This morning I wake up at Longhorn with ear pain left over from yesterday.  It has now grown and I can feel it all the way in my jaw.

I get up and get dressed and go downstairs to…you thought I was going to say “gamble”, right?  Well WRONG. I went to fucking Walmart.  That’s right, I am crushing the American Dream.  I am not sorry.  Oh man.  Walmart.  This place was like a total tourist attraction for me. I live in New York City.  We do not have Walmart. This place is insanely huge.  I probably could have spent a day in here just marveling at everything.  But I am on a mission to get ear drops so I can numb the knife that is stabbing me through my ear drum.  It was so tempting to not go completely insane in here and buy everything.

I came back to the room and decided that today is laundry day.  Okay I didn’t decide this, my lack of clean clothes did.  Longhorn hotel has a laundry center, two washers and two dryers.  I put my clothes in the washer and went to the casino.

I used two coupons I got at check in. One is for 2400 free points.  I noticed the sign behind the counter with the food specials for points.  I could get an entire meal with these points and still have some left over.  This is a great deal.  I also used a “play $5 get $10 free” coupon.  That one works by handing a cashier the coupon and $5 and she hands you a TITO ticket for $10.

I put my TITO into a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game and then realized it is 10 coins per line.  I hate this.  Dude, if I wanted to play fifty cents a hand, I would play dimes, you dumbass.

So I play and am dealt four fives for $30.  Okay maybe I am not so mad. I didn’t have my phone with me, which is a shame because even a $30 win seems like a notable win these days.

I cashed out and put $5 into Cleopatra Keno and lost that.  Then it was time to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer.  I wish my laundromat at home had a casino attached to it.  It would make doing laundry so much less hate.

Once my laundry is done, I go back to bed with my ear drops in my ear (where else would they be?) and sleep for a couple of hours.

When I wake up, I laugh at myself for ever having thought I was going to go to the Strip tonight to use a MyVegas buffet reward.  Hahahah!  I am not going anywhere.  Well except across the street to Sam’s Town. They have Dunkin Donuts and I have a play $10 and get $10 free coupon in my new Las Vegas Advisor book.

I am playing Cleopatra Keno when a man in the same row as me turns and says “Look!  I got this twice tonight!” and I look and see him with quarter Aces with a kicker in front of him.  Nice.  Now go away, I am jealous.

I came back to the room with take out from Denny’s.  Because Walmart and Denny’s.  Oh I am living it up in Las Vegas.

The next morning, I woke up and wanted to go to Green Valley Ranch to use a MyVegas buffet voucher.  But I didn’t want to go because I wanted to go do a loop of free play around the Strip.  As soon as my bus passed the transfer point for the bus to GVR, I instantly regretted not getting on it.  I told myself that now I was going to lose all my money for not sticking to the plan.

I got off by Hooters.  You know how all change in Las Vegas sucks?  Well I finally found a change that rules!  LOOKIT!  Do you see?

No?  You have no idea what  you are looking at?  Well then you have never taken the bus from Hooters back to the Strip.   While the bus stops right outside Hooters coming away from the Strip, it stops nowhere near going back.  You have to walk far to the corner, and then cross, and then walk far back on the other side of Tropicana to get the bus.  But no more!  This is construction for a cross walk at Hooters.  I was so insanely excited over this.  I am not sure why since this is the last time I will ever be here.

I had $10 free play from American Casino Guide and $10 from Las Vegas Advisor.  I have used these two coupons every year they have been available and they are normally kinda okay to me.  This time though, nope.  I lose both and then continued to lose another $50 of my own on Supertimes Pay and then another $40 on Family Guy.

Leaving Hooters, I walked across the new cross walk (!!!) and went to MGM Grand to use a MyVegas buffet voucher for breakfast.  When I got it loaded on my card, I was told I have seven days to use it.   Pretty good deal.

I also stopped in the rest room and saw a MyVegas ad on the TV screen above the sink!

My breakfast was easily the worst meal I had the entire twenty days I was in Las Vegas.  I had to ask someone working at one of the station if the bacon was meatless because it looked more like plastic than bacon.  This confused the man I asked, which in turn confused me because LOOK AT IT.  It doesn’t even look like bacon.  The scrambled eggs were more liquid than solid.  Stuff like that is so gross.  Hello, have a serving of salmonella poisoning!

I didn’t play a dime in here.  I figured they have enough of my money from last year to last them for a while.

I crossed over to New York New York and did not go into the casino.

I headed straight for the bus to Orleans.  Well to Terrible’s gas station for an enormous peach Mello Yello fountain drink.  Last year, my trip report was approximately 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words.  One guy seemingly read all those 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words and his only comment was to point out that I must have consumed so many calories by drinking soda.  So that guy, this information is for you:  diet soda has zero calories.

I went into Orleans.  I hate using free play here.  Well no I don’t, I hate redeeming it here.  You have to go up to the player’s club each time for each coupon.  They cannot load more than one at a time.   When the line is long, it is worse.  When you are staying there and have a third voucher that comes with your offer, it is the worstest (I invented a word here.)

I used my free play on the quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine that was kind to me earlier on this trip.  She was kind to me again.

Then I played a bunch on the Keno machine that I won $942 on last year.  I am that machine’s version of MGM Grand because she decided I already have enough of her money and she did not give me anymore.

From here I took the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It passes the Gold Coast, goes to Caesars and then comes back and stops at Gold Coast.   This takes a while as the shuttle takes a very roundabout way to the new stop at Caesars.

I get to Gold Coast, get my free play loaded, and go back to the machine that gave me Aces twice earlier this trip.  There is no way to adjust the speed on this machine and it is set on super freakout.   Just like when I was playing the last time, it drives me insane that the cards are dealt this fast.  But it is my lucky machine so I have to do it.

I didn’t realize how freaked out I was until holy fuck, is that a fucking ROYAL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.  I held the cards and instantly pushed “Draw” and then “Max Bet” because for some reason, I was scared.  I didn’t get a photo.  This is not the first time I have done  this.  Hell, this isn’t even the first time I have done this at Gold Coast.  My very first royal was here, on nickels.  I got so scared and had to get it off my screen before anyone saw it.  I once read someone’s trip report where they had the same illogical reaction to getting a royal.   So guys, I GOT A FUCKING QUARTER ROYAL AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING PHOTO OF IT.

ARGH.

I cashed out immediately and got the hell out of here.  I was supposed to do other things, like play at Palms and stop at Ellis Island to do free play there.  Nope.  I will go degenerate.  I know I will.  This is the first time in many days I have had a big win.  I must get the fuck out of here.

I got on the bus and went straight back to my room and stayed there for hours.  I wanted to go downstairs, or go anywhere.  Just let me go gamble please.  NOPE.  NOT ALLOWED UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN YOU DEGENERATE.

I did leave my room later on to get Denny’s for dinner.  I could not trust myself to enter a casino.  The internet gets SO MAD when people eat Denny’s in Las Vegas.  In this one installment, I have eaten it twice.  Suck it, internet.  I have a thousand dollars and you don’t.

Gambling Day: + $870
Gambling Trip: + $860
Miscellaneous: (trip to Walmart, dinner for two nights, cigarettes, soda, coffee, laundry and tips):  $89.13
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  MGM Grand breakfast, free via MyVegas

Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Breakfast: Green Valley Ranch 8-10:45 MyVegas free
Lunch:
Dinner: Longhorn

Thursday, January 7, 2016
Breakfast: Sam’s Town 7-10  200 points = free ACG
Sam’s Town $10 free play LVA
Lunch:
Orleans play $10 get $10 ACG + 10 LVA
Hooters $10 free ACG + $10 LVA
Westgate $10 free play LVA
Mardi Gras $10 free play LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play LVA
Dinner: Orleans half off LVA 4-9 $17.99