Tag Archives: Solo Trip to Las Vegas

Las Vegas Christmas Trip Report: Returning Downtown to Fremont Street

Despite how insanely comfortable my bed was here at Green Valley Ranch, I was wide awake at 4:00 am.  Let’s…go gamble?

I stop for coffee at The Grand Cafe.  Meaning I ordered coffee, realized I didn’t put any cash in my wallet, and had to walk away to go back to my room which is a million miles away.  Halfway there I realized hurr durr, I own both credit cards AND I have comps on my Stations card.  I get that taken care of, sit down at a machine and HURR DURR HI I HAVE NO CASH ON ME.

Back to the room, back to the casino.

I decide to play Buffalo.  I can never say enough how much I love these games.  I am playing one of the ones with the super sized screen.  I get one bonus symbol, then a second, then a guy walks by and smacks my machine yelling “GET IT!  GET IT!  GET IT!” and I do!  And I win zero!  Oh.

I keep playing and get another bonus.  This time I win $118.  WOO!

I go back up to my room, it is only 5:30.  I pack my stuff and lay down for an hour.  Then it is back out for breakfast.  I get a buffet, free from MyVegas.  My goal is to catch the 9:00 shuttle to the airport, so I can catch the WAX bus to downtown.  I am moving to my last hotel of this trip today, California.  I am very anxious to get down there because I want to be there NOW.

Let me tell you guys something.  I do not know how I got this lucky.  But my shuttle from Green Valley Ranch pulled into Zero Level at the airport, just as the WAX was pulling up.  I was in my room at California by 10:00.  That is right.  I left Green Valley Ranch on a shuttle at 9:00 am, took a bus downtown and was checked in, and inside my room, only one hour later.  It was a Christmas-Eve-Eve miracle.

California has remodeled a bunch of their rooms, but I am given an old one.  I don’t care because I love this hotel and would happily accept any room here.  Except that one where the roof leaked onto my bed and soaked it.

On my way out, I stop to rub Buddha’s belly. I tell him all about how I was in his birth country earlier this year.  He just laughed at me.

california hotel vegas buddha

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I got coffee at Dunkin Donuts and then went nutso in Fremont.  I am going to play EVERY MACHINE IN THIS CASINO.

Dealt Aces:

dealt aces

I came back to California and played quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  I hit nines.

california ninesThen I try the new version of Lobstermania.  This was my mother’s favorite slot machine and I feel obligated to play it.  This machine is pissing me off.  How can you have three full rows of the same symbol and it is not a win?  I am becoming one of those psychopaths you see on slot machines that yell at them.  I keep giving it the finger. I am wondering if security is going to come and escort me out.  NEENER NEENER JOKE’S ON YOU. I LIVE HERE.

Finally I break away from the machine.  I feel my sanity coming back.  I turn around and give the machine the finger one last time and start playing a Buffalo slot machine.  I turn a $20 into $40 and set off to eat lunch at the California’s Courtyard Cafe.

I get an omelette and some more coffee because I clearly need the caffeine.  I take some notes, and pull out my phone to write the time.  It is only 12:43.   I am not sure why time is moving to unbelievably slow today.  But this is not a complaint.

I went upstairs to take a nap.  Then I woke up and decided to take the bus to Cosmopolitan to get that $15 free play they emailed me about.  When I got there, the free play would not work.  I went to the player’s club and was told that I was using a room key and not a slot card.  Which was really, REALLY weird since it was the same card I used the other day to generate the free play.  So my information is still on there from a year (two years?) ago.

I lost the $15 free play and another $60.  Hint: This is why casinos offer you free play. They know you will lose more cash.

On the way back to my hotel, I noticed that Fremont Santa is now charging for photos. What a fucking rip off.

fremont santa

I headed back to California and played a bit before bed.  I got dealt Jacks, which is the second time today I got a dealt quad.

california dealt jacks

Time for bed, this was my room view at night:

california hotel room view
Gambling Day: + $200
Gambling Trip: + $170
Miscellaneous: (water, bus pass, Dunkin Donuts, tips) $22.36
Comps used: California room (not sure how much this would have cost, $40-40-ish?), $10 California dining credit that came with my offer, $15 free play Cosmopolitan
Coupons: Nope.
Freebies: Green Valley Ranch buffet from MyVegas = $7.99 + tax

Today’s itinerary:

Friday, December 23, 2016
Breakfast:  Green Valley Ranch 8-11 MyVegas
Check into California
El Cortez ATM promo 5% back in free play
Lunch:
Dinner:
 
 California dining credit with offer
Downtown Grand 5x / 500 points = pull tab
Fitzgeralds $5 free play for every 50 points ACG/LVA

From Four Queens on Fremont to Red Rock Hotel and Casino in Summerlin

As I mentioned in my  last post, while going to bed at Four Queens, I set the sun as my alarm clock.  I ended up awake at 5:00 am.  I was out of my room at 6:30, first stop: Dunkin Donuts for coffee.  Dunkin Donuts is a huge part of why I love downtown.  First of all, it exists.  Second of all, you do not have to walk ten miles to find it.

I played around Binions a bit.  I love Binions and would love to give them a proper degenerate session.   My last many trips to Vegas, I have low rolled them.  I also wish they would reopen the hotel.  But from what I understand, they have an asbestos problem which would make that a project that would probably not pay off.

I started off playing Buffalo, which got my heart racing faster than the extra large coffee, as the machine makes this insanely loud noise when you insert cash.  I lost there, lost at Cleopatra Keno, lost on Double Double Bonus video poker and “won” a deck of cards in the Motherlode game.

I went outside to take the bus to Santa Fe to redeem a MyVegas reward for a free buffet.   I did this last year and had an accidental Keno win that ensured I will do this again every year.

The bus comes, I sit down and the next thing I know, I have a win even bigger than the accidental Keno win.  There is a PUPPY on this bus!  Oh it was so soft and so sweet.  I got the tiniest puppy kisses.  I did not take a photo because that would have required removing my hands from the puppy.  I. LOVE. DOGS. SO. MUCH.

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I enter Santa Fe.  They have promotional kiosks all over the place (all Stations do) and none of them were working.  People were MAD.  This was the big buzz throughout the entire casino.  I felt bad for the people working at the Player’s Club because they were being given earfuls of whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

I got my MyVegas reward, which is actually good for two buffets.   As always, the cashier at Santa Fe offers that I can give the second one away to someone.  This was the only Stations that let me do this.  I gave it to the man behind me.  No, I did not have to sit with him. The cashier printed out two receipts.

After eating, I played around a bit.   I tried Hot Roll Poker for the first time and lost.   I gave that machine the finger and played some normal quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  Here I hit four of a kind twos.

santa fe twos

On my way out, I played a penny Ultimate X Double Double Bonus video poker game. I love playing this in pennies because I can afford to play ten hands.  I hit this, which would have been more exciting if I was not playing pennies, but was still exciting because ACES ARE ALWAYS EXCITING.

santa fe ultimate x aces kicker

I got on the bus back to Four Queens.  I stopped at Binions again and went nutso there.  I was playing my Buffalo machine when some guy started playing the machine next to me.  But he did that thing people do, when instead of sitting down, they play leaning over the chair.  But he is leaning partially on MY chair.  I tried abruptly swiveling to knock him off and it didn’t work. I had to cash out because no way in hell was I going to risk the Wish RNG to land on me during the nano second I was wishing him to spontaneously combust instead of all the times I was wishing for a million dollar win.

I swipe for the Motherlode promotion now that I have 40 points again and AGAIN I win $10 credit for the cafe.  This is so first worlding my Four Queens Go Green dining credit!

I stopped to get water at Walgreens and noticed something was going on at The D.  Not sure what they are doing, but this is what the main floor looked like:

The D Las Vegas renovations

I went to the room for a bit and checked my email.  Cosmopolitan sent me an email thanking me for stopping by and offering me $15 free play if I came back by Friday.  I consider going right now as being on the bus will keep me from losing. But you know what, so will a nap.  And a nap is easier.  So I nap.

I wake up, go claim my Binions burger and come back to the room.  Even though I am booked to stay at Four Queens tonight, I am not.  I am checking out and heading to Red Rock.  I have a free night reward from MyVegas.  It seemed easier to do this.  I would wake up at Red Rock, use a MyVegas reward for breakfast and then take the free shuttle to the airport.  No, not to fly home.  But to continue on with my trip.  Brilliant idea.

Before leaving Fremont Street, I stopped to the same photo I take on every trip to Las Vegas:

fremont street las vegas

I took the bus to Red Rock.  This is pretty easy although I get that a lot of people are uncomfortable with branching out to bus lines that are not Strip bus lines.  The bus stops right at Red Rock.  I checked in and remembered how nice these rooms are.   It is really unfortunate Stations no longer participates in MyVegas.  These rewards were the best ones they offered.

red rock las vegas roomred rock las vegas bathroomred rock las vegas tubred rock las vegas room viewred rock las vegas room view of pool

I went downstairs to play.  I did not have on a coat or anything since my room was right upstairs / I wasn’t going to be going outside.  But the casino had the heat blasting so hot.  It was like this in most places during this trip.  But Red Rock went above and beyond with TOO FUCKING HOT IN HERE.  I am losing, I am sweating.  The Starbucks closed at some ridiculously early hour.  Like 8:00.  Toto, we are not on Fremont Street any longer.

While playing, I hit four of a kind twos for my second time today:

red rock las vegas twos

I continued until I had wiped out all the cash in my wallet and headed upstairs for bed.   As nice as these rooms are, they do have a flaw.  THIS BED FRAME.  I smashed my foot into it and suddenly remembered I did this the last time I was here years ago.  Thankfully this time I had on sneakers.  But it still hurt so very bad.

red rock las vegas death

Gambling Day: – $200
Gambling Trip: – $210
Miscellaneous: (bus, coffee, water, tips): $18
Comps used: Nope
Coupons: Nope
Freebies: Free night at Red Rock, calculated on the rate showing the day I booked it = $185.57 via MyVegas (this includes room cost, tax and resort fee, I paid zero), free buffet at Santa Fe via MyVegas = $6.99 (x two since it was for two, + tax), $10 meal at Binions from the Motherlode promotion.

Today’s itinerary:

Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Breakfast:  Santa Fe Station, 8-11 MyVegas
Lunch:
Dinner:
Four Queens Go Green credit
Silver Nugget / Lucky Club half off ACG
Jerry’s Nugget $5 free play ACG – 113 bus, 104 to LC
Jerry’s Nugget 10x video Keno
Check into Red Rock
Red Rock – swipe Polar Bear 5x entries Wednesday, must be present 8:15

Las Vegas Trip Report: Moving from Bellagio to Four Queens

This morning I am awake at Bellagio at 7:00 and out the door at 7:40.  I decided to go to Monte Carlo for their buffet, using a MyVegas reward.  I am in the spa tower, which is conveniently located near the tram.  But it isn’t running because it is too early.  I walk all around the platform looking for a sign with hours on it and never find one.  Does it start running at 8:00?  Or 9:00?   If I leave, it will be 8:00.  If I stay, it will be 9:00.  I say screw it and leave.

View from the tram platform:
Las Vegas strip view from Aria tram platform at Bellagio

I head outside to walk and end up playing at Cosmopolitan. I stop to check on brain surgery bear.  He is doing better.

Bellagio Las Vegas conservatory brain surgery bear on the mend

His friend seems to have caught his illness though.Bellagio conservatory Las Vegas sick bear Continue reading

Bellagio conservatory Las Vegas Bellagio Las Vegas reception

Las Vegas Strip Paris from BellagioI haven’t been to Cosmopolitan in awhile. They had sent me a teaser offer a couple of years ago and I had intended to focus a lot of play here to try and keep them coming.  Unfortunately, my stay was during a horrible losing streak and even I was unwilling to go that far into future days’ budgets to keep them happy.  So I accept that our love affair is over.  But since I am here, and since there is a Starbucks…You know how it goes.

I went to where the Double Double Bonus video poker games I used to play used to be located.  They are not there.  Where are they?  I don’t know because I never found them.  I thought I did but when I put a $20 into a machine and hit max bet, I noticed max bet on this machine was 100 quarters.  Oh hell no.   But it is too late as my credits are already gone.   You know how this goes too. You think “Okay, this is it.  I will win so much money and have an anecdotal story of how I made a mistake and it paid off and now I am rich!”  Except it didn’t happen. I didn’t even get Jacks or Better.

I put in a second $20 and this time play five quarters.  I hit four of a kind fours.  Look at that pay table.  They short you on the Royal Flush if you are not playing max bet, which again is 100 quarters.  I didn’t realize this until I took the photo.  I cashed out gave the machine the finger and moved on.

cosmopolitan las vegas video poker fours

I played some Ultimate X, some Cleopatra Keno, some more Ultimate X.  And before you know it, I had blown through my entire budget for the day.  Without having eaten breakfast yet.  Because of the stupid tram my degenerate gambling problem.

Ugh.

It is only 8:30 am and my day is basically ruined.

I walk across the street to Planet Hollywood.  Their breakfast buffet is my favorite buffet in all of Las Vegas.  They have a $10 coupon in the Las Vegas Advisor coupon book.  I have used mine back in January.  But I have a second one.  Since you present it at the cashier and not at the player’s club, I get away with using it a second time.  I didn’t really enjoy it because I was so full of self loathing that there was no room inside me to fit any food.

Back across the street to sulk and pack as today is moving day again.

I get an error message when I try and check out on the television.  I get an email to check out online, doesn’t take.  I am not going to the front desk so I don’t check out at all.  I tried.

Outside and across the street to catch the bus to downtown to check into Four Queens.  I let the first bus that comes go, because PEOPLE.   The second one is relatively empty.  We pass my beloved Riviera.   Or what was my beloved Riviera.  I haven’t been here since they murdered her.  I miss her so much.  I gave the new parking lot that replaced her the finger as we drove by.

I get off the bus and walk to finally take this guy’s photo:
Mannekin Pis The D Las VegasI attempt to check in at Four Queens.  They have no rooms available right now (absolutely fine) but no smoking rooms at all (not fine.)  I begin whining, begging, pleading PLEASE.  ANY ROOM.  I WILL TAKE ANY ROOM.  EVEN A BROOM CLOSET PLEASE.

I am assigned the worst room in the hotel.  I do not fault them for this, they tried to give me a better room and I refused it.  For all I know, this room was never intended to be rented out again until after the renovations were done.  Hell, for all I know, this room has sat empty for ten years because no one wanted it.  Except it maybe didn’t because I was told housekeeping hadn’t gotten to it yet, so my key would not be available until 1:00.

Four Queens has a “Going Green” promotion going on that you have to specifically ask about, it doesn’t automatically apply.  What it is, is that for every day you waive housekeeping, you get $10 dining credit.  This is a fantastic promotion.  Dining is cheap here so you could get a completely free meal just for hanging up a Do Not Disturb sign.

I have it applied to my room and off I go to gamble. First stop, Binions.  I lose some more money on both Cleopatra Keno and Double Double Bonus video poker.  Then I pull out a win on a Buffalo machine.  This machine makes a really loud noise when you put cash into it.  The first time I yelled “CALM DOWN” at it.  Every time after that, it would startle me.  No matter how many times I played this machine on this trip, it scared the daylights out of me.

Binions has a promotion named “Motherlode” that is fantastic.  You can swipe your card at three points, first is at 5 points, second is 40 and third is 300.

You can win anything from a deck of cards (of course!) to free play to dining to cash.  I had played long enough to earn 40 points, which gets me two spins. I won $5 free play and $10 dining.  This caused a first world conundrum.  I have $10 dining at Four Queens I need to use today, and I now have $10 dining at Binions I need to use in the next 24 hours.  I am obviously going to use it to get a Binions burger because Binions burger.  I cannot use either for breakfast tomorrow if (a) I am getting a Binions burger today (b) I have plans to go to Santa Fe for breakfast tomorrow.  Life can be hard sometimes.

I lose the $5 free play and it is now 2:30.  I was told I could get my key at 1:00.  And now I am being told nope, 3:00.  I do not want to keep gambling.  Well I do want to.  But I lost my daily budget before breakfast this morning.  I am now playing (and losing) with my winnings.  So I decide to get on a bus and go check out Lucky Dragon.

Lucky Dragon is a new casino located on Sahara.  I took the Deuce and walked over.  This place has a huge distinction from every other casino in Las Vegas that the entrance is actually on the street.  You are walking on Sahara and you do not not have cross a parking lot to enter it. It is right there.

I thought I would continue to Palace Station afterwards but there is a gate type thing that blocks off Sahara if you want to keep walking in that direction.  This may be poor urban planning, this may be a purposeful blockade to keep pedestrians from leaving.  You could always head back towards the Strip to catch the bus.

I sign up for a card and “win” $8 free play.  I used it on triple line Double Double Bonus video poker, nickel denomination.  I don’t like this place.  The machines all have that new machine smell, so the place is burning wire scented.  I did not take a walk around but the place looks tiny.

I lost my money and head back to Four Queens.  I am finally given my room.  The room that I begged and pleaded for.  PLEASE I WILL TAKE YOUR WORST ROOM IF I CAN SMOKE PLEAAAAAAASE.  The more I got “noped” the more I would beg until she finally relented and gave me this room.  It isn’t really fair to judge the Four Queens by this room as she did not want to assign it to me, I begged for it.  But out of the dozen times I have stayed here, this was the worst room I have gotten.  So if you are reading this and considering staying in my favorite place to stay in all of Vegas, do not let my room deter you.  You will likely get a better room.

There is no plug by the nightstand so the alarm clock is on the desk in the corner.  Four Queens Las Vegas desk

There is also this suicide maker, convenient for when you cannot open the window far enough to jump out of:

Four Queens Las Vegas death

That room view though.

Four Queens Las Vegas room view

I drop my stuff and go back out to claim my Binions burger.  It is fantastic as always.

I gamble around Four Queens, which is something I rarely do.  As much as I love being here, comps just do not come my way here.  So long ago, I gave up trying.  I am better off putting my money in a casino that will reward my play.

I lose some more money and give up.  I take a walk to Walgreens to get some water before going to the room.  Some guy says “Excuse me Miss, you dropped…” and as I am looking down, I catch the rest of the sentence “your smile.”  My response: “Ugh, that fucking thing.”

I have a tendency to draw in people who just love to comment on the fact that I am not walking around like a maniac with a smile on my face at all times ever.  So many “It cant be that bad!” and “Smile!  It can’t be that bad!” and just so many, sooooooooo many, complete strangers who are constantly telling me to smile.  Remember this post about that altercation I got into with that guy outside Plaza?  Like seriously, YOU aren’t smiling either, asshole.

UGH.

I head to my room, unable to keep my phone charging near my bed since there is no plug there.  So I set the sun as my alarm clock by sleeping with the drapes open.

Gambling Day: – $400
Gambling Trip: + $90
Miscellaneous: (bus pass, coffee, water, tips): $24
Comps used: $9.99 Total Rewards credits to make my Planet Hollywood buffet free after the $10 coupon, $2 in points at Walgreens that were on my card – does this count?
Coupons: Nope
Freebies: $10 free dining at Binions, $5 free slot play at Binions, $8 sign up promotional free play at Lucky Dragon.

Itinerary:

Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Breakfast: Planet Hollywood LVA $10 or ACG 20% 7-11
Check into Four Queens
Lunch:
Double Points Four Queens + Binions ACG
Downtown Grand 5x ACG / 500 points = pull tab
Dinner: Four Queens Go Green credit
Rainbow Casino
Emerald Island earn 100 points and spin the wheel
Stations 10x slots, 6x vp
Sam’s Town 15X Buffalo, 11x reels or 7x VP

Las Vegas Trip Report: Spending a Day at Orleans Hotel and Casino

If you are just joining us, this is a Las Vegas trip report for my annual Christmas trip to Las Vegas.  You can find part one here.

Despite going to bed at 3:00, I am up and wide awake at 6:15.  Nope, not because I am in Vegas.  Not because of the time change.  And not because the machines are screaming my name.  But because of the bathroom window.

See, Orleans has windows in their showers.  That means that while you are showering, you can have this pretty view.

orleans-las-vegas-bathroom-window

Although I wouldn’t suggest maybe viewing it WHILE you are showering.  If you can see these car windows, then the drivers can see you.  Or maybe you are a voyeur.  In which case, get thee to Orleans NOW!

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The door for the bathroom is a pocket door.  This means it opens side to side, and when open, the door is concealed behind the wall.  They are also really, really, really thick.  So I didn’t close the door before going to bed because (a) I am not accustomed to having to and (b) I fear getting up to pee in the middle of the night and slamming right into the pocket door and dying.

As I am awoken by the insanely bright sunlight flooding my room from the window in the shower in the bathroom, I flash back to this happening to me every time I stay here.  Maybe one year I will arrive in daylight and prevent this from happening.  I sure cannot count on my brain operating it’s memory function.

I count my money and at first get confused as to how I am short $100.  This always happens in Las Vegas.  A quick check at my notes explains this.  Yesterday, I spent:

$20 on scratch off lottery ticket (I always leave a big one behind so that when I return home, I have one last chance to become a millionaire)
$3 on breakfast at work
$3 for water at the airport
$24 for a cab to Orleans
$2.25 on a Diet Pepsi at Orleans
$8 on dinner

I also have $13 in little bills.  So I am really just missing $27.  I rack my brain and then realize where at least $20 of it went.  It went into the video poker game I took $200 out of.  Isn’t that funny. After all these years, I still do “I WON $200!”  But in reality, I had a $200 win and lost $20 so I really only won $180.

I will never know where the $7 went.  Maybe it evaporated in the desert air.

My plan this morning is slightly different than my normal plans, and yet at the same time, exactly the same. It involves shoving money into machines.  BUT I decided I was going to put $100 in a dollar video poker machine and play until I either hit four of a kind or zero.  At $5/hand, this is so far out of my comfort zone.  I decide to warm up by putting $20 into a slot machine.  I cashed out with $20.04.  Okay this is a good sign.  Must be from that lucky quarter I have stashed in my bra.

I stop to fuel.  My room offer comes with $10 dining credit.   I ate breakfast at the Courtyard Cafe, which is temporarily located over by the buffet as they renovate O.G. Courtyard Cafe.

While waiting for my food, I started making notes, and as always, went to pull out my phone to note the time.  My phone isn’t in my bag.  It must be in the room.  HEY.   Remember the last time I was at Orleans and left my phone in the room and could not take a photo of my $940 win on nickel Keno?  Maybe that will happen again!

There was some high school sportsball thingy going on at Orleans this weekend.  There were so many high school kids in sportsball uniforms, traveling in packs.  I had one of these packs in front of me when I went to pay for my breakfast.  One kid was trying to pay for his pack’s breakfast with his mom’s credit card. She had given him her credit card AND her ID!  He thought he should be able to use that, while also showing his own ID, to show the same last name.  Nope.  This took quite some time.

Finally I was free and I am going to do it.  I am going to lose play $100 in dollar video poker.  Well I played lost $100 in dollar video poker.  DAMMIT.

I go up to my room to grab my phone.  My phone is not in my room.  It is in my bag.  I just didn’t see it when I was looking for it.  That was a wasted trip that spanned the entire circumference of the never ending Orleans casino, and losing ten minutes of my life waiting for an elevator behind 238947 packs of sportsball kids.  At least I can grab my 10% off coupon for that saves me $0.33 cents on an iced coffee at Java Vegas.

Iced coffee run complete, I then head to the player’s club booth.  My offer came with $10 free slot play, that I need to have loaded.  I also have the 2017 American Casino Guide, which has a coupon for $5 free play when you play $10.  (American Casino Guide coupons are good as soon as the book is printed, so you can use them for a couple of months in the preceding year.)

I was not sure if I would be able to use the ACG coupon as you are only allowed one per calendar year, and I already used one in January.  HOWEVER.  The coupon for 2017 has been reduced.  The one I used in January was for $10 free play.  This one is for $5.  Different coupon. So I ask if I can use this even though I used a different one in 2016.  I get lectured, but not with the lecture I was expecting.  I get told that since this is a 2017 coupon, I can use it now BUT I cannot use it again in 2017.  Which is fine with me.

I get the $15 loaded and lose that AND a $20 on the Double Double Bonus video poker machine that was kind to me last year.

I then go back to the room and take a nap, this time with the bathroom door closed.

When I wake up, I look at my itinerary. I am supposed to go to the Excalibur to use a MyVegas reward for dinner.  I don’t want to do this.  Despite never having been outside today, I am convinced it is freezing out there.  Maybe it is the whoooooooooossssshhhhhhhhhing sound that is coming from my doorway that convinces me of this.  So I check the weather on my phone.  Oh  hell yeah it is freezing out there.  I don’t want to walk across the parking lot and then across Tropicana to wait for the bus.  This sounds like such an easy thing to do, but you forget I am in Las Vegas.  Where parking lots are miles long, streets are six lanes wide, and buses do not drop you off anywhere near the places their stops are named after.

So I decide to just gamble here.  And gamble I do!  I found a bank of new Cleopatra Keno machines.  That have four card Cleopatra Keno, YAY!  That are formatted incorrectly, BOO.  Just like the ones at Downtown Grand, these machines are set to maximum bet of four coins.  Per game, not per card.  So if you want to play four cards, you can only play one coin per card.  This is frustrating.  I stick to single game, even though the degenerate in me is having a conniption fit knowing that there is FOUR CARD CLEOPATRA KENO on here and I cannot play it.

I start with nickels and parlay up to playing quarters.  I had two big bonuses and leave here with $220.

I then go back to my Double Double Bonus video poker machine from last year and hit Aces, no kicker.

orleans-vegas-double-double-bonus-aces

A couple of other hits:
orleans-las-vegas-kings orleans-las-vegas-four-of-a-kind-twos

Surely now I should break the degenerate cycle brewing inside of me and GO OUTSIDE and head to Excalibur?  Or maybe I could grab dinner to go and head to the room and read a book?  I look at my phone and it is somehow 9:00 PM.  How did this happen?  It is legit too late to go to Excalibur if my only purpose is to eat dinner at their buffet.  So dinner to go and my room it is.

Some people stay up all night in Vegas, drinking and gambling.  I however, stick to a schedule that allows me to be up and out early AM.  There is nothing I love more than having a casino to myself before the sun rises.

Daily totals:

Gambling Day: + $250
Gambling Trip: + $430
Miscellaneous: (tips, coffee and dinner): $14.29
Comps used: Orleans hotel stay, $10 dining credit and $10 free slot play
Coupons: $5 free slot play from American Casino Guide

My planned itinerary for the day:

Saturday, December 17, 2016
Breakfast: Orleans $10 comp offer
Lunch:
Dinner:
Excalibur 4-10 MyVegas
LVA: Palms $25 free play 1,250 slots, or 5,000 vp
ACG: Palms $10 free 400 slots or 3000 vp
ACG: Palms $50 free 2000 slots 15000 vp

Gold Coast play $10 get $5 free ACG

Las Vegas Trip Report: My Last Day in Sin City

My last day in Las Vegas starts at the Four Queens hotel.   My handwriting is horrible so it appears as if I either started the day off by going to Petco, or Petra.  I most certainly did not travel to a pet store, nor did I travel to the country of Jordan.  If anyone has any ideas where I actually was, feel free to let me know!

I had breakfast at Magnolias at Four Queens, to use up my comps here.  I wanted to play live Keno, but it was not open this early.  Is this even possible?  Why am I having such a horrible time playing live Keno in Las Vegas?  The house odds are very high, why would you not want me to give you my money?

I walked over to Fremont for Dunkin Donuts iced coffee and my last time visiting my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines here.  I was  hoping for a parting gift here.   These have been my favorite STP machines for as long as I have been playing video poker. I visit them on every trip.  You would think that would count for something, but my babies felt that they were the ones who deserved the parting gift, and happily accepted it in cash form.

I played some Ultimate X.  I did:

$35 – $60
$25 – $60
$20 – $70
$20 – $0
$20 – $0
$20 – $40
$20 – $0

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I was here quite some time.

On my way back to my room (no no no no nooooooooooo) I stopped and played the Buffalo slot machine that was nice to me last night.  I turned $60 into $150.

Then it was time to leave.  Sigh.  One last view of Las Vegas outside of my hotel room window:
four queens las vegas strip viewOnce at the airport, I killed some time trying to figure out who has the WiFi name “I Will Shank  You Hard.”

shank

And here is where we wound up today:

Gambling Day: + $0
Gambling Trip: + $990
Miscellaneous: (tip, coffee, Diet Pepsi at the airport):  $10.23
Comps used: Four Queens breakfast
Freebies:  nada

If I had not hit that one Royal Flush, I would have been down $10 gambling.

The grand total of non-gaming money I spent in Las Vegas was $616.77, the bulk of that was made up of cigarettes and resort fees.  In addition, I also paid for airfare, a few hotel nights and my bus pass before I left.

I have had a bunch of people let me know they are sad to see the Las Vegas trip reports end.  I appreciate the kind words.  I truly do.   But it is time for me to move on.   Although I ended up in the black with gambling, I had a bunch of days where I had zero fun because all I did was lose.   Life is not about the end game for me.  It is about living today.

Even when having a bad day in a foreign country, there are still multiple exciting things going on.  Oh look at that sign in broken English!  Oh look at this local custom I am experiencing for the first time!  Look at that view of a place on Earth I had only seen in pictures before.  And so on.  I just really have grown tired of “Oh hey, look at the Dunkin Donuts sign behind my favorite SuperTimes Pay machines at the Fremont casino!”

If you are still itching for some more fun Las Vegas trip reports, make sure to check out my buddy Royal Flusher.  He is hilarious and also, a degenerate gambler.  We love degenerate gamblers.

Las Vegas Trip Report: Last Full Day in Las Vegas

This morning, I woke up at the California hotel in Downtown Las Vegas for my last full day in Las Vegas.  Aw.

I walked over to The D for breakfast, using a voucher from a mailer.  I had French Toast.  It was really good and after the $10 voucher, cost me $1.35.  I miss when this casino loved me and sent me offers.  OH WELL.

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for some iced coffee and then played in Binions.   Last full day = slot play to win big = $216 win.

216 buffalo slot machine win

I tried playing Double Double Bonus video poker on quarters, but the stupid button was stuck so I had to keep slamming it.  I just cashed out.  Got my voucher for a deck of cards, threw out my voucher for a deck of cards and headed back to California.  I am ending a two night comped stay here and have yet to put any money through any Boyd machine.  This is the beauty of knowing you are not coming back, you do not have to keep your comps.  I ran through $60 and got nothing.

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I checked out and walked over to the Four Queens to check in for my last night.  This room was completely covered by Hotwire credit I got for my Henderson room not having the advertised casino.  Score!

Dropped off my stuff and went gambling!  There is a penny machine named Cirque something, near the elevators, that I have won on before.  I won again!  Then I went on a Buffalo slot kick and could not stop hitting the bonus.  I cashed out up $220.

I got on a bus and went to Palace Station.  Partly because I wanted to play here, partly because I want to buy a shit ton of cheap cigarettes before going home.  I had visions of drinking Starbucks while having a huge win on my last day.  Sadly, only the Starbucks dream was realized.

From here, I went to Longhorn.

I loved this casino so much.  If I were returning and had no comps, I would not even hesitate to stay here again.  I played some quarter Double Double Bonus video poker, some four card Cleopatra Keno and some quarter single line Cleopatra Keno.  Nope, nope and nope.

Dinner was using my points.  I had steak and baked potato.  It was decent and for free, even more so.

I played after eating and turned $20 into $50 on Cleopatra Keno.  Oh hey, let me go cash out.  I get to the TITO machine and realize I didn’t actually cash  out.  Idiot!  Luckily, the credits were still on the machine when I got back.

From  here, the most obvious thing I could do was visit Cromwell one last time to play my beloved Ultimate X machine.  I know I am pushing it here.  There is no way this machine is still going to love me after all these tries.  It has to suck up my money at some point.  It is my last night here, what are the chances she still loves me?

Turned out they were very high.

[000259]

I also got this cool hand that led to nothing:

dealt flush ultimate xFrom here, I walked through Flamingo to take the monorail to the 108 bus.  I am willing to pay for the monorail to avoid getting on the Deuce bus.  But it turns out I do not have to.  Someone getting off the monorail offered me an unused ticket for free.  Score!

I get back Downtown and stop at Dunkin Donuts, obviously.  Then I played at The D.

the d las vegas

I played at the upstairs bar.  Whenever I play here, I always have a large iced coffee with me.  Whenever I play here with a large iced coffee, the bartender will ask me over and over if I want a drink.  This never used to happen to me when I drank in Las Vegas.

I quickly lost $100 and walked over to Four Queens to play some Buffalo.  No matter what I did, I could not stop hitting the bonus.  I left up $235.

I finally went to bed at 1:00 am and did so only because I need to get up early to go home.

Gambling Day: + $300
Gambling Trip: + $990
Miscellaneous: (breakfast, tips, coffee, cigarettes):  $67.92
Comps used: California room, The D breakfast, Longhorn dinner
Freebies:  nada

Sunday, January 10, 2016
Breakfast: MSS free ACG 7-3 $11.99
Check into
Lunch:
Dinner:
Binions burger

Las Vegas Trip Report: Visiting My Beloved Riviera

I am at California hotel in Downtown Las Vegas.  I didn’t sleep all that well because I am on a party floor.  There are several rooms with what appears to be a very large, extended family, who are celebrating their “Most Important People on Earth” win and being the most important people on Earth, they have no reason to consider that anyone else may be trying to sleep.  Must be nice!

Today I am headed to the Strip.  I want to eat breakfast at Planet Hollywood and visit my beloved Riviera.   Breakfast is $10 off with the Las Vegas Advisor coupon.  I had some comps as well and it ended up costing me $1.07.

There is only one other table near me with people at it.   Either my server was invisible or I was, because I only saw her one time.  That’s okay though because this buffet has smoothies.

After eating, I got an iced coffee from Starbucks and walked across the street to Bellagio.  I wanted to play in Cosmopolitan, but I had only been inside one time during this trip and lost money.  I love Cosmopolitan too much to risk losing a second time and killing my extreme love for this place forever.

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I attempted to get photos of the Bellagio Conservatory, but of course, it is closed as they do the change over from Christmas to Chinese New Year.

bellagio conservatory las vegas changeover to chinese new year bellagio conservatory las vegas closed bellagio conservatory las vegas construction bellagio las vegas conservatory construction

Of course, I took these two photos, as I do on every trip and probably did earlier in this trip:

paris las vegaslas vegas strip from bellagio people mover

Bellagio interior walkway:

bellagio walkway las vegas bellagio walkway las vegas chinese new yearBellagio reception and Chihuly ceiling:

bellagio las vegas receptionchihuly ceiling bellagio las vegas

I played $20 in Cleopatra and cashed out when my iced coffee was empty, which also nicely coincided with my $20 now being $40.

Across the street to Cromwell to my Ultimate X machine!   This machine was so nice to me this entire trip and continued loving me today!  I have been fantasizing about this machine since coming home.

two x 3 ultimate xkings x 4 ultimate x

I left here up $220.

I walked over to Ellis Island, stopping in Westin for Starbucks.  Here is a view of the High Roller from this way.

high roller las vegasInside Starbucks, there was a man on line behind me who was on the phone, talking about how he lost his wallet and could only eat at Starbucks for the rest of his trip, because they would let him charge it to his room.  Not sure how he was going to do that without ID but not my problem.

I went to put some half and half in my coffee and discovered that some asshole had unscrewed the top so it spilled all over.

At Ellis Island, I have free play coupons from both American Casino Guide and Las Vegas Advisor.  I get $10 from one and $20 from the other (You get to pick a chip for your free play and the $20 was just me being lucky.)  I was hoping to have a great free play day like I did last week.   I was almost at zero with it when I had a $30 win on four card nickel Keno.  I cashed out and ran.

I tried taking the 202 to the 108 to get to Mardi Gras casino to use my free play coupon in Las Vegas Advisor but I don’t think the 108 stops there on the way downtown because I didn’t see it.  My bus driver also did not stop at Westgate, even though I rang the bell.  I had to walk back from the Sahara monorail station.

westgate las vegasI had $10 free play here from Las Vegas Advisor.  I tried finding the player’s club, looking in the spot it was in the last time I was here.  A woman asks me if I need help. I tell her I am looking for the player’s club.  She asks me “Did you get your free play and show tickets?”  Oh you are a time share person.  I say “I just need to find the player’s club.”  “What do you do for a living?”  I answered “nothing.”   She says it must be nice, I say it is.  I don’t have any idea why I am lying to her, other than I do not want to talk to  her.

The player’s club is now merged with the cashier.  This means the line is twice as long and with only one person working it, three times as slow.

I get my free play and lose it.  Then I went degenerate on a Buffalo slot machine.   I haven’t really gone degenerate in days.  As much as I enjoy shoving all my cash into a machine and having zero wins, I left here angry at myself.

I crossed the street to walk past my beloved Riviera.

riviera las vegas signriviera las vegas convention center closed riviera las vegas convention center expansion riviera las vegas food court sign riviera las vegas neon museum sign riviera las vegas sidewalk

riviera las vegas riviera las vegas zone change sign

WAH.

I walked over to Encore, intending to take Strip photos.  I got a few of Encore, which is better than I did last time.

wynn butterfliesencore las vegas butteryfly sculpture

encore las vegas

I broke even on Cleopatra Keno.

I wanted to keep going and perhaps end up at Cromwell again, for my beloved Ultimate X machine, but the sun was killing me.  So I took the Deuce back Downtown from Wynn.   It was 2:31 when I boarded the bus.

I took a nap and then went to El Cortez to visit Happy Feet massage.  $20 for an hour long foot massage, yes please!

You walk up the spiral staircase near reception.  When I got up there, I was offered free water or tea.  Then I was taken to the room.   There are a whole lot of massage beds in there, no privacy.  But you aren’t getting undressed so who cares?  I was the only person in there at this time (7:00 pm.)   There is a hook behind your bed to hang your stuff.  This is easily the best bargain in all of Las Vegas.  I tipped $20 so even for $40 total, seriously best bargain.

Afterwards, I played some Cleopatra Keno.  I cannot win.  I just cannot.  I  used to spend hoursssssss at these machines at El Cortez.  Now?  Nope.

I did a final desperate try at four card Keno and it laughed in my face as it took my money.

I stopped at Binions of course.  I love this casino.  Always have, always will.   I won no money, but did win another deck of cards.  No, thank you.

On my way back to the room, I bought McDonalds because 24 hour breakfast.  Suck it.

Gambling Day: + $30
Gambling Trip: + $690
Miscellaneous: (breakfast, tips, coffee, water, soda, massage and McDonalds):  $61.32
Comps used: California room
Freebies:  nope.

Saturday, January 9, 2016
Breakfast: Red Rock buffet 8-11 free MyVegas
Lunch:
Dinner:
California prime rib points
The D up to $100 free play ACG

Las Vegas Trip Report: Do I Win a Million Dollars?

This morning I woke up at Longhorn casino.  I am up and out by 9:00.   I go down to the casino and play.   I am playing quarter Double Double Bonus video poker.  I want to be playing four card Cleopatra Keno.  There is only one of those open and I instinctively know that if I sit there, between two people, at least one of them is going to ask me for a cigarette.  Turns out I didn’t even  have to sit there as one came over to me to ask me for one.   I hate that so much.  I don’t know what it is about casinos that make complete strangers feel like it is okay to ask  you to give them something you paid for with your own cash.

I  gave him a cigarette and then said fuck it, I  guess I can now sit at Cleopatra Keno.  As I am playing, the cigarette grubber gets a phone call.  He asks me where he is at, so he can tell the caller where he is. “Longhorn.” “What?!?”  “LONGHORN.”   He leaves, putting out the grubbed cigarette directly on the machine.  Not in any of the billions of ashtrays sitting around.  Longhorn literally  has a clean ashtray on EVERY machine at all times, every single machine, every single time.

I am playing and I am doing pretty well.  No HUGE wins, but I doubled a few $20 bills.  I thought I had $70 in wins.  When I got back to the room, I only had $50 in wins.  I am pretty sure I dropped money somewhere.  The TITO machine was spitting my money out so that it did not land in the tray and I caught a loose $20 falling to the ground.  I think I may have missed another one.  I sure as all hell hope it was found by someone other than that jerk who put his cigarette out on the machine.

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Time to check out and head downtown, where I am checking back into the California hotel for a second stay here this trip.  I take the bus there.  The hotel is a mess.  They are redoing everything and I guess now they are working on the reception desk.  It has temporarily been moved to the casino, to the right of Keno.  The line is sooooooooooo long, one person working.  It takes forever.  Finally I am next.

However.

The woman in front of me said she paid for three nights through (some discounter) but the woman at the desk was showing only two nights were pre-paid and so she owed for her third.  This went on for a while.   I mean a WHILE.

Finally it is my turn.  “Oh checking in?  Step to the side please so I can check people out.”

There are no bell men anywhere.  As a matter of fact, in the half an hour or so I have been on this line, a man is trying to get a bell man to help him.  He has asked the lone worker at reception three times if there are any bell men working today.

I am trapped here.

Finally I get a room yay!   I am in room 1113.  Just a couple of doors down from where I was a couple of weeks ago.  When I had a lot more money.

I dropped my stuff off and headed to Binions.  I was smoking while playing and some man came up and asked me for a “couple of cigarettes.”  Yeah, no.

I played in Binions for a couple of hours and only lost $20.   This is how days should go.  If I do not win, then at least let me play!

I went back to California for a nap and then back to Binions for dinner.  I had a Binions burger, which somehow was the first one I had this trip.  This is my favorite meal in Vegas.

From here, I took the bus to Boulder Station.   I have never been here before.  I always fantasized that I would win a million dollars here.  So I may as well get that out of the way before it is time to leave.

The bus stop for Boulder Station is one of those ones that grates on my nerves.  It stops between two traffic lights, which are pretty far from each other and both are far from the bus stop.  I chose to walk in the direction of one and as I am walking, I begin to realize just how far it is before I can cross.  I will no longer be anywhere near the casino.  So I opted to dart across six lanes of traffic on Boulder Highway.   Good news guys, I did not get killed!  Going back to Downtown, the bus is right outside the casino.

I was so surprised to see how packed this casino was, which seems to be a typical thing for me at Station casinos.  I should be used to it by now, but nope.

I got Starbucks and played around, including $5 free play I had earned.  I got nothing.   Except cheap cigarettes.

I headed back to Binions and I cannot play my preferred Cleopatra Keno machine because someone is on it.  Not only is he is my machine, he is a guy who recently won $2500 on the Binions free pull, which I know because I recognized him from the photo Binions posted.  Now he has $2500 and he has my machine. What a jerk!

I lost  the rest of today’s budget, did the promotional spin, threw out my receipt for the free deck of cards, collected a free t-shirt, and went to bed.

Gambling Day: – $200
Gambling Trip: + $660
Miscellaneous: (tips, cigarettes, coffee):  $78.56
Comps used: California room, Binions burger
Freebies:  $5 slot play at Boulder Station, free t-shirt at Binions

Why do I bother making itineraries?

Friday, January 8, 2016
Breakfast: Longhorn
East Side Cannery 9-9 300 points = $500 cash or slot play
Check into California
Lunch: 
North Las Vegas
Dinner:
Texas Station $10 for $5 ACG
Plaza 10x slots
Four Queens double points ACG
Binions double points ACG
Binions $10 free LVA
Plaza $10 free LVA
Downtown Grand $10 free play LVA

El Cortez – pick envelope LVA
Four Queens $10 free play LVA

Las Vegas Trip Report: One Boring Day and One Exciting Day

This morning I wake up at Longhorn with ear pain left over from yesterday.  It has now grown and I can feel it all the way in my jaw.

I get up and get dressed and go downstairs to…you thought I was going to say “gamble”, right?  Well WRONG. I went to fucking Walmart.  That’s right, I am crushing the American Dream.  I am not sorry.  Oh man.  Walmart.  This place was like a total tourist attraction for me. I live in New York City.  We do not have Walmart. This place is insanely huge.  I probably could have spent a day in here just marveling at everything.  But I am on a mission to get ear drops so I can numb the knife that is stabbing me through my ear drum.  It was so tempting to not go completely insane in here and buy everything.

I came back to the room and decided that today is laundry day.  Okay I didn’t decide this, my lack of clean clothes did.  Longhorn hotel has a laundry center, two washers and two dryers.  I put my clothes in the washer and went to the casino.

I used two coupons I got at check in. One is for 2400 free points.  I noticed the sign behind the counter with the food specials for points.  I could get an entire meal with these points and still have some left over.  This is a great deal.  I also used a “play $5 get $10 free” coupon.  That one works by handing a cashier the coupon and $5 and she hands you a TITO ticket for $10.

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I put my TITO into a nickel Double Double bonus video poker game and then realized it is 10 coins per line.  I hate this.  Dude, if I wanted to play fifty cents a hand, I would play dimes, you dumbass.

So I play and am dealt four fives for $30.  Okay maybe I am not so mad. I didn’t have my phone with me, which is a shame because even a $30 win seems like a notable win these days.

I cashed out and put $5 into Cleopatra Keno and lost that.  Then it was time to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer.  I wish my laundromat at home had a casino attached to it.  It would make doing laundry so much less hate.

Once my laundry is done, I go back to bed with my ear drops in my ear (where else would they be?) and sleep for a couple of hours.

When I wake up, I laugh at myself for ever having thought I was going to go to the Strip tonight to use a MyVegas buffet reward.  Hahahah!  I am not going anywhere.  Well except across the street to Sam’s Town. They have Dunkin Donuts and I have a play $10 and get $10 free coupon in my new Las Vegas Advisor book.

I am playing Cleopatra Keno when a man in the same row as me turns and says “Look!  I got this twice tonight!” and I look and see him with quarter Aces with a kicker in front of him.  Nice.  Now go away, I am jealous.

I came back to the room with take out from Denny’s.  Because Walmart and Denny’s.  Oh I am living it up in Las Vegas.

The next morning, I woke up and wanted to go to Green Valley Ranch to use a MyVegas buffet voucher.  But I didn’t want to go because I wanted to go do a loop of free play around the Strip.  As soon as my bus passed the transfer point for the bus to GVR, I instantly regretted not getting on it.  I told myself that now I was going to lose all my money for not sticking to the plan.

I got off by Hooters.  You know how all change in Las Vegas sucks?  Well I finally found a change that rules!  LOOKIT!  Do you see?

hooters las vegas cross walkNo?  You have no idea what  you are looking at?  Well then you have never taken the bus from Hooters back to the Strip.   While the bus stops right outside Hooters coming away from the Strip, it stops nowhere near going back.  You have to walk far to the corner, and then cross, and then walk far back on the other side of Tropicana to get the bus.  But no more!  This is construction for a cross walk at Hooters.  I was so insanely excited over this.  I am not sure why since this is the last time I will ever be here.

I had $10 free play from American Casino Guide and $10 from Las Vegas Advisor.  I have used these two coupons every year they have been available and they are normally kinda okay to me.  This time though, nope.  I lose both and then continued to lose another $50 of my own on Supertimes Pay and then another $40 on Family Guy.

Leaving Hooters, I walked across the new cross walk (!!!) and went to MGM Grand to use a MyVegas buffet voucher for breakfast.  When I got it loaded on my card, I was told I have seven days to use it.   Pretty good deal.

I also stopped in the rest room and saw a MyVegas ad on the TV screen above the sink!

myvegas ad mgm grand las vegas

My breakfast was easily the worst meal I had the entire twenty days I was in Las Vegas.  I had to ask someone working at one of the station if the bacon was meatless because it looked more like plastic than bacon.  This confused the man I asked, which in turn confused me because LOOK AT IT.  It doesn’t even look like bacon.  The scrambled eggs were more liquid than solid.  Stuff like that is so gross.  Hello, have a serving of salmonella poisoning!

I didn’t play a dime in here.  I figured they have enough of my money from last year to last them for a while.

I crossed over to New York New York and did not go into the casino.

new york new york las vegasexcalibur las vegasI headed straight for the bus to Orleans.  Well to Terrible’s gas station for an enormous peach Mello Yello fountain drink.  Last year, my trip report was approximately 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words.  One guy seemingly read all those 2389472384732894723894723894723894723894732 words and his only comment was to point out that I must have consumed so many calories by drinking soda.  So that guy, this information is for you:  diet soda has zero calories.

I went into Orleans.  I hate using free play here.  Well no I don’t, I hate redeeming it here.  You have to go up to the player’s club each time for each coupon.  They cannot load more than one at a time.   When the line is long, it is worse.  When you are staying there and have a third voucher that comes with your offer, it is the worstest (I invented a word here.)

I used my free play on the quarter Double Double Bonus video poker machine that was kind to me earlier on this trip.  She was kind to me again.

straight flush orleans las vegas

Then I played a bunch on the Keno machine that I won $942 on last year.  I am that machine’s version of MGM Grand because she decided I already have enough of her money and she did not give me anymore.

From here I took the shuttle to Gold Coast.  It passes the Gold Coast, goes to Caesars and then comes back and stops at Gold Coast.   This takes a while as the shuttle takes a very roundabout way to the new stop at Caesars.

I get to Gold Coast, get my free play loaded, and go back to the machine that gave me Aces twice earlier this trip.  There is no way to adjust the speed on this machine and it is set on super freakout.   Just like when I was playing the last time, it drives me insane that the cards are dealt this fast.  But it is my lucky machine so I have to do it.

I didn’t realize how freaked out I was until holy fuck, is that a fucking ROYAL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.  I held the cards and instantly pushed “Draw” and then “Max Bet” because for some reason, I was scared.  I didn’t get a photo.  This is not the first time I have done  this.  Hell, this isn’t even the first time I have done this at Gold Coast.  My very first royal was here, on nickels.  I got so scared and had to get it off my screen before anyone saw it.  I once read someone’s trip report where they had the same illogical reaction to getting a royal.   So guys, I GOT A FUCKING QUARTER ROYAL AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING PHOTO OF IT.

ARGH.

I cashed out immediately and got the hell out of here.  I was supposed to do other things, like play at Palms and stop at Ellis Island to do free play there.  Nope.  I will go degenerate.  I know I will.  This is the first time in many days I have had a big win.  I must get the fuck out of here.

I got on the bus and went straight back to my room and stayed there for hours.  I wanted to go downstairs, or go anywhere.  Just let me go gamble please.  NOPE.  NOT ALLOWED UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN YOU DEGENERATE.

I did leave my room later on to get Denny’s for dinner.  I could not trust myself to enter a casino.  The internet gets SO MAD when people eat Denny’s in Las Vegas.  In this one installment, I have eaten it twice.  Suck it, internet.  I have a thousand dollars and you don’t.

Gambling Day: + $870
Gambling Trip: + $860
Miscellaneous: (trip to Walmart, dinner for two nights, cigarettes, soda, coffee, laundry and tips):  $89.13
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  MGM Grand breakfast, free via MyVegas

Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Breakfast: Green Valley Ranch 8-10:45 MyVegas free
Lunch:
Dinner:
Longhorn

Thursday, January 7, 2016
Breakfast: Sam’s Town 7-10  200 points = free ACG
Sam’s Town $10 free play LVA
Lunch:
Orleans play $10 get $10 ACG + 10 LVA
Hooters $10 free ACG + $10 LVA
Westgate $10 free play LVA
Mardi Gras $10 free play LVA
Ellis Island $10 free play LVA
Dinner: Orleans half off LVA 4-9 $17.99

Las Vegas Trip Report: The Boring, Rainy Day Where I Check into Longhorn

My alarm went off this morning at the Mirage hotel and instantly, there was pain shooting through the side of my face, pouring out of my ear.  My throat is swollen.  I don’t want to get up.  Not now, not ever.

I am supposed to be eating breakfast at Bellagio this morning.  I have to do this today as the only way I can redeem my MyVegas reward is if I am staying at an MLife property, and this is the one and only time I will be doing that on this trip.  But I don’t want to get up.  You can’t make me.  So I went back to bed.  Now that I am home, I hate myself so much.  I have 1.5 million points to use on MyVegas that I will never be able to use.  And I really should have done this.

I also again missed my opportunity to take photos of the Bellagio conservatory.  I really suck.

I showered and got dressed and ate at the Mirage buffet, free via MyVegas.  I was so surprised the buffet was empty.  There were a million people at the elevators.  CES starts today.  My personal hell on earth.

I get seated and am told drinks are self service.  I like this because it means I am not reliant on a server to bring me more coffee.  I don’t like this because it confuses the tipping.  Who am I tipping and for what?  The woman who asked me if I wanted hot sauce?   Does she get the same tip as someone who serves me beverages?  Do I tip myself for serving me beverages?  I have no idea.

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This buffet isn’t really good.   It is extremely spread out.  I guess when it is not empty it seems normal.  It just seemed to me that there was a lot of walking and not a lot of decent choices for food.  But the coffee was the best I have had so far this trip, and that includes my many trips to Dunkin Donuts.  Good job, Mirage!

Love theater at Mirage:

mirage love theater las vegas

I decided in advance that I would not be gambling today because I need to stop having losing days.  That said, it is raining outside and I always win when it rains.  So I try $10 in Keno and lose.  Sigh.

I go upstairs, pack and try and check out on the television.  I keep getting an error message telling me to call the front desk.  No.  I will not.  I will simply leave without checking out.

I walk over to Flamingo and catch the 202 to my spa appointment.  When we stopped at Gold Coast, the world’s most annoying man got on the bus.  I hate this person so much.  It seemed that he wanted to eat the Gold Coast buffet, but they would not let him pay for his daughter’s buffet with whatever option of payment he was trying to use, because she is under 21.  (She was with him, and appeared to be about ten.)   I have no idea if he was trying to use a coupon or voucher or what.  I just know that he was not happy about  this and would not shut the fuck up about it.  On and on about how the customer is always right, how the daughter needs to stay in school so she doesn’t end up doing an idiot job like buffet cashier.  At some point, a teen aged guy came down the bus stairs and recognized this guy, asks him “You go to (whatever)  park, right?” The guy confirms yes, he does.  The teenager says “I work there, I see you a lot” and says hello and good bye.  When the teenager gets off the bus, the man goes into a rant to his daughter about how only stupid people work at parks.  If this guy wasn’t so lazy, he could go to college and get a real job.   How do you fucking know this guy is not going to college while working?  GOD SHUT UP.  But nope, this teenager must be lazy and according to this man, he is going to end up working at the Gold Coast buffet one day.   I must have been on this bus for eleven hours because that is how long  these life’s lessons went on.  Every time the topic of conversation changed, it would go right back to the Gold Coast buffet.  So. Painful.  He even made his daughter rip up a business card from the Gold Coast manager.  How dare they not allow him to have whatever he wants, despite there being rules.  Do they not know who he is?  He will never play there again and he is excited to see the day they inevitably go out of business over this huge faux pas on their part.  OH GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.  You are riding a bus in Las Vegas.  You are not the high societal man you think you are.  Buddy.

I am having a microdermabrasion and pumpkin peel.  I believe this took just over half an hour and left my skin feeling nice and soft.  The aesthetician asked me where I was going after this (I had my bag with me) and I lied and said Sam’s Town because I didn’t feel like explaining that no, I know what Longhorn is like, no I don’t care, yes I am going to be fine.  Well it turns out she was going near there after this, and do I want a ride.  What an extremely nice gesture.  But I have errands to run / don’t like accepting favors from strangers, so I politely declined.

From here, I took the bus to the Las Vegas Advisor office to pick up my coupon book for 2016.    It is now pouring out and walking in the rain with my bag would have seemed like death, except the walk takes you past a homeless village with people living under tarps and tents, so really….I was the most fortunate person heading down that street in this rain.

las vegas advisor

I continued on from here to Boulder Highway and switched buses to get to Longhorn.  This whole trip took a very long time.  I get that people who drive everywhere in their normal lives view a fifteen minute bus ride as the end of the world and a waste of their WHOLE ENTIRE DAY OH MY GOD.  But the way they picture that fifteen minute bus ride to be, was exactly how this whole entire ordeal was really for me.

Longhorn hotel.  Loved it!  I would stay here again forever and ever.  It is not a fancy five star hotel, so no one should be expecting that.  I paid $40/night during CES. Have you ever checked prices for Las Vegas hotel rooms during CES?  Please do not do so if you are faint at heart.  Places like Circus Circus manor rooms were over $200, as were El Cortez pavillion rooms.  Even the Hostel Cat was sold out of private rooms!

Plus, there is no resort fee, you get free coffee in the lobby in the mornings, and you get a coupon book when you check in.   I got $5 free play, there was a match play in there, and slot club points that got me a free meal (and then some) just with those points, before I even played.  I cannot say enough about this place.  They also have self service laundry.  I needed that at this point in the trip.

longhorn hotel las vegas longhorn hotel room las vegas longhorn las vegas hotel room

longhorn hotel bathroom las vegas

I was also given a peep show outside my window.   Down below, there is a pool and a hot tub.  Three women were in the hot tub (why I do not know, it is FREEZING and pouring outside) and then they decided to go in the pool (see aforementioned WHY.)   Two make it in, one slips and falls and lands flat on the ground, sans her bathing suit bottom, which is somehow around her ankles.  Yeesh.

Now that I had my Las Vegas Advisor coupon book, I was itching to go downtown and gamble.  So I did.

I took the bus and walked through Four Queens, stopping to use my $10 free play on Cleopatra Keno.  I won $15.  This is off to a good start!  I got some Dunkin Donuts and then continued, with the Plaza as my next stop, where my free play vanished lightning quick.

Up next, Binions.  I got to play for a while but never really hit a cash out point.   I did get enough points to do a daily swipe at their promotions booth and won a deck of cards.  If I had collected the decks of cards every time I have won one, I could build a life sized mansion out of them.

it is still pouring outside.  I love how the neon reflects on Fremont Street in the rain.

fremont street las vegas rain reflecting neon

Next stop is The D where I had $5 from a mailer…until I had nothing from a mailer.  That $5 was gone in seconds.

I walked over to Downtown Grand.  I really do not like this place.  And it does not like me.  Free play, shmee play.  Gave me nothing.

Last stop on my free play run is the El Cortez.  Surely I am going to win big here.  I mean, I have had more than my share of bad luck on this run so destiny owes it to me to win.  Right?  Wrong.  I lost the free play.  Then I converted all my points into free play and lost that too.  I was playing Cleopatra Keno, $5 at a time on nickels.   I never once even got it converted to $5 cash, let alone doubling the $5, which is my preferred cash out point.  Sigh.

I took the bus back to Longhorn and called it a very unsuccessful night.  You know, because it was.

Gambling Day: – $10
Gambling Trip: – $10
Miscellaneous: (tips, water and Diet Pepsi):  $34
Comps used: nada
Freebies:  Mirage breakfast, free via MyVegas

Itinerary:
Tuesday, January 5, 2015

Breakfast: Bellagio buffet 7-11 free MyVegas
Eiffel Tower half off $14 LVA 10-5
Check into Longhorn
$10 for $5 ACG
$10 for $5 hotel
2400 points hotel
Lunch:
Dinner:
Boulder Station half off LVA 4-9 $9.99
Plaza 10x slots