Las Vegas Trip Report: December 25, 2007: The Day I Ate McDonalds Twice in One Day. Subtitled: Suck It.

Note:  This is an older Las Vegas trip report that I am posting for the entertainment of Las Vegas addicts and anyone else who loves fun.  It was written back in 2007.  Most of this information is now outdated and some places mentioned no longer exist.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007 – Day Three of Four

Merry Christmas!

My alarm goes off at 5:00 am because I have a massage appointment at Imperial palace and I need time to get there.   At about 5:15 I start getting “Merry Christmas!” text messages from East Coasters who never seem to figure out that I am in Vegas and probably asleep.  Or maybe they know I am a degenerate gambler who is up at 5:00 to start gambling.

Take the Deuce bus down the Strip and get off at Harrahs at around 6:15 am.   You know I stopped for McDonalds breakfast.   You also know I want you to CAN IT with your commentary on that.

I play around Imperial Palace and remember why I play Downtown.  I could not get a damn thing.   Not even from an All That Glitters slot that normally loves me.
At 7:00 I head to the spa, take a shower and get ready for my foot relaxation massage.   I am very excited about this.  Living in New York City = walking everywhere = every New York City chick needs a foot massage.    It was an hour long.   My feet didn’t really get massaged.  They did get exfoliated and wrapped in paraffin though, so that was wonderful.   The cost was $100, minus $10 from a coupon I got with the fun book I got when I signed up for a Bill’s player’s card.  Definitely worth it.

I take the Deuce back downtown without stopping to play anything on my way to the bus stop.   Hit Fitzgeralds and play and bit and I’m losing. What the hell.   I look at the time and its 10:00 am and I begin to think, do I dare?  Hell why not, I’m on vacation and I get my SECOND McDonalds breakfast of the day.  I mean it was four hours since my first one and I am on vacation ya know.

Those Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuits are crack I’m telling you.   Oh yeah and SHUT UP.

Back to the El Cortez to nap.  I’m not too sure why I ever bother with this because it rarely works.   But even if I lay there for half an hour trying, that’s half an hour I’m not losing so….

I go back downstairs and lose and lose.  I put a $20 into a quarter deuces  video poker machine and begin playing quarters.  Up until now, it’s been all nickels for me.   And HEY LOOKIT!!!!!!  I get my first time four deuces!  $250. Yay!

Head back to Fitzgeralds and play Monopoly Big Event.  The Big Event Bonus never comes UNTIL I get down to zero credits.  It does that thing where it beeps to let you know to stick around because if the big event bonus comes up in the next 41……40……39……seconds, you get it.  Well I got it and got $30.

Back to Binions.  Well hello Press Your Luck.

I go through my three $20’s and do my thing where I cash out and come back. The machine next to me is empty and someone sits on the other end.   Oh hey, pet peeve time.  One person at a machine and five people watching that one person.   I hate it.   That person gets a bonus and all six of them are cheering it on.  The bonus ends up being zero.  I get a bonus and one of them says “Hey she’s winning!” and they all gather around MY machine and watch ME play.   Ugh, go away.

Then the Big Event Bonus keeps hitting.  One of the watchers now begins touching me.  Hitting my shoulder “look at that one!”  “That was a good one!”  Okay STOP TOUCHING ME.   Stop it.  I don’t get why strangers would reach out and touch me.   I definitely do not ever give off the body language that says “PLEASE TOUCH ME.”  If anything, my jumping away from your touch and refusing to even look at you, screams the opposite.  Finally they alllllllllll leave.   All of them.  All six of them on ONE machine.  Whew.

I do my thing where I play $60, $20 at a time and cash out, put my winnings aside and then restart with the $60 – $20 at a time until I double it or lose it.

Then this time something odd happened.  After a couple of hours of doing this, I eventually put in $60 and lost all three $20’s.  I was dumbfounded, this had never happened to me before.  Noooooooooo Press Your Luck I love you why have you betrayed meeeeeee?

I break for a Binions burger to nurse my wounds.  And then back to Press Your Luck.   I can’t believe how many times this machine hits.   It wasn’t doing this at the El Cortez.   It just kept hitting and hitting and hitting and god help me, I kept lapping it up like a junkie.   I eventually took $400 out of the machine and decided to call it a night.

I walked back to the El Cortez and I allow myself $35 to play.   I put $10 in one of those Hot Shot slot machines.  I get the bonus.  I had a lit cigarette and I realize there is no ashtray.  I need to reach up to hit the tile thingies for the bonus.  I am halfway up and halfway looking for an ashtray and someone comes up to grub a cigarette.  Not now dude, I’m busy!  I lose my $10 and then lose the other $25 on video poker.    I know better than to keep playing but I put a final $20 in a White Orchid slot machine.  This machine sucks because its 100 lines.  But this machine rules because on the few times I’ve played it, I’ve hit high bonuses.  This time was no exception.  Hit the bonus for $70, leaving me up $30.

Head back to the room.  It’s my last night here so I plug in all my stuff to charge it.  The outlets at the El Cortez suck.  It’s not uncommon for you to plug something in, walk away and come back and see it has fallen out of the outlet.   I manage to get everything in there and more importantly to stay in there, and I’m in bed by 12:30.

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