I spent my entire Las Vegas trip totally confused because in my mind, it was Christmas, even though it was not.  This is because I spend every Christmas in Las Vegas.  This year however, even though I felt like I was in Vegas for Christmas, when I got back home, Christmas still had not happened.  How the hell did that happen?

The obvious question here is “Well then where are you going to go for actual Christmas?” which I answered with “Atlantic City, obviously”

I left work early and took off.  While on the line to board the bus, I found a penny on heads.  This is all the best idea ever

Greyhound no longer goes to Trump Plaza so I had to take the bus to Caesars. I was not planning on this and I did not have my Caesars player’s card with me.  I am boycotting all Caesars properties for charging resort fees on comped rooms in Las Vegas.  So when I went to collect my bonus (the casinos give you a free play bonus for taking the bus to their casino.  Atlantic City bonuses are usually $25) I did not have my card for her to swipe.  She gave me a free play voucher and assured me it would be fine.  I did not believe her.

I walked over to Trump Plaza to check in.  This place is DEAD.  I mean beyond dead.  Even out front, there is supposed to be a valet and lots of people waiting for cabs and all that stuff.  Zero, zilch, nothing.  Not a person in sight.

I go inside.  There is a woman at the only open slot to check in.  She is on her phone, which is on speaker.  She is standing there transferring funds so she has enough on her card to check in.  ON SPEAKER. She keeps pushing the wrong buttons and gets taken back to the main menu like fifty times.  The lobby is made of marble and it is so empty that everything is echoing.  I considered taking her picture and submitting it to hotelnightmares.com because she is truly a nightmare.

This is going on for way too long.   The only check-in-ling working moves to another computer and checks me in.   I go to my room and it is burning hot.  I won’t blame the hotel.  It is December and it was in the 60’s today and will be in the 30’s tonight, (global warming, yo.)  I cannot fault them for not having the air conditioning running.

I am not supposed to gamble tonight.  But let’s face it, that is a big fat lie.   I agree that I will buy a bottle of water to take my medication with tomorrow, get a green tea Frappucino, walk over to Caesars, get into a fight with someone over my bus voucher not working, use my Trump free play and go to bed.

First up – gift shop for a bottle of water.  Oh hey, it’s not open. It closes at 5:00 pm on weekdays.  You are supposed to be open 24 hours.  But okay fine, I will buy water at Caesars since I have $3 comp there and it will be free.

Second stop is Starbucks.  My Starbucks card has $24 on it, the register keeps insisting it has zero on it.   I act like this is not happening and just pay cash.

Third is Caesars.  Holy crap, no problems with the bus voucher.  I am so happy because the Starbucks card threw me for a loop and I am not sure how long my patience with life hating me will hold out.

Caesars has replaced my favorite Double Super Times Pay machines with new, fancy Double Super Times Pay machines.   These machines are not familiar with me at all.  I have $30 free play in and it is not until I am down to about two bucks that it gives me four of a kind fours.  I could cash out with $20, but why do that when you can cash out with zero?  Which I eventually do.

Let’s go buy a bottle of water.  Oh fuck you, the walkway to the gift shop is closed off.  Why.  I can’t even go outside and walk to the store because I just had my roots permanently straightened and I cannot get my hair wet for 72 hours and it is POURING outside.  First world problems all over the place tonight.

I go back to Trump and use my $25 free play on Cleopatra Keno.  I am playing quarters, 4 quarters a hand.  When I get down to only 8 credits left, I up the bet to 8 quarters and go on a winning spree.  I get up to $80 fairly quick.  I actually cash out and almost go to my room.  But no, quarter video poker calls me over so I go to say hello.

I was down $60 before I hit four of a kind 10’s and cashed out with $80.  Now I am up $100 cash and somehow, manage to make myself to go my too-hot room without doing any damage at all to my bankroll.

Once in my room, I check my email.  Trump has emailed me, offering me a comped room on New Year’s Eve.   This is like the holy grail of casino comps.   But now that I am here and see that it’s empty, nothing is open, nothing exists, dead, vacant and soulless, I am not at all surprised that they are desperate enough to offer me anything.

I go to sleep with the idea that perhaps I will win enough tomorrow to justify taking the offer.  It’s not like I have New Year’s Eve plans.  I live in New York City and if you live in  New York City, you don’t like leaving your couch on New Year’s Eve.  But for a free gambling trip, I could easily be swayed.