Las Vegas Trip Report: I Hate Seth MacFarlane.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013 – Day Two of Eight

[This is part one of a ten part trip report.  To start from the beginning, go here]

I am up at 8:00 am at Aria.  I tried to go back to sleep but it was just not going to happen.  I took my time getting ready and left my room at 10:30. First stop, Starbucks.  The barista tried talking to me and I could not make out any words he was saying.  I finally had to tell him “You and I cannot speak until I have had caffeine.”

Venti green tea Frappucinos at the Starbucks in Aria are $7.35.  That is insane.

I went to the Mlife booth to see what my points on my card are worth.  $18 in slot play.  I have been playing at Mlife properties since the time Mlife was invented.  It’s been years.  YEARS.   And I have accumulated $18 in free play.   I could get that in one day at the El Cortez.

I play my $18 in a nickel Super Times Pay and cash out with $30, hitting four of a kind kings twice.  Back to Buffalo slots.  I leave here up another ten bucks.  I try a Cheers slot machine, never hit a bonus, bye bye my $20 bill.

Over to a Quick Hit penny slot.  I am just about near the end of a $40 loss when I  hit a $60 bonus.   I cash out with $40.  Because cashing out with the $60 would be the responsible thing, but I am a degenerate gambler and I don’t do responsible gaming.

I get completely lost trying to walk inside to the Bellagio.  Finally I make it and I spot two Family Guy slot machines.  Well fuck me.  I have always wanted to play one of these.  But I am torn.  I am sure Seth MacFarlane gets royalties on these machines.  I don’t want this bastard to get a penny from me unless that penny is part of a fist full of pennies being shoved down his throat as an eye-for-an-eye revenge for him murdering Brian Griffin.  YES I’M MAD.

I seriously struggle with this for like a nano second before I remind myself that I don’t have any conviction.  So I sit down to play.  The machine won’t take my card.  I move over to the next one.  I hit a bonus for $84.90 and cash out with $100.  Take THAT you stupid dog murderer.

Next up, Pawn Stars slots.  I think it’s super cheesy that one of the game symbols is the History Channel logo.  I don’t know why this bothered me so much.  It just did.  I leave this game down $20.

Continuing on my walk to Ellis Island, I see the Barbary Coast.  Or what is left of it.  What the hell did you dooooooooooooooo to the Barbary Coast?

Barbary Coast - Las Vegas Barbary Coast Las Vegas

On my walk, I see the High Roller ferris wheel progress.  I can’t wait to ride this, although I honestly don’t know why since the last time I rode a ferris wheel, I did so with my eyes closed the entire time as I was sure I was going to die.

High Roller Las Vegas

I get to Ellis Island at 1:15.  I go to get a player’s card since I realized I left mine in my room.  It is here that I notice the sign that if you take a cab here, they will reimburse you the cost in free slot play.  I actually knew this, but just forgot.  Oh well.

I get my card and ask about the American Casino Guide/Las Vegas Advisor coupon book.  Both have coupons for $10 free play.   Some places let you use both at the same time, some make you do it on different days.   He tells me that I can play $20 and do both today.  He also reminds me that you don’t have to lose $20, just play $20.  Oh, you are adorable.   You don’t know I am a degenerate, do you?

I stop to eat first.  I get a burger and root beer.  The burger is half off with the Las Vegas Advisor coupon.  Lunch comes to $6.49.

Now it is time to play.  They have moved everything around and I cannot find my machines, except for penny Ultimate X, which is taken.

I lose more than $20 and go to redeem my free play coupons.   I have two American Casino Guide coupons.  One from the 2013 book, one from the 2014 book.  American Casino Guide coupons are good starting from when you get them.  So even though the book is the 2014 edition, I can use it now.  I chose to do this one since it was $10-$100, and the 2013 coupon was just for $10.  This was  a mistake since this was the first 2014 coupon the guy had seen and he wasn’t sure how to do it.   We agree I will come back later, so he can make a phone call and find out.  I go off to play my Las Vegas Advisor $10 free play and lose that, and a bunch of cash.   As I am going to go back to the booth for my American Casino Guide coupon, he was paging me to come back as he found out how to load it.   I got $10.  It is supposed to be good tomorrow, but I checked my card and it’s on there today so I lost it today.  I used to really love this casino. But my last few trips there, their machines have stolen so much money from me that I may not be back again.

I leave here and head to the Westin.  The casino had a name change (maybe ownership change too?  I don’t know)  They are now called the Max casino, as an ode to the Maxim casino, which is what this property was before it became the Westin.  Unlike most name changes in Las Vegas, this one is not stupid so I am allowing it.

Westin Las Vegas

Since it’s now Max, you have to get a new card.  They offer you your choice of $10 free play or a $10 chip for table games.  I pick the free play.

Before playing, I stop at Starbucks and get a venti green tea Frappucino.  Unlike the Starbucks at Aria, these are only $5.30 here.

Off to play.  My  notes only say “went completely degenerate but still managed to leave with $140”   Go me.

I walk back to the strip and play tourist, taking the same pictures I have taken dozens of times before:

Paris in the background of Planet Hollywood Las Vegas Planet Hollywood Las VegasNext stop is the Cosmopolitan.

I spot Monopoly Reel Estate.  This is a new to me game and I want to play. But all three machines have error messages on their screens. Son of a BITCH.

I settle for the also new to me Monopoly Legends.  I lose and lose and lose.  Someone sits down next to me and hits the bonus on her first try.  You bitch.

I play quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  I hit jacks and cash out with $80.  I give this casino one more try to woo me and play nickel Super Times Pay.  This machine sucks.  It does the win noise before you see the hand dealt.  It’s very disruptive.

Back to Aria with only $60.  I play a Lightning Jackpot machine and get a $100 bonus.  I LOVE THIS GAME.

Now I am hungry again.  I am going to use my My Vegas reward for a free buffet.  I don’t have the confirmation on me.  I go to my room to get it.  My room that is at the end of a LONG hallway.  SO LONG. I get there and my keys won’t work.  YOU SON OF A BITCH.

I go back downstairs and don’t want to deal with it.  I look up the confirmation on my phone and get my buffet and go.  I really lucked out because there is only one couple in front of me.  When I have walked past this buffet before, the line was insanely long.

I order an iced tea from the server.  I go up and get some food.  I come back and there is no iced tea.  I wait, nothing.  I can see the server walking around giving out people’s drinks.  Finally her tray is empty and she comes back to me and tells me she forgot my iced tea.  Instead of going back to get it, she goes back to get drinks for everyone and comes back like ten minutes later.  By now I am done eating and using the Vitamin Water I had in my bag as a drink.

It is so rare for me to do high end anything ever.   So when I actually do, and things go wrong, I get so annoyed.   First, the attempt at charging me for my free room at check in, now this.  This is something like a $37 buffet and I can’t get an iced tea until after I am done eating?

I have to go to the front desk to get a new key because those aren’t working either.

I stop to play again and am at the end of my alloted $60 for this session and I get a bonus for $90.  Time to go!

I get up to my room at 7:59 and settle in to watch Survivor.  I cannot find any power button on the television remote so I have to use the room control thingy.  Once I have it on, I notice the “good night” button next to my bed.

switch

I push it to see what it does and it turns out that what it does is turn off every light, and the televison while simultaneously closing the drapes.  It takes me like five minutes to get everything turned back on.  By now, I am just done.  I need to be downtown where lamps have switches, curtains are opened by you, lamps actually illuminate rooms and remotes have power buttons.

I am in bed by 10:00.  This may seem ridiculously early but I need to be up ridiculously early.  This is a thing I do.  I wake up before the sun on one day each trip to go and take pictures of the Bellagio conservatory while you can actually get some before it is mobbed with people.  It doesn’t matter that I have been here so many times that I have more pictures than they have flowers.   I must take pictures every time I am here.

This was today’s planned itinerary.  I followed all of it.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Breakfast: Ellis Island half off (LVA)
$10 free play (ACG/LVA) (play 20 points, LVA good today, ACG good in 48 hours)
Ellis Island 3x points
Westin $10 free play for sign up/2x points

Lunch:
Dinner: Aria buffet- 3:30 – 10 – My Vegas – free

Want to read more?   Here are parts threefour, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten!

13 thoughts on “Las Vegas Trip Report: I Hate Seth MacFarlane.

  1. Vegasyaya

    Hey Jen, great reporting. I’m just getting caught up, I’ve been in degenerate mood also, out here on the strip. I HATE the strip and will be glad when I check out of Monte Carlo tomorrow morning. Love myVegas game, hate strip resorts.

    Reply
    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      If anyone would have told me on my first trip to Vegas that one day I would groan in disgust over having to stay in a comped strip hotel, I would never have believed it.

      Reply
  2. Lolly

    ” By now, I am just done. I need to be downtown where lamps have switches, curtains are opened by you, lamps actually illuminate rooms and remotes have power buttons.”

    OMG, you and me both Jennifer! I can live without all this fancy stuff.

    The report is classic Jennifer, thank you for writing it!

    Reply
    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Thanks for the response Lolly! I just want to turn the light on. I don’t want to have to read a manual that tells me how to work some control pad that will turn the lights on for me.

      Reply
  3. Jennifer

    OMG I found you via the LasVegas4Ever board and I am LOVING your report. I never do Vegas solo but most of your pet peeves are ones I have too so I totally understand!! I will now be following your blog from now on!

    Reply
  4. Jim C

    I always love your trip reports Jen. I stayed at the Aria on a 3 night comp 2 years ago and I grew to hate that everything was automatic. Those hallways have to be the longest in Vegas. Its like a 7 minute walk after you get off the elevator. I had the last room. I’m looking forward to the rest of your report.

    Reply
    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      I had the second to last room in the hall, which really sucked when my key stopped working. Ugh.

      Reply
  5. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS TODAY! | i put my life on a shelf

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