I wish I would have thought of that snappy post title a bit earlier!
Happy good morning Las Vegas! Today will be my last full day here. I need to finish visiting every casino on the Strip. I need to gamble. I need to get some photos of the Mirage atrium without a million people in the way.
And the casino.
I lost $100 on slots and stopped for breakfast. I had a MyVegas reward for the Mirage buffet. This buffet is not good, but it is convenient. The hostess asked me if I wanted to be seated with someone. What?! NO? “Oh I thought maybe you were here with someone.” Yeah, my cute little stuffed dog who is probably still asleep upstairs.
After breakfast, I went upstairs and napped for an hour. I wanted to sleep for so much longer. But time’s a wasting.
I decided I would cross the street to Harrahs and play my $20 there before taking the monorail to MGM Grand. At MGM Grand, I would use up all my quarters on Sigma Derby. I was very excited when I walked outside and it was raining. I get lucky when it is raining.
My favorite statue in all of Las Vegas. Buck, Winnie and their dog, Chip.
Harrahs had some weirdo Buffalo machines. You could choose the variance you wanted. I tried the middle option.
I turned a $20 to $40 and cashed out, mostly because I wanted to get to MGM Grand to get rid of these fucking quarters.
What up MyVegas mural!
MGM Grand moved the Sigma Derby machine and it was really no longer inside the casino. It was in a bar area near the entrance/exit to the pedestrian bridge to New York New York. Where Rainforest Cafe used to be. At the time of writing this though, I read that it is moved back into the casino.
I tried putting all my quarters in at once but I had too many and it began spitting them back out. I played and played and played. I lost and lost and lost. Then I had no quarters left and I was freeeeeeeeee!
I walked across to New York New York. I haven’t played here in many years. When you first enter, there is a chair massage place. I decided that after I played my $20, I was going to get a massage.
I went down into the casino and had my heart set on playing Buffalo. I found one open machine. It was on a corner and right next to it was a group of about seven people playing one machine. All smoking. All sharing the ashtray between their machine and mine. I hate being crowded in but BUFFALO DAMMIT.
I get a bonus.
It keeps going.
Before I knew it, I had $600.
I played down to $600, cashed out and got my massage. Seriously, my favorite stop on my Strip crawl, which was then followed by my least favorite stop. Luxor. I really should have went here when I was right here a couple of days ago. But I didn’t. So I went here now.
I lost $200 here so fast. SO FAST. I still hadn’t gotten settled and comfortable when that much money was gone. Holy shit. Then cashing out my TITO took eleven years. I could only find one working one. The guy in front of me was so drunk and kept putting the wrong pin in for his debit card. The machine kept rejecting the card. He would try again…I am growing more and more impatient. Then some woman asks me if she can go ahead of me. I ask her what is it about her that makes her time more valuable than my time. She called me a bitch and I told her to go fuck herself and stormed out without cashing my $.43 TITO. Fuck you fucking Luxor. NEVER AGAIN.
From here I thought I was going to go to Tropicana and Hooters, but simply did not. Instead I took the bus to Orleans, stopping at Wild Wild West for cigarettes. Wild Wild West is owned by Stations and they have incredibly cheap cigarettes. I bought three cartons.
Orleans was a bust. I played Cleopatra Keno for a very long time. Every time I thought I was going to be done with my $20, I would hit a bonus and go back up around $20. It was actually getting boring. And I needed to leave. I have to use a MyVegas reward for a Bellagio buffet tonight as it is my last night here.
I ended up cashing out and taking a cab to Mirage to drop off my cigarettes. Then I walked to Bellagio. The line for the buffet took 50 minutes. You can also buy a line pass for $15. Which doesn’t mean you get to cut the line entirely. You just get to wait on a shorter line. Fuck that. I would have gotten off the line and found something better to do with my last night in Vegas. But I am a cheap fuck and free = YAY.
After eating, I played my $20 on my favorite Cleopatra Keno machine here. I cashed out at $40. Normally I would keep putting money in, but I am on a mission to gamble in every Strip casino. So off I go.
I took the tram to Monte Carlo. First order of business, Starbucks. Second, GAMBLE. I hit a $100 bonus on a Flinstones slot machine. Gotta go cash that out and continue on! I went to Aria next and lost $20 in Buffalo slot machine. Up next is Cosmopolitan. Where I lost. And lost. And lost some more. Then a lot more. Than even more-more. I want so badly to be loved by this place that the past two times I have visited, I have gone insane. I am sorry my wallet, I will try better to be less of a moron. I probably lost $300 here in half an hour. No joke.
I wanted to finish up with Planet Hollywood, Paris and Ballys. But I was too full of hate to cross the street. I walked back to Mirage. On my way through the casino, I passed a new Zorro slot machine. I played it, and got into a fight with it. This game was awful. Even with a $175 bonus, I hated it. Zorro keeps saying “I fight for the people.” I kept getting increasingly annoyed with it and before we knew it, I was a crazy lady talking to Zorro aloud. Telling him “ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT! SHUT UP!”
Then I went to my room. Where this was my night time view. Absolutely beautiful.