Author Archives: jennifer

Las Vegas Trip Report: Let the Degeneracy Begin!

Welcome to a long overdue Las Vegas trip report!   Let’s face it, I am the world’s worst blogger who (at the time I started this post) was posting maybe ten posts a year.  Now that I am getting around to actually posting it, I am averaging zero posts a year. As a matter of fact, I am such a horrible blogger than when my account came up for renewal almost a year ago, I didn’t even notice my credit card had expired and my blog went away.  Thank you the lovely Ms. Geri for contacting me about that.

This trip was to kick off 2018 without wanting to slit my wrists after returning from a month long trip to Myanmar in December 2017.  I had decided that in 2018, I was going to take more frequent and shorter trips.   So why not start off with Las Vegas?

I changed my dates a couple of times.  I finally settled on January 26 through February 3, so that I could double dip and use my Boyd offers from January and February.  I filled the middle in with a three night offer from El Cortez (which I booked for two nights, and stayed only one) and a two night comped stay at Cosmopolitan.

I also booked a one night MyVegas room at Excalibur so I could use some MyVegas buffet rewards that require a stay.  I had zero intention of staying there.  People really have opinions on whether or not this is ethical.  I personally don’t care.  I had the points, I booked the room.   “This is why all the good rewards are gone!  People book rewards and don’t play!!!”  I promise you, I gave MLife more than enough to cover the one night stay at Excalibur.  As a matter of fact, this comped room was an offer I got sent based on that degenerate play.  It was not a MyVegas reward.

I armed with a Member Rewards Book from Las Vegas Advisor, an American Casino Guide, and a bunch of MyVegas rewards.  I get six rewards because I have bought a lot of chips.  I redeemed them for free plays and buffets.

I like to try new things on every trip.  And by “try new things” I really mean “go degenerate in a casino I have never been to before.”  This trip I would like to visit Skyline.

I am also going to be trying French Toast Pizza. I saw a photo of it online and have been determined to get there, still have not.

This sounds like a good place to start the actual report.

January 26, 2018

I found a penny on heads at the airport. It seems to be a new thing that I excel at. I used to also be really good at having an empty middle seat.  I am one of those people who obsessively check the seats on flights before I board them. I am aiming to have an empty middle seat which is everyone’s dream correct? Right before I went through security, I checked and yes, the seat next to me is empty.

For one time ever we finally board on time. I don’t think this has ever happened when I’ve left in the evening from JFK Airport. Of course the door should be shutting anytime now. Okay how about now. Hey maybe shut the door is now. Isn’t everyone on this plane already?

Enter the stragglers. One of which is seated right next to me in my empty middle seat.

The plane takes off a little bit late. I was having issues with my headphones. You know how sometimes you have to twist them around to get the earphones to actually play in your ears between the sound of static? That’s what was happening to me. After about 15 minutes I finally got the headphones in the perfect place where they were playing in both ears. And then the guy next to me has to get up and pee.

Although it was not his fault, I was still very annoyed at the fact that I had just got my headphones perfectly positioned to work, and now I have to move them so that he can get out.

This happened seven more times.

Obviously this person had some sort of issue.  His son or who anyway who I assume is the son, offered to switch seats with me so I can have the window seat. In retrospect, I should have said yes with the caveat that I want the aisle back before we land. Then I could have had a window seat, a working headphone jack, and still have been in the aisle to run the fuck off the plane.  Wait why did I not do this?  God dammit. Now I am mad at ME.

We land in Las Vegas.  I bolt outside hoping to catch the WAX that left about two minutes ago, but maybe it was delayed.  Spoiler alert: It wasn’t.  I sit down on a bench to wait for the CX bus.  I look down and see a penny.  But it was on tails.  No, go away YOU.

Some guy comes and stands next to my bench.  The only thing he has with him is a clear liter sized plastic bag, with his liquids and his passport. Not quite sure where his luggage was. I put my headphones on to listen to Frank Sinatra’s “Luck be a Lady Tonight”.  I hate this song but it has found it’s way into my ritual of winning.  I took my headphones off when the bus pulled up and the driver got out and lit a cigarette. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be the CX bus or the WAX bus. So I asked him. That opened up a door for him to talk to me and ask me to hang out with him later. No thank you.

I got to the Fremont Hotel at 10:44. I checked into my room, which is room 416.  I do not have any room photos but here is my view:

Fremont now has security guarding the elevators.  They have zero emotion or expression and sometimes you need to ask them to push the elevator button as they stand basically blocking it.  I think this is supposed to make you feel safe.  In the room I noticed a little sign that they would be checking rooms with a Do Not Disturb sign for longer than thee days.  I didn’t notice if anyone had entered my room.

I put my lucky penny that I had found in the airport in my bra before running outside to play.

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts of course. Then I played at Binions. I lost $100 pretty quick on my video poker machine that on my last trip gave me a Royal Flush followed by Aces with a kicker. I had $10 free play and I lost that too. I move to a Buffalo slot machine and lost yet another hundred. I’m only supposed to gamble $100 total tonight. So since I’ve already lost twice that, I obviously put another $100 bill in another Buffalo slot machine and hit a bonus for $432.  Wahoo!

I played some more video poker and got a really weird hand. I got four nines on the draw.

I played Buffalo again I hit a $118 bonus which included this beauty:

I probably would have stayed and played forever but I am absolutely exhausted. I do my swipes for the Motherlode promotion at Binions before I head to bed.  I had enough points for three swipes. The first one I got a free gift, the second I got $15 dining credit, the third was yet another free gift. I did not even try to redeem the gifts, I am not interested in lugging crap home.

I was in bed by 2:40 am. Despite my big wins, I end up only $90. Because degenerate.

Questions or comments?   Please leave them below.

If you want to go to the next page, click here.

Deep Thoughts on an Overnight Train from Yangon to Bagan, Myanmar

Taking this train in Myanmar was one of the top reasons for my visit.  Seventeen hours on a train is a very long time.  So is 20.  When I took the 24 hour trip to Lhasa a few years ago, I documented what I did during that ride.  What I did not document though, was the amount of thoughts that went through my head.  Ever wonder what goes through someone’s head when they are on public transport for an insane amount of hours?  Well I can tell you.

The overnight train from Yangon to Bagan is supposed to be 17 hours, it ended up being 20 hours.

I knew I had to do this trip before I even finished reading this post that introduced it to me.  Oh man.  This looks FANTASTIC.  The whole idea of your commute being this insane experience you would never forget.  The second I finished reading that post, I had to email the author to tell her about the irony of stumbling across it on the same day I read a post on a Las Vegas message board where someone had cancelled a reservation for a Strip hotel because she saw photos online where you could see the toilet when you opened the bathroom door.  It was right out there and not tucked behind a wall.  The horror!

I booked a ticket going from Yangon to Bagan.  I knew that the sleeper car is a separate car that is only attached if they sell tickets for it.  I ran the risk of being trapped in here with other people.  It is not internally connected to the other cars on the train.  You cannot walk through to get to anywhere.  How many beds had to sell to attach the car?  The booking agent I used stated on their website that if you wanted to guarantee a sleeper car would be attached, you could book all four beds for yourself.  I am not sure why I did not do this.  But I didn’t.  And then spent time wondering who would be in the car with me.  I was hoping to not spend the entire 17 hours being paid attention to for being a Westerner.

I arrived at the train station and took the obligatory photo of the “Warmly Welcome & Take Care of Tourists” sign.

Continue reading

Las Vegas Trip Report: Final Day of a Winning Trip!

All good things must come to an end, right?   I wake up at Fremont hotel for my final day of this wonderful trip.  Not only am I ending a winning trip to Las Vegas, I have a nice stack of pristine $100 bills, which will come in handy for my trip to Myanmar later this year.  Between yesterday’s insane run of luck, and my insane run of luck back in March, I pretty much have all my travel though 2018 paid for.  How cool is that!?

First stop is Dunkin Donuts, second stop is next door at Binions to play on my magical machine.  Which is taken by someone else.  DAMMIT.

I walk back to Fremont and play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  First win of the day.

quarter fours double double bonus video poker fremont casino las vegas

Continue reading

Las Vegas Trip Report: Does The Winning Streak Continue?

When we last left off, I was having a fantastic day of gambling.  I had the the second biggest Las Vegas win of my lifetime.  My top Las Vegas win was back in March on a Buffalo slot machine.  If you missed that one, you can read about it here.

I had retired to my room to take a nap.  A few people have asked me how I could nap after having such a nice win.  The simple answer is that I was quite content with my win and probably fell asleep dreaming of what I wanted to spend my money on.  Hint:  It will be used to travel.

When I woke up, I went back out and headed for Fiesta Rancho.   I like trying new places.  I also like going to Station casinos because they have cheapo cigarettes.  I walked to the bus singing “I have two thousand dollarssssssssss, I have TWO thousand dollars, I have TWO THOUSAND dollars, I HAVE TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS” because it is true.  I did have TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS of winnings from today alone in my room safe.

Oh and let’s talk about the room safes at Fremont, shall we?  They are in the closet (that does not have a door, which is fine.)  But there is a step up into the closet.  You can kind of see the step in this photo.  But only because I am telling you about it so you are scanning to find it, and then are.  In real life, no one is warning  you.  So every time you go to look lovingly at your wins, you smash your toes into the step.

fremont hotel las vegas step in closet

Continue reading

Dear Diary: There Was A Mass Shooting in Las Vegas

When I woke up Monday morning, I had a few texts asking me if I was okay.  I live in Brooklyn, New York.  I sat back down on my bed and took a minute or so to try and remember my dreams.  Did I hear a loud noise?  My window was open to let hoodie weather in.  No, I don’t think anything happened outside my bedroom window.  Did I sleep through my city getting attacked again?  Let’s ask Facebook.

The first post on my news feed was a photo, that I am sure everyone has seen by now.  Of a dark Mandalay Bay, with the text “Pray For Las Vegas” on it.

I feel like I dramatically clutched my chest and gasped aloud.  Las Vegas!?  What the hell happened to Las Vegas?  For this one, I went to Google.  There was a mass shooting in Las Vegas.  Without any conscious thought, my first reaction was to feel relief.   Then I felt disgust with myself for being relieved that it was only a mass shooting.  Then I morphed to wondering what caused such monster behavior in my brain.  That’s when I realized that I have been awake for ten seconds and I thought my city blew up while I slept.

Continue reading

Las Vegas Trip Report: The Morning Dreams Are Made Of

I am awake at 7:00 at Fremont Hotel in beautiful Downtown Las Vegas.   I love reading the notes I write in the morning.  So much whining about not wanting to go home tomorrow.  It turns out I priced flights home for the next day, so I could stay an extra day.   But they were $200 so nope.  I also wrote if I win $1000, I would buy a new flight home.   I do not remember writing this.  Let’s see how that goes, shall we?

I am out of my room at 8:00.   I count my steps and 41 of them later, I am at the Dunkin Donuts counter.

I decide to try a four game Buffalo slot machine here.  After almost losing $40, I got a $79 bonus.  It was less exciting and way more relieving.

I head over to Binions and right off the bat, look what I got on Cleopatra Keno!  That’s quarters, so $272.50.   Now we’re talking!
Cleopatra Keno 1090 credit win Binions Las Vegas

I walked from here to Main Street Station.  I have never played video poker at their Boar’s Head Bar.   This is a very well known video poker bar.  Guys, it reeks of vomit up there.  Like terribly.  Still I played and hit four of a kind sixes (no photo) and four of a kind tens (photo!)

quarter tens double double bonus video poker main street station

I have this brilliant idea to put the $75 TITO I got here, into a dollar video poker game.   Because I have never gotten a dollar royal and I am overdue.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I am still overdue because I hit nothing.

I have a $60 TITO left and I only ventured $40 cash so I am still up $20, despite having just lost $75.  Degenerate math in full effect ova heeeeeeeeeeyah.

I played some Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker in nickels.    YAY.

main street station ultimate x 5 x 4 main street station ultimate x queens x 4

I leave here and stop at my California Buffalo on my way back to Binions.  I am totally kicking ass today.

California Las Vegas Buffalo slot machine win 2400 x 4

Buffalo 15520 win

Oh wow!  You guys, I am doing it.  I am having the perfect Las Vegas morning.  This is the greatest thing ever!

I stop and play some Double Double Bonus video poker on quarters . The progressive Royal is $1670.  I want this so very badly but $100 did not get it, so I walk back to Binions.

I play around here a bit and before I know it, I have 40 points to get two swipes for the Motherlode promotion.  The first is for a free gift, the second is for $15 dining credit.  I take that to the coffee shop with me and get a cheese omelet.  The food here is always excellent, even more so when it is free.

It is 11:48 as I eat breakfast.  I am going to do a “cigarette after eating” stop and then go take a nap.

I sat down at a machine that was very nice to me back in March.  I play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  First hit:
binions quarter sevensThat glare bothers me.  I could not at all get a photo without it in it.  I  had the same problem back in March.

I keep playing.

And.

Get.

My.

Next.

Hit.

binions royal flush

Now I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking things like “Oh shit, Jennifer hit a Royal Flush!!!”  Well guys, I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong.

See.

I did not get a Royal Flush.

I got a Royal Flush AND ACES WITH A KICKER OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT LOOK AT IT.

quarter aces with kicker Binions Las Vegas

Holding one Ace.  Do you believe this shit?   I could not.  I just sat there gaping at it.

I cashed out for $1600 and went to my room to show my cute little stuffed dog what his mom did.  I also tried taking an obligatory cash spiral photo but i suck at it.  Not only cannot I not master a cool spiral, I only pulled out the Royal winnings and forgot to include the rest.  Oops?

make it rain las vegas

WOW.

And just like that, it is nap time!

Las Vegas Trip Report: Moving Downtown to Fremont Street

I am awake way too early this morning.  But I have to be.  Because it is my last (and only second) morning waking up on the Las Vegas Strip during this trip.   I have coupons from Lettuce Entertain You, which includes a flat out $20 off Mon Ami Gabi.  No purchase necessary.   There are also coupons for $10 off Stripburger, $15 off El Segundo, $25 off Joe’s and $30 off Eiffel Tower Restaurant.

BUT before I eat, I must play.  Cromwell Ultimate X video poker:
Ultimate X double double bonus fours cromwell Ultimate X double double bonus video poker aces x 3 cromwell las vegas

Continue reading

Las Vegas Trip Report: El Cortez Birthday Free Play

Las Vegas! When we last left off, I was taking a nap in my room at the Flamingo hotel, after a busy morning traipsing all around Tropicana.

When I woke up, it was time to go to the Mirage.  I have two purposes for this.  1.  To  use a MyVegas reward for a dinner buffet.  2.  To visit my Buffalo machine that gave me an $1881 win back in March.

There used to be a Deuce bus stop outside of Flamingo.   I have no idea why, but it is now gone.  That means there are no bus stops going North, between Paris and Harrahs.  That’s pretty ridiculous.  So I had to walk to Mirage in 100+ degree hate heat.

I passed through the Wildlife Habitat in the back of Flamingo.

Flamingo Las Vegas garden flamingo las vegas koi pond Continue reading

Las Vegas Trip Report: A Trip to Wild Wild West

This morning I woke up at the Flamingo Hotel.  I went to bed a winner, I woke up a winner, I am a winner!

Daytime room view, cock blocked by the Donny and Marie wrap.

flamingo las vegas daytime room view

I noticed there is a tiny bit of the Donny and Marie hotel wrap missing. I tried taking photos through the clear spot.  It kind of worked if I stood on my tip toes and held the camera up as high as I could reach.

flamingo las vegas room view 1flamingo las vegas room view

Continue reading

Las Vegas Trip Report: The One Where Anything Can Happen

I just finished up posting my last Vegas trip report, which was a nonstop blood bath where my biggest win was a whopping $108.  What a sad, depressing trip that was!

Still, when my job reminded me I had two days off to use in August, I booked another trip.  I got two comped (plus resort fee, fuck you) nights at Flamingo and three at Fremont, which is my favorite hotel in all of Las Vegas, despite it being tiny and crappy.   I had originally booked a MyVegas reward for two nights at Monte Carlo.  In the end, I ended up cancelling (and losing my points) for that.  I really just like smoking rooms in Vegas.  MLife doesn’t have them.  I do not want to forfeit my personal comfort for a free salmonella laced plate of scrambled eggs at the Bellagio buffet.

My flight was supposed to leave at 6:30.   We boarded on time, which was a shock.  We left late despite this, which was not a shock.

I landed at 9:30 and decided to shuttle to Flamingo.  We sat there for a good half hour before leaving.  And by “good” I mean “FUCKING LET’S FUCKING GO ALREADY.”   The driver dropped me off nowhere near the entrance.  If I were a degenerate packer, I would have been mad.  But my bag is carry on sized so I don’t care.

Cute stuffed dog going on an adventure

Continue reading