Las Vegas Trip Report: El Cortez Birthday Free Play

When we last left off, I was taking a nap in my room at the Flamingo hotel, after a busy morning traipsing all around Tropicana.

When I woke up, it was time to go to the Mirage.  I have two purposes for this.  1.  To  use a MyVegas reward for a dinner buffet.  2.  To visit my Buffalo machine that gave me an $1881 win back in March.

There used to be a Deuce bus stop outside of Flamingo.   I have no idea why, but it is now gone.  That means there are no bus stops going North, between Paris and Harrahs.  That’s pretty ridiculous.  So I had to walk to Mirage in 100+ degree hate heat.

I passed through the Wildlife Habitat in the back of Flamingo.

Flamingo Las Vegas garden flamingo las vegas koi pond flamingo las vegas water fountain flamingo las vegas flamingo waterfall las vegas

I am not sure if everyone is aware, but they have commemorative bricks back there that you can purchase.  I have always wanted to buy one for my mother but have yet to get around to it.
You can order one here.

flamingo las vegas commemorative bricks

Finally at Mirage, my Buffalo machine is taken.  Oh come the fuck on.  Did every person on the planet read about my win and are now hogging up my machine?!?

I refuse to play any other machine so dinner first it is.  I have a MyVegas reward, making the buffet free.  The value of these rewards are honestly dependent upon the user.  I went in, quickly made my selections, ate and bolted.  I was probably in there maybe about fifteen minutes.  This buffet has free wine and beer so I am sure the majority of visitors spend a lot more time there.  But for me, I have a Buffalo machine that needs my immediate attention.

I am so happy to discover she is free!  I sit down and play her.  There is a woman next to me, who strikes up a conversation about Buffalo slot machines.  How sometimes they suck and sometimes they pay big.  I just agree with her.  I do not tell her about my magic machine that is right next to her.  I don’t need anymore competition.  I am down about $100, which is disgustingly degenerate, when I hit a bonus for $140.  WOW.  THANK YOU.  I LOVE YOU.

I cash out and run the fuck out of there before she starts screaming for me to come back.

My next destination is El Cortez.  I want them to love me again so I gave them a bunch of play in March.  I did not darken their doors in July because I was on such a massive losing streak.   But that play from March seemed to do the trick as I got a postcard for $50 free play in the month of my birthday.  No stay required.  I am in!

I want to play the $50 on Buffalo but Buffalo isn’t being nice to me.   So I play it on Ultimate X video poker.  And lose it so quick that I am legit shocked.  How did FIFTY DOLLARS go that fast?!

I decide to console myself with Buffalo.  I sit down at the four play machine that was nice to me back in March.  I got some really good hits.  This is the only one I have a photo of:

el cortez buffalo 300 x 54

I was here for a very long time.  Just like back in March.  I get up to $400 and decide to leave a winner.  And by “winner” I mean “degenerate” and I lost $100 of my winnings on my way out the door.  But that’s okay because I still have $300!

I take the Deuce bus back to Flamingo.  I want so badly to visit Cromwell and play Ultimate X.   But I had stopped at Walgreens and have a bunch of drinks with me that I need to drop off in my room.  I do not want to go to my room and come back out.  So I decide to play a little bit at Flamingo.  A little bit turns into a little bit more.  Then some more.  I am losing like crazy.  I need to get up.  If you are going to keep playing, fucking walk ten feet to Cromwell which is right next door.  You have had amazing luck there.  But I don’t want to carry my bags there.  So go to the room.  I don’t want to go to the room and come back.  Well then just go to the room period.  Stop shoving money in the machines.  You stupid asshole, you just lost three hundred dollars, on machines you don’t even want to play.  Because you would not walk ten feet to the casino next door.


But look what showed up soon after I got home.  Success!!

el cortez offers las vegas

15 thoughts on “Las Vegas Trip Report: El Cortez Birthday Free Play

  1. Nancy

    the commemorative bricks – great idea! How is the buffet at Mirage? I want to say when you win money and then lose it, that is ok and not a real loss – it is their money… or maybe that’s the thoughts of all the degenerates!
    Oh wonderful offer from El Cortez -can we hope you will book it and we will get a Christmas gift of another trip report before the year ends??

    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Hi Nancy! The Mirage buffet is not the greatest. But their dinner is so much better than their breakfast.

      I totally told myself I technically didn’t lose money because I didn’t start out with that money. But once you break and stop, you begin thinking of what you could have done with it. That part sucks.

      I am definitely not going to Vegas again in 2017. I did try pricing a trip in January since I have a three day weekend with Martin Luther King day. But it turns out that weekend is the end of CES so all my comps are blacked out waaaahhhhhhg.

    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Aw, I am sorry you didn’t win. But you still got to be on a cruise, which is a hell of a lot cooler than not being on one!

  2. Jim


    Mirage is one of the hotels I stay at. TI and Gateway being the other two. Usually 3 nights at each. I travel alone, so I always hit the buffets, like you said, I’m in and out in 15-20 minutes. Breakfast buffet at the Mirage is always a stop at the omelet station and a piece of toast, I’m outtta there. I agree that the dinner buffet is the best of the three. I don’t know if you ever tried the TI dinner buffet but I recommend their pasta station and their salad bar area. Glad to hear you’ve had some luck this trip.

    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Hi Jim!

      I last tried Treasure Island’s buffet probably a decade or more ago. I would like to do a big (for me) play day there one trip and see if it gets me anything. I like the whole vibe there (inside, hate what they have done outside.) Plus it is close to my Buffalo machine at Mirage!

  3. Mark

    Never knew about the bricks what a cool idea will have to check it out next week . Great offer from the EL. Sounds like you are at least getting some hits this trip so it’s much better than your last trip. Can’t wait to read next post . Enjoying it very much .

  4. Mike

    I really love reading your reports. The tone is one I don’t get to read all that often. Being from New Jersey, I feel right at home when you, for instance, say “You stupid asshole”!

    I leave on December 3rd, first night “free” at Aria thanks to MyVegas, 3 nights out of pocket at MSS. My wife, the Vegas virgin, is very much looking forward to using all the coupons in the LVA and ACG.

    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Can’t beat East Coast candor!

      Your wife is going to have a blast. I also secretly hope she prefers MSS to Aria. I know I sure do.

      1. Mike

        I know that we’ll like the room at Aria more, but MSS is such a good value proposition it will be the one we’d go back to. We don’t play enough to get offers, so it ends up being whatever is cheapest. MSS just beats out the El Cortez, because of the bullshit resort fee.

        1. jenniferjennifer Post author

          That resort fee grinds my gears. I need to look and see if it is charged on comped rooms. I was all excited to get an offer (that I cannot use) but if there is a resort fee, my excitement will die.

          I love MSS. I hated Aria. I would stay there again just to use MyVegas stuff. But I will forever remember how I went to my room for the Survivor season finale, pushed some button and turned off all the electronics without realizing. It took that television forever to come back on. I am not made for fancy things.

  5. Mare

    I totally forgot to mention last segment that I will never understand how they can fuck up guests views using those stupid wraps. Pisses me off.

    And I know you’re used to walking and using bus systems since you live in NY, but I don’t know how you do it in Vegas in that heat! I WOULD be dead!

    That brick memorial path is very cool. I think your mom would love it.

    Bummer that you can’t use that El Cortez offer, but they should be sending more for 2018!

    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Those wraps are HORRIBLE. If I were paying for Strip view and my view was of the back of a wrap, I would be pissed off. I wonder how they handle that? How much money do those wraps generate in show ticket sales? I would love to know.

      I am so excited to be back on the El Cortez love list.


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