casino is as empty right now as it was full earlier this afternoon.  Every machine I touched played so loud that I was telling the machine “shut up already” and it would not.

I played a Buffalo slot.   It is always a good idea to play money sucking slots when you are on a losing streak.  Or if you are an idiot.  Fortunately, sometimes the gambling gods pity idiots and will do things like give you a $120 bonus win. Yay!

I played some Supertimes Pay and hit my favorite hand!  So pretty!

aces kicker

I then went to play Cleopatra Keno.  I wanted to play eight quarters a game, but the machine maxed out at four.  Why?  Why do you do this?  The gambling gods are watching out for me.  Why do YOU care if I want to lose two bucks a game?  Argh.  Stupid casino.

I switch back and forth between Keno and Double Double Bonus video poker until my budget is gone.  And Starbucks has still yet to open.

I have 45 minutes until Starbucks.  I need coffee.  I could probably walk to my room and back to kill 45 minutes, lord knows it is far away enough.  But CASINO!  So I put a $20 from my Buffalo wins into a different Buffalo machine and win $200.  Whoa.

Now I have $400 in winnings and no coffee.  Because Starbucks is still not open.  By now, a cocktail waitress has started stalking me but as any degenerate gambler knows, why on earth would I order a free coffee, when instead, I could gamble until Starbucks opens?  So I do.  And $100 later, Starbucks is open and I am able to purchase the most delicious cup of iced coffee ever.

I head back to my room, mad at myself.  Partly for losing $100, partly for my sleeping pattern, mostly for being an asshole in every which was possible. But how about that iced coffee?  Mmmm.

It is still painfully early.  I hang out in the room for a bit, mostly alternating between typing this report and hitting “refresh” more times on Facebook than I would like to admit.

Finally, 8:00 am rolled around and I went downstairs to redeem a MyVegas buffet for breakfast. Since the reward is good for two people, I tried to again get a second receipt for each so I could give one away, as the cashier at Santa Fe Station had voluntarily done for me.  This cashier told me it is not possible.  Oh well.

I normally don’t pay attention to people because I do not care, but I did notice one woman who had a plate overflowing with toast.  She had about ten slices on it.  She was sitting across from me.  Her husband (I am guessing here) then came and dropped off another ten slices for her.  She was sitting there buttering away during the entire time I ate my breakfast.  I found that insanely odd.

After eating, I played a bit and lost more than a bit.  I lost $200 of my remaining $300 winnings from this morning.  Sigh.   Then I went to the front desk to check out and check back in. I had booked two nights here via MyVegas before they changed the rewards to one per person.  So I am stranded here another night, still reluctant to go outside.  I also have a free MyVegas dinner buffet but probably cannot use it as you are only allowed to use two rewards per 24 hours and I have already used a buffet and a room.  Sigh, should have stuck to my itinerary and used that last night.  Except that I slept through last night.

I came back to the room to try and nap again.  I feel like I have been doing this too much.  I originally wanted to take my first trip to the North Las Vegas casinos today.  I also realized I never used my $5 free play at Plaza coupons from both American Casino Guide and Las Vegas Advisor.  Both expire this week.  But I do not want to go outside. Every time I walk the hallway from my room to the casino, I am frozen.  And this is an inside hallway.  The Plaza coupons are grinding my gears and I suspect I will end up taking a trip to use them.  Because degenerate.  Also because Dunkin Donuts.

I went back out in the evening…to gamble some more OBVS.  I ended up losing the last $100 of this morning’s winnings because of course I did.  Duh.  I had $5 free play from my points and ran that up to $6.25 on a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game.  Then I got that up to $10. And then turned that $10 into zero because that’s what I do.

I ended up eating Subway for dinner. I hate when I do this.  Whenever I am losing so I grab something to bring back to the room to settle in with a book.  It sounds like a good plan but the fact is that I am now paying for crappy food, when I have comps to cover non-crappy food.  But the non-crappy food is in a casino and I need to leave the casino.  So losing costs me even more by paying for food.  Idiot.

sunset station las vegas

Gambling Day: – $0
Gambling Trip: + $880
Miscellaneous: (tips, coffee, Subway and cigarettes) $38
Comps used: NOPE.
Freebies:  MyVegas room at Sunset Station, MyVegas buffet reward for breakfast at Sunset Station

My itinerary for today: Yes, nope, nope, nope, nope and nope.

Monday, December 28, 2015
Breakfast: Sunset Station, 8-11 free MyVegas
Lunch:
Dinner:
Mirage buffet 3-9 free MyVegas
Sam’s Town 20x buffalo, 11x reels, 7x vp (kiosk)
2000 points Longhorn casino (400 = $1 comp) ACG
Longhorn $5 free play ACG
Gold Coast 30x slots (kiosk)

Las Vegas Trip Report: Degenerate Gambler Tries Dollar Video Poker

I am wide awake at the California hotel at 6:00 am this morning.  I shower and get dressed and walk over to The D to use my $10 dining voucher.  Fremont Street is empty except for me and the homeless.

early morning fremont street las vegas

I saw this sign which drove me nuts.  It is a huge pet peeve of mine when people spell “Fremont” as “Freemont.”  I even once saw someone spell it as “Freemount”.  Although I guess since prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas, all mounts should be free.  Yet whoever made this sign, must work on Freeeeeeeeeemont.  And here we are.

freeeeeeeeeeemont

Oh hey, the coffee shop doesn’t open until 8:00.  Remember when these things used to be 24 hours?  I have to use my credit today as it will be expired when I return Downtown later this trip.  So I get some coffee from Dunkin Donuts and sit down at my favorite Supertimes Pay machine in all of Las Vegas, conveniently located right outside Dunkin Donuts.

This machine is my baby and I have not played her in a year.  When I was here briefly in September, she was always taken.  I am so glad to be reunited with her.  She isn’t doing too good. Her screen is shot and fuzzy.  Aw, poor baby.

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supertimes pay sevens

I turn $20 to $40 and then lose another $20 to even that out. I play some Keno and lose some more money because LOSER.  Finally it is 8:00 and I head back to The D to get breakfast.  I take the escalator upstairs and at the top is a woman sitting there breast feeding her kid.  In a casino.  Start ‘em off right I suppose.

Breakfast ended up costing me ten cents after my dining voucher / cleared out the remaining comps I have.  My relationship with The D is officially over.

I did stop and play some Sigma Derby.  There are twelve seats here.  Three on each long side, two on each short side. I had the entire game to myself until some man comes and sits right next to me on a short side.  Dude, the fucking game is empty.  No need to sit right fucking here.  So I bet the remaining 20 quarters I had on ONE combo that had 200 odds and lost it.  Oh well.

sigma derby

Back to California where I decide that since I am up for the trip, I am going to go for the $8128 dollar royal progressive.  That is insanely high, someone needs to hit it.  As I am playing, I am talking to the machine.  I am telling it that if it does not want to give me the $8128 royal, it can still give me any four of a kind.   Preferably Aces, but really, anything will do.  It gives me nothing.  But being the giving person I am, this does not stop me from continuing to give to it.  $300 later and I hate myself so much.

Back to the room to pack and get ready for my move to Sunset Station.  I will be there for two nights via MyVegas.  I booked before the one-per-person rule took effect.

I took the HDX bus, it took just under twenty minutes.  As a person who frequents lots of off strip places, I am always asked about renting a car.  I don’t even have a driver’s license.  The bus works.  You can take it should you chose to.  And if you do not want to, then hey, don’t!

BONUS: While I was standing at the bus stop, a homeless man was approaching, screaming very loudly.  It took a bit for me to realize I recognized the words he was screaming.  “Heaven and Hell” by Black Sabbath.  He was just not singing them anywhere near the tune.  Aw, I love Ronnie James Dio.

I got dropped off in front of Sunset Station and went to check in.  I got room 407.  I had to walk down a very looooooooooonnnnnng hallway to get there.  There is a parking lot right outside the elevator area.  Seems like that would be cool for people who drive.  Except you would still have to go all the way to the front desk.  Not sure why this hotel is designed like this.  Let’s put check in nowhere near the rooms.  Yes, that is a great blueprint, let me sign off on it!

The room is a room. There is nothing at all special about it.  The thermostat has seen better days and I have to push all the buttons multiple times to get them to work.  Other than that though, nothing. sunset station las vegas henderson room

sunset station henderson las vegas roomsunset station henderson las vegas bathroomsunset station henderson las vegas tub

sunset station las vegas room view

I go downstairs and gamble.  I am instantly horrified at how packed this place is.  It is hard to find any open machine and when you do, there are people surrounding it.  I had no idea this was such a happening place. I hate happening places.  Not enough to not gamble though so…

I played nickel Cleopatra Keno to balance out this morning’s dollar video poker loss.  I win nothing.

I went back to the room to take a nap.  This is where this day ends because I never woke back up.  Oops?

Gambling Day: – $500
Gambling Trip: + $880
Miscellaneous: (tip, coffee the $.10 The D breakfast!): $6.47
Comps used: The D breakfast
Freebies:  MyVegas room at Sunset Station

Today’s itinerary, really a joke at this point:

Sunday, December 27, 2015
Breakfast:  Fremont 7-10:30 free 250 points ACG
Check into Sunset Station
Lunch:
Dinner: Sunset Station, 4-9 free MyVegas
Jerry’s Nugget:New Member Rewards
50 points – $5 Comp
100 points – Jerry’s Nugget T-shirt
250 points – $20 Comp
500 points – $40 Gift Card
1,000 points – $100 Free Play on Slots and Video Poker
Downtown Grand 2x points promo
Gold Coast 30x slots (kiosk)
Orleans 30x pennies (kiosk)
Joker’s Wild 25x points on first 500 points,

Las Vegas Trip Report: the Fantastical Keno Win!

This morning, I was wide awake at the California hotel at 5:00 am.  I wanted to stick to my itinerary, which tells me to go to Santa Fe Station for breakfast.  I almost didn’t.  First, I am starving and don’t want to go all the way there.  Second, when I went outside, holy shit.  It is freezing out here.  I mean FREEZING.

Let me explain something, I know that Las Vegas is cold in winter. I have been here every winter for the past twelve years.  It is usually colder here than it is back in New York City when I am here.  I have a winter coat with me.  I get it.

But today it is so painful.  Colder than normal.  There is a wind storm going on that is blowing frozen knives into my skin.  I am going to die.  The only time i remember it being this cold in Vegas was during yet another wind storm in whatever year it was that my sister was here with me.  I remember we went to the movies at Neonopolis and then had to run into Walgreens to warm up because simply stepping outside the theater was too much for us.

Much like summer “oh but it is a dry heat”, winter here is “oh fuck it is a wind storm.”   Horrible.  I almost turned around walking to the bus.  Then I almost left the bus stop and said fuck this.  But I stuck it out and my first trip to Santa Fe Station was on!

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I got there a bit before the Rewards Center opened so I just had to play before it was time to redeem my MyVegas buffet reward.  I sat down at a nickel four card Keno game.  I hit “max bet” expecting it to be sixteen nickels, which is standard.  Nope.  FORTY nickels.  I don’t regret my mistake:

surprise santa fe casino keno win

Holy shit, I am rich!

What a great way to start the gambling portion of my day!  I played around a bit and went degenerate because why wouldn’t I when I am newly rich?

I play around some more and try for a $1600 quarter royal progressive that never happens.  I did hit for sevens though.

santa fe quarter sevens

Finally it is time to eat.   My buffet voucher is good for two people, but I am solo so typically this is a waste.  The cashier this time though, printed out two single receipts for me so I could give one away.  I gave it to the guy behind me.

Breakfast was okay.  The coffee was so bad, like notably bad, like I will never forget how bad it was bad.

I went back out and lost some more money and then went to wait for the bus back to Downtown.  So. Fucking. Cold.  Oh man I am never doing that again.

I get Downtown and play some in Main Street Station.  I lose on Friends and vow to stop playing this stupid machine.  I stop for a coffee at Lapperts and get a free donut I do not want but saying “no thank you” did not work.  Then I decide that today is my day.  Megabucks it is!  I am going to put a $100 bill through.  I got a $125 hit and cashed out at $176 and put another hundred in and lost it.

I played some Double Double Bonus video poker and some Keno.  Then came to the room for a nap.

Back out at 4:15.  First stop, Dunkin Donuts for hot coffee because it is so cold out that I will never make the walk to El Cortez without hot coffee.  I had to order it three times because she kept not hearing what I was saying.

El Cortez.  I have $10 free play from Las Vegas Advisor.  I also have a huge Keno win burning  a hole in my degeneracy so I lost $100 on Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker.  And then another $40 on Keno.

Downtown Grand was next with $5 free play from Las Vegas Advisor.  I am NEVER coming back here again.  I lose the $5 and a $20.  Then I decide I want to play quarter four card Cleopatra Keno.  At four quarters a card, this will cost me $4 each game.  Which I am fine with.  Which Downtown Grand is not fine with because it will not let me play more than four quarters TOTAL for each game.  So one quarter on each card. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  Bad Downtown Grand, bad.

I did hit quarter sevens here though:
quarter sevens downtown grandI leave here and go to The D to use my $5 free play from an offer that I will not use because it is buy one night, get the second night free.  Nope. Never.

the d las vegas

I don’t have my card but I am already settled so fine, I’ll play without it and then get a new one later so I can use the free play.  But the guy next to me is reading all my cards aloud to me so I need to cash out.  May as well go get a card then…

I get a card and am given my $10 food voucher that also came with my offer.  Because at this point, I really need all these food vouchers I cannot stop collecting.  I don’t even bother collecting anymore of the Boyd ones that I have enough points for to use the American Casino Guide coupons to collect.  I wish I could even them out and use them later in the trip but they all expire before I will need them.  I still have a Gold Coast buffet voucher in my wallet that expires in December as well.

I play and lose at The D.  I go to Four Queens and get $10 free play from Las Vegas Advisor and lose that as well.  I have now lost my entire night’s budget.  I want another coffee from Dunkin Donuts but I cannot bear to have to yell my order three times again so I pass. It is so fucking cold outside.

Back to California for some more money and then to Main Street Station for the buffet.  I have a free voucher from yesterday’s play at California / American Casino Guide coupon.  The woman in front of me hands me a receipt and tells me my buffet is on her.  No it is okay, I am already here for free.  Figures my Santa Fe Station karma comes back when I do not need it.

After eating, I decide to play $100 on quarter Supertimes Pay video poker.  Of course I do.  This is what you do when you have won money, you lose more money.  So I followed the rules and came back to the room to sulk….and to get more money to lose more money.  And I did.  As I am typing this, I have no idea why on earth I thought it was a good idea to play dollar video poker.  But if I had won, well…yeah.

Last ditch effort got me a last ditch four of a kind win.

california jacks

I was in my room at 9:00.  Spent some time typing stuff I cannot post because I refuse to pay for internet.  And was in bed by 10:00.

Gambling Day: + $800
Gambling Trip: + $1380
Miscellaneous: (tips, coffee and coffee): $9.37
Comps used: California hotel stay
Freebies:  MyVegas buffet at Santa Fe Station, Main Street Station buffet via a coupon in American Casino Guide. donut at Lapperts that ended up being my dinner.

Today’s itinerary.  I did not make it to Suncoast or Rampart because it was too cold out to be on a bus.  That plus I needed to use the free play coupons that I did not use last night.

Saturday, December 26, 2015
Breakfast: Santa Fe Station 8-11 free MyVegas
Lunch:
Dinner: 
Suncoast 4:30-9 50% off LVA
Suncoast 5x points ACG
Rampart $10 free LVA
Downtown Grand 2x points promo
Ellis Island 10x

Silver Sevens slots 10x vp 4x