Las Vegas Trip Report: December 2, 2013: Part Two of Two

Monday, December 2, 2013

[This is part nine of a ten part trip report.  To start at the beginning, go here.]

When we last left off, I was leaving the Mirage and continuing on to Flamingo to catch the 202 bus.

Here is the newly redone Imperial Palace.  It is owned by Caesars Entertainment and for some time, it seemed that they wanted us to call it a new name.  But that new name was stupid so I refused.  It seems that my boycott has caught their attention as now there is NO name on the building.  No name is better than calling it “The Quad”

Imperial Palace

I have stayed here so many times.  But now the Caesars Empire has decided to charge resort fees on comped rooms.  These resort fees can cost more than a room downtown.  Guess where we will never be staying ever again?

I do want to go up on this terrace though.

Imperial Palace outdoor terraceFrom here, I walked past the Flamingo.

Las Vegas FlamingoHere is construction between the Flamingo and Barbary Coast.  That street between the two is now gone.

Las Vegas Flamingo Barbary Coast constructionOn my side of the street is Caesars, with Cosmopolitan hanging out in the background.

Cosmopolitan CaesarsFinally I am able to catch the bus to the Gold Coast.  I eat dinner here, free buffet courtesy of the American Casino Guide coupon I used yesterday.

After eating, it was time for some nickel keno.   They have progressive nickel keno here.   If you hit 10/10 numbers, the prize is something over $11k.   For a twenty cent bet.

My first $5 gets me $20.  Yes, I am winning!   Then I lose the next three $5 bills and give up.  I stop at the gift shop and get myself a comped bottle of Diet Pepsi.   MMM.  Diet Pepsi.

Now I want to go back to the Palms to play that Sinbad game again, but I do not have enough time.  I also want to go to the Orleans to play their fantastic Family Guy machines.   But I do not have time for that either.  Sigh.

Bus back to the strip.  I take a picture of the Eiffel Tower at Paris and then crossed the street to watch a fountain show at Bellagio.  The Bellagio fountain show is pretty much the ultimate free attraction in Las Vegas.  I have no idea when the last time I actually stopped to see one was.  I have seen them while waiting for the bus across the street.  But I don’t think I have actually made the effort to cross the street and watch it on Bellagio’s own property in YEARS.

Eiffel Tower night

Bellagio dancing fountains Las Vegas Bellagio fountains Las Vegas Bellagio fountains VegasBellagio Las Vegas fountains

Continuing on, Cosmopolitan.


I really want to stay here one day.  They have huge balconies on the strip.   I know I talk a lot about how much I hate the strip.   But I most certainly do not hate how it looks.   She is beautiful even if her soul is black.

Here is Liberace’s car in the entry way:

Liberace's Car Cosmopolitan Las vegas

The Cosmopolitan is super fancy.   The entire center of the casino is (what I am guessing is) the world’s biggest chandelier.   This this is HUGE.

Cosmopolitan chandelier Las Vegas

There are bars on different levels inside the chandelier:

Cosmopolitan Las Vegas chandelier bar

Up next, the Aria sign.   I took eleventy billion pictures of this sign.  Don’t believe me?   Here is a post featuring nothing but pictures of the Aria sign:

Now it’s time to see Zarkana.  I am upgraded and moved to the front where there are comfy couch seats.  I am seat # 7 and 1-6 are empty.  Most of the theater is empty.

Here is the Zarkana stage:

Zarkana Stage

The show started and at first seemed less Cirquey and more dare devil.  I don’t know if it was the seating or what, but I kept nodding off completely.  I had to keep forcing myself awake.   I don’t think I was bored so let’s blame the comfy seats.

After the show, I went out and gambled and lost.  Why does this keep happening to me?

I walked from Aria to Monte Carlo using the inside walkway.   This is a very long walk where they force you to walk past 3298473829 stores.   I passed one Starbucks, closed.  I pass a second one, there were more people on line than there were stores I just passed.    Yeargh.

I give up the Starbucks dream, thinking that I will just get Dunkin Donuts when I reach Hooters. I am on my way there to use up the free play coupons I did not use yesterday.  Spoiler alert:  I confused the Hooters casino with Tropicana and it was not until about an hour later when I reached Hooters, that I realized there would be no Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for me because WRONG CASINO YOU MORON.

I took some pictures on my walk but of course, they came out horribly because my battery was dying.   It did allow me to take a clear picture of the blinged out Marshalls.   Only in Las Vegas.

Blinged Out Marshalls Las Vegas

I chose to walk outside MGM Grand:

MGM Grand Las Vegas lion

From here, it’s just down a bit, up a staircase (escalator wasn’t working), across a pedestrian bridge, down a staircase, then some more walking to get to Hooters, which is just across the street from MGM Grand.   This took about twenty minutes.  Reminder: “just across the street” is never just across the street in Las Vegas.

Finally, HOOTERS.   I have $20 free play here.  $10 from the American Casino Guide, $10 from Las Vegas Advisor.   She lets me use both but I have to play $10 to get the American Casino Guide loaded (it’s a slot match play, the LVA is completely free).

I play a bit of keno and come back and have it loaded.   Now I have $20 on my card.   I want to play Family Guy but you can’t use free play on it.  So I play nickel Super Times Pay double double bonus video poker.   I sometimes feel like it takes longer to type that than it does to lose a $20.

I played and got my free play up to $140 pretty quick.   It kind of sucks when you do that because obviously you want to keep playing.   But you don’t want to lose it.  But you might not lose it, you might win.   But you might not win.  Long story short, I cashed out.

I really want to go to the Orleans and play their Family Guy slots.   I am on the same road the Orleans is on.  But see, you cannot cross the street in front of Hooters to get to the other side to take the bus there.   You can walk a long ways east, which I once did in the summer time and I am probably still sun burned from that.  Or you can walk back to the strip, which isn’t exactly a short walk.   But once you get there, you have to walk up and down a ridiculous amount of pedestrian bridges just to get to the other side and I DON’T WANNA.  I really just broke down with how far everything is on this trip.   It’s usually why I avoid the strip.   It is so complicated getting anywhere.

So instead, I play Family Guy here at Hooters.  Brilliant compromise.

I lost about $39 before hitting a bonus that got me back to $40 and I cashed out.

I walked back to MGM Grand, went inside and followed the signs to Starbucks, only to find it closed.   Are you kidding me?   I then walked through the casino absolutely fuming over this until I found an open Starbucks.  Woo!  I haven’t had a Frappucino since I was at the Fashion Show Mall like 93 hours ago.  So delicious.

MGM Grand was the first hotel I stayed at in Las Vegas.  It will always hold a place in my heart, even on days that I hate it here.

Here’s the lobby:

MGM Grand reception

From here, I am going to use my free Monorail ticket I got from playing the My Vegas game on Facebook.

The monorail system is a huge flop.   There are lots of reasons it has failed. One of the bigger reasons is that it is inconvenient.    The stations are located so freaking far from the casino.   But after taking the Deuce and walking on the strip, this walk to the monorail seems like a breeze.   So much so that when I get there and there is no one working to  hand my voucher to, to get my free ride, I don’t even care.  But then HEY YOU!  I spot a guy who appears to work there, hanging out on the steps past the turnstile.   HELP ME.   He does.  Free ride woo!

I have to take the monorail to LVH, which is what the property formerly known as the Las Vegas Hilton is currently named.   It is a stupid name, but I am allowing it because I feel bad for them that they lost their not-stupid name when the Hilton ganked it away from them.

The ride from MGM to LVH is so short.   If I had taken the bus, I would not even be at the bus stop by now.   I actually timed it.   From the time I got Starbucks, then walked to the monorail, then took it, then got off at LVH, walked across the street (remember, nothing is JUST across the street), stopped at the AM PM, then got back inside the Riviera, it was a grand total of 32 minutes.  I would definitely still be at the bus stop down by MGM had I opted for that route.

I sat down to play.   I am going to try these quarter progressive double double bonus machines again.  OH HEY LOOK I WON THE PROGRESSIVE 4’s WITH A KICKER FOR $215!

progressive fours


Oh well?

I then gave Family Guy another shot.   It still sucks and I’m done in like 7 seconds.  So back to quarter progressive double double bonus, right?  Some guy is on my machine, that I just won 4’s on.  Fine.  I pick a machine on the other side and as I sit down, I see flickering on my machine.  WHAT IS THIS NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  The aces progressive just moved back down to $500 because that guy just hit it as I was sitting down.

On the same machine I had JUST won the progressive 4’s on, he hit the progressive aces with a kicker.  Not only that, he only held one ace.  And then cashed out immediately without even playing down to an even number.  The hand was still up on the screen.

stolen aces

At first I am mad.  Yes I know how it works.  I know I would not have hit the same hand unless I managed to  hit the button at the same nano second he did.  But he stole my money.  But wait.  Oh wow!  Look at that.  I know something no one else does!   I know that THIS machine let go of two progressives in the past ten minutes.   That clearly means I going to hit the royal progressive on it.   Right?


I play a while and lose.  Then I decide to go back to where I was when this guy stole my aces.  That machine kept dealing me pairs of 5’s and doing nothing with them.   I say out loud to the machine “Do not dare give me a pair of 5’s again unless you are going to better it”

Next hand?  Pair of fives.

But the machine listened to me!

quarter fives

I now have $290 on me.   I could not decide what to do.   I want to keep playing, it is my last night.  But I want money for tomorrow.   Or do I just keep playing and have fun forever tonight and then don’t gamble tomorrow?  What do I dooooooooo?

Honestly if I had a room for tomorrow, I would have stayed out until I lost every penny.   Then I would have just left my room tomorrow when it was time to leave for the airport.  But I do not have a room for tomorrow so I have to check out at 11:00 am.  So it’s off to bed I go.

Want to read more?   Here is part ten!

4 thoughts on “Las Vegas Trip Report: December 2, 2013: Part Two of Two

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