Las Vegas Trip Report: The Day I Met Invaders from the Planet Moolah

Note:  This is an older Las Vegas trip report that I am posting for the entertainment of Las Vegas addicts and anyone else who loves fun.  It was written back in 2008.  Most of this information is now outdated and some places mentioned no longer exist. 

Thursday, December 18, 2008 – Day Seven of Twenty One

My notes start off with me whining that my trip is “almost over” and I’m very upset. Mind you, at this point, I have fourteen days left.

I am up at 6:00 am at the El Cortez. Showered, dress and out at 7:30. I eat breakfast at Cafe Cortez. I love this place because they give you an entire pot of coffee, even if you are solo.

I attempt to use my El Cortez 2x points mailer coupon and there is a problem. It good for two specific dates, today and next Tuesday. Only for these two dates. But they are telling me I can’t use it because I used one this past Tuesday, that was only good that Tuesday and the Thursday prior to it. I start to argue and then just decide that this is a new policy and even though the mailers have four coupons on them (each with two specific dates on them), that maybe you are only allowed to use one per week. which isn’t made clear at all on them.

I do the free daily slot tournament and I get red, white and blue 7’s twice in the last ten seconds or so, which is a high score. Later on tonight I’ll find out I scored in the top ten, for which a prize is a ticket in the Saturday night drawing.

As I’m doing the tournament, the player’s club boothling came up and told me to come see her when I was done. I do and she tells me I CAN use the multiplier coupon. She tells me its normally good for Tuesday and Thursday in the same week, but with the way the dates fell in December, it’s good Thursday of one week and then Tuesday of the next week. So it falling in different weeks is what caused the confusion.

I go to do my “$5 at a time” nickel thing and I don’t realize on my first five, that I am playing quarters. So when i get five 3’s on Deuces Wild Bonus, I win $50. I still don’t even realize this even after I see I won $50. It doesn’t click until I lose the next $5 bill insanely quick and then I realize “oh.”

I played around the El Cortez like a lunatic degenerate gambler and just kept losing. This happens to me a LOT here. Some of my all time biggest win days have been at the El Cortez. Those days when you hit on EVERYTHING. Then when I have days when I hit on NOTHING, I keep going trying to win SOMETHING and I end up broke.

Finally on a Rembrant Riches slot, I am through my budget and I get a $70 bonus. This puts an end to my degenerate gambling session. I get up and get OUT and go to Walgreens where I buy a new memory card for my camera since mine is already full. After, I went back to my room to take a break.

I’m back out at 2:00. I play Double Double Bonus Multi Strike Super Times Pay video poker. On the second line I get four’s with a kicker for 1600 credits. I didn’t note what denomination I was playing but I’d imagine it was nickels. At this point in the trip, I was still doing things like playing single line quarters and multi-line nickels, even though my budget didnt call for it.

I break for lunch and I have $80 on me, up from the $70 Rembrant Riches win I started out with. My head is all messed up.  Multi Strike Super Times Pay will do that to you. Anyone who has played this machine has got to know. There is just so much going on that you can not function or think any longer. I have tried playing Deuces Wild on it and I thought my head would explode. Oh there’s a multiplier, oh there’s a free ride, oh there’s a deuce. All these noises and features cause over stimulation and my brain just shuts down.

Lunch is Cafe Cortez again, French Dip again. It’s not as good as yesterday, but I tend to find that most things in life are really great the first time and then a disappointment from that point on.

On the way OUT of here, I lose $30 on a Monopoly slot.

I get on the Deuce bus and plan to take the same route as yesterday: Sahara for their daily free pull, Terribles for their free daily slot tournament and ending at Planet Hollywood for their daily free pull.

First stop Sahara – they don’t have the free pull booth out and they are filming something in that area. Argh.

I put money in anyway, in a Deal Or No Deal slot and I turn $5 into $20. I tell myself i am NEVER allowed to play this game again. You know how when you watch the show you are screaming at the television “TAKE THE DEAL” but the person on the television is all freaked out on adrenaline and “what if….?” And they keep going and end up with nothing? Well now I understand why. I got lucky and after I screwed up and kept going, my offers did go back up. But I won’t always get that lucky. The only solution is just to not play anymore.

I go out back and take the 108 bus to Terribles and hit Star Trek again. I lose $40 and then get a $50 bonus and put it all back. WHY DO I DO THIS.

Today I walk to from Terribles to Planet Hollywood, remembering how long I had to wait for a bus yesterday. During my entire walk to the strip, no 202 bus passed me. So I made the right decision.

At Planet Hollywood, the free spin gets me nothing. I lose some more money on Deal Or No Deal (what was that I just said about not playing it ever again?)

I get on the Deuce bus and head back to the El Cortez all disgusted with myself. I get to my room and the key doesnt work. Argh. I go downstairs to get a new key. There is one clerk working and one person in front of me. The person in front of me is there with a bunch of mailers, trying to reserve a room for New Years Eve. This took about 15 minutes. Here’s an idea, CALL. Then finally they agree on what dates/offer to use and he is asked for a credit card. He acts like he has never heard of this before. So he has to call someone who is in the casino to come and bring over a credit card. Oh my god. This is insane. Why do I have such bad luck?

FINALLY I get a new room key and go to the room just totally defeated. I try to change and can’t find the shirt I want to wear. This, on top of the whole “lost half my life to get my room key reactivated” brings me to near tears. I must have left my shirt at the California when I checked out. Whyyyyyyy.

I get dressed and go downstairs to the Flame Steakhouse at the El Cortez, formerly known as Robertas. It’s dead inside but they tell me I need a reservation or it’s an hour wait. Of course it is. They also told me that you can call the coffee shop before the restaurant opens and they will take reservations for you.

I play around for an hour and this is when I find my new baby. Invaders From the Planet Moolah. This will be MY machine from this moment until the day I die.

This game rules. It’s kind of like All That Glitter, Davinci Diamonds and Rembrant Riches, in that it has cascading reels. But the idea of this game is that there are five cows – one at the top of each reel. When you win, the cows zap the symbols away and new ones come down. If you cascade seven times, you get seven free spins. One more cascade is ten free spins. It goes all the way up to fifty free spins. During the bonus, you can get more free spins when you cascade.

This game has the ability to make the second, third, fourth and fifth reels all wilds and does it occasionally for a big win. It also has a tendency to replace wilds with more wilds. So if you score one of those big wins, chances are that when the symbols are zapped away and replaced, they will again be replaced by wilds and you will have a second big win.


One hour later, I am up $50 and it’s time to eat dinner.

I have a 50% off coupon off at The Flame from the Las Vegas Advisor. The waitress tells me it’s quite popular and that two other people in there right now are using it.

I get the Filet Mignon and a baked potato. Great as always. When the bill comes, it’s $9 because she took the entire maximum coupon value of $25 off, not just 50%.

I go back out to Invaders From the Planet Moolah. Some woman stops by asks me if she can buy a cigarette off me. When people ask me if they can BUY one, I usually say yes and don’t take their money. If they ask if they can have one, I usually say no and wish them death for daring to ask me to give them something I bought for MYSELF with money I made at my job. A job I hate, but that I work at in order to support myself. Why should I give you my stuff?

Anyway – she offers to buy one. I hand her the cigarette, she hands me a dollar. I wave it away. She asks “are you sure?”“ I say yes. She wont stop insisting and says “just take it, maybe its a lucky dollar.” Well okay then. I put the dollar in the game im playing (Moolah) and lose all my money.


Thats it, I’m done. Time for bed.

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