Tuesday, November 26, 2013 – Day One of Eight

Today is Las Vegas day!  I woke up and went to the bathroom, passing the microwave and noticed it was only a few minutes before my alarm was going to go off. So I shut it off blindly and went about getting ready for work, dyeing (dying?  I never know how to spell that) my grey roots, getting ready for VEGAS.  When I was all done, I turned on the television and only then realized that I was a full hour early.   The clock I had looked at was my microwave clock which I never changed when we changed the clocks back.  Son of a bitch.

Spent most of the day at work until I just got really bored and decided to leave early without telling anyone.  I am a model employee after all.   Good thing too because security at JFK was in-fucking-sane.  If I had stayed at work, I would have been really screwed.  As it was, I got through with just 10 minutes to spare.

As we were waiting to board, an employee tried to check my bag for me.  He actually reached out to grab it away from me which put me in defensive mode. No.  He told me it was a full flight.  Yes, but I’m in the back so I board sooner so there will be room.  Then he tells me it won’t fit on the plane because it is too big.  I tell him it has been on eleventy billion flights and I have never had a problem with it fitting.   He then tells me I have to ask the guy at the end of the runway if it will fit.  IT WILL FIT.  What the fuck, get off me.

Guess what?  IT FIT.

I had an empty middle seat, which was evened out by me being surrounded by babies.  They were all over the fucking place.  Even the flight attendant commented on how many babies there were.

We did not have invdividual television.  The overhead movie projector nearest me was broken.   Both these things also happened to me when I flew home from Istanbul back in May.  It was okay though because the movie was Monsters, Inc.  Really Delta?  I know you pick movies based on flight direction.  But this is a flight to Vegas.  Grown up movies only please.

I can’t sleep on planes so flights are a horrible experience for me.  For some reason, I cannot even keep my eyes closed.  Whenever I try, I start to freak out a bit.  I don’t know why this is.  I can sleep on buses and trains, no problem.  It isn’t even uncommon for me to fall asleep on the train on the way to work and wake up in Queens after I miss my stop.  But planes?  No.

We arrive about 20 minutes early, score!  I take a shuttle to my hotel and for the first time ever in my life, I am the first drop off.  I am starting off my trip at Aria, two free nights via the Facebook My Vegas game.  The check in line isn’t all that long, but it is not moving.  Finally I am at the front and a new check-in-ling comes and starts playing with her computer. Some idiot behind me starts yelling at me to “GO”.  She isn’t open yet you moron.  I hate people.

Finally it is my turn.  I tell the check-in-ling I am here on a My Vegas comp and offer her the printed confirmation.  She tells me she just needs my Mlife card, credit card and ID.  I hand all three to her.   She plays around on the computer for a while and then finally tells me that she is going to be charging $626 to my credit card for the incidental hold ($130/night) and room cost.  Uh, no you aren’t.  I repeat “I AM HERE ON A MY VEGAS COMP, DO YOU WANT THE CONFIRMATION?”   She says “no” again and goes back to playing with the computer.  Finally I am checked in, have my keys and go.  With a quick stop to call my bank and check my bank account because I don’t trust her to have charged the correct amount.  She charged $260 for the incidental hold, that is correct.  Let’s go!

I am in room 11047.  Aria is a HUGE hotel.  My room is second to the last in the hallway.  It is a LONG hallway.  I mean LOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG hallway.  It also reeks of weed, which I personally find disgusting.

I open my room door and all at once the lights go on, the drapes start automatically opening and the television comes on.  I have now been awake for 22 hours and I am a combination of confused and scared.   For some reason, what crosses my mind with all this unexpected motion in the room, is that there is a dog in there.  What the hell.

My room is really fancy.  I am not a fancy gal.  Allow me to channel my inner Trip Advisor idiot review leaver type person.  The room is dark.  Even with every light on, I can’t see.  I am completely dehydrated, I try to drink a ton of water using the glasses in the room but they are oddly designed and keep slipping out of my hand (I am aware how ridiculous my complaints sound, trust me.)

The bed was really wonderful.

Aria Las Vegas bed

The tub/shower set up was a bit odd:

weirdo tub aria las vegas

Also while there was no shampoo in my room, which I am sure was just an oversight by Housekeeping, I did have a sewing kit with pre-threaded needles.  Fancy.  I would have preferred shampoo since I didn’t pack any.

sewing kit

Next morning room view:

aria room view

Now that I am all settled, it’s time to gamble!

I play a Buffalo slot machine.  The one next to me is broken and the bill acceptor has tape over it.  For some reason, people kept walking over, tried to play, couldn’t and then would turn to me and ask if I am winning.  Why do people do this?  I would never in my life walk up to a complete stranger in a casino and ask them if they are winning.  Yes, I have eleventy billion dollars on me.  Please follow me to my room and mug me.

My first $20 gets me $40, my second gets me $50.  I try a bunch of other slots because slots are for degenerate gamblers and I am a degenerate gambler.  My best session was on a new game called “Plants and Zombies”  Who comes up with these game ideas, I don’t know.  I cashed out with $100.  None of the ticket machines are working so I have to go to the actual cashier.  There is Super Times Pay over here!  I love Super Times Pay!  I play a bunch and lose $20.

Now I am done.  I stop at the café for a late dinner.  I ask if they do to-go orders.  They do, but they have to seat you for this.  I order and my food comes in a to-go box.

I am back in my room at 1:30.  I try and do my daily spin on My Vegas before bed.  It takes half an hour to load. My laptop type thingy HATES this game.

Want to read more?   Here are parts two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten!

14 thoughts on “Las Vegas Trip Report: I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS TODAY!

  1. Karen Akin

    I would have loved more detail about your exchange with the checkinling when they tried to charge you for your room. How many f bonbs did you drop. Did you leap, or attempt to leap across the counter and choke her?

    1. jenniferjennifer Post author

      Sorry Karen! I posted exactly what happened, didn’t leave anything out. There was no need to curse her out or choke her. Now if she would have actually charged me, instead of telling me she was going to, then that may have been a different story.

  2. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: I Hate Seth MacFarlane. | i put my life on a shelf

  3. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: Ever See a Chick Passed Out at a Slot Machine? | i put my life on a shelf

  4. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: My First Stay at Post-Fitzgeralds, Now Known As the D | i put my life on a shelf

  5. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: I Did Nothing on My Itinerary Today | i put my life on a shelf

  6. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: Hitting Aces Twice in One Day! | i put my life on a shelf

  7. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: Free Play Day! | i put my life on a shelf

  8. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: Monday, December 2, 2013 – Day Seven of Eight – Part One | i put my life on a shelf

  9. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: December 2, 2013: Part Two of Two | i put my life on a shelf

  10. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: The One with Vomitor and Public Urinator | i put my life on a shelf

  11. Pingback: Las Vegas Trip Report: Day Eight of Eight – Plus Bonus Rambling Content | i put my life on a shelf

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge