January 1, 2011: Last Day of an Epic Trip

Saturday, January 1, 2011 – Day Nineteen of Nineteen: Last Day

[This is the last part of a nineteen day trip report.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go here.]

One last morning waking up at the Riviera.  Sigh.  I am up at 7:30 and out at 8:30.  No no no no noooooooooooooooooo I DON’T WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

I play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker:

$20-$75 – four of a kind fives

quarter fives Continue reading


Switch machines.
$20-$100 on four of a kind threes.

quarter threes

Put in another $20, should not have.  I was just being greedy, and the fair punishment for greed is loss.

I walk over to the Peppermill for breakfast.  It is so amazing to me how clean the Strip is after last night’s celebrations.  You can’t even tell anything happened here.

Riviera quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  $20-$60 Kings:

quarter kings

$20-$0, greedy again, $20-$0

I go upstairs to my room to shower and pack.

One last trip Ellis Island for penny Ultimate X = lose lose lose.  Cleopatra Keno, get $100.  Go degenerate on quarter Double Double Bonus video poker because the Aces with a kicker progressive is $875.  Lose.

Imperial Palace, $100-$40 on Ultimate X.

I check in for my flight online and it says they are looking for bumps PLEASE.

On my way to the Riviera now, its 12:52.

Riviera, my last play gets $20-$60 with full houses and flushes and straights, but I gave back the winnings in an attempt to win eleventy billion dollars and not go home.

Time to go to the airport!  Delta is still looking for volunteers to get bumped.  Hey!  I want to be bumped!  Bump me please?  I did not check out of my comped room at the Riviera so that if I were bumped, I would have a place to stay for FREE.  Sigh, I don’t get bumped.  Home I go.

I get back to New York and decide to treat myself to a cab from the airport to my apartment.  This ends up with me being dropped off outside my apartment, which is blocked off by a mountain of snow that is higher than me. While I was in Las Vegas, I missed a blizzard in New York.

If Brooklyn gets 20” of snow, where do you think it is shoveled/plowed to?   There are mountains lining every sidewalk.  Walking through Brooklyn after a major snow storm feels like you are walking inside a maze because there will be snow walls lining the sidewalks.

So I have to either scale this mountain with my luggage or walk to the corner and then walk on the sidewalk.  There is a spot on this short walk that no one ever shovels EVER.  So by now it is icy.  And the sidewalk is narrow not only because of the snow mountains, but because it seems there has been no garbage pick up for days.  AND this happened at a time where people were throwing out tons of Christmas Day garbage.

Remember how I woke up this morning in Las Vegas and noticed how clean it was after a huge New Year’s Eve party on the Strip?   Take me back, please.  Take me back.

Las Vegas: Last Aces of 2010

Friday, December 31, 2010: Day Eighteen of Nineteen. Last Full Day :(

[This is day eighteen of a nineteen day trip report.  If  you want to start at the beginning, you can go here.]

Oh how I hate going home.

I am still at the Riviera.  I wake up at 10:00 and am out at 11:00.

Whoa what the hell is going on here?  The Riviera is PACKED.  Damn, all these people must have piled in for New Year’s Eve.  Yesterday I had the casino to myself. Today I am unable to play MY Double Double Bonus video poker game because there is a couple on it playing one quarter at a time and holding all the wrong cards.  Oh hey look – let’s drop a pair of Jacks because you have a Jack and a Queen that are the same color but not the same suit.  Sure, that is the correct play!  I am so happy for you that you are on MY machine because with skills like that, you are just running up the progressives without any chance in hell of hitting one yourself!

That said, I lost $40 on Double Double Bonus video poker.

I walked down the Strip to catch the 119 bus to Ellis Island.   It stops right on the side of Palazzo, across from Treasure Island.

Treasure Island Las Vegas Nevada

The restaurant at Ellis Island is PACKED.  Being solo, I got in right away though.  Take THAT all you people with your big fancy party of twos and threes.

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Ellis Island has two Ultimate X machines.  Both are taken.  I play a 50 play penny video poker game in the same back.  I am dealt Jacks for $125.  SWEET.

dealt 50 play jacksI try and make a big deal so that the Ultimate X hogs will get jealous and leave.  It doesn’t work.   I thought I finally got my wish when one guy got up but it turns out he was only going to the ATM right behind us.   UGH.

I try some Keno and won a little bit.  Finally it is my turn at Ultimate X.  I put in $40 and I load my $12 free play from my points and go at it.  I got as high as $50 and never cashed out.

Walking back to the Strip, I once again stop at the Westin for Starbucks.

I pass through the Barbary Coast and what is that?  OH MAN ULTIMATE X IN NICKELS!  WHEEEEEEEEE!   I WANT TO PLAY!

Well see, there is a guy sitting at the machine and not playing it.  I say “guy” because it wasn’t until a few seconds later that I realized I should be using the misnomer “DOUCHEBAG.”  Because you see, I asked DOUCHEBAG to move and he said “No” and then turned away from me. I want to grab him by his throat and pull him backwards onto the floor and beat some sense into his smug face.  But KARMA dammit.  This is so unfair.

I walk to Imperial Palace to Ultimate X  and I get my second royal on this machine!  No multiplier, but I don’t care!  Here it is in all it’s blurry glory:


Next I play Cleopatra Keno, played forever and cashed out only because I was starving.

Lunch (dinner?  It is 5:33) is at Hash House a Go Go at the Imperial Palace.  I’m waiting impatiently for anyone to take my order.  Pounding headache.

Someone please take my order.  H-E-A-D-A-C-H-E

After eating, I have to walk to the Riviera since the Strip is closed to traffic for New Year’s Eve, which means no more buses.

I get to my room and housekeeping took all my toilet paper, tissues and towels.  You have got to be kidding me.  I call for them to bring some up and wait way longer than I care to.

I am not a big partier in Las Vegas.  I also don’t really care that it is New Year’s Eve.  All that means to me is that there are too many people in the casino.

Since I am going  home tomorrow and would like to not do laundry when I get home, I take one more trip to the Circus Circus KOA to wash all my clothes.   I sat in the laundry room absolutely frozen the entire time.   I am in Vegas every December, this may be the second coldest I can remember.

After my laundry is done, I concede that okay FINE, I will go outside for the stroke of midnight.   But not before I play me some video poker.  And BAM.

I ended 2010 with a $590.25 Aces with kicker progressive.   I was shocked.

prog aces with kickerI cash out and go outside all excited.  Yay!  Happy New Year!  Yay!

Here are some blurry fireworks:

1 2

Las Vegas: Pretty Bellagio Conservatory Pictures

Thursday, December 30, 2010 – Day Seventeen of Nineteen

[This is part seventeen of a nineteen day trip report.  If you would like to start at the beginning, please go here.]

I wake up at the Riviera this morning at 6:00 am.   I am out by 7:00.

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker:
$20-$80 Jacks


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Monopoly $20-$0

Double Double Bonus video poker $40-$0

I go outside and take the Deuce bus to the Bellagio. One goal of this trip is to eat breakfast here because I have not done that in so many years.  It is FREEZING out.  I wish I had my gloves.

Oh terrible day.  The Bellagio buffet is doing holiday brunch today even though it’s not a holiday.  This means that it is $35.  This means NO.

I stopped and took pictures of their conservatory done up for Christmas.

Bellagio Christmas conservatory candy canes Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Christmas conservatory Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Christmas conservatory polar bears  Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Christmas conservatory reindeer and sleigh Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Christmas conservatory toy soldiers Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Christmas tree conservatory Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Conservatory baby polar bear christmas Las Vegas nevada Bellagio conservatory Christmas igloo Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Conservatory Christmas ornaments Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Conservatory Chrsitmas ornaments Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Conservatory Mama polar bear Christmas Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio conservatory penguins Chrismas Las Vegas Nevada Bellagio Las Vegas Christmas conservatory

I went across the street and paid Planet Hollywood $20.83 for their breakfast buffet.  UGH.  That is insane.  The coffee here is too hot so I kill some time by writing my notes for the morning and playing with my camera.  Then of course as I finally go to fill my plate, the server completely clears my table.  She TOOK MY COFFEE AWAY too, just as it was getting to a temperature that wasn’t going to burn my tongue off.  “I’m sorry, I thought you left.”   I like how you assumed I wouldn’t tip you either.  So I didn’t.  Okay I did.  But I didn’t want to.  But KARMA. DAMMIT.

At 10:00 am, I am on the Deuce bus headed back to my room at the Riviera.  Once there,  I take a nap.  I have the “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door.  So housekeeping calls to wake me up.  Why do they do this?  Why doesn’t “Do Not Disturb” apply only to knocking on the door?  This infuriates me always and forever.

Later on, I go outside.  I take the 108 bus to Terribles to try and repeat yesterday’s big wins and NO WINS FOR YOU.

Next is Ellis Island because I cannot get enough of playing penny Ultimate X.  I put in $40, got up to $110 and cashed out at $100.

I actually had a dealt four of a kind Queens with multipliers that was an $80 win.

ultimate x dealt queens

Cleopatra Keno: $20-$150

This is what I’m talking about!

I stopped at the Westin on my way back to the strip for Starbucks and slot machines.  I lost $30 on an Easter Island slot here.

Barbary Coast!  I put $40 into a Wizard of Oz Big Event slot and hit nothing, nothing and more nothing all the way until I had nothing left.  These games have a community bonus.  Your eligibility is dependent on you actually playing.  When you are done playing, you usually have time left on your meter.  I did.  As I was waiting it out, the Big Event Bonus kicked in the literal second my timer ran out.  YOU SON OF A BITCH.

Hello Ultimate X nickels at the Imperial Palace!   $20-$65.  Hit and run.

I get on the Deuce and make my next stop Encore.

encore butterfly tiles encore flowers Encore Las Vegas entrance Encore Las Vegas no strollers encore red butterfly encore sign

I played Cleopatra Keno here for a very long time. I went up and down and back up and back down.  I must have played for about two hours and lost nothing.  I also won nothing but the glass is half degenerate.

Back to the Riviera and in bed by 1:00 am.

Las Vegas: Finally a Day Filled with Wins!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010 – Day Sixteen of Nineteen

[This is part sixteen of a nineteen day trip report.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go here.]

I unintentionally slept until noon today.  I am finally sleeping in and my trip is coming to an end.

I am at the Riviera.  I need coffee. I planned to play $60 and get coffee, then come back and get dressed.  That did not happen.

I did get an iced coffee. Then I put a $20 bill into a progressive Double Double Bonus video poker quarter game aaaaaaand…

Wait for it…

Okay why am I making you wait for it?  I am sorry.  Without further adieu, I hit the $552 progressive for Aces with a kicker! EEEEEEEEEEE!

quarter aces with kicker

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I go back to my room to show my cute little stuffed dog a picture of my beautiful win.  And to also put it away so I don’t feed it back later.  Then I go back out.

Double Double Bonus video poker $20-$40

I spotted a new Elvis quarter game, it takes nine quarters. That is out of my league but I just won $552 so I am going to go for it.  I put in a $100 bill and  hit a $325 line pay.  Whoa, today is going to be my day FINALLY!

I go out back to catch the 108 bus to Terribles Casino.   I have the Las Vegas Advisor coupon for a $100 loss rebate.  The way it works is that you turn in the coupon, then you go and lose $100, come back and get $100 slot play.  The thing is, you need to lose $100 totally.  Not that you lose $50 and win $25 and then lose another $50.  In that scenario, your losses are $100 but that $25 win shorts them to $75.  See?

I wait on line forever at the Terribles Player’s Club.  I give the boothling my coupon.   He kind of doesn’t really do anything and puts it on the counter behind him.   I just know this is going to cause me grief.  I flash back to the time I went to Mohegan Sun and the boothling did the very same thing with my $50 free play coupon and after an hour of it not showing up, another boothling had to dig through tons of discarded paper to find the coupon that the original boothling never did anything with.

But whatever, let’s go gamble!  I can do whatever I want because I HAVE to lose $100!

I put a $100 bill into fifty cent Keno and whoa, I win $292!

fifty cent keno


So I am clearly going to keep this money and screw the coupon for the loss rebate.  So not only do I have $300, I have no headache from dealing with my coupon going missing.  WIN WIN.

I try Keno again because KENO:

Stop for a break and I dropped my pee pass in the toilet again.

Quarter Keno:

At 3:45 I stop for a break at the coffee shop.   I have not eaten yet today so I order breakfast.   Then I wait about 20 minutes for my check.   I hate when this happens.  Why does this always happen?

I actually balls up and try DOLLAR Cleopatra Keno.  This was very scary.  This is nowhere near inside my budget.   I put in a $100 bill and watched it go down and then back up to $100.  I cashed out and breathed a sigh of relief.

As I am playing, a woman asks me to sell her a cigarette.  I hand her one and hold out my hand for change and she asks “You are really going to charge me?”  Uh, didn’t you just offer to pay for it?  Then she tries striking up conversation with me.  So we can thank this woman for my cash out.

I am done here so I walk over to Hard Rock to use my American Casino Guide coupon for free play.  I hit four of a kind fives with this and cash out with $70.

quarter fives

I try a Press Your Luck Big Event slot: $40-$0

I wanted to go to Ellis Island tonight but it is just easier to take the 108 bus back.  So I decide to instead go visit the Hilton.

I play a Goldfish slot and turn $40 into $90.

Monopoly Bonus City slot machine:  $20-$75, $20-$0.

I break here because I need to go get more $20 bills since I only have hundreds.  Life is so hard sometimes.

I come back to Monopoly and turn $40 into $60.  I note that maximum bet on this game is $40.  YEESH.  I am player super carefully to make sure I don’t accidentally touch that button.

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker:

Quarter Wheel of Fortune slot machine:

I never once got the spin.

Moved to another Wheel of Fortune game: $20-$0.

Keno: $80-$80.

Phat Cats slot machine: $20-$0, $20-$20

I played around here forever.  I could not lose my initial $100 stake.  That is, until I finally did.  With a little hard work and persistence, you can do anything!

Put $100 in Rockin’ Billy slot machine, cashed out with $130.  I should call it a day now.

I walked back to the Rivera from here.  I got to my room at 10:00 with $120 still for today and $900 in winnings.  YAY.  This is how every day should be!

Las Vegas: Double Aces Day!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010 – Day Fifteen of Nineteen

[This is part fifteen of a nineteen day trip report.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go here.]

Up at 8:30 at the Imperial Palace.  Breakfast is at their buffet.  There are people out there who will swear that you will die if you eat here.  I always get so annoyed at how ridiculous these people are.  But today when I took a bite of a chocolate chip pancake only to discover the chocolate chips were raisins, I started leaning towards joining the boycott.

I went next door to Harrahs for some Starbucks.  I miss having a Dunkin Donuts nearby.   I came back to the Imperial Palace to play Ultimate X in nickels:


Today I am moving hotels again.  This time to the Riviera.  So many people hate this place and rant and rave about “THE SKY IS FALLING.  IT IS A DUMP. SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK”   I happen to love the place.  First, it gets my vote for Las Vegas casino with the best exterior visual. Continue reading

riviera daytimeRiviera Las Vegas night neonSecond, since no one else likes it, I tend to have the casino to myself for the most part.  No people = my heaven.

I take a cab between the two.  The driver passes the entrance to the Riviera.  So now I am dropped off in a very inconvenient spot out back, up steps and nowhere near reception.  I tried to pay $13 on a $10 fare but he did not have singles.  So he got $15 and was overpaid after screwing up and leaving me all the way in the back.  Haaaaaaaate.

I can’t check in until noon, so I check my bags.  I decide on instant that I hate the bellman.

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker:  $20 – four of a kind fours = $100

quarter fours

Got $10 free play, $0

Nickel video poker: first hand  $20-$50 with dealt fives.

dealt nickel fives

I cant cash out, the machine is broken. This is a trick!  I am not falling for it. I’m fine with killing time waiting for an attendant.


Quarter Keno, $20-$0

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker:
$20-dealt sixes.  I was going to cash out at $70 but made it up to $85.

quarter sixes


quarter kings

Chase the Royal:

Quarter Double Double Bonus video poker – dealt Aces!!!!  $20-$200

quarter aces

I check in and get room 2314 in the Monte Carlo tower.  I love that these rooms come with a refrigerator!  My room comes to $172.48, which is for two comped nights, and two at $70 each.  I am paying the resort fee on both $70 rooms.  But it was the cheapest offer I had for New Years Eve so I am okay with it.

The checkinling tells me that i can get a better view if I take a nonsmoking room.  No thank you.  If I want to view Las Vegas, I will go outside.

Riviera Las Vegas room spot the Las Vegas luggage Riviera Las Vegas room

Room view:

pool view Riviera Las Vegas room view Riviera Las VegasI sort my money and I’m up $280 for today.

I take a shower and watch another DVD.  I am hungry so I stop at Riviera’s food court for take away.  I lost  $40 on my way there.

$20-four of a kind threes = $115

I am headed to Ellis Island to play penny Ultimate X.  I love Ultimate X and playing it in pennies is just as fun as playing it in nickels.

$40-$0 Ultimate X

Double Double Bonus video poker:
$20-$220 via Aces!!!!!!!
quarter aces1

I walked back to the Strip, stopping at Flamingo to have breakfast for dinner.  I need to clean out my comps because I am never visiting a Harrahs property in the next six months and your comps expire if you do not play within six months.

Its 8:54 pm and I’m waiting for someone to take my order.  Yeagh I hate my waitress.  In addition to being slow, she keeps calling me “Baby”.  Please, stop.

I take the bus back to Riviera.  First one takes half an hour to show up and it is packed.  No way in hell am I getting on that one.  Another one comes right after and it is empty.  Score!

I originally planned to get off at Encore and do some gambling there but I am exhausted.  That does not stop me from gambling at Riviera before bed.

Riviera $100-$0 Double Double Bonus video poker, had to do it.

$100-$0 in DOLLAR Double Double Bonus video poker, had to do it.

Bed 11:30

Las Vegas: Free Play and Cash Back Day

Monday, December 27, 2010 – Day Fourteen of Nineteen

[This is part fourteen of a nineteen day trip report.   If you would like to start at the beginning, go here.]

Awake at 7:00 at the Imperial Palace.   I am in a bad mood, despite having actually won money yesterday.  Maybe it’s because my trip is almost over no no no no nooooooooooo.

I actually ate Burger King for breakfast.  It cost more than any other option because any other option would have been comped.  But I just did not feel like having to deal with any person today so that seemed to be the easier option.

After breakfast, I go back to sleep and wake back up at 1:00.  I’m going to shower and then go out and collect all my leftover free play and random cash back.

On my way out, I cashed in a 95-cent Imperial Palace TITO and it shorted me a quarter!  I am losing money today without even having gambled yet.

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I get to the bus stop in perfect time for the Deuce bus.  I have been using a local’s pass this trip.  They are good on Strip routes only if you have a local ID, which I do not.  It has not been a problem at all so far but today’s bus driver was just dying to ask me for ID, you could see it on his face.  But I stared him down and I won.  You should note that (a) I am aware that using a local’s pass is against the rules and possibly even the law and that (b) I don’t care.

I got off the Deuce at Oakey to get cigarettes and water and when I went back to the bus stop, the Deuce was right there!  The Deuce is acting like a private car for me today.  Woo!

I had $39 in free play at the El Cortez via cashing in my points.  This is a very bad use of points but who cares?   I played it all in a nickel Cleopatra Keno and cashed out with $20.

I had $15 cash back at Fitzgeralds and I collected that.

Lunch was a Binions burger, which was covered by a voucher I had from earlier in the trip that I won on the Binions “Spin to Win” promotion.  Afterwards I went and collected all my Binions cash back.  I had $37 here.  I am rich!

Over to the Four Queens. I collected $11 cash back here.

From here I take the Wax bus to Sahara.  The bus jerked at some point and I almost fell!  Some chick touched me to get my attention and gave me her seat like I’m a common tourist who can’t hold onto the pole!   I guess I deserved it.

I did the Sahara daily free pull = $0.  Then I stopped for some iced coffee at their coffee place and the dude asked me “Do you want it iced or hot”  ICED DAMMIT.

Lost thirty bucks in Barkin Bucks and Buzzin Bee Band slot machines.  Gah.  I suck.

I leave Sahara by going out the back and catching the 108 bus to Flamingo to walk up to Ellis Island to get my $10 free play there.  Woop.

Ellis Island Ultimate X.  I am betting with free play + $10 cash.  I got some hits to cash out, these are all pennies by the way.

1227101859-01 1227101924-00 1227101928-00

I walk back to the Imperial Palace and take some pictures along the way.  The Flamingo is now an ad for H&M.

Flamingo Las Vegas with h&m wrap

Caesars Palace Las VegasBallys Las VegasBack to the Imperial Palace with $145 from all my collected cash back and wins.  Woo! Yay!

Ultimate X at the Imperial Palace:


Cash out to get $20s.  Someone left a penny on tails in the cash dispenser. I did not realize this until after I saw the penny and thought “YAY PENNY ON HEADS” and after picking it up, I saw it was on tails. NO. Someone also tried to steal my machine NOOOOOOOOOOOO.  FAIL.

I lost $60 fast.  Stupid unlucky penny.

Room at 5:00.

I did not write anymore today so maybe I just went to bed.  Either that or I won eleventy billion dollars and I am just censoring that out so that you don’t ask me for charity.  You will never know the truth!

Las Vegas Trip Report: Royal Flush!

Sunday, December 26, 2010 – Day Thirteen of Nineteen

[This is part thirteen of a nineteen day trip report.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go here.]

I wake up at the Orleans at 9:30 and an hour later I am downstairs for my last few hours here before I move to the Imperial Palace.

My quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine is free so I give it $40 as a going away present.  Sigh.

I have a comped meal at the Orleans coffee shop for breakfast and then get going on a Carnival of Mystery slot machine:


I put all the winning tickets back in to play off the change.   I cashed out for $80 in the end.

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I have to hurry it up to go and get my bag and check out.  Of course, the hotel elevators are not working again.  Sigh.

After I finally get to my room, FINALLY get back downstairs, I checked out and took a cab to the Imperial Palace.   It is popular opinion among Las Vegas addicts that the Imperial Palace is a dump.   It is popular opinion among the rest of the Earth’s population that most Las Vegas addicts don’t really know the meaning of the word “dump.”   This place is not fancy and you can have it for $20/night.  I however, have it for zero because I am comped.

I am given room 1880.   See what I mean?  It must be nice to have lived such a cul de sac namby pamby lifestyle that this room is considered a dump.

Imperial Palace bed Las Vegas

These rooms come with balconies.  You might think that most people would want Strip view but being that there is the world’s loudest bar down below that goes from noon until infinity, rooms away from the Strip are more popular.  I however, have center Strip.

Look! Bellagio fountains!

view bellagio fountains from Imperial Palace Balcony las vegasAnd of course, the beautiful night view:

view of Cosmopolitan, Bellagio and Caesars from Imperial Palace Balcony Las Vegas

The Imperial Palace has nickel Ultimate X video poker, making it the only Strip casino that has this in nickels.  I love Ultimate X and even in my most degenerate of days, am still way to petrified to try quarters.

I sit down and put a $100 bill in.  I play for a bit.  Then.

ROYAL FLUSH!  No multiplier of course.
royal flush

Next win is four of a kind twos with a kicker AND a three times multiplier:
2s x 3

Cash out $350!

The Imperial Palace also has Cleopatra Keno!  Also available in nickels.  Of course, I play it in quarters though.


Room at 2:45 for a nap.

Up at 5:00

Went completely degenerate.  Lost $100 in Ultimate X.

Dinner is at the Burger Palace inside the Imperial Palace.  All the people who call the Imperial Palace a dump, swear you can die of food poisoning from standing within a 100 yard radius of this place.  I managed  to survive though.

After my delicious meal, I played Cleopatra quarter Keno and won $100 twice!  I cashed out never!


Las Vegas: Eights into Sixes into Eights into Sixes.

Saturday, December 25, 2010 – Day Twelve of Nineteen: Merry Christmas!

[This is part twelve of a nineteen part trip report.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go here.]

I wake up at The Orleans with my huge $35 win from last night in tact.  I go downstairs with $170.  This is a sure sign of degeneracy because The Orleans is off strip so there is nowhere for me to go.  Thereby, I do not need that much money in ONE casino.

I managed to get it up to $220 and played back down to $170.  See?  I told you I was degenerate.

Quarter Double Double bonus video poker.  I hit four of a kind eights into sixes and back into eights.

quarter eights1quarter sixes2quarter eights

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I head back to my room at 8:30 with a cheese Danish for breakfast.

Today is Christmas and my present to myself is a spa treatment.  My appointment is at 11:00.   It was so incredible.  I typically go the Palms spa every time I am in Las Vegas to use the Las Vegas Advisor 50% off coupon.   Since I am now Sapphire at Boyd, the spa discount + the off strip prices make this treatment cheaper.   It was also so much better.  Who knew?

I play some more quarter Double Double Bonus video poker afterwards and hit four of a kind sixes again.

quarter sixes

I cash out when I am down to  $65.

My next $20 gets me a $120 cash out, thanks to four of a kind twos.

quarter twos

It is now 1:00 and I stop for food.

I stop back at the room to apply lucky glitter on my new cash and to see just how much that new cash is.   Woo!  It is $250.

I put $50 away and decide I will do two $100 sessions.  Someone is on the machine that blessed me with my morning wins.   I kill time by getting an iced coffee at Seattle’s Best and the rat bastard is still on my machine when I get back.  Fine, slots it is!  I play a Carnival of Mystery slot and turn $15-$30.  But I want to play Double Double Bonus video poker.  But that guy is still on my machine.  So I do what any degenerate gambler would not do and I go to my room for a nap.

At 9:00 I am dressed and debating staying in because I am tired.  But I am also degenerate and a degenerate does what a degenerate needs.   I go back out with $95.

I play nickel Keno and turn $5-$20

I play Carnival of Mystery again.  Two people surrounding me each won four digits on Twice Your Honey slot machines so i had to try it.  $5-$25.  Never cashed out.

Back to Carnival of Mystery.  Hit $180 line pay and then the bonus came immediately after.

carnival of mystery 180I cashed out with $200 and get this, actually kept it and went to my room.  Who am I and what have I done with Jennifer?

The hotel elevators are not working, and there are more people waiting than there are dollars I have lost so far during this trip.   Eventually we were escorted up in the service elevator.

Once I am in my room of course, I decide I am hungry because I never ate dinner.  I only bring $35 down with me, $30 is to play and $5 will be the tip on a comped meal.

A Cleopatra slot machine steals my first $5.

Nickel Double Double Bonus video poker takes another.

Carnival of Mystery gives me $20 for two fives and then takes $15.

Dinner is at the Orleans coffee shop.  I really hate: waiting to order, waiting for my food, waiting for the check.   What if I am missing my intended eleventy billion dollar jackpot waiting for these things?

After eating, I put my last $20 in a Carnival of Mystery slot machine and watch  as my credits go down to zero.

Bed time.

Las Vegas: Moving from Binions to the Orleans

Friday, December 24, 2010 – Day Eleven of Nineteen

[This is part eleven of a nineteen part trip report. If you want to start at the beginning, go  here.]

All I want for Christmas Eve is my first quarter royal…

I wake up at the California hotel.   I am out at 9:30 and bee lined it to Dunkin Donuts at Fremont for some iced coffee and some SuperTimes Pay video poker at my most favorite SuperTimes Pay machines in all of Las Vegas.

$20-$45 – hitting four of a kind sevens with a 2x multiplier.

nickel sevens
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$20-$30 by being dealt a full house with a 3x multiplier.

full house x 3

Binions quarter Double Double Bonus video poker:

Four Queens, quarter Double Double Bonus video poker: $20-$0.

Nickel Double Double Bonus video poker $5-$0.


Today I am checking out of California and leaving Downtown.   I will be at the Orleans for the next two nights on a comp.  I take a cab and pay with a credit card as I do not want to give up all my newly lucky glittered bills.  I did not realize there was a service charge of $3 for using a credit card.  That $3 will stick with me just as long as the stupid $1.08 from Dupars will, and that will be forever.

At the Orleans, I get room 1764.  The toilet never stops running.


roomroom viewMy offer comes with a $10 food credit.  I use it for a cheddar cheese omelet at the coffee shop.

My offer also comes with $5 free slot play from a mailer.  The intent is to play $40 and free play and go to the room for a nap.   I almost do this but then…

I bet you thought I was going to say “I decided to gamble more” didn’t you.  Well I didn’t.  I did go outside to get some Diet Pepsi and got a movie from Redbox while I was out there.

I am in the room at 1:30.  I take a shower, put on pajamas, watch a movie and have yet another failed attempt at a nap.

I go back out at 3:30.  I lose $20, never wrote on what.

Nickel Double Double Bonus video poker:
$5-$40 Aces.  I have not seen Aces in days and it figures when I do, it’s on nickels.

nickel aces

Keno $5-$0

Twice Your Monkey slot machine: $5-$0

Carnival of Mystery slot machine:
$5-$90 (EEE)

I mosey on up to an All That Glitters 2 slot machine and there is a penny on heads next to it!  Finally, I am going to win eleventy billion dollars!!!


What the hell?  That’s not eleventy billion dollars.  Screw you All That Glitters 2.  I’m going home.

I stop and get take out at Fuddruckers and take it back to my room to watch a movie.

Out at 8:00

$20-$35 – four of a kind fours.

nickel fours


I decide to keep the $35.   That’s right.  I continually put back hundred dollar wins.  But that $35?  That I keep.   Sigh.

Good night.

Las Vegas: Why Do I Keep Winning Decks of Cards?

Thursday, December 23, 2010 – Day Ten of Nineteen

[This is part ten of a nineteen part trip report.  If you want to start at the beginning, go here.]

It’s official!  My trip is more than half over.  This is bullshit.

After my ordeal of moving rooms at the California hotel last night, due to my room being flooded, I actually manage to sleep until 10:30.  That is a record for this trip.

I head out at 11:45

Lost $15 Keno.

I found my glasses case in my bag from when I moved last night. I broke a $100 bill and went back to my room to get rid of the glasses case and to put lucky glitter on my new bills.  Back out, I made it halfway to the Golden Gate before I realized I hadn’t put on deodorant.  Back to room AGAIN.  Oh it is going to be one of those days, eh?

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It’s now 12:15 and my day is finally just starting.

Back to the Golden Gate to have breakfast at Dupars.  I used a $10 comp slip because the Golden Gate insists on using comp slips.  Three cheese omelet, ended up paying $1.08.  This will never stop grinding my gears.  I have comps.  Why am I paying anything in cash?  But they will not let you get a comp slip for $11.08.  It has to be in increments of $5.  If you get a $15 slip, then you lose $3.92 because the overage will not be returned to your account.  Infuriating.

I still play here though.  You know, racking up more comps that will cost me money not only in the machines, but in the restaurant.

I find an old school Moolah slot machine – not to be confused with Invaders From the Planet Moolah.  I play this:


Used my pee pass to take the Deuce bus away from Downtown.

I got off at the Stratosphere and went in for some Starbucks.

I played Double Double Bonus video poker quarters and lost $80.  Then I lost another $20 in a Press Your Luck slot machine.

I walked over to Sahara to take the bus to Palace Station.  Today was the first time I had seen blue sky in many days.

blue sky las vegas nevada

The bus took forever to come.  I could have walked in less time than it took.

At Palace Station, I play nickel full play Double Double Bonus video poker and lost not only $15, but my Diet Pepsi.  Argh.   Topped this off by losing another $100.  This was my first visit to Palace Station in so many years and I am being punished.

I take the bus back to the Sahara to do the daily free pull.  I win nothing.  Sigh.

I play a Barkin’ Bucks slot machine.  This game is so adorable.  I turn $40 into $60.

It’s 4:30, I’m going back downtown.

I do my typical stop at Dunkin Donuts for iced coffee and start playing video poker.  Where?  Damned if I know.  You would think it would be on my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines right outside Dunkin Donuts, but the pictures say otherwise.

too blurry sixesquarter twos
$20-$30 on four of a kind Queens and then $20-$0.

Maltese Fortune slot machine: $20-$20.

Frog princess $20-$0

Back to the Golden Gate to rack up more comps that will just end up pissing me off.  I turn $20-$0 on Monopoly, and $20 to $0 on Wizard of Oz.

Golden Gate has a drawing that you earn tickets by playing.  I stick around since I have several entries and hey, who knows?

They award prizes from smallest value to largest.  One prize is $200.  Some guy wins it and forfeits it as you can only win one prize and he wants a bigger one.  Soon after, a camcorder comes up.  Same guy wins it and again forfeits it to not have to give up a bigger prize.    Finally we get to the grand prize: an enormous flat screen television.  Do you want to guess who won it?  Do you?


The guy’s WIFE won it.  How does this even happen?   Maybe it has something to do with him being a bigger degenerate than I am and had way more entries than anyone else.  Even while the drawing was going on, he was playing slot machines while they were calling names.

I walk over to Binions and play around until I have enough points to do the daily promotional swipe.  I have played enough to get two swipes today.   I further assume I lost a lot of money because nowhere in my notes is what I played documented and surely I would have written if I won.

For the first spin, I win another freaking deck of cards.  STOP IT WITH THE GIVING ME DECKS OF CARDS.  THIS IS NOT A PRIZE. IT IS A BURDEN.

My second spin awards me with $15 free slot play.  Much better.

I get a Binions burger to go and bring it back to my room for dinner.

Fremont Street Experience Christmas show:

Fremont Street Experience Happy Holidays Las Vegas

After eating, I decide to stay in my pajamas and my DRY bed for the night.   Good night.