Flight Home from Las Vegas: Featuring the World’s Smelliest Man. Seated with Me, Naturally.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009: Last Day

[If you would like to start reading this trip report from the beginning, you can do so by going here.]

My first thought when I wake up at the California Hotel this morning, is that I cannot wait to get home and see one of my favorite bands play.  They are the reason today is my last day. I had to change my flight to come back a day early because they are playing.  This excitement about LEAVING Las Vegas is unprecedented.  It really makes my time in Vegas seem like a waste of money.   I’ve never had any thoughts anywhere remotely along these lines before.

I am woken up by a completely unnecessary text at 5:46 am which causes me to curse myself for getting a phone charger.   I get dressed and go out figuring I can always nap later as my flight isn’t until 11-something tonight and I have the room for the night.

I play some Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker and get four of a kinds with a 4x multiplier.  Too bad I’m on pennies.   I walk over to the Golden Gate to get breakfast with my comps and the booth isn’t open until 9:00.  I thought it was 8:00.  I really hate their system of paper comps when they aren’t open when I want to eat.  I could pay to eat but I don’t wanna.  I could walk to the El Cortez where I still have the $25 food credit from checking in but I don’t wannnnnaaaaaaaa.  So I go and get some iced coffee and a donut to tide me over and then I play a bit.

I hit on the Elvis penny slot machine at the Golden Gate and turn $10-$40.  I love these machines, I love the bonus.

At Fremont, I play nickel Double Double Bonus Supertimes Pay video poker  I hit tens (no multiplier) and a straight flush (no multiplier) and then 3’s (no multiplier.)

After FINALLY eating, I hit Fitzgeralds and played penny 50-play video poker and hit my one and only Royal of the trip.  Woo hoo eeeeee forty bucks!

Back to the El Cortez.  The progressive Royal still hasn’t been hit.   Damn it now I have to lose more money.   I hit Kings and then I hit progressive 3’s with a kicker for $243.44.   Yay!

I cash out and play a Monopoly slot machine.  I get a bonus for $72.90.   I’m not done yet!  I play that stupid Diamond Spinner slot machine that I can’t not play and I get a bonus for $147.  I go up to my El Cortez Cabana suite that I booked for the accompanying free play and dining credit, but that I am not using as a room, (PS – it isn’t a suite) to situate myself.   I have $600 on me. I woke up with only $100 on me.  This is great.  Now I am free to go degenerate all damn day long if I choose to.  And I do.

Back downstairs and back to the progressives.   I hit 3’s and get $120.83 and cash out and put in a $100 bill and get to ZERO.

I play some quick hit and get a $41.88 bonus.  I cash out but put in $65 before I walked away.

Lost $30 on Monopoly.  Here we go. I went up, now I’m coming back down.

I eat lunch at Fitzgerald’s coffee shop.  For the first time ever I had super quick service.  I tipped him $10 on a $9 check.  Even though I asked for iced tea and he brought me root beer.  I don’t care.  Quick is better than correct here.

I go back to the penny 50-play video poker and get Aces with a Kicker on one hand.  I play Supertimes Pay video poker and lose a $20.

Back to the El Cortez where I am hell-bent on hitting this royal.  It’s up to $3900.  I don’t hit it.  Ever.  But I only lose $20 this try so it’s okay.

I head back to the California to pack.   I hate this part.

I stop and play a 7’s Ladder Bonus slot machine.   I leave down $5.   I try the California’s Double Double Bonus video poker progressive machiens and lose $20.  I win $20 on an Ultimate X video poker machine though.

I’m in my room at 3:30 with an ice cream sundae which was a very stupid idea since I’m eating at The Flame steakhouse tonight to use my El Cortez food credit.   But I’m stupid like that.

I nap for an hour and head back to the El Cortez.   I got my usual, Filet Mignon and baked potato.  I am so sick from all the heat and exhaustion and the fact that I have not at all taken care of myself this past week.   I could not stop drinking water or iced tea.  The drink server probably walked a mile just coming back over to my table to refill both.

I couldn’t eat much because I was still full from the ice cream but what I did eat was awesome.

I tried to go up to my El Cortez room to lay down for a few minutes but my key won’t work in the key card thingy to enter the building (which is out back and across  the street from the main building.)  So I have to walk all the way back to the El Cortez from the suites (it’s not far but I’m exhausted) and I decide to just check out instead.

I lost a final $100 on my progressive.  I got four of a kinds twice but with the Royal that high, I was hell bent on going until it was time to leave.  Finally it was.

Back to the California for a final shower, after which I put on my pajamas and got on the bus to the airport.

On the plane, a man sits in my row and I swear to god he has never worn deodorant in his life and has lived that entire life working in a field in a desert.  The stench was so strong.   I couldn’t take it.  I wanted to vomit.  The flight attendant asks me if I’m okay.  I’m in the window, this fucking filthy disgusting man was in the aisle and I yell over him “this smell is beyond unbearable.”  This repulsive human being doesn’t even react.  There are on other available seats.  The flight attendant gives me a pack of coffee inside a filter to overpower the stench of body odor.  And this actually helps a LOT and lasted through the entire flight.  Still though, why me.

Throughout the entire flight, every person that walked past this man in MY ROW, would look around and start to gag from the smell.

We take off and we are in the air for a few minutes before I realize I didn’t do my traditional saying good bye to Las Vegas.  Normally I gaze out the window with sad heart eyes and wave “bye” and tell Vegas “I love you, I’ll see you soon!”   Like I said earlier, this is completely unprecedented.

Now if I had hit that $3900 royal, I’m sure I’d be thinking differently.

Thanks for reading.

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