Las Vegas Trip Report: The Day That Started Before Yesterday Ended

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I woke up at Sunset Station.  The alarm clock said 1:19 and my first thought was that I slept through the entire night and it was 1:19 in the afternoon. Nope, morning.  My nap had lasted ten hours.  Not 22, idiot.

I got up and played on my phone. Good thing I did not go right back to bed as shortly after, the alarm clock went off from the previous guest.  I could not figure out how to turn it off so I just unplugged it.

What should I do now?  I tried sleeping again but it didn’t take.   So obviously, I went down to gamble.  And had the realization that I never want to be anywhere that is not downtown ever again.  Here is why:

I needed cigarettes and coffee.  The gift shop is not open, Starbucks is not open.  It is negative eleventy billion degrees outside.  Even if I were willing to go out there (I was not) it is one-freaking-something am and I don’t know which way to walk to find anything once I am out there.

I was fortunate that the casino had cigarette machines around ($9.00 a pack, cheaper than New York, that’s for damn sure) but my only choice for coffee in a cup that I could have next to me at a machine was a cocktail waitress.  Of which I saw none.

If I had been downtown, I could have had a choice of Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Both 24 hours, both a short walk away. If it had not been eleventy billion degrees below zero, I could have went outside.  But I am at a local’s casino with about 89234783 exits.  I don’t know where anything is outside. It is too cold to go exploring. Let’s talk about that for a bit, shall we?

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Las Vegas Trip Report: Degenerate Gambler Tries Dollar Video Poker

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I am wide awake at the California hotel at 6:00 am this morning.  I shower and get dressed and walk over to The D to use my $10 dining voucher.  Fremont Street is empty except for me and the homeless.

early morning fremont street las vegas

I saw this sign which drove me nuts.  It is a huge pet peeve of mine when people spell “Fremont” as “Freemont.”  I even once saw someone spell it as “Freemount”.  Although I guess since prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas, all mounts should be free.  Yet whoever made this sign, must work on Freeeeeeeeeemont.  And here we are.

freeeeeeeeeeemont

Oh hey, the coffee shop doesn’t open until 8:00.  Remember when these things used to be 24 hours?  I have to use my credit today as it will be expired when I return Downtown later this trip.  So I get some coffee from Dunkin Donuts and sit down at my favorite Supertimes Pay machine in all of Las Vegas, conveniently located right outside Dunkin Donuts.

This machine is my baby and I have not played her in a year.  When I was here briefly in September, she was always taken.  I am so glad to be reunited with her.  She isn’t doing too good. Her screen is shot and fuzzy.  Aw, poor baby.

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Las Vegas Trip Report: The Fantastical Keno Win!

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This morning, I was wide awake at the California hotel at 5:00 am.  I wanted to stick to my itinerary, which tells me to go to Santa Fe Station for breakfast.  I almost didn’t.  First, I am starving and don’t want to go all the way there.  Second, when I went outside, holy shit.  It is freezing out here.  I mean FREEZING.

Let me explain something, I know that Las Vegas is cold in winter. I have been here every winter for the past twelve years.  It is usually colder here than it is back in New York City when I am here.  I have a winter coat with me.  I get it.

But today it is so painful.  Colder than normal.  There is a wind storm going on that is blowing frozen knives into my skin.  I am going to die.  The only time i remember it being this cold in Vegas was during yet another wind storm in whatever year it was that my sister was here with me.  I remember we went to the movies at Neonopolis and then had to run into Walgreens to warm up because simply stepping outside the theater was too much for us.

Much like summer “oh but it is a dry heat”, winter here is “oh fuck it is a wind storm.”   Horrible.  I almost turned around walking to the bus.  Then I almost left the bus stop and said fuck this.  But I stuck it out and my first trip to Santa Fe Station was on!

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Las Vegas Trip Report: Christmas 2015

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Today is Christmas yay!  Oh wait, I don’t care.  BAH HUMBUG.

I woke up at 5:00 am because duh.  I am in Las Vegas.  I am at Orleans and they have a point multiplier promotion today so I must go gamble.  I walked over to Terribles for coffee.  I have to say, their coffee is pretty damn good.

Sunrise outside the Orleans hotel and casino.

las vegas sunrise orleans hotel

Then I played.

I had left the room with $120 and played all over the damn place. I hit four of a kind fives to start.

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Las Vegas Trip Report: Did Someone Order Aces?

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Thursday, December 24, 2015

This morning I woke up at 4:00 am in my comfortable bed at the Orleans Hotel and Casino in beautiful Las Vegas.  I could not fall back asleep so I got dressed and went to gamble.  Obviously.

There is a Starbucks near Orleans but I do not know if it is open 24 hours so I settled for gas station coffee from Terribles next door.  Yes I know you can get coffee for free while playing.  No, I would rather not have to be at someone else’s mercy for coffee.

I wanted to play the nickel Keno machine I had won $940 on a year ago TODAY.  But it is taken.  Because it is 5:00 am so obviously that one machine would be taken.  So I settled for the Double Double Bonus video poker machine that had been kind to me last night.  She was kind once again.

straight flushquarter jacks video poker winquarter aces video poker win orleans

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Las Vegas Trip Report: I Didn’t Go Degenerate (or did I?)

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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Today kicks off a twenty day trip to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.  But not before I work a half day, as a reminder of why I need to win eleventy billion dollars and never come back.

That global warming shit meant that I was leaving New York City when it was 70 degrees, and arriving in Las Vegas when it was in the 30’s.  The past couple of years, it has typically been colder in Vegas than back home, but this was a huge first world problem.  I did not want to wear my winter coat in 70 degree weather, I needed it for Vegas.  Luckily, I am an expert packer and not only did I only need a carry on for twenty nights in Vegas, I had enough room in there for my winter coat.  Score!

I was selected for pre-check, which I absolutely love.

I ended up gate checking my bag for free because I wanted to make sure I did not get stuck having to keep my laptop bag under the seat in front of me.  I hate having things under there, I feel like it constricts the flow of oxygen.

My flight was delayed, but it was nowhere near as much doom and gloom as the news was reporting.  I guess all the fog in the city was really messing up flights.  My flight only arrived in Vegas a mere fifteen minutes late.  We had no form of entertainment on this flight, unless you consider an announcement asking if there was a doctor on board, entertainment.  I don’t know what was going on, but whatever it was, caused the flight attendants to have to make several announcements for people to stay in their seats.  I assume it ended fine since we were not met by medical or a coroner upon arrival.  Delta if you are reading this, next time I would prefer an individual television.

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Las Vegas Pre-Trip Report!

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I am leaving tomorrow for twenty days in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.  This trip is slightly different than previous trips because my trip style has changed.

For the past couple of years, I keep insisting I am never going back to Las Vegas.  I truly believe this every time I say it.  I want to use my time to visit the rest of the world.  It is cheaper seeing the rest of the world.  I am serious.  I used to do that thing “Where else can you go and get comped rooms and comped meals and blah blah blah?”   It turns out that is a trick question.  Because you do not need comped rooms and comped meals to spend less per day in China, than you would in Las Vegas, for one random example.

Do not get me wrong, I am not telling YOU that YOU should stop going to Las Vegas.  I have been around Vegas message boards long enough to know that this is how it goes:

Me: So on my trip I….

The Internet:  OH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT ON VACATION

Me: Well it is MY vacation so…

The Internet: I WOULD NEVER DO THAT ON MY VACATION.

Me:  Well I am not suggesting…

The Internet:  BLAH BLAH BLAH I WOULD NEVER DO THAT SO I DON’T WANT YOU TO DO IT EITHER.  LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

Me: Sigh…

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Las Vegas Trip Report: 37 Hours in Las Vegas, Part Two

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So when we last left off, I was in hour nine (thank you Royal Flusher!) of a 37 hour trip to Las Vegas.   Since I am the world’s worst blogger, you may not remember part one since it was posted so long ago.  You can find that here.

I took a nap, with the alarm set obviously.  No time for over sleeping.

I got dressed….wait no I didn’t.  I didn’t need to because I never got undressed.  I just rolled out of bed, put on shoes and went back down to Main Street Station.  I stopped at Lapperts for another iced chai latte.  These things are SO GOOD.

I stopped at a Friends slot machine, with the full expectation that I would lose my money.  This seemed fair since I deserved to for playing slot machines.  But I hit a bonus and won.  SURPRISE!
friends slot machine winI posted this on Instagram and paraphrased Joey with “YEAH I did” and had an influx of people texting me to ask how much I won.  $101.70.  Nothing more than penny slots for this old lady.

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Las Vegas Trip Report: 37 Hours in Vegas, Part One

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So I explained my logic for taking this trip here.  Now here is the report!

I had originally booked Southwest, leaving San Francisco at 8:00-ish AM and arriving at 11:30-ish AM. I booked it because I had flight credit from a trip to Atlanta, where the airfare kept going down so I kept rebooking. I did not like this flight at all.  It had a layover which made the flight too long.  But the first direct flight of the day only landed half an hour earlier and was like three times the price.  What to do, what to do…..?  Ah fuck it.   I ate the Southwest ticket and booked a brand new ticket on United, arriving at 7:40 am.   I now have $42 in Southwest credit.  But they go literally nowhere from NYC that I would be flying Southwest for.  So unless a surprise trip comes up…..well whatever.

I was super, insanely excited to go to Vegas.  I ended up upgrading my seat for $24 and ended up with my own row.  I was like the tenth person off the plane.  This was so exciting!  The flight went so fast!  What time is it?  7:11!  This is an omen!

Look at pretty Las Vegas!  I never arrive in the daytime so this made me excited.

las vegas landing

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Las Vegas Pre-Trip Report: Musings of a Degenerate Gambler

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Here is something you should know about people who frequent Las Vegas: They all love to talk about how cheap a trip is, and how you will never find another city in the world where you can go and stay in beautiful hotels and eat fine dining, for even a fraction of the cost as Las Vegas.  Note that I said “they” and not “we”.  I used to be part of that group.  I used to love the idea of staying in a nice hotel that I was comped in, versus paying $150/night for some shitty motel in Anywhereelse USA.

But then something happened.  I started traveling outside the United States.  Guys, I have to tell you something.  The world outside of the United States is so much cheaper.  Sure there are lots of countries you can travel to where the cost is relatively the same, or even higher than travel in the States.  But then I went to Eastern Europe.  And China.  Suddenly, that “Wow, this is such a great bargain!” Las Vegas trip morphed into “Wow, for less than the cost of a two week trip to Vegas, I can spend six weeks in China!”

So I began vowing that every trip to Las Vegas would be my last.  But see, I didn’t tell anyone this, except for my cute little stuffed dog.  He doesn’t judge or hold me accountable for things I say, so I was free to break that vow at will.

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