Atlantic City, New Jersey: Full Day of Degenerate Gambling

I woke up at 6:15 am.  I was tired and thought I should go back to bed, but we all know how this goes, right?  GAMBLE.

I went out to get some iced coffee at Starbucks.  I meant to time the walk, but forgot.  My guess is that it is about ten minutes?   I got a trenta iced coffee (that is a size up from large) and a McDonalds breakfast sandwich and went back to the room….where I immediately dropped my trenta iced coffee.   It landed upside down, which was good in that it didn’t all spill out since the top was on it.  But was bad because it made the straw shatter and there were a million tiny green plastic pieces now floating in my coffee.  No no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooo.  NOT MY TRENTA ICED COFFEE YOU BASTARD.






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So anyway.  After eating my breakfast with no iced coffee, I took a shower and headed downstairs to use my Caesars $10 free play.  I also had a promotional offer to swipe my card and get a multiplier on points.  Of course, zero of the kiosks were working, and the Total Rewards Center was not yet open.   Of course.  So I played anyway, because degenerate could not wait until later.  Fortunately, I hit this:
ultimate x video poker quad twos x 2I took the Jitney, to The Borgata.  The Boragata actually has a Starbucks, so I got to get another coffee.  But I still will forever mourn my OG dead coffee.  RIP OG dead iced coffee.  I miss you.

I had $10 free play here, from a mailer and also $10 from MyVegas.  I stopped to get the MyVegas free play loaded, and the woman at the booth let me know I had $10 more, which I already knew…but we’ll get back to this in a minute.

I tried to use the free play on a quarter Cleopatra Keno and nope, it will not let me.  So I play $20 through and then try again.  Now it lets me.  But it is only showing I have $10, not $20.  Maybe I have to play the $10 and then I can get the other $10?  Nope.  Nothing I do will make the second $10 show up.  Back to the booth I go.  She confirms she can still see $10 available on my account and suggests maybe I use the slot machines near the booth since “they usually work pretty well.”  Um, shouldn’t ALL the machines work pretty well?  Or even maybe just the one that let me use my first $10?  How annoying.   I ended up losing the $10 on some crappy slot I played just because it let me download the free play.

Then I went back to Cleopatra Keno.  I kept doubling $20 bills on here.  It was so cool.  I love this game and it has been a long time since I have actually won playing.  I won enough that I was able to play nickel Ultimate X video poker.  The machines here do not let you choose hands so you must play a minimum of five hands, which is 50 coins per game = $2.50 on five play nickels.  My first nice hit was this:

ultimate x video poker borgata atlantic city

Shortly after, I hit this, which seems really cool.  But I felt like had JUST sat down to play and wanted to play.  I didn’t want to cash out and not play.  So I played down to 1200 credits = $60.

ultimate x borgata 990 win

As I was cashing out, I noticed a game named Carnival in Rio.   I thought “Hey!  I want to go to Rio!  I should play that!  So I did.  And I hit a $205.60 bonus.  Sweet!

carnival in rio slot machine win atlantic city

I left Bogata up $100.  Then I took the Jitney to Trump Taj Mahal.

6tag_280416-123537I lost $40 on video poker but then won $80 on a Buffalo slot machine so I was up.   When I was in Las Vegas in December, the bulk of my wins were on Keno and Buffalo slots.  This is not supposed to happen, video poker is where it is supposed to happen.   Guess I got lucky!

Once here, I got my $20 free play and $20 dining credit from my Groupon.  I was told I could just charge my meals to the room and the $20 would be taken off when I checked out.  Great!  But I am not staying here?  I ended up with a voucher.

I get a large iced coffee from the Dunkin Donuts in Resorts.  Every casino should have one of these.  So good.

I turned my $20 free play into $50 on nickel Supertimes Pay video poker.  Then I lost the $50.  Then I lost $20 cash.  Then I decided to stop playing and eat.  I wanted to try their new restaurant, Burger Bar, but it does not open until 4:00 and it is not even 3:00 yet.  So I went to Breadsticks cafe, which has now moved upstairs to make room for Margaritaville downstairs.

I sit down, place my order and never see my server again.  I played on my phone, including taking a photo of this tram going down the boardwalk. I have never see this before:

atlantic city boardwalk tram

Rainy Boardwalk:

atlantic city new jersey rainy boardwalk

I play some more on my phone, check Facebook, respond to an email.  I get bored and start writing in my journal.  Finish that and realize that the couple next to me, who were seated after me, are now on desert and my burger is still not here.  Quick check of the time and it is 3:45.  I have been here for 45 minutes.  Where is my food?

Another server asks me if someone is helping me.  I say yes because the answer is yes.  I should have elaborated that while I do have a server who took my order, I haven’t seen her in 45 minutes.  The next time he passes by, I do say this.  He then goes in the back and out pops my server with my burger and fries, which have been sitting somewhere for all this time, as they are now cold.

I am starving, I eat the cold burger.  The second server comes over and apologizes to me, tells me the first server had gone on lunch.  But it is okay, he is going to be helping me now.  I tell him that my food was sitting somewhere, show him the cold fries.  He offers me new fries, I tell him I have already been here over an hour, please give me my check.   He does.

I obviously do not want to tip.  But now that I have a new server, do I have to tip?  I don’t know the protocol and I do not want server #1 to get a tip so I don’t leave one.  Sorry server #2 but I am not taking any chances here.

I leave and walk past Burger Bar, where I originally wanted to eat.  It is now after 4:00 so they are open.  Sigh.

I  walk back to Caesars in the rain.  I stopped at Ballys to use my $10 free play and lost that and a $20.  Over to Caesars where I did the promotional swipe to get a multiplier on my points today and got a 10x. I also had this promotion available at Ballys but I had forgotten and was not going to go back.

I take a nap and when I wake up, I am not sure what to do.   It is 8:00 pm, I do have $100 left for today’s gambling budget.   This is shocking after the beating I took at Resorts.  I want to go back to Borgata.  But maybe I shouldn’t.  $100 could go in five minutes, do I really want to go all the way there for five minutes?  What’s to stop me from going degenerate if I lose all my money before I finish an iced coffee?  Maybe I should just stay here.  But gambling.  But you can have an extra $100 for tomorrow if you don’t go.  BUT GAMBLING.

I flipped a coin and it told me that I should stay in my room.   Oh yeah?  Screw you stupid penny on tails, you can’t tell me what to do.  You’re not my real mom.

And off to Borgata I went.

I wanted to play Cleopatra Keno so bad but obviously, all four of them were occupied.  I tried playing the bank behind them and lost $40.  Cleopatra Keno was still occupied.

I walk past the Carnival in Rio machine I won $200 on earlier, and it takes my money.  I walk back to Cleopatra Keno, still occupied.

I walk further into the casino.  Guys, Borgata’s casino is so enormous.  You can walk forever in here.  And I did.   Until  I found a four game slot machine, where you can pick the four games  you play.  I don’t remember what I started on, but I was losing. So I ended up moving down to two games of Buffalo and then this happened:

buffalo slot machine borgata atlantic city 33440 win


I cash out and try to walk back to Cleopatra Keno.  This took so long because I got so lost.  I had no clue where i was for at least twenty minutes.  Finally I got my bearings and made it back to Cleopatra Keno.  Still occupied.

I go back out and play some video poker.  I saw a guy waiting for a handpay, he had hit a Royal Flush on Ultimate X with a 2x multiplier = $2000.  I did not hit anything.

Back to Cleopatra Keno.  STILL OCCUPIED.

I tried to find the Buffalo game I won on and could not find it.  I didn’t know where I was when I was playing it, I most certainly do not know where I am now.  Where am I?  Why is this casino so HUGE?  Oh my god, is there like a trick door and I am in another casino and just don’t know it?  I walked all over just half an hour ago and none of this looks familiar.  Oh hey there’s a different Buffalo slot machine yay!  And then this happens:

buffalo slot machine 34450 win borgata atlantic city

Seriously guys.  Slot machines have terrible pay outs yet Buffalo keeps paying me.  I want to play Buffalo slots now and forever.

I cash out and try and find Cleopatra Keno again.  I managed to accidentally happen upon Starbucks so I had a guide.  Back to Cleopatra Keno.  STILL FUCKING OCCUPIED.  ARGH.

I play a couple of slots, nothing.  I check Cleopatra Keno, still occupied.  I sit down at Ultimate X and play this for a bit, losing money.  I start to put another $20 in, then realize I only have one $20 bill left.  The rest of my money is in hundreds.  I need to either break another hundred, or leave NOW with this last $20 as I need it to buy something to drink on my way to the room.

I start reasoning with myself.  Dude, you are throwing money away just so you can throw more money away if those people ever leave the Cleopatra Keno machines you are stalking.  Stop being such a fucking idiot.  You know what, I am right.  I will stop.  I get up, start to walk to the Jitney, which is a course that takes me past Cleopatra Keno…where holy fucking shit, SOMEONE IS GETTING UP FROM ONE OF THE MACHINES!!!!  WHEEEEE!  GET OUT AND STAY OUT.

I sit down.  I play.  I hit a bonus, I win $400.  BAM.

I cash that out,  I go to put another $20 in and remember I have no more $20’s left.  So I cash out knowing that if I leave to break a bill and come back, this machine will be taken.  And I am okay with that.

I leave Borgata with $700.  Not too shabby.

While waiting for the Jitney, I saw this ad lit up on Golden Nugget across the way.  Chachi.  I have no idea if this is a current celebrity, but I hope as all hell it is Scott Baio coming out on stage with a handkerchief tied around his thigh.


I went back to Caesars and decided to let myself go nutso with $100.  I do have a 10x multiplier on points, plus I am a degenerate.  It took me hours to lose that $100.  I kept going between Buffalo, Supertimes Pay video poker and Ultimate X video poker.

Bed time!

Trip Report to Atlantic City, New Jersey: Travel Day

Once upon a time I was booked for a trip to Europe, for a fest.  As it got closer and the lineup didn’t get anywhere near as great as I had come to expect it to be, the less I wanted to go.  Finally I threw in the towel, but decided to keep two days off work to get a break.   Where oh where should I go with this newly found free time?  Oh hey, GAMBLING sounds good.

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I tried to stay at Borgata, since they have been sending me two night offers.  Problem is, they were not available on my dates.  I could use them if I wanted to go a week later.  But once I got the idea in my head that I was taking a break from work and going gambling, the idea of waiting a whole other week seemed too long.  So I booked a CET comp.  CET owns three properties in Atlantic City and all three properties came up as comped for me.  Ballys was immediately crossed off my list because there once was a time where no matter what room type I would book, I would end up in their crappy Claridge Tower.  Thing is, that building is now a completely separate hotel so you no longer run the risk of being put there.  But I am still mad, so no thank you.  That left me to choose between Caesars and Harrahs, the latter offering me a suite.  Pretty tempting.  But I chose Caesars instead.  Let me go on a little rant here.

If you have read my reports over the years,  you know I love gambling with a large iced coffee.  None of the CET properties have a Starbucks.  Or a Dunkin Donuts.  Harrahs has nothing in walking distance.  Caesars has both a Starbucks and a Dunkin Donuts in walking distance.  Although some will argue with me about it being too scary to walk a few blocks off the Boardwalk.  Please, don’t.

It was really sweet when Trump Plaza was open, as they had a Starbucks.  It kills me that it went away when the casino did.  So now I will stay at Caesars and walk to either Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks.  In case you care (you shouldn’t) I prefer Dunkin Donuts but I have a bunch of money on my Starbucks gift card (god bless everyone who gives Starbucks gift cards as holiday presents) so that is that.

If you want to respond and tell me that Caesars and Ballys AND Harrahs all have places that sell coffee on their properties, I will save you the trouble.  I do know this.  I also know that zero of them have super sized iced coffee.  I promise you, this is not my first caffeine infused rodeo.

I have free play at both Ballys and Caesars, $10 each day so $60 total.  I also have $20 at Borgata, $10 from my offers and $10 from MyVegas.  I also purchased a Groupon for Resorts.  For $30 I get $20 free play, $20 dining credit at any restaurant and $20 to play on their online casino (which I cannot do until I am in the state of New Jersey.)

I also got $25 free play from the casino bonus for riding the bus.  I had to work for this one.  Normally, I buy bus tickets online, and they do not have an option to print at home, so I pick them up at Port Authority.   Greyhound now allows you to print at home, so I did.  And there was no casino bonus.   I got to Port Authority an hour and a half early to deal with this.  Have you ever spoken to a Greyhound employee at Port Authority?  Here’s a tip: Avoid this at all costs.  It is not their fault at all they are curmudgeons.  They deal with assholes all day long.   Like the guy who refused to believe he could not get a refund on a non-refundable ticket, or the guy who cut the line, got denied cutting the line, started yelling about coming back with his AK, and so on.

Finally it was my turn.  I explain my dilemma and am told that I needed to book a ticket to the casino, not the bus terminal. But I did, see?  Caesars.   Then it was that I must have picked the wrong ticket type.  Nope.  Finally she stops making suggestions and just looks up the ticket type for me.  Oh hey, I booked a discounted ticket so that is why I did not get the bonus coupon.  Except that I did not book a discounted ticket. She looks again.  “Oh, you did purchase the right ticket type, why didn’t you get the casino bonus?”  Exactly.  She voids my ticket and reissues me a new one, with the bonus.  SCORE.

I will never print at home again.

My bus was only half full, so I had two seats to myself.  It makes me laugh that there was a point in time where the 2.5 hour ride used to seem absolutely unbearable to me.  After a 26 hour flight to China, this was a walk in the park.

We get to Caesars, I get my bus bonus.  They have changed the rules on this.   You now have to wait half an hour before it hits your card, and it is only good until 5:00 am.

I took a walk to the gas station about a two block distance from Caesars to get water and soda.   Then I checked in.   I get asked “Are you interested in an upgrade?”   Um, I don’t know?  “Well we have suites available at a discount……..”  Yeah, no thanks.   I get room 7503 in the Ocean Tower.  Don’t let the room number fool you, it is on the fifth floor.

I get to the elevator, it opens and there is a man in there who cannot figure out at all how to get the elevator to work.  You have to put your card into a slot, and then push your floor.  Nope, this is too complicated for him.  So I put my card in, pick my floor and tell him to pick his while the light is still green. He does.

The elevator stops at the third floor and some guy gets on.  Then we stop at the fifth floor and I need to get off.  OG dude has his suitcase almost completely blocking the door, newbie is blocking the rest.  I say “excuse me” and neither move.  I yell “EXCUSE ME” and newbie turns sideways, but he is the same width sideways as he was front ways so this does not help.  OG dude grabs his suitcase handle but does not move the bag.  I yell “I NEED TO GET OFF THE ELEVATOR!”  No one moves.  I am getting so annoyed thinking the door is going to shut and I am going to have to go to both their floors, which OG would never have even gotten to push the button for if not for me, if one of these fucking assholes does not let me off the fucking elevator.  I am getting off this elevator.  Just ask that woman who I accidentally knocked down in Las Vegas when she would not move out of my way when I tried to exit an elevator.

I ended up wrapping my foot around OG dude’s suitcase and pulling it with my foot, out of my way, while squeezing past Newbie on my way out and yelling “ASSHOLES.”   That’ll learn ’em.

I had booked a premium ocean view room.  We all know that you are not guaranteed a room type so I was not surprised that my ocean view looked like this:

Caesars Atlantic City Premium Ocean View room

I did have a Jacuzzi, or as my buddy Royal Flusher likes to call them, a Jizzcuzzi.

Caesars Atlantic City Premier Ocean View room jacuzziOh and no Do Not Disturb sign.  But don’t worry guys, I will spare you the rant that I normally make when this happens to me.  If I still have your attention after the elevator story, I would be pushing my luck ranting any further.  And if I am going to push my luck, it is going to be on a video poker machine.

My plan is to use my $25 bus bonus, $10 free play at Caesars from an offer, and $10 Ballys from an offer.  Zero cash, just the free play. Then I will get dinner to go and watch Survivor in my room.

I lost the $35 in Caesars on a Double Double Bonus Ultimate X video poker machine.  Then I lost a $20 in cash, because I said I was not going to play cash.  Over to Ballys, where I lost the free play and $60 in cash (didn’t I just say zero cash?) before this saved me:

four of a kind nines

I cashed out, got some Johnny Rockets to go and went to the room with zero damage done.  I watched television, because I love television.  Then I played the $20 free play at Resorts online casino, that I got from the Resorts Groupon I purchased.  I played quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  It was weird to realize I was gambling in my room, in my pajamas, while watching television.   I never hit anything significant, but the $20 lasted about half an hour   So there is that.  You get a bonus for depositing money.  I am not sure if it was a new sign up thing.  But I had an offer to double my deposit.  I will say, gambling twice as much money in my pajamas and never being around people, sounds kind of sweet.  But I knew it could also be dangerous so I didn’t do it.

I didn’t want to go back out since I had almost broke my budget in less than an hour, so I went to sleep to prepare myself for winning a bazillion dollars tomorrow.

Las Vegas Trip Report: My Last Day in Sin City

My last day in Las Vegas starts at the Four Queens hotel.   My handwriting is horrible so it appears as if I either started the day off by going to Petco, or Petra.  I most certainly did not travel to a pet store, nor did I travel to the country of Jordan.  If anyone has any ideas where I actually was, feel free to let me know!

I had breakfast at Magnolias at Four Queens, to use up my comps here.  I wanted to play live Keno, but it was not open this early.  Is this even possible?  Why am I having such a horrible time playing live Keno in Las Vegas?  The house odds are very high, why would you not want me to give you my money?

I walked over to Fremont for Dunkin Donuts iced coffee and my last time visiting my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines here.  I was  hoping for a parting gift here.   These have been my favorite STP machines for as long as I have been playing video poker. I visit them on every trip.  You would think that would count for something, but my babies felt that they were the ones who deserved the parting gift, and happily accepted it in cash form.

I played some Ultimate X.  I did:

$35 – $60
$25 – $60
$20 – $70
$20 – $0
$20 – $0
$20 – $40
$20 – $0

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I was here quite some time.

On my way back to my room (no no no no nooooooooooo) I stopped and played the Buffalo slot machine that was nice to me last night.  I turned $60 into $150.

Then it was time to leave.  Sigh.  One last view of Las Vegas outside of my hotel room window:
four queens las vegas strip viewOnce at the airport, I killed some time trying to figure out who has the WiFi name “I Will Shank  You Hard.”


And here is where we wound up today:

Gambling Day: + $0
Gambling Trip: + $990
Miscellaneous: (tip, coffee, Diet Pepsi at the airport):  $10.23
Comps used: Four Queens breakfast
Freebies:  nada

If I had not hit that one Royal Flush, I would have been down $10 gambling.

The grand total of non-gaming money I spent in Las Vegas was $616.77, the bulk of that was made up of cigarettes and resort fees.  In addition, I also paid for airfare, a few hotel nights and my bus pass before I left.

I have had a bunch of people let me know they are sad to see the Las Vegas trip reports end.  I appreciate the kind words.  I truly do.   But it is time for me to move on.   Although I ended up in the black with gambling, I had a bunch of days where I had zero fun because all I did was lose.   Life is not about the end game for me.  It is about living today.

Even when having a bad day in a foreign country, there are still multiple exciting things going on.  Oh look at that sign in broken English!  Oh look at this local custom I am experiencing for the first time!  Look at that view of a place on Earth I had only seen in pictures before.  And so on.  I just really have grown tired of “Oh hey, look at the Dunkin Donuts sign behind my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines at the Fremont casino!”

If you are still itching for some more fun Las Vegas trip reports, make sure to check out my buddy Royal Flusher.  He is hilarious and also, a degenerate gambler.  We love degenerate gamblers.

Las Vegas Trip Report: Last Full Day in Las Vegas

This morning, I woke up at the California hotel in Downtown Las Vegas for my last full day in Las Vegas.  Aw.

I walked over to The D for breakfast, using a voucher from a mailer.  I had French Toast.  It was really good and after the $10 voucher, cost me $1.35.  I miss when this casino loved me and sent me offers.  OH WELL.

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for some iced coffee and then played in Binions.   Last full day = slot play to win big = $216 win.

216 buffalo slot machine win

I tried playing Double Double Bonus video poker on quarters, but the stupid button was stuck so I had to keep slamming it.  I just cashed out.  Got my voucher for a deck of cards, threw out my voucher for a deck of cards and headed back to California.  I am ending a two night comped stay here and have yet to put any money through any Boyd machine.  This is the beauty of knowing you are not coming back, you do not have to keep your comps.  I ran through $60 and got nothing.

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I checked out and walked over to the Four Queens to check in for my last night.  This room was completely covered by Hotwire credit I got for my Henderson room not having the advertised casino.  Score!

Dropped off my stuff and went gambling!  There is a penny machine named Cirque something, near the elevators, that I have won on before.  I won again!  Then I went on a Buffalo slot kick and could not stop hitting the bonus.  I cashed out up $220.

I got on a bus and went to Palace Station.  Partly because I wanted to play here, partly because I want to buy a shit ton of cheap cigarettes before going home.  I had visions of drinking Starbucks while having a huge win on my last day.  Sadly, only the Starbucks dream was realized.

From here, I went to Longhorn.

I loved this casino so much.  If I were returning and had no comps, I would not even hesitate to stay here again.  I played some quarter Double Double Bonus video poker, some four card Cleopatra Keno and some quarter single line Cleopatra Keno.  Nope, nope and nope.

Dinner was using my points.  I had steak and baked potato.  It was decent and for free, even more so.

I played after eating and turned $20 into $50 on Cleopatra Keno.  Oh hey, let me go cash out.  I get to the TITO machine and realize I didn’t actually cash  out.  Idiot!  Luckily, the credits were still on the machine when I got back.

From  here, the most obvious thing I could do was visit Cromwell one last time to play my beloved Ultimate X machine.  I know I am pushing it here.  There is no way this machine is still going to love me after all these tries.  It has to suck up my money at some point.  It is my last night here, what are the chances she still loves me?

Turned out they were very high.


I also got this cool hand that led to nothing:

dealt flush ultimate xFrom here, I walked through Flamingo to take the monorail to the 108 bus.  I am willing to pay for the monorail to avoid getting on the Deuce bus.  But it turns out I do not have to.  Someone getting off the monorail offered me an unused ticket for free.  Score!

I get back Downtown and stop at Dunkin Donuts, obviously.  Then I played at The D.

the d las vegas

I played at the upstairs bar.  Whenever I play here, I always have a large iced coffee with me.  Whenever I play here with a large iced coffee, the bartender will ask me over and over if I want a drink.  This never used to happen to me when I drank in Las Vegas.

I quickly lost $100 and walked over to Four Queens to play some Buffalo.  No matter what I did, I could not stop hitting the bonus.  I left up $235.

I finally went to bed at 1:00 am and did so only because I need to get up early to go home.

Gambling Day: + $300
Gambling Trip: + $990
Miscellaneous: (breakfast, tips, coffee, cigarettes):  $67.92
Comps used: California room, The D breakfast, Longhorn dinner
Freebies:  nada

Sunday, January 10, 2016
Breakfast: MSS free ACG 7-3 $11.99
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Binions burger

Las Vegas Trip Report: Visiting My Beloved Riviera

I am at California hotel in Downtown Las Vegas.  I didn’t sleep all that well because I am on a party floor.  There are several rooms with what appears to be a very large, extended family, who are celebrating their “Most Important People on Earth” win and being the most important people on Earth, they have no reason to consider that anyone else may be trying to sleep.  Must be nice!

Today I am headed to the Strip.  I want to eat breakfast at Planet Hollywood and visit my beloved Riviera.   Breakfast is $10 off with the Las Vegas Advisor coupon.  I had some comps as well and it ended up costing me $1.07.

There is only one other table near me with people at it.   Either my server was invisible or I was, because I only saw her one time.  That’s okay though because this buffet has smoothies.

After eating, I got an iced coffee from Starbucks and walked across the street to Bellagio.  I wanted to play in Cosmopolitan, but I had only been inside one time during this trip and lost money.  I love Cosmopolitan too much to risk losing a second time and killing my extreme love for this place forever.

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I attempted to get photos of the Bellagio Conservatory, but of course, it is closed as they do the change over from Christmas to Chinese New Year.

bellagio conservatory las vegas changeover to chinese new year bellagio conservatory las vegas closed bellagio conservatory las vegas construction bellagio las vegas conservatory construction

Of course, I took these two photos, as I do on every trip and probably did earlier in this trip:

paris las vegaslas vegas strip from bellagio people mover

Bellagio interior walkway:

bellagio walkway las vegas bellagio walkway las vegas chinese new yearBellagio reception and Chihuly ceiling:

bellagio las vegas receptionchihuly ceiling bellagio las vegas

I played $20 in Cleopatra and cashed out when my iced coffee was empty, which also nicely coincided with my $20 now being $40.

Across the street to Cromwell to my Ultimate X machine!   This machine was so nice to me this entire trip and continued loving me today!  I have been fantasizing about this machine since coming home.

two x 3 ultimate xkings x 4 ultimate x

I left here up $220.

I walked over to Ellis Island, stopping in Westin for Starbucks.  Here is a view of the High Roller from this way.

high roller las vegasInside Starbucks, there was a man on line behind me who was on the phone, talking about how he lost his wallet and could only eat at Starbucks for the rest of his trip, because they would let him charge it to his room.  Not sure how he was going to do that without ID but not my problem.

I went to put some half and half in my coffee and discovered that some asshole had unscrewed the top so it spilled all over.

At Ellis Island, I have free play coupons from both American Casino Guide and Las Vegas Advisor.  I get $10 from one and $20 from the other (You get to pick a chip for your free play and the $20 was just me being lucky.)  I was hoping to have a great free play day like I did last week.   I was almost at zero with it when I had a $30 win on four card nickel Keno.  I cashed out and ran.

I tried taking the 202 to the 108 to get to Mardi Gras casino to use my free play coupon in Las Vegas Advisor but I don’t think the 108 stops there on the way downtown because I didn’t see it.  My bus driver also did not stop at Westgate, even though I rang the bell.  I had to walk back from the Sahara monorail station.

westgate las vegasI had $10 free play here from Las Vegas Advisor.  I tried finding the player’s club, looking in the spot it was in the last time I was here.  A woman asks me if I need help. I tell her I am looking for the player’s club.  She asks me “Did you get your free play and show tickets?”  Oh you are a time share person.  I say “I just need to find the player’s club.”  “What do you do for a living?”  I answered “nothing.”   She says it must be nice, I say it is.  I don’t have any idea why I am lying to her, other than I do not want to talk to  her.

The player’s club is now merged with the cashier.  This means the line is twice as long and with only one person working it, three times as slow.

I get my free play and lose it.  Then I went degenerate on a Buffalo slot machine.   I haven’t really gone degenerate in days.  As much as I enjoy shoving all my cash into a machine and having zero wins, I left here angry at myself.

I crossed the street to walk past my beloved Riviera.

riviera las vegas signriviera las vegas convention center closed riviera las vegas convention center expansion riviera las vegas food court sign riviera las vegas neon museum sign riviera las vegas sidewalk

riviera las vegas riviera las vegas zone change sign


I walked over to Encore, intending to take Strip photos.  I got a few of Encore, which is better than I did last time.

wynn butterfliesencore las vegas butteryfly sculpture

encore las vegas

I broke even on Cleopatra Keno.

I wanted to keep going and perhaps end up at Cromwell again, for my beloved Ultimate X machine, but the sun was killing me.  So I took the Deuce back Downtown from Wynn.   It was 2:31 when I boarded the bus.

I took a nap and then went to El Cortez to visit Happy Feet massage.  $20 for an hour long foot massage, yes please!

You walk up the spiral staircase near reception.  When I got up there, I was offered free water or tea.  Then I was taken to the room.   There are a whole lot of massage beds in there, no privacy.  But you aren’t getting undressed so who cares?  I was the only person in there at this time (7:00 pm.)   There is a hook behind your bed to hang your stuff.  This is easily the best bargain in all of Las Vegas.  I tipped $20 so even for $40 total, seriously best bargain.

Afterwards, I played some Cleopatra Keno.  I cannot win.  I just cannot.  I  used to spend hoursssssss at these machines at El Cortez.  Now?  Nope.

I did a final desperate try at four card Keno and it laughed in my face as it took my money.

I stopped at Binions of course.  I love this casino.  Always have, always will.   I won no money, but did win another deck of cards.  No, thank you.

On my way back to the room, I bought McDonalds because 24 hour breakfast.  Suck it.

Gambling Day: + $30
Gambling Trip: + $690
Miscellaneous: (breakfast, tips, coffee, water, soda, massage and McDonalds):  $61.32
Comps used: California room
Freebies:  nope.

Saturday, January 9, 2016
Breakfast: Red Rock buffet 8-11 free MyVegas
California prime rib points
The D up to $100 free play ACG

Las Vegas Trip Report: Do I Win a Million Dollars?

This morning I woke up at Longhorn casino.  I am up and out by 9:00.   I go down to the casino and play.   I am playing quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  I want to be playing four card Cleopatra Keno.  There is only one of those open and I instinctively know that if I sit there, between two people, at least one of them is going to ask me for a cigarette.  Turns out I didn’t even  have to sit there as one came over to me to ask me for one.   I hate that so much.  I don’t know what it is about casinos that make complete strangers feel like it is okay to ask  you to give them something you paid for with your own cash.

I  gave him a cigarette and then said fuck it, I  guess I can now sit at Cleopatra Keno.  As I am playing, the cigarette grubber gets a phone call.  He asks me where he is at, so he can tell the caller where he is. “Longhorn.” “What?!?”  “LONGHORN.”   He leaves, putting out the grubbed cigarette directly on the machine.  Not in any of the billions of ashtrays sitting around.  Longhorn literally  has a clean ashtray on EVERY machine at all times, every single machine, every single time.

I am playing and I am doing pretty well.  No HUGE wins, but I doubled a few $20 bills.  I thought I had $70 in wins.  When I got back to the room, I only had $50 in wins.  I am pretty sure I dropped money somewhere.  The TITO machine was spitting my money out so that it did not land in the tray and I caught a loose $20 falling to the ground.  I think I may have missed another one.  I sure as all hell hope it was found by someone other than that jerk who put his cigarette out on the machine.

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Time to check out and head downtown, where I am checking back into the California hotel for a second stay here this trip.  I take the bus there.  The hotel is a mess.  They are redoing everything and I guess now they are working on the reception desk.  It has temporarily been moved to the casino, to the right of Keno.  The line is sooooooooooo long, one person working.  It takes forever.  Finally I am next.


The woman in front of me said she paid for three nights through (some discounter) but the woman at the desk was showing only two nights were pre-paid and so she owed for her third.  This went on for a while.   I mean a WHILE.

Finally it is my turn.  “Oh checking in?  Step to the side please so I can check people out.”

There are no bell men anywhere.  As a matter of fact, in the half an hour or so I have been on this line, a man is trying to get a bell man to help him.  He has asked the lone worker at reception three times if there are any bell men working today.

I am trapped here.

Finally I get a room yay!   I am in room 1113.  Just a couple of doors down from where I was a couple of weeks ago.  When I had a lot more money.

I dropped my stuff off and headed to Binions.  I was smoking while playing and some man came up and asked me for a “couple of cigarettes.”  Yeah, no.

I played in Binions for a couple of hours and only lost $20.   This is how days should go.  If I do not win, then at least let me play!

I went back to California for a nap and then back to Binions for dinner.  I had a Binions burger, which somehow was the first one I had this trip.  This is my favorite meal in Vegas.

From here, I took the bus to Boulder Station.   I have never been here before.  I always fantasized that I would win a million dollars here.  So I may as well get that out of the way before it is time to leave.

The bus stop for Boulder Station is one of those ones that grates on my nerves.  It stops between two traffic lights, which are pretty far from each other and both are far from the bus stop.  I chose to walk in the direction of one and as I am walking, I begin to realize just how far it is before I can cross.  I will no longer be anywhere near the casino.  So I opted to dart across six lanes of traffic on Boulder Highway.   Good news guys, I did not get killed!  Going back to Downtown, the bus is right outside the casino.

I was so surprised to see how packed this casino was, which seems to be a typical thing for me at Station casinos.  I should be used to it by now, but nope.

I got Starbucks and played around, including $5 free play I had earned.  I got nothing.   Except cheap cigarettes.

I headed back to Binions and I cannot play my preferred Cleopatra Keno machine because someone is on it.  Not only is he is my machine, he is a guy who recently won $2500 on the Binions free pull, which I know because I recognized him from the photo Binions posted.  Now he has $2500 and he has my machine. What a jerk!

I lost  the rest of today’s budget, did the promotional spin, threw out my receipt for the free deck of cards, collected a free t-shirt, and went to bed.

Gambling Day: – $200
Gambling Trip: + $660
Miscellaneous: (tips, cigarettes, coffee):  $78.56
Comps used: California room, Binions burger
Freebies:  $5 slot play at Boulder Station, free t-shirt at Binions

Why do I bother making itineraries?

Friday, January 8, 2016
Breakfast: Longhorn
East Side Cannery 9-9 300 points = $500 cash or slot play
Check into California
North Las Vegas
Texas Station $10 for $5 ACG
Plaza 10x slots
Four Queens double points ACG
Binions double points ACG
Binions $10 free LVA
Plaza $10 free LVA
Downtown Grand $10 free play LVA

El Cortez – pick envelope LVA
Four Queens $10 free play LVA

Las Vegas Trip Report: One Boring Day and One Exciting Day

This morning I wake up at Longhorn with ear pain left over from yesterday.  It has now grown and I can feel it all the way in my jaw.

I get up and get dressed and go downstairs to…you thought I was going to say “gamble”, right?  Well WRONG. I went to fucking Walmart.  That’s right, I am crushing the American Dream.  I am not sorry.  Oh man.  Walmart.  This place was like a total tourist attraction for me. I live in New York City.  We do not have Walmart. This place is insanely huge.  I probably could have spent a day in here just marveling at everything.  But I am on a mission to get ear drops so I can numb the knife that is stabbing me through my ear drum.  It was so tempting to not go completely insane in here and buy everything.

I came back to the room and decided that today is laundry day.  Okay I didn’t decide this, my lack of clean clothes did.  Longhorn hotel has a laundry center, two washers and two dryers.  I put my clothes in the washer and went to the casino.

I used two coupons I got at check in. One is for 2400 free points.  I noticed the sign behind the counter with the food specials for points.  I could get an entire meal with these points and still have some left over.  This is a great deal.  I also used a “play $5 get $10 free” coupon.  That one works by handing a cashier the coupon and $5 and she hands you a TITO ticket for $10.

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I put my TITO into a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game and then realized it is 10 coins per line.  I hate this.  Dude, if I wanted to play fifty cents a hand, I would play dimes, you dumbass.

So I play and am dealt four fives for $30.  Okay maybe I am not so mad. I didn’t have my phone with me, which is a shame because even a $30 win seems like a notable win these days.

I cashed out and put $5 into Cleopatra Keno and lost that.  Then it was time to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer.  I wish my laundromat at home had a casino attached to it.  It would make doing laundry so much less hate.

Once my laundry is done, I go back to bed with my ear drops in my ear (where else would they be?) and sleep for a couple of hours.

When I wake up, I laugh at myself for ever having thought I was going to go to the Strip tonight to use a MyVegas buffet reward.  Hahahah!  I am not going anywhere.  Well except across the street to Sam’s Town. They have Dunkin Donuts and I have a play $10 and get $10 free coupon in my new Las Vegas Advisor book.

I am playing Cleopatra Keno when a man in the same row as me turns and says “Look!  I got this twice tonight!” and I look and see him with quarter Aces with a kicker in front of him.  Nice.  Now go away, I am jealous.

I came back to the room with take out from Denny’s.  Because Walmart and Denny’s.  Oh I am living it up in Las Vegas.

The next morning, I woke up and wanted to go to Green Valley Ranch to use a MyVegas buffet voucher.  But I didn’t want to go because I wanted to go do a loop of free play around the Strip.  As soon as my bus passed the transfer point for the bus to GVR, I instantly regretted not getting on it.  I told myself that now I was going to lose all my money for not sticking to the plan.

I got off by Hooters.  You know how all change in Las Vegas sucks?  Well I finally found a change that rules!  LOOKIT!  Do you see?

hooters las vegas cross walkNo?  You have no idea what  you are looking at?  Well then you have never taken the bus from Hooters back to the Strip.   While the bus stops right outside Hooters coming away from the Strip, it stops nowhere near going back.  You have to walk far to the corner, and then cross, and then walk far back on the other side of Tropicana to get the bus.  But no more!  This is construction for a cross walk at Hooters.  I was so insanely excited over this.  I am not sure why since this is the last time I will ever be here.

I had $10 free play from American Casino Guide and $10 from Las Vegas Advisor.  I have used these two coupons every year they have been available and they are normally kinda okay to me.  This time though, nope.  I lose both and then continued to lose another $50 of my own on Supertimes Pay and then another $40 on Family Guy.

Leaving Hooters, I walked across the new cross walk (!!!) and went to MGM Grand to use a MyVegas buffet voucher for breakfast.  When I got it loaded on my card, I was told I have seven days to use it.   Pretty good deal.

I also stopped in the rest room and saw a MyVegas ad on the TV screen above the sink!

myvegas ad mgm grand las vegas

My breakfast was easily the worst meal I had the entire twenty days I was in Las Vegas.  I had to ask someone working at one of the station if the bacon was meatless because it looked more like plastic than bacon.  This confused the man I asked, which in turn confused me because LOOK AT IT.  It doesn’t even look like bacon.  The scrambled eggs were more liquid than solid.  Stuff like that is so gross.  Hello, have a serving of salmonella poisoning!

I didn’t play a dime in here.  I figured they have enough of my money from last year to last them for a while.

I crossed over to New York New York and did not go into the casino.

new york new york las vegasexcalibur las vegasI headed straight for the bus to Orleans.  Well to Terrible’s gas station for an enormous peach Mello Yello fountain drink.  Last year, my trip report was approximately 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words.  One guy seemingly read all those 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words and his only comment was to point out that I must have consumed so many calories by drinking soda.  So that guy, this information is for you:  diet soda has zero calories.

I went into Orleans.  I hate using free play here.  Well no I don’t, I hate redeeming it here.  You have to go up to the player’s club each time for each coupon.  They cannot load more than one at a time.   When the line is long, it is worse.  When you are staying there and have a third voucher that comes with your offer, it is the worstest (I invented a word here.)

I used my free play on the quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine that was kind to me earlier on this trip.  She was kind to me again.

straight flush orleans las vegas

Then I played a bunch on the Keno machine that I won $942 on last year.  I am that machine’s version of MGM Grand because she decided I already have enough of her money and she did not give me anymore.

From here I took the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It passes the Gold Coast, goes to Caesars and then comes back and stops at Gold Coast.   This takes a while as the shuttle takes a very roundabout way to the new stop at Caesars.

I get to Gold Coast, get my free play loaded, and go back to the machine that gave me Aces twice earlier this trip.  There is no way to adjust the speed on this machine and it is set on super freakout.   Just like when I was playing the last time, it drives me insane that the cards are dealt this fast.  But it is my lucky machine so I have to do it.

I didn’t realize how freaked out I was until holy fuck, is that a fucking ROYAL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.  I held the cards and instantly pushed “Draw” and then “Max Bet” because for some reason, I was scared.  I didn’t get a photo.  This is not the first time I have done  this.  Hell, this isn’t even the first time I have done this at Gold Coast.  My very first royal was here, on nickels.  I got so scared and had to get it off my screen before anyone saw it.  I once read someone’s trip report where they had the same illogical reaction to getting a royal.   So guys, I GOT A FUCKING QUARTER ROYAL AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING PHOTO OF IT.


I cashed out immediately and got the hell out of here.  I was supposed to do other things, like play at Palms and stop at Ellis Island to do free play there.  Nope.  I will go degenerate.  I know I will.  This is the first time in many days I have had a big win.  I must get the fuck out of here.

I got on the bus and went straight back to my room and stayed there for hours.  I wanted to go downstairs, or go anywhere.  Just let me go gamble please.  NOPE.  NOT ALLOWED UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN YOU DEGENERATE.

I did leave my room later on to get Denny’s for dinner.  I could not trust myself to enter a casino.  The internet gets SO MAD when people eat Denny’s in Las Vegas.  In this one installment, I have eaten it twice.  Suck it, internet.  I have a thousand dollars and you don’t.

Gambling Day: + $870
Gambling Trip: + $860
Miscellaneous: (trip to Walmart, dinner for two nights, cigarettes, soda, coffee, laundry and tips):  $89.13
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  MGM Grand breakfast, free via MyVegas

Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Breakfast: Green Valley Ranch 8-10:45 MyVegas free

Thursday, January 7, 2016
Breakfast: Sam’s Town 7-10  200 points = free ACG
Sam’s Town $10 free play LVA
Orleans play $10 get $10 ACG + 10 LVA
Hooters $10 free ACG + $10 LVA
Westgate $10 free play LVA
Mardi Gras $10 free play LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play LVA
Dinner: Orleans half off LVA 4-9 $17.99

Las Vegas Trip Report: The Boring, Rainy Day Where I Check into Longhorn

My alarm went off this morning at the Mirage hotel and instantly, there was pain shooting through the side of my face, pouring out of my ear.  My throat is swollen.  I don’t want to get up.  Not now, not ever.

I am supposed to be eating breakfast at Bellagio this morning.  I have to do this today as the only way I can redeem my MyVegas reward is if I am staying at an MLife property, and this is the one and only time I will be doing that on this trip.  But I don’t want to get up.  You can’t make me.  So I went back to bed.  Now that I am home, I hate myself so much.  I have 1.5 million points to use on MyVegas that I will never be able to use.  And I really should have done this.

I also again missed my opportunity to take photos of the Bellagio conservatory.  I really suck.

I showered and got dressed and ate at the Mirage buffet, free via MyVegas.  I was so surprised the buffet was empty.  There were a million people at the elevators.  CES starts today.  My personal hell on earth.

I get seated and am told drinks are self service.  I like this because it means I am not reliant on a server to bring me more coffee.  I don’t like this because it confuses the tipping.  Who am I tipping and for what?  The woman who asked me if I wanted hot sauce?   Does she get the same tip as someone who serves me beverages?  Do I tip myself for serving me beverages?  I have no idea.

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This buffet isn’t really good.   It is extremely spread out.  I guess when it is not empty it seems normal.  It just seemed to me that there was a lot of walking and not a lot of decent choices for food.  But the coffee was the best I have had so far this trip, and that includes my many trips to Dunkin Donuts.  Good job, Mirage!

Love theater at Mirage:

mirage love theater las vegas

I decided in advance that I would not be gambling today because I need to stop having losing days.  That said, it is raining outside and I always win when it rains.  So I try $10 in Keno and lose.  Sigh.

I go upstairs, pack and try and check out on the television.  I keep getting an error message telling me to call the front desk.  No.  I will not.  I will simply leave without checking out.

I walk over to Flamingo and catch the 202 to my spa appointment.  When we stopped at Gold Coast, the world’s most annoying man got on the bus.  I hate this person so much.  It seemed that he wanted to eat the Gold Coast buffet, but they would not let him pay for his daughter’s buffet with whatever option of payment he was trying to use, because she is under 21.  (She was with him, and appeared to be about ten.)   I have no idea if he was trying to use a coupon or voucher or what.  I just know that he was not happy about  this and would not shut the fuck up about it.  On and on about how the customer is always right, how the daughter needs to stay in school so she doesn’t end up doing an idiot job like buffet cashier.  At some point, a teen aged guy came down the bus stairs and recognized this guy, asks him “You go to (whatever)  park, right?” The guy confirms yes, he does.  The teenager says “I work there, I see you a lot” and says hello and good bye.  When the teenager gets off the bus, the man goes into a rant to his daughter about how only stupid people work at parks.  If this guy wasn’t so lazy, he could go to college and get a real job.   How do you fucking know this guy is not going to college while working?  GOD SHUT UP.  But nope, this teenager must be lazy and according to this man, he is going to end up working at the Gold Coast buffet one day.   I must have been on this bus for eleven hours because that is how long  these life’s lessons went on.  Every time the topic of conversation changed, it would go right back to the Gold Coast buffet.  So. Painful.  He even made his daughter rip up a business card from the Gold Coast manager.  How dare they not allow him to have whatever he wants, despite there being rules.  Do they not know who he is?  He will never play there again and he is excited to see the day they inevitably go out of business over this huge faux pas on their part.  OH GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.  You are riding a bus in Las Vegas.  You are not the high societal man you think you are.  Buddy.

I am having a microdermabrasion and pumpkin peel.  I believe this took just over half an hour and left my skin feeling nice and soft.  The aesthetician asked me where I was going after this (I had my bag with me) and I lied and said Sam’s Town because I didn’t feel like explaining that no, I know what Longhorn is like, no I don’t care, yes I am going to be fine.  Well it turns out she was going near there after this, and do I want a ride.  What an extremely nice gesture.  But I have errands to run / don’t like accepting favors from strangers, so I politely declined.

From here, I took the bus to the Las Vegas Advisor office to pick up my coupon book for 2016.    It is now pouring out and walking in the rain with my bag would have seemed like death, except the walk takes you past a homeless village with people living under tarps and tents, so really….I was the most fortunate person heading down that street in this rain.

las vegas advisor

I continued on from here to Boulder Highway and switched buses to get to Longhorn.  This whole trip took a very long time.  I get that people who drive everywhere in their normal lives view a fifteen minute bus ride as the end of the world and a waste of their WHOLE ENTIRE DAY OH MY GOD.  But the way they picture that fifteen minute bus ride to be, was exactly how this whole entire ordeal was really for me.

Longhorn hotel.  Loved it!  I would stay here again forever and ever.  It is not a fancy five star hotel, so no one should be expecting that.  I paid $40/night during CES. Have you ever checked prices for Las Vegas hotel rooms during CES?  Please do not do so if you are faint at heart.  Places like Circus Circus manor rooms were over $200, as were El Cortez pavillion rooms.  Even the Hostel Cat was sold out of private rooms!

Plus, there is no resort fee, you get free coffee in the lobby in the mornings, and you get a coupon book when you check in.   I got $5 free play, there was a match play in there, and slot club points that got me a free meal (and then some) just with those points, before I even played.  I cannot say enough about this place.  They also have self service laundry.  I needed that at this point in the trip.

longhorn hotel las vegas longhorn hotel room las vegas longhorn las vegas hotel room

longhorn hotel bathroom las vegas

I was also given a peep show outside my window.   Down below, there is a pool and a hot tub.  Three women were in the hot tub (why I do not know, it is FREEZING and pouring outside) and then they decided to go in the pool (see aforementioned WHY.)   Two make it in, one slips and falls and lands flat on the ground, sans her bathing suit bottom, which is somehow around her ankles.  Yeesh.

Now that I had my Las Vegas Advisor coupon book, I was itching to go downtown and gamble.  So I did.

I took the bus and walked through Four Queens, stopping to use my $10 free play on Cleopatra Keno.  I won $15.  This is off to a good start!  I got some Dunkin Donuts and then continued, with the Plaza as my next stop, where my free play vanished lightning quick.

Up next, Binions.  I got to play for a while but never really hit a cash out point.   I did get enough points to do a daily swipe at their promotions booth and won a deck of cards.  If I had collected the decks of cards every time I have won one, I could build a life sized mansion out of them.

it is still pouring outside.  I love how the neon reflects on Fremont Street in the rain.

fremont street las vegas rain reflecting neon

Next stop is The D where I had $5 from a mailer…until I had nothing from a mailer.  That $5 was gone in seconds.

I walked over to Downtown Grand.  I really do not like this place.  And it does not like me.  Free play, shmee play.  Gave me nothing.

Last stop on my free play run is the El Cortez.  Surely I am going to win big here.  I mean, I have had more than my share of bad luck on this run so destiny owes it to me to win.  Right?  Wrong.  I lost the free play.  Then I converted all my points into free play and lost that too.  I was playing Cleopatra Keno, $5 at a time on nickels.   I never once even got it converted to $5 cash, let alone doubling the $5, which is my preferred cash out point.  Sigh.

I took the bus back to Longhorn and called it a very unsuccessful night.  You know, because it was.

Gambling Day: – $10
Gambling Trip: – $10
Miscellaneous: (tips, water and Diet Pepsi):  $34
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  Mirage breakfast, free via MyVegas

Tuesday, January 5, 2015

Breakfast: Bellagio buffet 7-11 free MyVegas
Eiffel Tower half off $14 LVA 10-5
Check into Longhorn
$10 for $5 ACG
$10 for $5 hotel
2400 points hotel
Boulder Station half off LVA 4-9 $9.99
Plaza 10x slots

Las Vegas Trip Report: I Love “Love” And the Mirage

My alarm went off at 6:00 am this morning, on purpose.  My brilliant logic was that since I am at Cromwell, I can simply walk across the street at an insanely early hour and get pictures of the Bellagio conservatory before everyone else wakes up.  But when I woke up, I laughed at myself and went back to sleep.  Now I am kind of annoyed because I am doing that thing where I have 20 days in Las Vegas and am somehow still not doing all the things I wanted to do.  Like walk across the street and take pictures.  Sigh.

I went downstairs for some coffee.  I ended up drinking seventeen cups total during my stay here at Cromwell.  That makes the resort fee kinda sorta almost not really fair.

Every gambler knows about the $200 cup of coffee.  You go downstairs in the morning, you order a cup of coffee from the cocktail waitress.  You lose $200 before she comes back with your coffee.  Since Cromwell has free coffee, I am trading out the $200 cup of coffee for the $100 cigarette.   The hotel is non smoking, so I can only smoke down here or outside.  I am not going to go outside when there are video poker machines inside so…

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I went back upstairs and I had two text messages. One confirming my facial appointment for tomorrow, one from my landlord’s daughter, letting me know they are raising my rent.  Ah 2016 and your technology.

I packed and checked out and walked over to the Mirage, taking some photos along the way.

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I am spending one night at Mirage courtesy of a MyVegas reward.   I have only stayed here one time before, and that was when Wagerworks existed.   On that first trip, two things happened.  One, I took a bus trip to Laughlin, and two, on the bus, they showed “Vegas Vacation” which was the first time I saw that movie somehow.  I remember thinking “This is the fucking coolest thing ever!  That is MY HOTEL in the movie!!!”  The second thing was that:  I used to be completely obsessed with having room photos of every hotel room I stayed at in Las Vegas.  On this trip, I used a disposable camera (that shows how long ago this was) and none of them came out.  So bummed!   So I always wanted to stay here again and fifteen years later, here I am!

I tried to check in. The woman at the desk told me it would be $30 for early check in and I told her she could suck it.  Okay I didn’t really, but I also did not pay for early check in.  I stashed my bags with the Bell Desk and headed to Red Rock to use a MyVegas buffet reward.

I took the Deuce bus to the Sahara Express bus.  This latter was a weird bus ride.   I got on the bus on the East Side of Sahara.  This is good to note since most people think you have to cross over and catch it on the West Side, outside the Bonanza gift shop.  You don’t, it stops on both sides.  Or at least it is supposed to.  My driver didn’t stop at the stop outside the gift shop and some man went ballistic on him and cursed him out.  Lots of other people joined in, asking why the driver did not stop in very violent ways.

From here, the driver kept making stops but telling people to go through the back door and not pay.  I am really not sure what this guy’s deal was.  But he got me to Red Rock, so who cares.

The buffet line here was insanely long.  It took well over half an hour to get seated.  It was like this when I was here one day for lunch last year as well.

There was a woman with a Boston Terrier service dog.   He made my day.  So adorable.

After eating, as well as before eating, I played some Cleopatra Keno.  I could not hit for shit.  I said screw it and went for broke and soon enough, broke I was.  I saved $5 to try some live Keno later tonight.  Because it is always a good idea to keep moving to games with more of a house edge as you are losing.

I took the bus back to the Mirage.  There were two LOUD women sitting behind me.  The one who was slightly less loud than the other one, kept sucking on her teeth.  This was painful.  Then a woman gets on the bus with what appears to be two babies that she is snuggling.  But she has no stroller and…wait, those aren’t babies, they are dolls.  She is now the center of attention with people asking her a million questions about her babies.   One is hers, the other is adopted.  This is why they look different. Oh.

We passed my beloved Riviera and I got all sad.  I love this place so much and her being gone really was the final straw for me in the downfall of Las Vegas’s appeal.  I let you take the Stardust and Westward Ho, I draw the line at my beloved Riviera.  I need to go and get some photos of her before they demolish her.  Bastards.

I got room number 20102.  This room is really nice.  This is a hotel where I get it that people love it.

mirage hotel las vegas bed

mirage hotel las vegas bathroommirage hotel las vegas roomI spent some time working on my blog and then before I knew it, it was time to go see Love.

I had picked up my tickets a few days ago at the box office at Bellagio.  Then I got a voicemail telling me I was given the wrong tickets.  So I had to stop at the Love box office to exchange them.  I am now in the very last row.  This wasn’t so bad as that whole “there are no bad seats in the entire theater” thing is true.  The man next to me LOVED Love.  He knew every word to every song, and alternated between playing the air drums and air guitar.  I love this show too, despite not liking The Beatles.  It is very busy and I think you would probably have to watch it fifty times to see everything that is going on.

After the show, I tried my hardest to play live Keno but either the Mirage does not have live Keno, or else I could not find live Keno.  Do casinos really not have live Keno?  This is the second time on this trip that this happened to me.

I was happy to settle for video Keno though.  And it was happy to take my money and not give me anything in return.

Gambling Day: – $200
Gambling Trip: + $0
Miscellaneous: (tips):  $8.00
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  Two cups of fancy schmancy coffee from Cromwell, Mirage room (MyVegas), Love ticket (MyVegas) and Red Rock buffet (MyVegas)

My itinerary for today?  Well no.  I only checked into Mirage and saw Love.  Oops?

Monday, January 4, 2016
Breakfast: Jackson’s Tavern $20 free play LVA 6020 Flamingo 202 @ Duneville
Check into Mirage 
Gold Coast $10 free play LVA
High Roller $10 off LVA
Bellagio buffet 3-10 free MyVegas
Love 9:30

Las Vegas Trip Report: Let Me Get Some Karma Please

My bed at Cromwell is probably the most comfortable bed on the planet.  Because of this, I was actually able to sleep in a bit.  I may have stayed in bed all day if this hotel allowed smoking.  But since it does not, I need to get up and get dressed and go downstairs.

I made the mistake of looking into the mirror.   Have you ever been so hung over that your eyes are completely bloodshot?  Well I have that look going on, but I haven’t drank any alcohol since I arrived here.  I also do not get hangovers, not even when I drink for twelve hours a day for four straight days at a fest.  I am not sure what is going on here, but let’s just pretend we didn’t look in the mirror and go about our day, shall we?

I continue on my mission to consume as much free fancy schmancy coffee as I can, to offset the resort fee.  On this morning’s third (or fourth or fifth?) cup, they ran out of milk.  Sigh.  Do not think that will deter me.  This fancy schmancy machine has the option of adding steamed milk.  SO I SHALL!

I played for a while on Ultimate X.  I love this game, I love this particular machine.   It allows me to actually play without sucking up all my money in the blink of an eye.   Then I hit Aces with a multiplier.  Wheeeeeee!

For nickels, figuring out how much you won is easy.  Divide the number in half and knock off the last zero.  So 2400 nickels = $120.

aces with 3x ultimate x video poker Continue reading

As I am taking  the photo, the woman next to me starts asking me what I am playing, how do you play it, etc.  I make it very clear to her that this game is very volatile and when you lose, you lose fast and hard.

But in the end, that doesn’t matter because she hits this.

dealt royal flush ultimate x video poker

Are you fucking kidding me.

I went upstairs and drowned my jealousy in a brownie that I had brought with me from Smiths Supermarket yesterday. This was a four pack and I wish it were an eleventy billion pack because these brownies were so good.

I took a nap and then got dressed to go see Criss Angel “Believe” at Luxor.  This was free via MyVegas.  Everyone will tell you how bad this show is.  But I want to see it and it is FREE so I am going to see it.

I don’t want to deal with the Deuce bus so I just walk from Cromwell to Luxor.  I am shocked to tell you that not even once did I have to tell anyone to “move it”, or tell anyone to watch where they are walking.   What a nice walk this was!

I took some photos while walking.  It is about time my camera got some action.  I have spent close to $2000 on this camera and all its accessories and the entire time I have been here, I have been taking photos with my phone exclusively.  And they are all crooked.  Good job.

ballys cosmopolitan las vegas strip excalilbur las vegasplanet hollywood casino las vegasluxor las vegas sphinxnew york new york las vegaslas vegas stripI arrive a tiny bit too early so I sit down and play nickel Cleopatra Keno.  This machine sucks.  There are filthy ashtrays all over the place, with tissues in them.   People, these things are meant to hold burning ash.  Do not put flammable items in them.  Sheesh.  I also cannot win a damn thing.

Then it was show time.  The show was not bad at all.  I think it has a horrible reputation because it is billed as a Cirque du Soleil show and there is zero acrobatics in it.   It is a magic show.  The only thing I did not like about it is that somewhere near me, someone smelled like a dirty diaper.  Other than that, it was pretty good.

After the show, I had planned to play live Keno, a la the Griswolds in Vegas Vacation.  This is where they won, this is where I am going to win.  Or this is where I am going to get lost walking around the casino for a million  years and never finding the live Keno.  It is not possible that they do not have live Keno here, is it?  This is a casino!  But I cannot find it so I give up and walk through Excalibur and get lost in there for half my life.  I am lost for so long that I have time to replay my entire life story in my head.  During this trip down memory lane, I start to remember my vows to never enter this property again because I have never once found an exit with ease.  But I did find live Keno so let’s do this!

I lost.

And then I got lost again trying to find the exit.

But I am pleased to tell you that I am not typing this out in a corner of the castle while building a shelter for my new home.   Eventually, I found an exit.  Yay!

I stopped at Walgreens for water and discovered I really wanted a yogurt with granola. I am in Las Vegas and this is what I am eating for dinner?  Yep.

I stopped at Planet Hollywood for reasons I surely do not understand, and played a bit and lost a bit.  I continued to Cromwell where I put my last $20 of the day’s gambling budget into Ultimate X.  It took me a bit to realize I was playing dimes instead of nickels.  NO.  I switched over to nickels and saw the person who played this before me left three 8x multipliers for me.  Holy shit, i cannot wait to tell my readers how I won a billion dollars on this!  Well guys, you are just going to have to wait for next time because it did not happen this time.

I did rack up another ten coffees today, making my free coffee total so far fifteen.  I love your free coffee Cromwell.

Gambling Day: – $120
Gambling Trip: + $200
Miscellaneous: (water and yogurt):  $6.58
Comps used: Cromwell hotel stay
Freebies:  Ten cups of fancy schmancy coffee at Cromwell, one ticket to Believe.

My itinerary today is stupid because I put a Las Vegas Advisor coupon on it, but the earliest I could even pick up the book is tomorrow.  I also did nothing on it except see Believe.

Sunday, January 3, 2016
Breakfast:  Gold Coast 8:00 am-9:00 pm 200 points = free buffet
Dinner: Ellis Island 50% off LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play ACG/free shirt ACG
Ellis Island free shirt ACG
Criss Angel 7:00 – Luxor