Las Vegas Trip Report: the Sky Is Blue but There Is a Black Cloud Hanging Over Me

I was asleep at Planet Hollywood when I am awoken by this loud as all fuck noise.  At first I think it is my phone.  I jump out of bed to make it stop, why is it so fucking LOUD.  But it isn’t stopping.  I turn on the light and realize it is the fire alarm.  It is 3:00 am and the fire alarm is going off, louder than anything that was ever loud before it.  It is so loud.  SO. FUCKING. LOUD.

I don’t know what to do.  Obviously you are supposed to do something, like leave your room.  But I don’t want to.  I am comfy in my jam jams and just want my heart to stop palpitating.  The alarm is not stopping.  There are no announcements.  I know to not call the front desk, I will be one of a million.  I peek out the peep hole on my door and there is nothing out there.  Fuck I guess I will get dressed and go downstairs.

As I am putting my shoes on, it stops.  Then comes the announcement that it was a false alarm.  Then that announcement begins repeating a million fucking times.  Holy shit.  I came to Vegas to win a million dollars but the real million dollar win will be me inventing a system for hotels where their guests can push a button to acknowledge they heard the first 75 announcements that it was a false alarm.  Then it can fucking STOP IT ALREADY.

There is no way in hell I am going to fall back asleep so I go outside.  I get Starbucks and cross the road to Cosmopolitan.  Worst mistake ever.  Cosmopolitan loved me at one point.  They sent me a teaser offer.  But I blew it.  It was a bad trip and I could not afford to gamble enough to keep them sending me offers.  But I for some reason, keep chasing them.  I don’t know why I do this.  I don’t normally do this.  But with Cosmo, I do.  And I lose way beyond what I am allowed to.  Then I leave knowing I could have paid for two nights with what I just lost in a few hours.

I played a fuckton of old school Buffalo and never hit a bonus, which is insane.  I walked back to Planet Hollywood, hanging my head in shame.

At Planet Hollywood, I was going to play $20.  I did not have my card.  I played $20 anyway and ended up there for over an hour on one $20 bill.   Not getting any points for it.  Because asshole.

I went up to my room to grab my Las Vegas Advisor to use my $10 off coupon for a breakfast buffet at Planet Hollywood.  This is my absolute favorite buffet in all of Las Vegas.  Or at least it was.  Until today.   I didn’t realize it would be holiday brunch, although I should have realized it.  So it was more expensive than usual.

Drinks are now self serve, which I like.  No waiting for someone to bring you something.  The orange juice needed to be changed out, it was pouring something closer to Tang from the two dispensers I tried.  I didn’t have a spoon for my coffee so I had to get back up and get that.  The scrambled eggs were raw.

I am having a terrible morning and now my favorite place to eat has forsaken me as well.  Sigh.

I go to the room and say fuck it, I am out of here.   I attempt to shower before packing and in my shower is a penny on tails.  ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.

I leave without showering, planning to do so at California.  When I go outside, the sun burns my retinas.  But that beautiful blue sky…

las vegas strip arialas vegas strip cosmopolitan

I take the Deuce to Oakey, and get off to buy cheaper cigarettes at 7-11.  Then I wait for the Deuce again, which never comes.   Then when it finally does, the driver does not stop.

A man comes crossing the street yelling to me “Can I ask you a question?”  It is 110 degrees outside, he has on a sweater and is clearly on something.  I say “yes” just because I obviously don’t have a choice so why anger him?  He thanks me profusely, tells me most people are afraid of him because he looks like a methamphetamine addict.  Then he giggles “Or a serial killer” and laughs even harder.  Dear kind sir:  If you are a serial killer, just please, take me now.  Anything that cuts this conversation short, I am down for it.

He wanted bus directions.  Thankfully not for anywhere the Deuce goes.  I point him to where he needs to go.  He thanks me and actually walks away.  Had my luck turned?

Finally another Deuce comes.  And stops.   I get to California and am told I cannot check in because it is too early.  Of course.  I have checked into this hotel early a million times. Including at 6:00 am when I wasn’t even trying to.  I was trying to check my luggage but the Bell Desk was closed.  So I got checked in instead.

But of course today, I cannot check in. FINE.

I sit in the lobby a bit and use their internet to play MyVegas on my phone for a little while.  Then I try for the nickel Keno progressives.  Nada.  Finally I get a room.

I got one of them there new, fancy rooms.  It looks nicer.  The bed doesn’t seem new though.  I am probably the only person who misses the old air conditioning system.  You used to be able to put a luggage rack on top of it and let the air blow up to dry your sink washed clothes.  Now there’s a fancy schmancy air conditioning vent. Oh well.

california hotel las vegas remodeled roomcalifornia hotel las vegas room remodeledcalifornia hotel las vegas remodeled bathroomcalifornia hotel las vegas remodeled shower

At least my room view luck is improving?

california hotel vegas room view

california hotel las vegas room view

I shower and go right to bed.  It is 2:00.

I woke up at 5:00.  According to my notes, I attempted to go to the Strip but it was too hot.  Why on Earth would I want to go to the Strip when I am on such a losing streak?!  The Binions thermometer said it was 117.  I don’t think it was correct, but it does feel like 2837483 degrees outside.

I play around Binions.   I cannot seem to get to 40 points for the second tier of the Motherlode promotion.  Everything I touch turns to broke.  I did get one spin for 5 points and won $5 free play.  And then I lost $5 free play.

I walked over to Main Street Station and played some slots on the second floor at California.  They hated me just as much as the slots on the first floor of California.  I remembered I had $10 free play with my room offer. I went to get that loaded and played it on a Buffalo slot machine. An $80 win later, I am finally cashing out for cash for the first time today.

I got dinner to go at Triple 7 Brew Pub.   I have $10 dining credit with my offer so I charged it to my room.  Then I went to my room and cried.  I mean slept.  After crying.

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sky is blue

9 thoughts on “Las Vegas Trip Report: the Sky Is Blue but There Is a Black Cloud Hanging Over Me

  1. Nancy

    can sure tell you are a new yorker when you weren’t afraid of the guy in the sweater, “Dear kind sir: If you are a serial killer, just please, take me now. Anything that cuts this conversation short, I am down for it.” I will be chuckling about that all day…
    Sorry luck wasn’t with you today – hope luck changes its mind and decides to favor you!

    Reply
  2. Teresa

    I hate days like that! Nothing goes right, can’t win a freakin buck back! Good thing that there is usually another day, so another chance. Looking forward to the next installment. Why doesn’t meeting a Serial Killer in Vegas sound unusual or incredible? Hm.

    Reply
    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      That’s my favorite part about Vegas: You never have any idea what the next day will bring. All it takes is one pick of the correct machine and your trip changes instantly.

      Reply
      1. Nmchop

        I totally understand all your impulses.

        Days like this one make you wonder why you ever step foot in a casino. But I enjoy you keeping it real. I’m always suspect of the Trip reports where there is never a loss, ever. Dreamers!

        Your braver then I talaking to crazy. Saw a comedian at the Tropicana once who did a whole bit on how to talk to crazy people. Said it takes crazy to talk to crazy and many Vegas examples later from him, I couldn’t breath from laughing. Your story reminded me of that bit. Enjoying the read. I’ll check back for more.

        Reply
        1. jenniferjennifer Post author

          I think sometimes people don’t post about losses because they want to forget about them. I don’t want to forget. Because I want to be aware I can (and often do) lose all my money so I am not disappointed when it happens.

          I get a lot of crazy people talking to me in Vegas. Maybe likes do attract after all!

          Reply

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