Las Vegas Trip Report: Did Someone Order Aces?

Thursday, December 24, 2015

This morning I woke up at 4:00 am in my comfortable bed at the Orleans Hotel and Casino in beautiful Las Vegas.  I could not fall back asleep so I got dressed and went to gamble.  Obviously.

There is a Starbucks near Orleans but I do not know if it is open 24 hours so I settled for gas station coffee from Terribles next door.  Yes I know you can get coffee for free while playing.  No, I would rather not have to be at someone else’s mercy for coffee.

I wanted to play the nickel Keno machine I had won $940 on a year ago TODAY.  But it is taken.  Because it is 5:00 am so obviously that one machine would be taken.  So I settled for the Double Double Bonus video poker machine that had been kind to me last night.  She was kind once again.

straight flushquarter jacks video poker winquarter aces video poker win orleans

I now had $350 and could not believe my good fortune.  I started to play all my favorite money suckers, including Ultimate X.

ultimate x video poker threes x 3

The more I kept telling myself to stop it, the more I kept going.  Finally I lost all my wins.  You fucking asshole.  I could use creative accounting and think “Oh hey, I only lost $80 because that is all I brought down” but…well there is no but. I only lost $80 SO THERE.

Breakfast was at the Orleans coffee shop.  My room offer came with $10 dining.   Everyone here was nice and friendly and all “Happy holidays!” and I was all “You asshole, why did you not stop gambling?!?!”

I was back in my room by 7:00 am and went back to bed.

I woke up at 11:11 (make a wish!) and went back out.   First stop was Hooters to use both the American Casino Guide and Las Vegas Advisor coupons for $10 free play each.  The Las Vegas Advisor coupon is straight $10 free play, American Casino Guide is play ten and get ten.  I got LVA loaded and went to play to get the ACG loaded.  I left the free play on my card and put $20 cash into Family Guy. I love this game and you cannot use free play on it.  This machine had been nice to me in the past, but that was not the case today.  I also noted that the “repeat bet” button is still broken, just as it was last year.  Great job, Hooters slot techs.

I put my $20 free play into Cleopatra Keno and got it up to $100.  I cashed out at $75.  I then realized I needed one more single for the bus and rather than break a $5 bill, I decided to put it in Cleopatra Keno and play one game at $1.  I got the bonus and won $22.  I cashed out at $79 to get singles.  Yes, cashing out at $22 would have also gotten me singles, but I AM GAMBLOR.

From here, I walked over to Ellis Island Brewery and Casino to use some more coupons.   I had one for $10 free play from American Casino Guide one for a chance to spin a wheel for $10-$100 free play from Las Vegas Advisor, and a “earn 200 points, get a free entree” coupon from American Casino Guide.

I sat down and played Double Double Bonus video poker. It took me $60 to get the 200 points for the free entree. $60 for $20 free play a $10 meal seems fair, no?

I asked my server if I could get anything on the menu.  They don’t have anything listed specifically as entrees.  She said that it came as a credit and she could see what they took off.  I ordered steak and eggs.  With a root beer, it came to $14.31 and the coupon took off $14, making my soda free as well.  She comped off the $.31 so the entire meal was basically free.  For $60 that is.

After eating, I lost another $40 on Cleopatra Keno because why wouldn’t I?

Next stop: Tuscany casino to use the $10 free play coupon in American Casino Guide.   I put it in a nickel Cleopatra Keno, hit “max bet” and it turns out max bet on here is 80 nickels.  Yeesh.   I hit five balls and won 500 credits ($25) but put that all back in because why wouldn’t I?  I also tried a Flinstones slot, which was terribly mean to me.  Then I left.

I took the bus to Gold Coast from here.  I have two coupons, one for play $10, get $10 free play from Las Vegas Advisor and one for a free buffet for earning 200 points, from American Casino Guide.

I sat down at a quarter Double Double Bonus video poker game where the cards were dealt way too fast and there was no way to change it.  I decided to stick it out and boy am I sure glad I did.  Last hand.

quarter twos gold coast

I still did not have 200 points so I put another twenty in and well….

quarter aces gold coast 1

I got my 200 points.  I went to the player’s card booth to get my buffet coupon (good through December 30) and my free play.  I went back to the same machine and OH HEY.

quarter aces gold coast 2

I feel like I was only in this casino for like fifteen minutes. And I won $500.  Minus what I put in, and then kept putting in (come on now, you know I did) I netted $400.

I took the free shuttle back to Orleans and stopped at the Player’s Club to use some coupons there.  I have play $10 get $10 from both Las Vegas Advisor and American Casino Guide.  I also have $5 free play from my offer.  I have to do them one at a time. The boothling offers I can come right back to him instead of getting back on the line, which is absurdly long.  I come back and only have to wait for him to finish the person he is currently helping.  Only it is not a person, it is a couple.  Because I guess when he said “next” they both went up instead of one person going up and then the other waiting their turn.  They were up there for so long, asking so many questions.  The female half was carrying an American Casino Guide book which annoyed me because you do not need to carry the book.  Fucking cut the coupons out.  I kept growing more and more impatient.  Finally I get the second coupon loaded and decide to save the third one for tomorrow.

As I am walking away, I am thinking about how much I do not like people.  Of course, this is perfect timing for me to spot some woman who is playing a machine, with her feet up on the chair next to her.  Not like on the bottom of the chair, but on the actual chair so that if anyone wanted to sit, they could not.  She was totally relaxing as if this were a chaise lounge. Did I mention she was not wearing shoes?  Because she wasn’t.  I guess she mistook the casino for her living room.  I lost it.  I gestured towards her fucking disgusting feet and told her “YOU ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING” and kept walking.  Then I decided to go back and take her photo, just to be a complete fucking dick.  But as I turned around, I saw her with her feet back under her own chair, where they belong.  She was in the middle of putting her shoes back on her feet.  WHICH IS WHERE THEY BELONG.  So I let it go.

I used my $15 free play in my now favorite Double Double Bonus video poker machine and got nothing.  I tried again to play the Keno machine I won $940 on a year ago TODAY and some dude was on it.   I played around a bit and then decided to go to my room.   The hallways here reek of weed.

I did some stuff like not really packed for a move tomorrow, wrote a blog post and then went back down to gamble.  I lost $80 and called it a night.  I was in bed by midnight.

Gambling Day: + 300
Gambling Trip: +380
Miscellaneous: (coffee, cigarettes, bus fare, tips and some more Diet Pepsi): $47.77
Comps used: Orleans hotel stay, $10 dining at Orleans with offer.  I also had a coupon sheet given to me at check in.  The only one I used was 10% off at Java Coast, which saved me $.31 on an iced coffee.

Today’s itinerary.  I did everything on it except go to Cosmopolitan.  I wish I would have done that.  I am going to miss all the Christmas stuff on the Strip since it will likely be gone by the time I get there.  Oh well.

Thursday, December 24, 2015
Breakfast: $10 credit mailer
Orleans ACG play $10 get $10
Orleans LVA play $10 get $10
Orleans $5 freeplay offer
Gold Coast $10 freeplay LVA
Gold Coast 200 points = free ACG
Lunch:
Dinner:
Ellis Island free 200 points ACG
Ellis Island play $10 spin wheel ACG
Ellis Island $10 free play LVA
Ellis Island 10x
Planet Hollywood / Rio 50 points = free buffet
Palms $25 freeplay with 5k points LVA
Palms $50 freeplay with 15k points ACG (or 2k slots)/strong>
Tuscany $10 free play ACG
Hooters play $10 get $10 ACG
Hooters $10 freeplay LVA
 
Cosmopolitan: Artomatic

10 thoughts on “Las Vegas Trip Report: Did Someone Order Aces?

  1. Mike

    Thank you for saying something to that woman. Fuck her and her uncovered feet.

    Are the 2016 LVA coupons announced yet? I like to see the list every year, even if I’m not going to make it to Vegas.

    Reply
      1. Mike

        I just saw the list. Looks the gambling coupons are on the rebound. Being a blackjack player, I look for the matchplays. I still remember the no matchplay in the book debacle from 2008 (?).

        Reply
    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Hi Rita! I am all about Java for iced coffee. I don’t like their hot coffee though. It is such a shame because it would be super convenient.

      Reply
        1. jenniferjennifer Post author

          This is entirely possible. I actually considered getting on a bus today to go and get one. I am in Henderson and this would have taken a ridiculous amount of time. Although as I am typing this, I feel like the amount of time would be fair for the reward.

          Reply
  2. Mare

    Whoo Hoo, Aces X 2!!!

    I love how you’re keeping track daily of the win/loss/comps stuff. I would imagine that gets harder as the 20 days go by? I know it does for me these days because Scott is playing, too. Keeping a running tab in my head doesn’t always work too well!

    Yes, I know I said I was going to wait until you were finished, but I couldn’t! It’s a Jenaphir trip report, how could I?!!!

    Reply
    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Thanks Mare!

      Keeping track of money would be easier if I were not a degenerate gambler. I would have to write down exactly how much cash I had TOTAL every day. Not just that day’s budget. Because you know, just because I say my budget is $200, doesn’t mean I am not going to stick to it. Once you are out there and dipping into your future funds, well…that’s when I would lose track. So knowing exactly how much I had on me total in the morning, and how much I had on me when I went to bed, helped.

      Even just looking at the days where my losses were exactly $200, I still spent money on other stuff and that stuff was supposed to be included in the $200. Oops?

      Reply

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